Do you ever wonder if YOU'RE the reason you're single?
bd0027
Posts: 1,053 Member
I'm beginning to believe I'M the problem. All men that I start seeing either lose interest or seek out other women. All of my family/friends tell me I invest too much too quickly by letting the guy know that he has my interest, but I don't really know how to tone that down. If I'm interested, I don't feel the need to pretend that I'm not.
Am I alone in thinking that I'M the reason things tend to not work out?
Am I alone in thinking that I'M the reason things tend to not work out?
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You're not alone girl.
I'm doing the opposite... I'm not letting on that i like the guy, maybe that's my problem. Maybe i'm too aloof.0 -
You're not alone girl.
I'm doing the opposite... I'm not letting on that i like the guy, maybe that's my problem. Maybe i'm too aloof.
Dating is confusing. I suck at it lol.0 -
me tooooo!!!! try being out of the dating world for 20 some years and then having to go back into it! sooooo confusing! but it's all good, we'll get it right at some point! :flowerforyou:0
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me tooooo!!!! try being out of the dating world for 20 some years and then having to go back into it! sooooo confusing! but it's all good, we'll get it right at some point! :flowerforyou:
I'm 23 but I feel like I don't know the first thing about making it work with someone. Hopefully it'll work out for both of us someday. :flowerforyou:0 -
Unfortunately I do know that I am the reason I'm single. It has to do with my fluffyness.
Otherwise I'm pretty sure some of the guys that have "friendzoned" me would totally be in my kool-aid, and I've had one that said that they would, so I'm not simply guessing at it.
It's not that I enjoy being fluffy, I just have not figured it out yet. :flowerforyou:
The sad part is that I will try my entire life to lose the weight, and I'll be without a significant other for that duration (I won't say that I'll be alone, bc I have friends, I have a fwb - for now anyways, and sometimes I enjoy alone time)
It just sucks that weight is that high on the list of priorities now. So when people say it's the journey and your health that matters, I say they are wrong. Results are the only thing that matters. :sad:
I shouldn't say anything, I've done that before too. But the guys that I just couldn't force myself to be attracted to, could not keep thier pants up. I dunno why that's a dealbreaker, maybe I'm just an *kitten*, but it is.
Ugh that sounds so sad....but I'm not terribly depressed sad about it, it's just true.0 -
Unfortunately I do know that I am the reason I'm single. It has to do with my fluffyness.
Otherwise I'm pretty sure some of the guys that have "friendzoned" me would totally be in my kool-aid, and I've had one that said that they would, so I'm not simply guessing at it.
It's not that I enjoy being fluffy, I just have not figured it out yet. :flowerforyou:
The sad part is that I will try my entire life to lose the weight, and I'll be without a significant other for that duration (I won't say that I'll be alone, bc I have friends, I have a fwb - for now anyways, and sometimes I enjoy alone time)
It just sucks that weight is that high on the list of priorities now. So when people say it's the journey and your health that matters, I say they are wrong. Results are the only thing that matters. :sad:
I shouldn't say anything, I've done that before too. But the guys that I just couldn't force myself to be attracted to, could not keep thier pants up. I dunno why that's a dealbreaker, maybe I'm just an *kitten*, but it is.
Ugh that sounds so sad....but I'm not terribly depressed sad about it, it's just true.
I think weight is still a reason why I'm single too. I've lost about 75 pounds but I'm still plus size. I pull more men now, but not men that I'm attracted to. Man, I sound like a douche lol.0 -
I dont think it's YOU. OR HIM!
I just dont think you've met the right guy yet! When you do, then you tend to click in most things. You 'fit'! It's not easy to find someone compatible. But keep on looking, cos I truly believe there is someone for everyone! :flowerforyou:0 -
Aw, thanks. :flowerforyou:I dont think it's YOU. OR HIM!
I just dont think you've met the right guy yet! When you do, then you tend to click in most things. You 'fit'! It's not easy to find someone compatible. But keep on looking, cos I truly believe there is someone for everyone! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
Too picky, I won't settle.0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
Too picky, I won't settle.
My friends tell me my expectations are too high, so I guess that's my problem too.0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
Too picky, I won't settle.
My friends tell me my expectations are too high, so I guess that's my problem too.
My friends would tell me that too. I always found it offensive. I took it to mean that they didn't believe I was good enough to find anyone better or that my judgment wasn't good enough. It's ironic because most of my friends come to me for advice on personal or financial issues. Many of them are now divorced or in lousy relationships too (not all of them but the ones who are most likely to express the opinion that I am too picky). The hell with your friends. At the end of the day, whether you are happy or miserable, those friends are only going to experience a small fraction of your life.0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
Too picky, I won't settle.
My friends tell me my expectations are too high, so I guess that's my problem too.
My friends would tell me that too. I always found it offensive. I took it to mean that they didn't believe I was good enough to find anyone better or that my judgment wasn't good enough. It's ironic because most of my friends come to me for advice on personal or financial issues. Many of them are now divorced or in lousy relationships too (not all of them but the ones who are most likely to express the opinion that I am too picky). The hell with your friends. At the end of the day, whether you are happy or miserable, those friends are only going to experience a small fraction of your life.
Thank you. (:0 -
In matters of the heart, I think your expectations SHOULD be high!! Why would you settle for someone not right for you?
Like I said, you just haven't met the one yet. :flowerforyou:0 -
But what frustrates me is why must (not discounting you bd0027 at all) we wait so long?In matters of the heart, I think your expectations SHOULD be high!! Why would you settle for someone not right for you?
Like I said, you just haven't met the one yet. :flowerforyou:
Why when I could be spending quality time with that person now, must I wait until I'm 47, or after my kids have grown and gone. It just frustrates the heck out of me.
I mean I know I get to use this time to really dig in and raise my kids, which I'm totally digging it. But gosh darn it, it'd be nice to share my experiences and stories with someone. Poo.0 -
But what frustrates me is why must (not discounting you bd0027 at all) we wait so long?In matters of the heart, I think your expectations SHOULD be high!! Why would you settle for someone not right for you?
Like I said, you just haven't met the one yet. :flowerforyou:
Why when I could be spending quality time with that person now, must I wait until I'm 47, or after my kids have grown and gone. It just frustrates the heck out of me.
I mean I know I get to use this time to really dig in and raise my kids, which I'm totally digging it. But gosh darn it, it'd be nice to share my experiences and stories with someone. Poo.
There's no way you can know if you'll wait till 47 hun. It might happen next week. Just stay open to it and keep on keeping on.......life is full of surprises ! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
Too picky, I won't settle.
BINGO. Same here.
ETA: I could have a boyfriend easily if I decided to be with someone I have no interest in :laugh:
But the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me. ::shrug:: Oh well.0 -
Most of my singledom has definitely been because of me. The prime time I should have been looking for relationships was college as you are surrounded with people your own age and it is so easy to meet them (compared to after). My weight had really taken down my self esteem and I didn't make those connections.
Now, I have the confidence, hobbies, and happiness with myself, but still struggle with the weight. The women I am interested in physically just aren't interested in me. If I don't want to settle, why would they?
That said, women do seem to be interested in me, but not those I am physically attracted to. I have gone on quite a few dates in hopes that maybe her personality, sense of humor or shared interests would win me over, but it hasn't happened yet.0 -
I have different ideas about why I am single. My main reason is because of me. I don't make time for dating. I don't look, I am not online, and I make zero effort. I am doing this for many reasons though. I am not confident enough about me to put myself out there and I really don't have the time.
When I feel more confident, I might make the effort. I can deal with not dating but damn I really miss the sex. lol0 -
It could be you or him. But like Anna says maybe it is just the wrong guy or wrong timing.
We all have different dating styles. I'm more old fashioned so I never initiated contact with a man unless we were dating for a while. I also didn't sleep with a guy unless we were in a relationship. The guys I dated were ok with this stuff but I'm sure there are dudes out there that wouldn't be. Some guys prefer more aggressive women etc but that just means they aren't the one for me.
My current bf and I fit greatly. I was receptive to him but never let it be me who was doing the chasing. Again, his personality (100% alpha) fits great with mine.0 -
I know it's me. My ex-bf and I have this together-but-not-together relationship and neither of us is going to move on until we get out of eachother's lives. I just don't want to right now. My therapist is always talking about "needs being met" and right now he meets enough of mine to not want to move on. But, I will.... someday.0
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I know I'm my own reason. Not sure I would call it being 'picky' but the older I get the less time and effort I want to put into dating the wrong person - even a first date! I would much rather be alone and do things I enjoy than spend time with someone I'm itching to get away from! :laugh:0
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Why when I could be spending quality time with that person now, must I wait until I'm 47, or after my kids have grown and gone. It just frustrates the heck out of me.
This is a self-imposed idea though. Do you think you must wait until your kids are grown to find someone?0 -
I don't have to wonder. I know it's the reason I'm single.
this.
even if it's the wrong person you pick you still have to ask yourself why do you pick the wrong person.. so i pretty much think everyone who is single is single because of themself.
ETA. just wanted to put it out there that i'm not picky. my problem is that sometimes i just dont want tpo be bothered with having to answer to anyone else. obviously that makes it hard to be in a relatioship since i pretty much only want to see that person when i want to see them :laugh:0 -
I know it's me. My ex-bf and I have this together-but-not-together relationship and neither of us is going to move on until we get out of eachother's lives. I just don't want to right now. My therapist is always talking about "needs being met" and right now he meets enough of mine to not want to move on. But, I will.... someday.
OMG JK - I just had that conversation yesterday with mine, and today I'm so friggin sad about the whole thing. Ugh. It's like I've broken up with him again! Ugh. Her statement was that she just didn't want to see me get hurt again, I already know I'm gonna get hurt again, I've know it since the day I split with him. - Sorry didn't mean to butt into the conversation here......slowly backing out...0 -
It's a band-aid PaJorg, it truly is. Do I think I have to wait? no not really. But I also watched my mother be single (dated two guys that I know of briefly) every since she and dad divorced almost 20 YEARS AGO!! :sad:Why when I could be spending quality time with that person now, must I wait until I'm 47, or after my kids have grown and gone. It just frustrates the heck out of me.
This is a self-imposed idea though. Do you think you must wait until your kids are grown to find someone?
I think that's what freaks me out, and makes me want to put the bandaid on it.0 -
I know it's me. My ex-bf and I have this together-but-not-together relationship and neither of us is going to move on until we get out of eachother's lives. I just don't want to right now. My therapist is always talking about "needs being met" and right now he meets enough of mine to not want to move on. But, I will.... someday.
OMG JK - I just had that conversation yesterday with mine, and today I'm so friggin sad about the whole thing. Ugh. It's like I've broken up with him again! Ugh. Her statement was that she just didn't want to see me get hurt again, I already know I'm gonna get hurt again, I've know it since the day I split with him. - Sorry didn't mean to butt into the conversation here......slowly backing out...
Crystal- I have said it before, I think, our ex's must be twins!!0 -
Mine is a bit of thisMost of my singledom has definitely been because of me. The prime time I should have been looking for relationships was college as you are surrounded with people your own age and it is so easy to meet them (compared to after). My weight had really taken down my self esteem and I didn't make those connections.
Now, I have the confidence, hobbies, and happiness with myself, but still struggle with the weight. The women I am interested in physically just aren't interested in me. If I don't want to settle, why would they?
and this too.I have different ideas about why I am single. My main reason is because of me. I don't make time for dating. I don't look, I am not online, and I make zero effort. I am doing this for many reasons though. I am not confident enough about me to put myself out there and I really don't have the time.
When I feel more confident, I might make the effort. I can deal with not dating but damn I really miss the sex. lol0 -
I also do not make time for it. I know that is the reason. I put no effort into looking. I am on match but I might check it once every 1-2 weeks.0
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In matters of the heart, I think your expectations SHOULD be high!! Why would you settle for someone not right for you?
Like I said, you just haven't met the one yet. :flowerforyou:
Took me until I was 32, so don't give up yet! I agree, when it fits, it fits.. whether you are fluffy or not!0 -
If you want things to be better just take note:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-who-changed-self-to-please-boyfriend-enjoyin,36272/0
