Hi, my name is Esmay and I'm stuck.

esmaythemermaid

Ambivalent is a better word for it. Ambivalent between wanting to be happy and wanting to be thin. The line between the two sides seems to be really thin sometimes, and it's just hard. I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to about anything--as it would seem, as of late. I'm trying to get my **** together but it's not working...and instead of fighting through it, it's just so much easier to numb the pain away and avoid all my problems and feelings and food...but I want to be happy and healthy and stronger too..actually feel comfortable in my own skin and really feeling all that I feel. Does this make any sense?..Ugh. Sorry for ranting.

This was suppose to be a simple post about how I'm stuck and in need of some friends and support and hope to find that here.. woops. Oh well.

straussv21

I feel the same way. I tell myself i'll be happy when i'm thin just to have some hope. It's hard when you feel like the only way to lose weight is to torture yourself. I just feel like i'm indulging in something dangerous when I starve or when I lie about how much I ate. It's like a high or a vice

nirvana2316

I understand. You're not alone.