some jokes perhaphs?
jdad1
Posts: 1,899 Member
give me your best jokes! Do it now people!
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Replies
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Some clean ones.....for now.........:devil:
This guy goes to the doctor and when the doctor looks at him he sees that the guy has an apple on top of his head, a banana in his ear, and a cucumber up his nose. The patient explains how he feels and says "What's wrong?" The doctor says "You're not eating right."
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.0 -
A fat lady goes to the doctor to ask him about breast enlargement..
"I want bigger boobs and I am prepared to go under the knife" complains the lady.
The doctor reaches under his desk and pulls out some toilet paper.
"Every evening, rub this toilet paper all over your breasts" says the doctor.
The lady looks confused but is willing to try anything.
After 2 weeks, the lady returns to the doctors, she doesn't look very happy...
"I have rubbed this toilet paper all over my breasts for the last 2 weeks and they are still the same size"!!!
The doctor looks her up and down and replies
"Well it seems to have worked on your *kitten*"0 -
So I see we did not stay clean very long. lol GOOD !
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”
What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching!
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
"No!" yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"
The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"0 -
What do you get if you cross a princess with awesome?0
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Why do midgets make horrible parents?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.0 -
Why do midgets make horrible parents?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.
:laugh:0 -
What do you get if you cross a princess with awesome?
Ummmm, you kinda got to tell us the rest. I want to hear it.
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The American man said to the British Women......
Can I take your temperature with my meat thermometer?0 -
The American man said to the British Women......
Can I take your temperature with my meat thermometer?
:blushing:
The British woman is a vegan but I'm sure she would make allowances for that kind of meat.0 -
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they still moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."0 -
Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. Cover me I'm going in.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a box Cheerios?
A: "Wow! Doughnut seeds!"0 -
I'll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way.
Through alcohol and poor judgement.0 -
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the *kitten* and tell her to get back to work.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the *kitten* and say, "You're next Baby... !"0 -
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the *kitten* and tell her to get back to work.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the *kitten* and say, "You're next Baby... !"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
What is 6.9?
A really great thing ruined by a damn period.0 -
^^^:laugh:0
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^^^:laugh:
:laugh: jesus0 -
^^^:laugh:
:laugh: jesus
indeed. blood on the sword yes, but rainbow kisses...... thats where i draw the line0 -
Could be a great way to add some extra iron to your diet...0
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Could be a great way to add some extra iron to your diet...
yes its ok until it gets chewy, them clots aint going down smooth0 -
ok, i've managed to gross myself out now :sick:0
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:laugh:
What if you disguised it in a nice spag bol or ragu? Or in this case, rag-goo.0 -
:laugh:
What if you disguised it in a nice spag bol or ragu? Or in this case, rag-goo.
ok this both made me dry heave and lol at the same time, the noise sounded like it came from the depths of hell
might be better in a black pudding on a fried breakfast though as thats all blood anyway0 -
Actually, black pudding is something I've always wanted to try...especially with a traditional fry up. I may have to experiment and make my own...0
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Could be a great way to add some extra iron to your diet...
yes its ok until it gets chewy, them clots aint going down smooth
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Actually, black pudding is something I've always wanted to try...especially with a traditional fry up. I may have to experiment and make my own...
That sounds BLOODy lovely :drinker:0 -
Good gravy, I was Wonder Woman for Halloween like five years in a row when I was really young.0
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Just to semi stay on topic...
I got sacked from my job as the ladies locker room attendant.
Apparently I always worked too hard.0 -
I have a cringeworthy fancy dress anecdote...
A couple of years ago, one of my girlfriends organised a girls night out in town..."It's fancy dress, ladies, make an effort"!!
I dressed up as Dorothy Gale and made my way to the bar to meet up with the girls..who were all sat there in their lovely dresses :explode: no fancy dress.
I had a basket, ruby slippers and a stupid little stuffed dog
Wankers!!0 -
I have a cringeworthy fancy dress anecdote...
A couple of years ago, one of my girlfriends organised a girls night out in town..."It's fancy dress, ladies, make an effort"!!
I dressed up as Dorothy Gale and made my way to the bar to meet up with the girls..who were all sat there in their lovely dresses :explode: no fancy dress.
I had a basket, ruby slippers and a stupid little stuffed dog
Wankers!!
screw them... they suck.... no fun nancies that they are....
apologies i've been drinking at lnchtime0
