Check In June 12, 2014
KarenZen
Posts: 1,430 Member
Hello lovelies,
I am keeping vampire hours this week, apparently, and am having a contest with Heather to see who can do the most heinous night eating before the official start of the Heather's Birthday mega-thrust, all-in, do-or-die, 15-pound challenge. I'm trying to sort paperwork by moonlight as beloved husband snores. I just found the instructions for my upcoming colonoscopy (happy 50th birthday!) and am soooooo excited that apparently on Monday I can only have clear liquids, no food, and on Tuesday only a small amount of water, and apparently I also have to drink a gallon of this disturbing liquid that will charge through my colon like the bulls in Pamploma. On a happy note, I'm sure I will lose 15 pounds on those two days and will be the first to complete the challenge. :drinker:
I am leaving the conversation starter to someone else this morning because we've already covered bowel movements this week and also because I don't want to be a conversation starter hog. Good morning and hello especially to the newbies (although we're all fairly new in this group). Good to see some lively participants here to have fun but also get down and do the dirty work.
Tomorrow I am going to get my *kitten* together (the psychological *kitten*, I mean) because I have been dragging on and on for the past eleven days of seeing how much weight I can gain back to sabotage my upcoming gastric sleeve surgery. That's not really my intention, but it seems to be where I'm quickly headed. I just feel really shut down about the whole diet and exercise thing. It's like I suddenly went from gung-ho to full stop. Which, of course, reminds me of a story.
When I was working overseas, I got a chance to travel a few times in Africa, once on safari in Kenya, and Robert, my guide in the Maasai Mara, told me many stories about how the animals came to be designed as they are. One of my favorite animals is the warthog, so ugly they are beautiful to me, and when we approached them either in a safari vehicle or on foot, they would run away in a squealing frenzy, go about 50 yards, then stop short. They would look around, see us again, squeak and grunt and take off running, go another 50 yards, then stop short. And yes, look back, see us, run, etc. They repeated this pattern until we could no longer see them and they could no longer see us.
Robert explained that the warthog was one of the first animals that the Creator made, and he had a little trouble with some of the design elements. By the time he was finished, he realized, too late, that he had created a very ugly little beast. He worried that when the warthog saw his own reflection in the watering holes, he would get very depressed about his looks,. The Creator thought and thought about how to fix this, then realized he could give the warthog a very short memory. "That way, even after he saw his reflection in the water, he would quickly forget what he looked like and never feel despondent. When the warthogs ran away from us, they were startled and afraid, but they quickly forgot why they were startled and afraid and stopped running. One look back reminded them, and off they would run again.
Anyway, I'm not sure whether I'm wart-hoggish this week--running, stopping and forgetting--or baboonish, screaming and throwing my own poop and thrusting my butt in the air because I'm so pissed at the world. In either case, I'm going to try to fix this after some sleep!
Karen in Maine
I am keeping vampire hours this week, apparently, and am having a contest with Heather to see who can do the most heinous night eating before the official start of the Heather's Birthday mega-thrust, all-in, do-or-die, 15-pound challenge. I'm trying to sort paperwork by moonlight as beloved husband snores. I just found the instructions for my upcoming colonoscopy (happy 50th birthday!) and am soooooo excited that apparently on Monday I can only have clear liquids, no food, and on Tuesday only a small amount of water, and apparently I also have to drink a gallon of this disturbing liquid that will charge through my colon like the bulls in Pamploma. On a happy note, I'm sure I will lose 15 pounds on those two days and will be the first to complete the challenge. :drinker:
I am leaving the conversation starter to someone else this morning because we've already covered bowel movements this week and also because I don't want to be a conversation starter hog. Good morning and hello especially to the newbies (although we're all fairly new in this group). Good to see some lively participants here to have fun but also get down and do the dirty work.
Tomorrow I am going to get my *kitten* together (the psychological *kitten*, I mean) because I have been dragging on and on for the past eleven days of seeing how much weight I can gain back to sabotage my upcoming gastric sleeve surgery. That's not really my intention, but it seems to be where I'm quickly headed. I just feel really shut down about the whole diet and exercise thing. It's like I suddenly went from gung-ho to full stop. Which, of course, reminds me of a story.
When I was working overseas, I got a chance to travel a few times in Africa, once on safari in Kenya, and Robert, my guide in the Maasai Mara, told me many stories about how the animals came to be designed as they are. One of my favorite animals is the warthog, so ugly they are beautiful to me, and when we approached them either in a safari vehicle or on foot, they would run away in a squealing frenzy, go about 50 yards, then stop short. They would look around, see us again, squeak and grunt and take off running, go another 50 yards, then stop short. And yes, look back, see us, run, etc. They repeated this pattern until we could no longer see them and they could no longer see us.
Robert explained that the warthog was one of the first animals that the Creator made, and he had a little trouble with some of the design elements. By the time he was finished, he realized, too late, that he had created a very ugly little beast. He worried that when the warthog saw his own reflection in the watering holes, he would get very depressed about his looks,. The Creator thought and thought about how to fix this, then realized he could give the warthog a very short memory. "That way, even after he saw his reflection in the water, he would quickly forget what he looked like and never feel despondent. When the warthogs ran away from us, they were startled and afraid, but they quickly forgot why they were startled and afraid and stopped running. One look back reminded them, and off they would run again.
Anyway, I'm not sure whether I'm wart-hoggish this week--running, stopping and forgetting--or baboonish, screaming and throwing my own poop and thrusting my butt in the air because I'm so pissed at the world. In either case, I'm going to try to fix this after some sleep!
Karen in Maine
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Hey, no fair signing up for a colonoscopy to get ahead in the birthday challenge. LOL. Now everyone who is participating need to schedule one.
I found that the best weight loss diet for me was the one where you lose 10-12 pounds in 1 day. Of course, that involved birthing a baby who was over 9 pounds, but I digress.
I absolutely loved the warthog story. I am also in the camp of finding them so ugly that they're cute. Down here in Florida, we have wild boar. It is not uncommon to see them out on the median of highways in some places. My husband worked a company once where their building backed up to a nature preserve. More than once there were wild boars in the parking lot, ramming people's cars.
After today, I have two more days left at this company. I took the exit survey today, which made me feel good--I got a lot of venting out. I have my actual exit interview with HR left to do--not sure when that will be.
Its starting to feel bittersweet now. I am giving up control of all my tasks, I am wrapping up training. The only thing I have left to take home is my calendar. I've been here for over 7 years, in the same cube. I have spent most of my 30's at this company. I was here when I got married, when I got pregnant, when I had my son. I have always been proud to say where I worked, it's a name that most people know. Its a shame because it's a great company overall to work for, but my manager examplifies everything a manager shouldn't be. I am still working on my BA in Business and have taken several management classes. I passed them with flying colors because I just did the opposite of what she would have done.
Karen, I have another story. Many many years ago, I worked with people with mental retardation and other developmental disabilities. At the time I was a manager of a house with 3 residents. One of those residents (I will call him "J") had schizophrenia as well as mental retardation. He was scheduled for a colonoscopy and had to drink that lovely liquid too. It was called Go-Litely and it definitely does not properly describe what happened.
Anyway, at first it was all good. He was excited because I picked him up early from work and took him home. There we proceeded with the cocktail, something like 8 ounces every 30 minutes. We were sitting the livingroom, watching TV, having a good old time, when suddnely he said "Uh, Becky, I gotta go to the bathroom.". Thing quickly deteriorated to the point where I was just hosing him down in the shower.
Did I mention this was the night before my wedding to my first husband?
~Becky in Florida, where we have only 3 seasons: hot, hot and humid, and construction0 -
Loving the stories this morning! The warthog, adorable! How did you KNOW I ate half a pound cake last night? I was doing so good, sleeping soundly away when my Odin dog barked at 1:32 A.M. to go out and I went straight to the freezer, and yes, ate frozen pound cake. Ugh.
I need a colonoscopy ! Or a colonic I can only imagine how much stuff is stuck up there. Really does NOT sound pleasant though. I was with my husband when he had one. The before and after didn't seem so bad at all. The worst part was the after when I had to sit in the wake up area and listen to all the people around him farting. They were all only separated by hospital curtains and trying not to laugh... OMG, I had to go outside several times.0 -
We always have the funniest conversations here! I have not yet reached the age of colonoscopy...but I can't say Im looking forward to it.
Yesterday, I was listening to a health podcast and the topic was establishing routines to help us reach our goals. There has been a some research supporting the idea that each of person has in them a set amount of willpower each day...and once it is used up we start to falter in our resolve. The more routines in place, the less decision making there is to do...the less of our willpower is gobbled up. I wonder if this helps explain how many times I started a day out strong and ended in disaster.
It got me thinking...does anyone in this group have routines in place that really help keep you on track? Or perhaps routines you used in the past?
Angie0 -
Uff da, Karen, I had to go through that "prep" process before I had surgery for endometriosis and the prep was by FAR the worst part! It was laparascopic so the recovery was going to be easy anyway, but oh man, it felt like a cake walk after dealing with the effects of magnesium citrate. Yuck! But, our health has to come first, so good on you for getting yourself checked out!
I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I'm doing a "biggest loser" challenge at work. It started on April 30 and ends on June 26. The person with the highest percentage of weight lost will be the winner. As of today, I'm right at 8% lost since our first weigh-in. I'm starting to think I might actually win (and, by extension, that I will be disappointed if I don't). We're also doing this "Thrive Across America" thing, which is an effort to get people to exercise more and you have teams and log your minutes and whatnot.
While it's been great to have a supportive environment, some things have made me uncomfortable. Multiple times a day, people say things to me, and it's all positive, so I should just be grateful! It's mostly comments like, "I hear you and so-n-so are the ones to beat," "I'm proud you," "you're looking good," or comments about my clothes being baggy. Part of me hates it, though. I don't want to be noticed at all. Part of me regrets joining the contest because it's an invitation for people to take notice. I also change into workout clothes before I leave work because I walk home and it's gross and sweaty, so it's like, extra invitation. I wish I could identify exactly WHY it makes me so uncomfortable. Fear of failure? Fear of what they thought of me before I started trying to lose weight? Social anxiety? Probably all of the above.
Anyway, I just needed to rant about that a little. It's hard to explain because I feel like I should be grateful that people are saying nice things about me and noticing my hard work.
Blargh.0 -
Good day everyone!!!
I have an off topic ( I feel) question, about dealing with depression/bipolar disorder. I've been pretty down lately. But I am trying my best to not let it derail me. I am trying to get back on track TODAY!!!
If anyone here deals with depression/bipolar disorder, what foods do you eat to help you feel better??
OK!! enough about me. My mom went thru the whole colonoscopy a week ago. She says the worse part was drinking the water/mixture every 15-30 minutes till it was gone. She literally felt like she was going to float away. Drinking almost a gallon of water was hard on her.
I'll post more later once my head stops spinning.
Cari from DE0 -
I did one of those Biggest Loser comps at work. In ONE MONTH I lost 36 pounds. It was for $100 and I was exercising like crazy, just so SURE I was going to win. I kept nosing around with this other guy in the department who was in his 20's and about 6'6" and probably 50lbs overweight and he was riding his bike about 10-20 miles a day to win. He would ride to and from work. We were constantly trying to see who was ahead of each other without giving up too much info. I would see him still eating chips and stuff and think, oh I so got this, but then I would also see him getting skinnier and skinnier.
Anyways, weigh in day came... and the quietest guy who we didn't even KNOW was in the competition blew us both away. For chimney sakes! I lost 12% of my body in a month and I didn't even win. I think the guy who won lost like 25lbs but he was smaller then me to start with.
Then, to top it off, I found out I was pregnant. HA! Well, at least when I started out the pregnancy 36lbs thinner. Moral of the story is, I will never get wrapped up in one of those again. Not saying I won't do one, I just won't count myself the winner until weigh in day and do it for me, not for the prize money or the glory.
I totally understand about the added attention. I am so over letting people know I am on a diet. Even now, the couple people that know have turned it into a big deal because of the group lunch dates they are always wanting to go on. I turn them down quite often but really it has more to do with money and not wanting to waste it on a $12 salad then anything else. It isn't because it is SO HARD for me to sit there and watch them eat "real food". Are you kidding me? I pick up my husband's fast food at least 3 times a week and do fine.0 -
If anyone here deals with depression/bipolar disorder, what foods do you eat to help you feel better??
Cari from DE
Hmm.. I don't notice any foods to eat to feel better, but I do notice that if I stick to healthy foods in general, I feel better.. after time. It all seems to take time. Of course, stay away from caffeine, sugar, processed foods if possible. Try to stick to paleo as much as you can.
The only thing that truly works for me is medication and not giving in. First, I have to let the medication do it's itsy bitsy part to give me the motivation to not give in and then get up and make myself go. That's the depression. Can't say I have ever had mania. I know my posts may sound like it, but nope, I got a zero out of 10 on the manic scale.0 -
Helloooooooooooooooooooo I am still alive! Work and my schedule has been manic.. but I have had such blessings I will share them on a separate thread.
The Warthog story is ADORABLE.. made me wish I was a Warthog for about 5 seconds. I do have depression, apparently it is a genetic depression along with something else, not sure what, but have had it all my life. Anyway, since being on regular medication the last few years I have got better and better. I think I might be borderline bipolar or something, not sure. Anyway food does nothing except give me a temporary emotional crutch I am trying hard never to lean on.
We have walking Tacos at work today YAYYYYY I can't wait to eat one!
Apart from that my food is great, I am fully recovered, right at this moment life is good.0 -
If anyone here deals with depression/bipolar disorder, what foods do you eat to help you feel better??
Cari from DE
I once went through an emotional time and found a great deal of benefit from taking St. John's Wart. It wasn't a miracle or anything...but it did lift me up a bit.
Angie0 -
We have walking Tacos at work today YAYYYYY I can't wait to eat one!
Walking tacos? That sounds interesting.... do esplain....0 -
Good day everyone!!!
I have an off topic ( I feel) question, about dealing with depression/bipolar disorder. I've been pretty down lately. But I am trying my best to not let it derail me. I am trying to get back on track TODAY!!!
If anyone here deals with depression/bipolar disorder, what foods do you eat to help you feel better??
OK!! enough about me. My mom went thru the whole colonoscopy a week ago. She says the worse part was drinking the water/mixture every 15-30 minutes till it was gone. She literally felt like she was going to float away. Drinking almost a gallon of water was hard on her.
I'll post more later once my head stops spinning.
Cari from DE
Cari, medication and exercise help me the most. When I'm not swimming regularly, I can't get out of my own way and find myself wasting entire days watching t.v. or playing mindless computer games. I'll bet if you Google bipolar and diet, you'll find a forum where this is discussed and maybe some good advice. In the meantime, please come here and share your struggles and lighten your load.
Karen in Maine0 -
Hello lovelies!
I have so many comments in my head after reading all your posts but need to run out the door. Today is pap smear day (bariatric surgery motto: no orifice will go unexamined). OMG, I laughed so hard about the farting colonoscopy patients!!!
K.0 -
I deal with bipolar disorder as well. My life did a complete 180 in 2007 when I was finally diagnosed and got on medication. The medication is what changed everything for me. I don't have a certain kind of food that does anything, but I notice when I'm eating healthy and exercising, I feel better all around.
~Becky in Florida0 -
I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I'm doing a "biggest loser" challenge at work. It started on April 30 and ends on June 26. The person with the highest percentage of weight lost will be the winner. As of today, I'm right at 8% lost since our first weigh-in. I'm starting to think I might actually win (and, by extension, that I will be disappointed if I don't). We're also doing this "Thrive Across America" thing, which is an effort to get people to exercise more and you have teams and log your minutes and whatnot.
While it's been great to have a supportive environment, some things have made me uncomfortable. Multiple times a day, people say things to me, and it's all positive, so I should just be grateful! It's mostly comments like, "I hear you and so-n-so are the ones to beat," "I'm proud you," "you're looking good," or comments about my clothes being baggy. Part of me hates it, though. I don't want to be noticed at all. Part of me regrets joining the contest because it's an invitation for people to take notice. I also change into workout clothes before I leave work because I walk home and it's gross and sweaty, so it's like, extra invitation. I wish I could identify exactly WHY it makes me so uncomfortable. Fear of failure? Fear of what they thought of me before I started trying to lose weight? Social anxiety? Probably all of the above.
I certainly know the feeling of not wanting to be noticed, and it is all those things. I just want to be at my goal weight and go on like nothing is different in the eyes of others. I just want to have been "always healthy" rather then "always fat," people acknowledging the change is just a reminder that thats all in my head. Don't beat yourself up about it, you deserve to be recognized and supported for the changes you have and are making. Just remember their words are of support and not of judgment. You know how you were before and all that is important is that you are changing that.
I'm having a fairly good week, a bit of a screwup on tuesday evening after a late night long walk. I hadn't eaten dinner before going out for a walk and after doing 5 miles and getting home I was absolutely ravenous. It was 11:30, I had 1,500cal available, I was hungry. These are all trigger situations for me so I slipped into my late night secret eating mood, waiting for the last person to go to bed. I ended up at the 24hr grocery store (thankfully a better choice then I could have made). Any who, I didn't go over my calories but also didn't make the worlds best choices (darn you asiago kaiser roll). My body did make me pay for it with a round of constipation yesterday so I ended up skipping dinner last night and going to bed early. I'm fine today so back to work.
Father's day is in a couple of days. After wich I have told myself I will start couch-to-5k, and i'm thinking of doing the President's Challenge for the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award. Sounds like a nice bit of motivation.0 -
*waves* Not much to add. In a really rough spot. Might see if I can message later if walking gets some of this bad moodiness out... *sigh* Thanks for the laughs and such, all. I try to read the check-ins, even if I don't have time to respond. I'm not going anywhere...
Carly, in the land beyond sanity...0 -
*waves* Not much to add. In a really rough spot. Might see if I can message later if walking gets some of this bad moodiness out... *sigh* Thanks for the laughs and such, all. I try to read the check-ins, even if I don't have time to respond. I'm not going anywhere...
Carly, in the land beyond sanity...
Keep checking in, Carly, even if you're in sh#ttyville. I got off the train there last week too.0 -
Work out derailed. Store run wins. Grabbing helmet for protection. We got tornado warnings. Its steamy up in here!
Real feel 101!
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Flippin hilarious Karen. Wow! You make it real exciting to log on here to see what's happening with you. All kidding aside, I just had a colonoscopy. Hell of a way to lose weight, or celebrate a birthday for that matter, but sometimes we just do what we gotta do!0
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Good evening all. It's been a rough day but I'm feeling a little better now. I do believe it's going to be an early bedtime tonight though.
Pushed myself a bit too hard today and had to listen to my body after it finally began screaming at me. Today was my day to donate plasma and I left in a little bit of a hurry. I did remember to take a big bottle of ice cold water with me but forgot to take something high in protein with me too eat (since I wasn't coming straight back home). I had to get off the bus a couple miles before my house and walk 1.75 miles down the road to the Catholic Church that is helping me pay my electric bill so I don't get shut off. Then I had to walk back the 1.75 miles back to the main road and since my 2 hour bus pass had expired I had planned to just walk back home. I've done it before so no big deal, right? WRONG. OMG, I didn't think I was going to make it back to the main road. I was completely dragging *kitten* like I haven't in a long time. I really didn't want to waste one of my 2 hour passes to ride the bus 2 miles down the road and if I was going to ride I would have to since I didn't have a dollar. I decided to step inside White Castle to sit in the ac so I could cool off and fill my bottle since it was now empty. To tell you how bad I was, I wasn't even tempted by the smell of the White Castle burgers which are one of my favorites. At this point I made the decision to waste the 2 hour pass because there was no way I was going to make it home walking. I have only ever passed out once in my life during a Christmas Play at Church and I was feeling the same exact way today. Light-headed, dizzy, and everything a bright white. I know it was because I hadn't eaten. Thankfully the bus got there and took me home. On the way I called Cody and had him make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so I could eat the second I walked in the door. Then I took a shower and laid down for about 30 mins. and started feeling better. I have to learn how to listen to my body better and not be in such a hurry that I forget food when I'm going to be gone all day.
Dee in MO0 -
Good evening all. It's been a rough day but I'm feeling a little better now. I do believe it's going to be an early bedtime tonight though.
I have to learn how to listen to my body better and not be in such a hurry that I forget food when I'm going to be gone all day.
Dee in MO
Dee, I'm glad you arrived home safely, and you're so right about needing to listen to your body. I think that's difficult for the morbidly obese-we've spent years ignoring our body cues. I've been dieting since age nine... I don't know what my body says any more. Good for you for using that other bus pass... sometimes you NEED to take special care of yourself, and definitely after donating blood or plasma is one of those times.
Sorry you are having such financial struggles. This is a rough economy for all of us--I'm just trying to hang tough, stay optimistic, and use my coupons for free toothpaste at rite aid! I hope you have a plan in place for improving your finances, maybe a family meeting to discuss where to cut back and how to bring in more income? You shouldn't be handling this alone.
My sister is coming to visit from Kentucky in a couple of weeks, and I know we'll discuss her moving in with Jim and I. It just makes so much more sense financially to combine households, especially when we all get along so well. The only issue will be whether she can find work in Maine with similar pay and benefits. Fingers crossed.
K.0 -
Wow, I fell asleep at 7 p.m.! Now wide awake at midnight. Thank goodness for the Heather's Birthday no sugar mini challenge or I would be downstairs raiding the kitchen.
There are so many good posts today! I think I'll save some comments for tomorrow's thread, especially the discussion of getting attention for your weight loss efforts and how our instincts are to hide from others. I am NOT comfortable getting that kind of attention either, and I actually quit therapy the first time because my shrink told me I was beautiful and amazing. I freaked out.... I mean, here's this person who knows all my shameful secrets and transgressions. ... how can she see me as beautiful and amazing? Aaarrgghhh!
Ah, the irony... I needed therapy to sort out my therapy.
When I was teaching, I was always at the center of attention--standing in front of classes of up to thirty students or doing presentations in front of hundreds of people--and I LOVED it. But that attention was all about my brain and the subject matter, whether literature or creative writing or research. I can honestly say that my ability to teach and connect to students is my greatest asset. I am really, really, really, really good at teaching! And feel so blessed that I was given this gift and had so many years to enjoy it. Of all the losses of Still's Disease and obesity, losing my profession has been the absolute worst!
I am DETERMINED that after weight loss surgery, I will get back to teaching in some capacity. I may still have to struggle with Still's flares, but I'll be more mobile when I'm thinner, and even if I'm not, I am going to get a kickass scooter from the scooter store, paint lightning bolts and the heads of dead poets all over it, and strap a battery powered espresso maker into the basket.
A former student of mine just reached out tonight via facebook to see if I wanted to work on a project with him, a "mockumentary" on "Monsters of Maine," sort of like Bigfoot Hunters. I told him yes, but only if I could be interviewed about my erotic Bigfoot encounter ("Bigfoot gave me the greatest sexual pleasure I've ever known!" bwahahahahaha). zHe thought that was hysterical and definitely worth filming. I know, I know, I am twisted, but I blame it on the Sci-Fi channel running the movie Splice all week!!! If Adrien Brody can have sex with a genetic mash-up with wings and tail with a poison stinger, I can have pretend sex with Bigfoot! Anyway, I'll also ask him about doing some footage for our reality show proposal. He's working as an assistant in my old writing center but really wants to go to graduate school for film making. This might be a perfect opportunity for him.
Goodnight to you all, wondrous fellow shrinking people. Make your plans for an active weekend full of veggies. Cabbage is only 49 cents/pound here in Maine, so probably cheaper in the rest of the world, and yummy roasted with some garlic and olive oil.
Karen in Maine0 -
Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.0 -
Well not the best evening. Made a stupid choice. Nothing huge but really, stupid of me. Seems like I still need to fight myself a little harder.0
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Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.
Seriously??? I did read about Dinoerotica (cave women having sex with dinosaurs... ludicrous, I know) but not Bigfoot. Yay, just found my new career!0 -
Well not the best evening. Made a stupid choice. Nothing huge but really, stupid of me. Seems like I still need to fight myself a little harder.
I answered your wall post, honey, and told you not to beat yourself up!!!
I do the same thing... my therapist asked me one day, "Why are you so MEAN to yourself??? You'd never say those things to your friends or siblings." She's right. I like to give myself a good verbal punch in the face when I "screw up" so I can feel like crap about myself. Aarrggh. Work in progress.0 -
Okay, I SWEAR this is my last post and then I'm headed to bed.
I just got a HUGE reality check/wakeup call. I've really been slacking off on my food diary since the nutritionist at the bariatric center informed me that they would NOT be collecting my diary and the nurse practitioner said I do NOT have to lose more weight before surgery. Yay, free pass! Oh NO, free pass!
So I knew I'd slacked off for "a few days." Tonight I decided that I MUST fill in my food diary, even though today was a crappy food day, because I so need this accountability. Well... now I know... I haven't been filling in meals for a couple of weeks. And the meals I was filling in... well, sooooo NOT on track. I am really, really happy that MFP has the food diary pages, even if they aren't perfectly correct or foods aren't always easy to record. I'm starting to understand that in my head I am eating like a spartan, but in reality, I am still fighting the fast food, quick fix, high fat and calories demons. Tomorrow I get back on that scale for the first time in weeks and begin accountability there too.
It helps to know what has been making me feel so depressed and unable to get out of my own way. Mix of hormones, low vitamin D, stress about money, and Still's symptoms out of control. So I fixed some of those with meds and breathed and swum out the stress. I know others feel this way too, and especially we carb addicts. When you shut off your supply, endorphin levels drop and you have to get used to a new life without the "high" of the glucose. It sucks!!!!
I keep thinking about what Julie said a while ago... "this is the last time." Yes, it is. I didn't "blow it." I didn't give up. I just got sidetracked, and I'm pretty sure there will be other days or weeks when I'll get sidetracked again. Oh, look kids, Big Ben! Parliament!
It also helps that Jim is hysterically funny. This evening I told him about the farting patients in the colonoscopy ward, and he spent a good half hour making the most amazing fart noises and naming the patients "Phil McCrackin" and various other disturbing names. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.
Karen in Maine, finally heading to bed, thanks for reading all my crazy ramblings.0 -
Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.
Seriously??? I did read about Dinoerotica (cave women having sex with dinosaurs... ludicrous, I know) but not Bigfoot. Yay, just found my new career!
Here you go: http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/17/how-to-make-money-writing-bigfoot-sex-scenes/0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :noway: :noway: :laugh: :laugh: :huh:
I am just now reading all this. Holy cow, I missed a lot of fun ramblings last night. It has been so busy today. Will catch up on daily thread.0
