How sad
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trinity9058
Posts: 149 Member
I was just reading in the regular forum a post called "misplaced anger" and I was very sad and disappointed by most of the responses that the OP got. Is there just an entire culture of ignorance and anger that encourages people to be so hateful towards surgery patients? I just don't get it. Everyone knows that all paths are different, so if we're all on our own paths to an end goal, why does it matter so much how we got to the goal as long as we did? It really brought my mood down today.
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There is definitely a bias against WLS on the Main Forums. So many of them have done it "the right way" that they do not recognize or respect those of us who choose/need a different path. I was of that mindset for a long time, and only recently (after attending the full day seminar at the bariatric clinic) I see WLS as a tool, rather than the easy way out.
I don't advertise my path toward surgery when i interact "out there". There is a ton of really good stuff available out there, though, so don't avoid seeing what they have to offer. For WLS, though, in here is the safe place.
Rob0 -
I kept my surgery quiet until it was over. The only negative comment I received was from a man who said...The only way to loose weight is to push away from the table. He is one ignorant man!!!! He has no idea what my medical history is....or why WLS was RECOMMENDED by my doctors.0
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I knew that there were people who felt that WLS was cheating but I just wasn't ready for the vehemence of it. I told my friend that to me, it seemed like if it had been a meeting where we were all physically present, they would have been a mob with pitchforks.
I am just shocked though. I am very open about my surgery and everyone that I have talked to about it have been very supportive. I work at a small town hospital and as far as I know, everyone is very, very supportive. Some of them are almost more excited than I am that I'm on this journey. The cafeteria even gives me discounts on food because I can't eat very much. I am definitely doubly proud that I work with this people. I guess I just got lucky.0 -
Throughout my life I've been open-minded about what others do/believe and don't do/believe even if I don't condone it for myself. It's their life, not mine. I only go on websites that are specifically aimed at Bariatric patients. General weight loss sites have their own opinions and they are not ever going to change them regarding our type of surgery.
My motto is if you haven't experienced exactly the same issue/experience you're so against, you should keep your opinions to yourself unless asked. Negative comments and uninformed opinions just irritate me and just aren't important enough to allow them to change how you feel. You'll never change their minds, so I don't let their comments bother you.
You know you made the right decision for you as did the rest of us.0 -
I read the post, and thought the same thing about bashing WLS. Then I took a moment and realized that there was/is a family issue there that we are not privy to. So like anything, we all have our own opinions and thoughts on things. Don't let other peoples issues become yours. Continue on your journey. I would rather have had WLS and am trying to do something about my health. Than nothing at all. Good luck, chin up and keep putting one foot in front of the other, and carry on.
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I did do it the 'right way'. Over and over and over. It didn't stick. Not because I'm a terrible person, for the same reasons it fails for most people who work hard to lose weight. I have the additional issues of being somewhat immobile because of some near-crippling illnesses. That hasn't helped. And my metabolism is very low. Some of us are just 'blessed' that way. I've always tried to eat right, move when I am able, but as I aged and my metabolism slipped even further, it wasn't enough. What do all those preachy folk on the main board want me to do? Die before my time and get buried in an oversized coffin? Will that help them in their quest for 'Weight Management Superiority'?
I'm glad I found this forum.0 -
I am honest when people ask about my wt loss. I mean I was a size 22 six months ago and now I am size 8. But I am quick to tell them "Surgery will give you 20 lbs but very lb after that is all your own work". I have lost 87 lbs because I don't eat wheat, rice, potato or corn products. I keep my calories around 1000 a day with exercise, 750-850 without exercise. My diet is 70%protein, 25%veg-no potato5%whole grains. 0% sugar based desserts or fried food. When they hear that they begin to realize that it isn't "Easy". I also bring up my 3 mile hikes, 5 k runs, and 10 mile bike rides.0
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I'm glad I don't participate in other WL forums out here other than this. I stick to bariatric stuff, I feel I have more in common with people who are going through the same journey.
A lot of their misplaced anger comes from a place of ignorance, I think many people (myself included before I actually did research on WLS) is that WLS is a magic cure that will make you lose weight without much work involved. People don't realize the commitment it takes and that it isn't a magic cure. And some people are happy in their ignorance so I'm not about to defend myself to strangers who aren't open to really understanding what it takes to be successful after WLS.0 -
Well said RPLY.0
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Well said to all of you! You guys are great! I like it here
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I haven't scheduled my surgery yet but am about 3 weeks out from being able to do so. Discrimination comes in various ways, just like age, sexual orientation, race, etc. This is no different then people who get boob jobs, but lifts, hair weaves, etc. It is the real vs. fake discussion. At the end of the day, NOOOONE of these HATERS, yes HATERS are going to live your life for you. If you let their comments keep you away from a potential life free of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc mostly resulting from being overweight than SHAME ON YOU! What the Haters seem not to acknowledge or care about is; a lot of us have tried the natural way, but the results are short term. We need a different type of tool to motivate us to change our food BEHAVIORS. So please keep your head up and stay positive and tell the HATERS to kiss your FAT...wait..used to be FAT *kitten*!0
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I had major guilt leading up to surgery because I thought I was taking the easy way out and I have been proven wrong time and time again. There are times where I take one bite and get the hiccups (full indicator) and I'm like really WTH Im not satisfied. Physically I am but Mentally I'm not.0
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I don't check out other boards because I only got into them after my surgery. Before though I too thought this was easier because of how fast people lost weight. Boy was I wrong. I do sometimes wonder if I could have just done this routine without the surgery, but that may be because I am not at the regular foods stage yet and so I feel the restriction less.
I made this decision and jumped through some crazy hoops (I literally had to see about 7 docs for clearance among other things). I don't give two cents what anyone thinks. I did keep it to myself and I must admit that was/is lonely, but I knew I could not deal w/ the extra that some could bring to an already heavy process.
Do what works for you; ignore the rest.0 -
Yeah, those that think this is easy haven't done it and don't know anyone who has done it successfully. We all know this is a whole lifestyle change and if we are going to keep the weight off it's also a lifelong lifestyle change. And we also know just how hard we have to work at our food plan (I don't like the word diet as it represents temporary change to me) and our exercise routines.
Due to my very slow metabolisim, arthritis in my spine, hip, knee and feet, and being 386 pounds, exercise was way beyond me. Eating healthy or small amounts never worked for more than 40 pounds or so and then the weight loss would just stop. Once that happened, I would eventually give up. For me, WLS was the only option left if I wanted to regain my mobility and health. And I have! No I'm not to goal yet, but that's OK. I'm still working on it and will get there eventually.
I typically stay off the message boards here and stick to my WLS groups. You all understand what I'm doing and going through and your support is awesome!0 -
I'll say again, that I recommend spending time out there because there is so much good information and support for the basic premise of eat less, move more.
I have learned a ton about weight lifting (will probably try the Stronglifts program at some time), great recipes and substitution ideas, you get the drift.
I just click away from the WLS threads because they are predictably the same.
Rob0 -
Yeah, I stay off the regular boards too and just follow the WLS ones. But having said that, I read the one that's referred to in this thread and I wasn't shocked or upset by it or even surprised. A lot of those comments were misinformed or were based on the 'outliers' or worst case scenarios, or based on their own prejudices and emotional dysfunction. I have enough of my own without tapping into theirs. LOL. My feeling is that I come here for good information and support which isn't as easy to find on the general, public boards so I keep my participation focused to just the WLS boards, at least for now. Maybe a time will come when I need info or support for something exercise related and need to find it outside these boards.
I tell very few people about my WLS. My close friends and family of course know, but the rest of the world mostly just knows that I am eating very little these days. If people ask (and not many do), I tell them that I log every bite of food, wear my fitbit and track exercise and eat under 1,000 calories a day under doctor supervision and use any other tools that I can. If they ask me straight out if I had surgery, I wouldn't lie but I think of the surgery as just one of several tools that I'm using right now. The VSG makes it possible for me to stay on the eating plan but by itself, it isn't the reason for weight loss. I don't want to contribute to the myth that WLS is the easy way to do it. At the end of the day, it comes down to expending more calories than what you take in.0 -
Due to my very slow metabolisim, arthritis in my spine, hip, knee and feet, and being 386 pounds, exercise was way beyond me. Eating healthy or small amounts never worked for more than 40 pounds or so and then the weight loss would just stop.
Yes, that is my story, except I got to the point where the 40 pounds wouldn't even come off. The best I could do was not gain. People don't understand the issues of osteoarthritis and immobility coupled with a slow metabolism. And truly, I wouldn't wish it on anybody just so they can understand firsthand.0 -
I am often a little confused at how surgery is often viewed as the "easy way." If it was so easy, they would all be doing it. They are just kidding themselves if they think differently. There is no special place in heaven for those who lose weight with non-surgical hard work. Those of us who have lost weight with surgical assistance, and the same hard work, will be milling about up there right along with them. Or maybe not. If passing judgement and criticizing others is a way of life then maybe Heaven is not their ultimate destination. In either case, it is not worth the argument.0
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Something I have noticed in the community in general (but NOT the VSG group) is that people are very judgmental and quick to say they know the "right" way and anyone else is wrong. Fundamentalism of any kind is bred from insecuirty. Consider the population of people on MFP--- many are struggling to lose weight, some have eating disorders, some have a tremendous amount of insecurity about food and their bodies, etc. I think it is hardly surprising then with such an insecure group of people that you have judgment and demands and "you must/must not or else".
What has been especially troubling to me is how harsh people can be with each other. Clearly that is because they lack compassion for themselves-- for those who are judgmental, my suggestion is to politely set boundaries and show them compassion.
I have to admit, several years ago I was one of those who thought surgery was the "easy way out". I thought that out of complete ignorance and out of my own insecurity. Obviously, I know better now.
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