The Loss of the "Fat Friend" Title

Etherlily1

For years I have had friends that hung out with me and discussed weight and health issues, but with little going on between any of us in making progress. Now, I am making progress and in a healthy way I feel like I'm losing a part of myself as that identity, title, slips away. I am down over 70 lbs from my highest weight. The title of the "Fat Friend" is no longer sticking with my identity, and I find it strange that I am no longer going to be that person. One friend in particular sees to be struggling with that idea as well; as I lose more and more weight she becomes more and more distant. I still expect to see that girl in the mirror that was there in December. I still expect to see the scale say at least 342 that it did on Dec. 27 of 2013.

My reality is that I am not that person any more. I'm still losing weight, which means who I am still seems to be changing. It seems now just as important to decide who I want to be at my goal and not just the appearance that I want at that goal. In the meantime, I am grieving that person that used to be in the mirror. When I weighed in Tuesday for a group I'm in I had pushed past my first "magic" number and found it anti-climatic. I feel like I should be jubilant that I reached pushed past that number and am now my lowest weight in nearly four years, not sad and disoriented.

Anyone else struggling with something like this?

Ftw37

I totally relate.

I have been the "fat friend" and the fattest person in the room for a long, long time. I still think of myself as a fat man.

When you're super morbidly obese like I was, you get used to the looks of disgust (at worst) and pity (at best) you get from total strangers in any public situation. Now, at 191 pounds, I melt into the background. People aren't looking at me with naked contempt anymore. I have to admit I still think I see it, but that's just my own psychosis talking.

I pull on my 36 inch waist pants in the morning and I still think to myself "I can't possibly fit into that tiny thing". And then the button closes.

I am sure the mind takes a lot longer to adjust to this physical change than the body itself does.

I don't really grieve for the fat guy in the mirror. But I still see him in my mind's eye. I hope he goes away eventually.

m23prime

Change is part of life. We are making positive, transformative, changes to our lives, to ourselves.

We are not our fat.

Heck, look at your tickers, your fat isn't even interested in being involved in your story anymore.

I used to be the fat guy with the ponytail in my neighborhood. (It is required by law that all neighborhoods have one. Check your local ordinances.) Now I am the smiley guy with the friendly dog.

Enjoy your tiny pants and remember it's not a big thing, it's a small thing, what Other People think.

The only thing that really matters is the story we tell ourselves.

Shouldn't your story be all about hard work, perseverance, and personal triumph?

p1xyn1xy

I do miss being heavier in some ways. I believed and still do that if you don't like me as a person... I don't have time for you. People that I've known for years are now talking to me, like we suddenly have more in common now that I'm in an more acceptable range of fat. That bothers me. A lot of them are nice but it really is a shallow thing. I find that I don't trust them. Don't make me a "fat" friend... I 'll be a great friend but not a "fat friend". I will not be defined that way. I miss being invisible... unseen. Peoples eyes would skirt over me like I didn't exist.

Last time I was a size 14 (my next size down) people threw a milkshake out a window at me while I was walking down the street and yelled "Get some exercise you fat #$@#". When I was a size 12, guys would think it was ok to invade my space and touch me. One guy tried to pick me up on the side of the road when I was walking home from the bus. I'm scared of NOT being fat... of being noticed. IF it wasn't for the benefits of feeling better and stronger. Of NOT being as sick or tired as much. Of getting my butt in the slide at the playground, fitting in the booths at restaurants, of not having to worry if the seatbelt will fit when you get a ride in someone else's car. Of being under the weight restrictions for bouncy houses, trampolines, waterslides, rollercoasters and bicycles. These are the thing that keep me going. I like the challenge of becoming better... but I was pretty good to begin with.
I just wonder how I will cope when my anonymity goes away. Who will I be, when so much of me for so long was defined by my size?

Does anyone else walk by a mirror and have to stop and look twice? lol!

Sorry this has been playing on my mind lately.

m23prime

Does anyone else walk by a mirror and have to stop and look twice? lol!

:embarassed: A mere double-take? I've been guilty of double-takes, spit-takes, and full-metal-Tex-Avery-eye-popping-wild-takes I have been so pleased with myself of late. And I continue to race towards...I know not where, but I am really enjoying the ride.

(My anger and sadness at your fear and discomfort walking alone in my home town notwithstanding. Though, come to think of it, it is the only city where I was harassed and teased about my size by strangers as an adult.)

I wish EVERYONE nothing but comfort, security, and long healthy lives in their renewed and better tuned brains and bones.

weblur

I like this thread. I can't say much more than that because my brain is mush after a long crazy day at work. Thank you for posting it, and for all the honest, open responses.

Gnawcraft

PaulaKro

My "fat self" will always be a part of my identity. She learned compassion and empathy from being treated like a nobody. She has many friends with whom she shared struggles and tears.

Nowadays "normal self" is forgetting what that used to be like. She feels out of place because she doesn't share those old challenges anymore.

Paula

Wolfmother61

I'm scared of NOT being fat... of being noticed.

This is me...I do not know how things will feel when I get where I want to be and I am scared. I lost weight when I was younger then did stupid things because all of a sudden I was noticed by boys. I do not want to go back but part of me is afraid if I do not like the attention I get I will just put all the weight back on.

Debbie

hollyla9905

That was good to read, I think it's what stops me from moving past the little goals, it's one thing to loose 10 or 20 lbs but it's another to loose that security blankets!

Pixy, you are very strong willed to work past those fears and keep on going!

It is interesting to read that a few people found they were less in the spotlight as they lost weight and then others are more in the spotlight!

It's so real to read that from other people! We do all need to heal our hearts and minds not just our bodies!