Willpower

blondageh

Hello all! I am posting here because I read something in the main forum that just irked me. I thought rather than bash the poster and take attention away from the OP's thread, I would post here. It was about someone who is going to have Gastric Bypass for medical reasons and is on her 1 year pre-plan and trying to lose weight beforehand. Someone said " It is true; members are highly judgemental of weight loss surgeries. I, too, am judgmental about the lack of will"…
The logical thing to do here would be move on, this person obviously hasn't suffered for years and tried everything in the book and is just ignorant in her judgments. (And if she HAS, then I feel sorry for her) But really, how much do you attribute your loss and failures to willpower or lack of?

I honestly do not think of it too much. People always tell me I have "amazing" willpower because I CAN be so regimented and strict in what I eat and stick with it for quite a while. I can be around all kinds of good food and treats and if I am in a crowd, happily pass on it. Now, if you lock me in a safe house all by myself with the same foods, my willpower goes out the window. It is pretty much all about perception.

However, when I fall off my plan, I never attribute it to lack of willpower, I know I have the will…I have never been able to figure out what causes me to fall off and gain all the weight back. However, I do NOT think it is lack of willpower. I highly doubt there are very many people running to surgeons who have not been on 100 diets before and go into this as their first option because they don't have enough will to do it on their own. My will is strong, but I cannot say in a year or two if I gain all this weight back, that I won't be checking into surgery. This is 20 years of fighting the same battle. So yes, I am a little miffed by that statement.

Am I wrong to be?

KarenZen

Good conversation starter! I'm one of those people who is finally turning to surgery after years of failing to maintain a healthy weight. One of the doctors I saw this week put it best--he said, your body has been hijacked." I look at it this way, if the brakes on your car are failing, no matter how hard you stomp on the pedal, your car is going to keep moving.

I have a TON of willpower and can and have used it to accomplish some nearly impossible things, but the brakes on my eating disorder car are in serious need of repair- -that's what the surgery is for.

It scares the crap out of me. I've never had surgery, never been sedated/anesthetized. I have sleep apnea. I take a bunch of immunosuppressive drugs for Still's. This is definitely a last resort, and a decision that has taken me four years to make. As far as willpower goes I'm still going to need it post surgery to avoid high caloric foods and to avoid stretching out my stomach.

The other aspect of the willpower debate is pure physiology...if the brains of food addicts bypass the control center, which the studies at Yale have shown they do, then NO, food addicts literally have diminished willpower over food. Add in that we overproduce appetite stimulating hormones and underproduce hormones that trigger satiety, and where does willpower fit in now?

kaliya89

I have to admit that I thought turning to weight loss surgery was the "easy way out" for people who didn't have the strength/willpower/whatever to lose weight the other way.

Until I saw my boyfriend's mother do it.

I didn't realize how much work went into that. You have to lose so much weight before you can even get the surgery, and then you have to deal with recovery and then paying attention to all the different types of food you can and can't eat now that they're rerouted things (or at least they did with her type of surgery). For the first year or so after her surgery, she had to pay more attention to what she ate than I ever have on a diet. If I didn't pay attention, then I just didn't lose weight (or maybe gained weight). If she didn't, she could get really sick.

I now feel horrible that I ever thought of surgery as the "easy way out." I still would never do it because it's not right for me, but I certainly can't fault anyone else for doing it. Losing weight is hard, and we all have to do what works best for us.

And I also don't think losing weight is about willpower because of my mother. She quit smoking while she still lived with a smoker, which is one of the hardest things to do. But she still did it. She had the willpower to quit smoking, and if she can do that, she could certainly lose weight if it was just about willpower. But she hasn't managed to lose weight because it's about more than that. I'm not really sure what it will take to lose weight long-term (since I've never managed that), but it's certainly not willpower!

NorahCait

It's funny, I've never thought about this before, but I guess I attribute my own failure to lose weight to a lack of will power, but I don't do that when it comes to other people. I think that's because I've just given up so many times in the past. It's hard to describe why I think it's a will power issue when it comes to myself but I don't see it that way for others. I guess it's like what kaliiya89 was saying about her mother quitting smoking but not being able to lose weight -- I've seen a lot of people do similar things but not be able to lose weight. I guess with myself, I feel like I haven't really accomplished much of anything at all.

shaynepoole

I don't think it's about willpower :P several of us have done the dieting thing several times so we know how to lose the weight. In my case, it was probably more about education this time around - I threw everything I previously knew out the window, and started totally over - but I am older and wiser now and have a whole lot of life's distractions (which also helps)

While I did not have the surgery (medically ineligible) I would have if I could have - and right now, I am pretty sure that if I did that, I would regain the weight if I still thought about food the way I used to

but the willpower to lose the weight? yep had that - this is my third time - had the will power to exercise my *kitten* off too... but I needed the education and information that I have now in order to make it work this time... Thankfully, it is not all about eating diet foods forever...

tishtash77

...if the brains of food addicts bypass the control center, which the studies at Yale have shown they do, then NO, food addicts literally have diminished willpower over food. Add in that we overproduce appetite stimulating hormones and underproduce hormones that trigger satiety, and where does willpower fit in now?

This.

For a long time I felt like a failure, that I lacked willpower, that I was a pig. During this attempt, which has been my most successful yet, I really am realizing there is far more going on here than will power. What is interesting is we are so much more understanding of others sometimes I see it in all of your threads. When one of us flags all of you post something encouraging and supportive but when it is you that has a bad day, week, month, we seem to lose that compassion and objectivity. And really it is only with this group that I am developing that. My husband and I were talking about the fact I joined a morbidly obese group, and he said why, you arent morbidly obese, those people have serious issues to get that big. So I admitted to him how much I think about food, that I get sad when my food is half gone etc. He was so surprised. And I said while I am currently on the borderline now from morbidly down to w/e the next 'title' is, when I start I was nearly 300lbs. He said he never saw me as morbidly obese, which I guess is nice!

KarenZen

Wow, Tishtash, your post above just floored me. What a powerful beast we have created here with our collective voices and struggles. I love that you are learning to be kinder to yourself in your weight struggle by being kinder to others. I'm learning that lesson too.

Doing research into food addiction and the neurobiology of obesity has been very freeing to me. As a type A overachiever, my inability to lose and keep weight off has been devastating to my self esteem. Instead of celebrating all that I was and did, I found a hundred ways to apologize for being so fat. I still do b it--a good friend just bought a brand new convertible for her 50th birthday, and instead of being excited to go for a ride, I worry about whether I'll fit and what I'll do to the car! At least now, though, I understand more about my compulsion to binge, how my brain sabotages my efforts, and what it truly takes to beat this disease (and in my mind, and the minds of many experts, morbid obesity IS a disease and diet and exercise alone are not, sufficient treatment).

Funny that your husband sees you with different eyes! Mine too. I balled when he found out how much I weighed at a doctor's visit.

IlluminatedMayhem

...if the brains of food addicts bypass the control center, which the studies at Yale have shown they do, then NO, food addicts literally have diminished willpower over food. Add in that we overproduce appetite stimulating hormones and underproduce hormones that trigger satiety, and where does willpower fit in now?

This.

For a long time I felt like a failure, that I lacked willpower, that I was a pig. During this attempt, which has been my most successful yet, I really am realizing there is far more going on here than will power. What is interesting is we are so much more understanding of others sometimes I see it in all of your threads. When one of us flags all of you post something encouraging and supportive but when it is you that has a bad day, week, month, we seem to lose that compassion and objectivity. And really it is only with this group that I am developing that. My husband and I were talking about the fact I joined a morbidly obese group, and he said why, you arent morbidly obese, those people have serious issues to get that big. So I admitted to him how much I think about food, that I get sad when my food is half gone etc. He was so surprised. And I said while I am currently on the borderline now from morbidly down to w/e the next 'title' is, when I start I was nearly 300lbs. He said he never saw me as morbidly obese, which I guess is nice!

I was telling my husband about this group this morning and he looked at me weird so I asked him if he knew I was morbidly obese. He said he kind of knew but never really thought about it because he doesn't see me like that.

Sandyslosenit

I've never thought in terms of willpower, I think there are way to many veritable that factors into it. I've always considered myself as motivated or not. When I start a weightloss journey I go at it like a science and math problem. In the beginning of the journey its fun! Then something comes up that knocks me off track, I lose my motivation and it takes forever to get back on. During that time frame I gain back all that I've lost plus some. I would think those people willing to go the surgery route would have very stronge willpower. They have the power to take a very tough, scary, and dangerous road to get to the end of their journey. For the people who think surgery is in any way a easy choice, short cut, or easy way out just prove how uneducated they are about the whole process. For some surgery coupled with counseling is the only choice. I've never considered surgery for myself, but when I hear people on the forums talking in a negative uneducated manner I become very upset and frustrated.
Tish, I smiled when you said your husband doesn't see you as morbidly obese, My family doesn't either! They become so upset when I say that I am. They think just because I'm so active and get around really well that, that somehow negates the weight. My sister said "No you're not! Morbidly obese people can't get out of bed! Its insulting for you to insist that you are! " I think it's scary for them to admit it because then their faced with our mortality.
Blessings :flowerforyou:

mikesgirl4evr

Long ago, I used to think I couldn't lose because I lacked willpower but I think that's because of what my mother pounded into my brain. As I got older and I realized I had willpower otherwise I wouldn't keep trying so hard. I eventually realized that my problem with food is an addiction and has absolutely nothing to do with willpower. Food addiction is the worst of all addictions. A drug or alcohol addict can completely remove themselves from the drugs and alcohol and all the people and places associated with it. A food addict does not have that option. We have to face our addiction a minimum of three times a day. We rely on food to live where people don't rely on alcohol or drugs to live. Then add emotional issues to the addiction and you have a huge problem to deal with.
It absolutely burns me when someone says that I don't have willpower and that's why I can't keep the weight off. I also get extremely ticked off when someone says that I took the easy way out by opting for surgery. Trust me, as Kaliya pointed out, there is nothing easy about weight loss surgery and it is not a decision made lightly. I don't believe that anyone can truly understand how hard it is to lose and keep off the amount of weight that we as the morbidly obese need to unless they themselves have been there. How can a person that needs to lose 15 pounds even think they can relate to the struggles of a person who needs to lose 150-200 pounds? Just completely baffles me.

julieworley376

I think it's way too simplistic to just say it's willpower or lack of it. If this group is showing anything it is that there are a whole bunch of reasons each of us is obese and that all of us have lost weight a bunch of times. I go back to.. this is about the mind.. the key is inside our minds.

I struggled just a little with the title of this group.. I went ahead and used it because I wanted to encourage people just like me.. medically we are all, or have been, morbidly obese, I wanted everyone in this group to be people who are able to face that fact head on and want to do something about it.

I happen to think magic is happening here.. people are changing.. because we are surrounded in here with people who really understand the struggles.. and really want to be healthy. It might not be a smooth road, it might not be quick.. but we are making it, one step at a time.