emotionally better

brenn24179

I guess ya remember a couple of months ago my best friend/neighbor died. I thought I would be sad for life. I miss her so much. Well I just got back from a trip to the Smokey Mountains which helped a lot. I don't really know why but I guess it is because I found out I could have some happiness. This week we are headed for the beach. I am sure my friend would want this.

I also have been reading some of Geneen Roths books on emotional eating. Gosh what a stress eater I am. I am making myself aware when I get anxious that I do not need food. I need to wait it out, talk with someone, exercise, but I don't have to have my drug.

Hope ya are handling your feelings better. Life is hard at times but we have to quit turning to food. It makes it worse and we don't find solutions with food distracting us. Learning ways to enjoy myself without food, hope ya are also especially when things in life kick us down.

bookworm_847

I'm happy for you that your trip helped, and hopefully you have a great time at the beach.

Good for you for taking positive steps for yourself!

brenn24179

thanks bookworm. This emotional stuff can get you, working on it, not perfect but better.

brenn24179

Bookworm, more emotional stuff I need to deal with. My adult son disrespected me at the beach on fb today. I posted pictures and he said something nasty like boy you are going to hit a worlds record today posting pictures. It made me mad, I usually do nothing, hubby usually blast. We both need to handle situations in a respectful assertive way. I posted back, if you cant say anything nice. Well of course he says oh I am just joking, I like your pics, I am known for posting too many pics. Well he removed his nasty note so I guess he knew I meant business. (hubby was saying post quit being a jerk and I knew this was the wrong way to handle it.)

I am so glad I said something. He also needed me to babysit last week and I couldn't and he says oh It is always a reason. Well it was important I was taking hubby to job interview. You see I let that go and the next time I will confront and tell me there are things we have to do and sometimes I cant babysit and you make that remark there is always a reason and I did not like that. Oh this is hard for me, I am a pushover but have made up my mind.

I think I am feeling better about myself, learning. Gosh I am at the beach but I am having a good time. Family is the hardest.

EvelynBfly78

Brenn, I'm glad you're standing up for yourself. No need for anyone, no matter who it is, to disrespect you even if they are joking.

Also glad you enjoyed your time at the Smoky Mountains. We can all use time away to regroup so we can better get on with life. I'm sure your friend would want only the best for you.

Hope you have nice weather for your stay at the beach.

dawnp1833

Hi Brenn, So glad to hear you're feeling good and having some fun. Keep living and keep standing up for yourself. You deserve a happy life.

brenn24179

talking with son again, we had a cookout with a friend of mine that makes great money and has a great house. I told my son her house was wonderful and he begins to criticize me saying Well I guess you told them how great their house was and house expensive it was about a hundred times. He said like you do me and my sister. Well my adult children are very materialistic but make great money and I am happy for them. I have told them this is great, Wow, what a house.

I have never made or seen that kind of money. I have always made an ok income and have an ok house. But I mean it to be complimentary when I comment this house is great! Why is he offended, I guess he thinks that I think that he spends too much money or something, who knows.

I tried to explain that I think it is great and don't know where he is coming from. He doesn't respond. But for some reason it irks him and it irks me that he sees something that I don't even mean. I haven't figured out how to handle this kind of stuff, usually eat. I guess he just shocks me. I guess some people take you the wrong way, I guess it is their problem if they do! I will repeat this to myself. If someone wants to tell me I have a great car,house,weight loss,husband, bring it on. I love compliments, geez!

Do ya have people like this in your life that seem to be on another wave length or something. Have no idea where they are coming from? Maybe it is because he spends every bit of money he has and is broke and feels guilty for having such a nice house, who knows?

bookworm_847

Maybe he feels guilty or insecure about having those things, and is projecting his insecurities into your conversations. I only work four days a week so that I can take my husband to his appointments at the VA, and some of my co-workers will say something about my shorter week or longer weekends if there's a holiday, or something to that effect. My brain will sometimes just automatically jump to the conclusion that they're making snide remarks, but they're not... I just feel kind of bad sometimes that I have a different schedule and have to make concessions in some parts of my life to accommodate other parts. So that could be what's happening with your son. If not, then I'm not sure why he'd be taking such an attitude with you. You seem like such a sweet person, so it's unfortunate he responds like that to you.

It's easy to say to just shrug it off rather than eating, but hopefully that's something you're working toward... or some other way to handle it at least.

brenn24179

thanks bookworm, I think your coworkers are making snide remarks or are jealous. My gosh you are taking your husband to the VA not frockling around at the lake or beach! Maybe my son is jealous of us because we are not in debt.

Oh I just told him how I felt, he says oh I am just joking, you just speak your mind. Well it isn't doing any good, he doesn't get it, but it makes me feel better.

Thanks bookworm, I like it when you said his attitude. I asked him why he had such an attitude with me, couldn't think of that word! Gosh I hate confrontation, no wonder I had rather eat.

bookworm_847

I completely know what you mean & avoid confrontation whenever possible. I was talking about this with my therapist once, and he asked (seemingly randomly at the time) what I'd do if someone was standing on my foot. I said I'd tell them to get off my foot or push them off if they wouldn't listen. He asked why, and after the discussion, I figured out he was using someone standing on my foot to represent confrontation.

Good for you for telling him how you feel. That was a weird response he gave, but that's great that it made you feel better. Keep speaking up for yourself...

We have to stop letting people step on our feet, brenn! :flowerforyou:

brenn24179

bookworm, what a great visual! Stepping on my feet, yep you would push them off or say get off. That is very helpful. I am a pushover and spoiled my kids too much, they feel very entitled. I think this eating stuff at least with me is a lot more to it than just it taste good. I hate to be so vulnerable and put this personal stuff out there but I only have 2 friends from the gym on here, everyone else is strangers but gosh sometimes we need help and someone to lean on. I am sure this will help me with my weight problem.

Yep, I just got back from a walk. Working on taking care of myself. Thanks again, very helpful.

dawnp1833

Brenn - it's not about tasting good for me sometimes either. You're not alone there. Sometimes I eat something based on its texture, because it's comforting.

The thing about stepping on feet - I am horrible about confrontation and when I read this I realized what a push over I am. I have literally let someone stand on my foot rather than alerting them to the fact that they were standing on my foot. More than once. Just to avoid having to make a big deal about it. If they're just on the edge of my shoe or something and it doesn't hurt, I'll just patiently wait for them to move on. Which I suppose I thought was polite, but right now as I read these posts it seems super crazy.

brenn24179

Oh my, it has been a confrontation week. Realizing I eat a lot rather than deal. Neighbor brought over an air conditioner to use until our central air got fixed. I went out and bought a small 5000 btu $109 from Walmart to carry us over I returned his to him. . He then proceeded to run my life, telling me to buy 2, go to Lowes, and when I bought one, then he insisted I put his in the bedroom. I said No thanks, I bought what I wanted and I just want 1.

Geez, I am learning to say No a lot with pushy people and not worry if they get mad (well not so much any more). My MIL use to be pushy like this but I liked her but you had to stand your ground a lot. I use to would have kept his air conditioner and put it in the bedroom just to keep peace but now I am beginning to think of myself. I have lost weight and feel better about myself.

bookworm_847

Good for you for standing your ground and doing your own thing. I'm so happy for you that you're feeling better about yourself!

dawnp1833

Brenn that's great! You should think of yourself. You are awesome and you deserve to be happy!