Support needed. Working after baby

futurestarz

I'm feeling really sad/upset about returning to work after my maternity leave (6 weeks unpaid. oh yay!) and just looking for some support and maybe some encouragement from other moms.

My job is office based, and 70%-80% of the time I am in my office, alone, with the door closed. Today I had a meeting with my boss about what my work schedule will look like once I return to work after baby. This will be around December, so plenty of time to prepare.

I proposed this schedule 4 10 hour days, with two days being working from home. Leave baby at home one day of the week, and bring baby with me one day of the week. Friday would be the day I'd plan to bring him/her, and I am usually the only person working that day. We are a very small non-profit organization (4 employees).

He didn't seem too open to my proposal. He said he will get back to me with his ideas next week. I am fairly new to the area where I live, 1500 miles from friends and family. I just don't feel comfortable sending my baby to a daycare facility, let alone the fact that my husband and I cannot afford it! I feel so stuck.

Sorry for the vent.

DawnieB1977

Do you have an option to return part time?

I feel really sad for you. I'm English, and here we can take a year off for maternity leave. Our maternity pay isn't great, but we get something for 9 months. Childcare here is stupidly expensive, so it's cheaper sometimes to stay off for as long as you can.

I went back part time after my first child.

jigenigma

I'm SO sorry for what you are going through! What state do you live in? Have you looked into disability benefits to cover at least a portion of your salary? I've had to leave 2 different jobs (both in child advocacy non profits ironically!) because of "work life balance" issues related to my daughter--and I don't regret it at all--in the end, your child and your family are the most important thing. Are there other job opportunities out there that you can pursue? Can you and your husband manage if you worked part time for the first 6 months or year after your baby is born? Hang in there!

Binky_Muffin

Ugh, I find it abominable that in 2014 mothers or fathers (whatever the case may be) are forced to go back to work after 6 weeks. In Canada, we get one year paid maternity leave. It's not the best pay, but it's something.

Hopefully your boss will be willing to accommodate your request or come up with some sort of alternative that is agreeable.

Take care. xoxo

lisapr123

I agree, parenthood is really not respected in America. I will say give daycare a chance, and start interviewing now. Our daughter was born in December and I worked until Thanksgiving Break (I teach) and have been off since. I am returning 2 days a week in the fall, but started interviewing at the beginning of March. I chose a home day care because it just felt better to me. As much as I wanted to hate her, I fell in love with our daughters sitter and look forward to September when they'll get those 2 days a week together. (And instead of one baby I'll have 25 middle school kids to herd.)

Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if your proposal is rejected. Back when I had an office job (similar to you--very independent and mostly in my office, I was an accountant) I worked for one of the most employee-friendly, liberal, best companies in Chicagoland for 12 years. Aside from lots of flexibility in hours and extra breaks for pumping, very few accommodation requests were met. Bringing a child into the office was a big no-no. Working from home without a child care provider there with you was an even bigger no-no. I hope you guys come to a good compromise!

futurestarz

Thanks for the support ladies. I talked with my husband about it last night, and he said there is no way we are sending our baby to a day care center. We are beginning the process of looking for an in-home sitter. If all else fails, I will have to cut back to part time after baby comes, and switch onto my husband's insurance. Luckily, he recently got a pretty decent job, so my income isn't as necessary as it used to be.

By daycare center, I mean a facility, not a person's home. The only reason for that is because we live in a a big city, and we don't know anyone here besides a few friends without kids. I have no idea what any of these places are like around here, and I don't necessarily trust online reviews for this sort of thing.

I'm fortunate that I have my Master's Degree and a few years of work experience in my field, so we are also looking into relocating back home (Michigan), and getting new jobs after baby comes. Two of our parents are retired, and they are very very excited about the idea of watching our baby in the future. I wish the U.S. treated parenthood differently.

tlcAK

I am very fortunate that my mom is my 1st daughter's caregiver. She will also be watching our new one (Due Oct.). The job that I currently have allowed me to go down to 32 hours a week. So I work Mon Tues, off Wed, work Thurs Fri. They are also very flexible. If my mom wasn't able to watch my children my husband and I had agreed of at home care. I have a co-work who used care.com and was very successful. She paid for a 1 month subscription and quickly went to work on finding a nanny. Care.com lets you get a background check on all the nannies if you subscribe. I believe it was about $40 for 1 month.

I hope you can find a job near your family though. I LOVE that my mom watches my daughter. I know she is being well taken care of!

tiggerhammon

I do not blame you for not wanting to use childcare.
With my first baby, I took off work as long as I could afford to. I didn't take leave though as I had a crap job to begin with. I simply quit, planning to find a new job whenever I was ready.
When I went back, I got a job at a local daycare and was able to work in the same place my daughter was. They wouldn't allow me to be in the same age group as she was in, as they were afraid of me devoting my attention to her and not the other children. But, I was allowed frequent breaks for nursing and I was able to get to know the staff that was watching her and they took extra special care of her cause they liked me I kept that job until I moved city and I started working part time nights in the new city. My daughter stayed home with my roommate (my cousin) while I worked. Then, when I married my husband I moved city again and started working a weekends only job Friday, Saturday and Sunday and my husband worked Monday- Thursday. We kept doing this until she got to school age, when I started working a lot more. If I was unable to be home before the bus, I would call my next door neighbor and she would meet my daughter at the bus stop and keep her til I got home. Through several different jobs, and several different ways of doing so, I always had someone watching her I was comfortable with. We always found a way to make it work.
Now, with this second baby on the way, we took a good look at the money I make and costs of going to work. Even though I have an available full time home baby sitter that I love and trust, we just decided it isn't worth it. Sadly, I will not be returning to work this time and will be stay-at-home mom now.

I hope you are able to find something that works for you.

Cheeky_and_Geeky

That's a rough situation. I haven't been able to work successfully since having my daughter 3 years ago. Family didn't work out,, daycare didn't work out, & neither did our ridiculously priced nanny for one reason or another. Hopefully you all will be able to relocate back to Michigan, otherwise, a good nanny will be very pricey. An in home daycare may be the most affordable. Good luck!

miranda_mom

My job puts me in a lot of different child care situations (I'm a social worker working with children with developmental delays) and I've seen good and bad home care, good and bad centers, and everything in between. The two biggest benefits to day care centers are 1) that they tend to offer more educationally as far as circle time, learning activities, art, music, etc. and 2) most centers require the teachers to have achieved certain educational levels, such as early childhood education degrees. My children have both been in a day care center since age 4 months and we are very happy with the school. They're wonderful and we love the teachers. It might not hurt to visit a center or two to see what your options are. Also, look into how day cares get their lisences in your state. I would send my kid to a lisenced center a million times over before I'd put them in an unlisenced home care situation. Also, it's something no one wants to think about but you'll want to find out about CPR and first aid training.

jr235

I went back to work full time when my daughter was 6 weeks as well. We did nanny care until she was 6 months, and then started her in daycare.

It sucked then, and it sucks now. To be honest I hate working full time. I know some people are happy about it, but I don't feel like its a good balance. I have a full time job at work, and then I come home to another full time job. I have every intention of working part time after I pay off my student loans.

What works for us is to balance our schedules in such a way that our little one is only in nursery for 5-6 hours a day. Depending on our schedules one of us drops her off late and the other picks her up early, or vice versa. I'm glad she gets to go actually, she loves it and has lots of friends. I just wish I could work less.

BUT, I have to remind myself that I'm still extremely lucky to have a job in a field I enjoy and still get to see my daughter. So many women have to leave their families and their homes to work overseas to put food in their children's stomach, and I get to see my child everyday. So many people are out of work and desperately seeking decent employment and to give their children opportunities.

mommyrunning

I agree with the other responses to not automatically rule out daycares. With my first daughter I had to go back to work at 8 weeks and I was fortunate to find a sitter who was recommended by a friend and had previous experience in a daycare. She was great and we used her until our daughter was 2. With our second that sitter was working so we had to find a daycare. We did a lot of research and found one that turned out to be fantastic. They had a curriculum teaching babies sign language and introduced Spanish as well. The daycare center also had a video camera system with a website called watchmegrow where you can log on at any time and view your child. If you can find a highly recommended home provided that's great but remember they don't have the same type of rules governing them and you aren't likely to be able to check up on them during the day. At daycare there are set rules including nutrition and health standards and they receive regular training. Also being with other children can be good for them (except for more colds/runny noses). Sending your child to daycare is very hard but not always bad. Good luck.