Resignation --> Optimism

NorahCait

Hey folks, has there been anything in your life that you felt resigned to at one point, but now that you're on this journey, you feel optimistic about changing?

For as long as I can remember, I was resigned to getting unhealthier as I got older. I figured that if I had bad knees, was gaining weight, and couldn't run for the life of me at 27, things would only go downhill. I thought, even if I only gained 1lb a year, I'd end up dying at over 300lbs, if I was lucky enough to live that long, and I was certainly gaining a LOT more than that. I imagined a life for myself in which I was barely able to walk, or maybe not even able to walk at all. I imagined not being able to leave the house because of shame. I imagined all sorts of health problems affecting every system in my body. I saw everything getting worse -- not just my health, but my social life, my work, my home. I felt this was all inevitable.

Now, I don't feel that way. I can envision myself getting healthier. I can imagine running, shopping in "regular" sizes, and having stronger joints. I'm starting to believe that my future is brighter than my past, and I can't remember the last time I felt this way.

KarenZen

Norah, that is wonderful! I think you just won the first battle--the psychological one.

I am only a few weeks away (hopefully--waiting on cardiac clearance and an endoscopy) from bariatric surgery. I have been overweight since 3rd grade , over 300 pounds for most of my 20's and 30's, over 400 pounds for most of my 40's. On June 1, I turn 50.

I cannot even begin to imagine living my 50's as a person of healthy weight. What does that look like? Feel like? I KNOW that's where I'm going... and rapidly. I know I can follow the bariatric diet. Even without the surgery, I'm losing weight and sticking to healthy food choices and portions and exercising regularly. I think I'm just holding back on full optimism until the day I'm in the recovery room after surgery.

This is really a huge topic... I would love to hear others talk about it.

tishtash77

2 years ago I was resigned to being the fat mum. Being the mum other kids would say mean things about and knowing my son was going to have to deal with that because kids can be mean. I was not going to be a mum that could take part in his sports day in the mums race, or the mum that played soccer with him and all that.

Now I am the mum who as her 5 year old ran to her from school, I ran to him too for 15 seconds in front of teachers, bus drivers and all the other kids. I can see a time in the future where maybe Dean won't have to feel he has to defend his fat mum.

BodyByChipsAhoy

Norah, how were you able to change that mindset? I sometimes feel the same way and I think that those thoughts hinder me from making any real progress.

~Becky

blondageh

Wow. I think I was just numb for so long. I knew I was huge and fat and miserable and letting life pass me by, but I never resigned to it. I always thought I would get thin again. I think I have being working at it for so long that I forget I was really only thin for 7 years of my adult life. It seems like I hung on to those 7 years for the past 20 in my head. I will never get back there. I need to stop looking back and look forward. Acceptance. I think that is why just last week I raised my goal weight to something more realistic.

NorahCait

Becky, honestly? A big part of it was dealing with my underlying depression and physical health problems. The physical health stuff was mostly under control early 2013, but my mental health was a mess. I had gotten to a point where I was hospitalized for a little while and finally got some help that I desperately needed. I started therapy and got on medication that actually worked after going on and off various non-working meds since adolescence.

It took from October to April to really get to a point where I had energy and motivation. I started making some small changes early in late March (trying to binge less, walking a bit more) and then the last week of April I signed up here. Having almost a solid month of healthier behaviors (eating better, walking more) definitely makes me feel more like it's actually possible. All previous attempts were either terribly unhealthy ("meal replacements" instead of real food, not increasing activity) or dropped after a week. I know a month isn't a long time, but it *feels* completely different. Part of that might be that I'm more focused on behavior goals than outcomes. It feels routine and sustainable.

On the therapy side, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped a LOT with intrusive thoughts and negative self-talk. I've spent about 20 years telling myself that I'm not good enough and I really believed it. I couldn't even imagine being successful at something because, as far as I could tell, I constantly failed at things and was basically worthless. I still have those thoughts to a certain extent, but it's so. much. better.

It's way too early for me to be saying things like "I'm definitely going to succeed," but it actually feels like a possibility now, and that's not something I could have said even two months ago.

PatrickB_87

I was also reigned to the idea that I would always be at an unhealthy weight, slowly getting unhealthier. I never quite got to the point where I thought I wouldn't be able to move but I think thats more because I wasn't letting myself. I assumed one day I would find a weight that I settled at but it would always be overweight. That the things I imagined, dream and fantasized about doing would never happen because I could never keep up.

I imagine i thought a lot more but I can't let myself think like that anymore, nothing about it was helpful. None of it needs to be true. If I ever want to do any of those things or be in the position to do them then I need my body to be their as well.

I needed to wake up from my life and find a new energy and a new path forward.

sherambler

Honestly, I felt totally stuck. It's not so much the little bit of weight loss that I have that's propelled me, but more of the internal/psychological junk that I've worked through, stuff that's been weighing (ignore the pun) me down forever. I've been overweight most of my life, with a short stint as a thin person when I was in 8th grade. It was the best time of my life. I was the popular girl, all the boys that made fun of me wanted to take me to dances, you know the deal. I felt on top of the world. The next year, the clique I was in broke up as we entered a bigger high school and personal stuff happened and I felt so low. I felt completely worthless and the sentiment was being repeated from all around me. So I grew up continuing to feel worthless. I'm really well educated but refused to apply for jobs because I'd convinced myself I wasn't worthy or smart enough or that the hiring manager would take one look at me, judge me, and not call me back. It was that mentality with everything--trying to make new friends, going to the gym, cleaning my apartment, whatever. I'd convinced myself that I didn't deserve to be happy because I was overweight. Which I now know is silly, but at the time it seemed true and I ate my feelings, compounding the problem. So I guess I never thought I'd see myself in a positive light and it's exciting that now I do.

scubasuenc

I had resigned myself to being fat. I have lost and gained for much of my adult life. Even after bariatric surgery I lost 80 lbs and eventually gained most of it back. And then lost 40 or so and gained it back, etc.

I joined MFP because my doctor was suggesting bariatric revision surgery. Going from the old pouch (like a sleeve) to a bypass. I really didn't want to do that. I told my doctor I'd like to try to lose weight for 6 months or so before looking into surgery, but that I needed accountability. She recommended MFP and I have not regretted that decision.

When I started I didn't even put in my final goal. To be honest I was ashamed of how much I had to lose just to be near a healthy weight. Then I started reading the success stories and seeing people with 50, 70, 100, 100+ pounds lost on their tickers. I changed my ticker to something more like the real amount of weight I had to lose. But I sort of agreed with my mother when she said it would happen when h*ll froze over.

To be honest I was disappointed when I'd lost 30lbs or so and no one even noticed. Fortunately I was seeing results in my blood glucose numbers and I was at the point where I could start reducing my insulin levels. That made me stick with it. By 50lbs or so people were starting to notice. 4.5 months after starting MFP I was able to stop taking insulin all together. Now there are people who I have known for years who do a double take when they see me.

Once I hit the 75 lb mark, halfway I began to see that losing it all is possible. Now I know it is just a matter of time. I fully expect there to be bumps on the road ahead, and I don't really know what my final goal will be because I haven't weighed 160 since I was 15 years old. I might stop before then, or I might keep going.

And more importantly I feel like I'm living a lifestyle I can keep with forever. I am consciously planning for maintenance.

julieworley376

I haven't reached optimism yet. Nor am I resigned. I know that this is something I HAVE to solve once and for all. And as my Weight Watchers leader Pat said last night, I now have a lot of healthy habits, I am on the right road we just have to get me losing weight consistently then I won't feel so down. I know once I start really losing weight I will feel a whole lot different.

blondageh

Julie - is there anything we can do for YOU? Seeing how you are the reason this awesome group exists in the first place, is there anything we can help you with other than our daily posts? I'm open to buddying up, accountability partners, whatever you need. PM me if you want to talk more.

julieworley376

You are already doing it for me.. all of you. If I didn't have this group and this amazing group of people I probably would have thrown in the towel already. This week is a challenge Pat set for me. To weigh and measure absolutely everything and track every single thing that goes in my mouth no matter what. I wear a WW activity tracker so she can see activity too. I told her.. darnit I am riding that RAGBRAI next year!!

KarenZen

Julie - is there anything we can do for YOU? Seeing how you are the reason this awesome group exists in the first place, is there anything we can help you with other than our daily posts? I'm open to buddying up, accountability partners, whatever you need. PM me if you want to talk more.

Yes, please, I'm available too, for you and for anyone who needs some extra help. If I give it away, it always seems to come back tenfold!

Lately I've been riding a roller coaster, feeling optimistic, then defeated, then hopeful, then hopeless. It's crazy! I'm just trying to do the one day at a time, One moment at a time. Like right now, I need to go to the pool. It's so cold and rainy here though that I just want to curl up and nap. Instead, I will go one step at a time, get my suit on, get my bag packed, get in the car ... before I know it, I'll be in the pool, and how I FELT about going won't really matter, because I did it anyway.

So maybe the trick to not being defeated is to not let defeat defeat me. ????

Healthy4Sarah

Norah- this is where I'm at as well. I just accepted that I would be overweight forever. And I probably would have never made an effort except for a health scare that pushed me into trying. In the beginning I didn't dream it would work. Didn't want to get my hopes up just knowing this wouldn't work for me. I didn't set goals or envision a thinner me. But after 6 weeks of seeing some small results and feeling so much better, stronger, I started to dream and set end goals and take those 'before' pictures. I finally had hope and I haven't turned back. I know that it will take time to loose all this weight but I know it will happen.

I'm so confident that I won't turn back that I've gotten rid of my 'fat' clothes and I've been buying pants in sizes that I can't wear yet because they were a good deal. I was a little nervous about getting rid of them because I don't have a lot of money to buy clothes. But I feel like if I kept them it would be like I'm giving myself permission to resort back to my old ways. Why keep them when I KNOW that I will never, ever be that size again?

My ticker is a constant reminder to not loose the hope I feel now and it summed up that moment when I realized I was going to make this happen. It's a quote by Christopher Reeves "Once you choose hope, anything's possible" I have hope in a better future, a healthier me, a smaller waist size. Without that hope, I would have already went back to my old ways. With that hope, I'm unstoppable!