The spreadsheet?
pa_jorg
Posts: 4,404 Member
Have you all heard about this story that seems to have gone viral this week? A husband sent his wife a spreadsheet of all the times she turned him down for sex. Would love to hear what you all think of this. :laugh:
http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/pouty-husband-sends-wife-spreadsheet-detailing-sex-life-1607350830
http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/pouty-husband-sends-wife-spreadsheet-detailing-sex-life-1607350830
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I thought it was sad that he didn't know how to communicate to her in a manner that wasn't so passive aggressive. I thought it was sad that it got to the point where he developed a spread sheet. I thought that it was absolutely pathetic that once he did communicate his frustration that she felt the need to share it with the world. Overall, neither one of them seems very mature. It's probably better for society that they aren't having sex. People this immature don't need to be responsible for children.0
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I thought it was sad that he didn't know how to communicate to her in a manner that wasn't so passive aggressive. I thought it was sad that it got to the point where he developed a spread sheet. I thought that it was absolutely pathetic that once he did communicate his frustration that she felt the need to share it with the world. Overall, neither one of them seems very mature. It's probably better for society that they aren't having sex. People this immature don't need to be responsible for children.
This and add to it that he sent it to her when she was on a business trip and hasn't been answering the phone making it hard for her to respond or to try and work things out.0 -
:laugh: I thought it was funny. And a wake up call for her that she needs to shower more!!!! :laugh:
When did 'feeling gross' become an excuse for spontaneous sex anyhow?? :noway: Oral sex, maybe? :smooched:
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I thought it was sad that he didn't know how to communicate to her in a manner that wasn't so passive aggressive. I thought it was sad that it got to the point where he developed a spread sheet. I thought that it was absolutely pathetic that once he did communicate his frustration that she felt the need to share it with the world. Overall, neither one of them seems very mature. It's probably better for society that they aren't having sex. People this immature don't need to be responsible for children.
It makes me wonder if he hasn't tried to express his issues before. Maybe she just ignored him. This may have been his way to get her attention finally.0 -
I thought it was sad that he didn't know how to communicate to her in a manner that wasn't so passive aggressive. I thought it was sad that it got to the point where he developed a spread sheet. I thought that it was absolutely pathetic that once he did communicate his frustration that she felt the need to share it with the world. Overall, neither one of them seems very mature. It's probably better for society that they aren't having sex. People this immature don't need to be responsible for children.
It makes me wonder if he hasn't tried to express his issues before. Maybe she just ignored him. This may have been his way to get her attention finally.
I figure he has tried to express it before. The problem certainly didn't start with the initial date of the spreadsheet. I really can't see someone creating a spreadsheet. However, I am sure that a guy who was having a reasonable sex life would just say to himself, "it's June 1. My wife turned me down for sex. I better log it in an Excel file and see if this continues through mid July."0 -
Probably going to start arguments here, but I think this is complete crap. She doesn't owe him anything -- he has no right to expect it of her. This is not something that should be put on a freaking spreadsheet and broadcast to the world. It is a private discussion. So unbelievably sick of the idea that if a woman doesn't want to have sex then she is a total b*tch and should be called out on it.
ETA: I read a different article in which there are actually several of these spreadsheets floating around...not sure who is posting them in each relationship...0 -
Absolutely horrible of him. No wonder he's not getting sex...I'm sure a guy who makes a spreadsheet like this is a great guy!0
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i doubt this is even real.
in any case it's hilarious mainly because i think its fake and some of the excuses are pretty funny.
but are there really couples who going months without having sex? i mean what the hell, get a DVR and put that crap on pause.
and uggghhh if this is real and she's withholding sex to punish him, then they are both *kitten* and deserve each other0 -
i doubt this is even real.
in any case it's hilarious mainly because i think its fake and some of the excuses are pretty funny.
but are there really couples who going months without having sex? i mean what the hell, get a DVR and put that crap on pause.
and uggghhh if this is real and she's withholding sex to punish him, then they are both *kitten* and deserve each other
My parents went at least 15 years without having sex per one of my mom's drunk friends as my sister's wedding.0 -
ok, I'm going with an unpopular opinion...
I think it's a great idea to log it! not to publicize to the world - but to log - yes!
reasoning... when having issues in a marriage and you've spoken about it, you've tried to communicate and all else fails, log everything! be as specific as possible: dates, times, locations, details, details, details. keep a journal, it will come in handy during the divorce proceedings - if it gets to that point!0 -
keep a journal, it will come in handy during the divorce proceedings - if it gets to that point!
This statement just seems so sad to me. :frown:0 -
i doubt this is even real.
in any case it's hilarious mainly because i think its fake and some of the excuses are pretty funny.
but are there really couples who going months without having sex? i mean what the hell, get a DVR and put that crap on pause.
and uggghhh if this is real and she's withholding sex to punish him, then they are both *kitten* and deserve each other
My parents went at least 15 years without having sex per one of my mom's drunk friends as my sister's wedding.
eeek..
maybe i'm just a huge slore, but if i'm married to a dude and we're physically able, then i better be getting some of that action. i have friends i can hang out with and NOT have sex with. husbands are for killing spiders and other husbandly duties0 -
keep a journal, it will come in handy during the divorce proceedings - if it gets to that point!
This statement just seems so sad to me. :frown:
it is sad, but it got to that point, tried everything, communicating, counseling, everything! thankfully, I didn't need to 'use it against him' but did give it to the lawyers and the judge. and yes, we're divorced.0 -
The spreadsheet sounds passive aggressive to me and to send it by email while she's going away, it doesn't seem like he knows how to communicate or stand up for himself. And I sure wouldn't want to have sex with someone who can't talk about it and just sends me that crap. It's the equivalent of breaking up by text for me. :noway:0
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I wonder how he would feel if she logged all the times he initiated sex out of the blue without the kind of courtship that won her hand in the first place. My ex would deflect my opinions on day to day decisions, not give me the affection I need (hand holding, etc), humiliate me in public and later that night, would reach his hand over after I crawled into bed, expecting me to be a willing partner.
Just because you are in a long term relationship doesn't mean the wooing stops. I bet this guy is seriously lacking in the woo department.0 -
The man didn't make it public, the woman did.I think it's a great idea to log it! not to publicize to the world - but to log - yes!
It's a great idea to log it simply because you or the partner might not even be able to realise how little you are having sex with them, without doing that.
Now the woman can't argue with the fact that they are not having enough sex. The guy can quantify how little sex they are having, and so it is a real problem.
The guy ever logged an entry: "Tonight wife decided we should have a conversation about our problems". The woman is 100% guilty in this, and the guy is just trying to gather evidence.
To be honest, I don't even know why he cares (the fact that he is logging things shows that he is trying to show the woman there is a problem in his opinion, so he cares) - he should have dumped the rock and found himself a woman that would rather have sex than watch her f'in TV.
He should just have used his energy to find another partner. No need to do any explaining, no need to bother trying to convince the woman you should be having sex and why, nobody calling him an *kitten* because the spreadsheet got out on the internet... Just have sex because you found a partner willing to do it, most of the time.0 -
i doubt this is even real.
in any case it's hilarious mainly because i think its fake and some of the excuses are pretty funny.
but are there really couples who going months without having sex? i mean what the hell, get a DVR and put that crap on pause.
and uggghhh if this is real and she's withholding sex to punish him, then they are both *kitten* and deserve each other
My parents went at least 15 years without having sex per one of my mom's drunk friends as my sister's wedding.
I think this is way more common than you think. I always hear that love starts out romantic and turns out for many to be more of a partnership.0 -
To be honest, I don't even know why he cares (the fact that he is logging things shows that he is trying to show the woman there is a problem in his opinion, so he cares) - he should have dumped the rock and found himself a woman that would rather have sex than watch her f'in TV.
He should just have used his energy to find another partner. No need to do any explaining, no need to bother trying to convince the woman you should be having sex and why, nobody calling him an *kitten* because the spreadsheet got out on the internet... Just have sex because you found a partner willing to do it, most of the time.
No conversation necessary (unless she initiates it), huh? Just dump her and find a willing partner. Interesting.
Clearly we are speculating because we don't have more information than that the spreadsheet existed and she posted it online. However, there could be many reasons - both physical and mental in nature - that caused her disinterest in sex. Anyone who wouldn't want to know why in a marital situation clearly just wants an easy way out...0 -
If you're not having sex with your partner, there's a problem. I wish my bf would put out more!! I'm 35 so I'm in heat most days.
It's funny to read yes but pretty sad. Nobody knows what happened behind closed doors. There could be so many explanations and reasons. Regardless we all deserve attention from our partner. Who knows who's lacking it here, or who is lacking it first and whether this is a funk cycle.0 -
I'm exaggerating a bit, of course... But the point - and the only thing we know - is that she is NOT having sex with him.
No conversation necessary (unless she initiates it), huh? Just dump her and find a willing partner. Interesting.To be honest, I don't even know why he cares (the fact that he is logging things shows that he is trying to show the woman there is a problem in his opinion, so he cares) - he should have dumped the rock and found himself a woman that would rather have sex than watch her f'in TV.
He should just have used his energy to find another partner. No need to do any explaining, no need to bother trying to convince the woman you should be having sex and why, nobody calling him an *kitten* because the spreadsheet got out on the internet... Just have sex because you found a partner willing to do it, most of the time.
Clearly we are speculating because we don't have more information than that the spreadsheet existed and she posted it online. However, there could be many reasons - both physical and mental in nature - that caused her disinterest in sex. Anyone who wouldn't want to know why in a marital situation clearly just wants an easy way out...
Now, people might argue as much as they like that sex isn't a given, but neither is "being in a relationship with someone".
So essentially you either find someone who is compatible with you (and wants the same amount of sex that you want, or cuddle, or whatever makes you happy) BUT you don't owe people a relationship (as much as they don't owe you sex).
Clearly the woman should have initiated the conversation.
She should have stated her reasons to the guy for why she stopped/will stop having sex (since apparently there is an issue) instead of just stopping having sex.
Surely if people expect the guy to talk about his problem with not having enough sex, they should expect the woman even more to have initiated a conversation long ago that about what makes her unhappy (before she stopped having sex).
She clearly is the one who had issues with something in the first place, and the one now causing the whole situation, and so she should have been the one initiating when the problems started.
Too often there is this expectation that the man should magically understand what is going through the mind of his female partner, that's if the man even notice there is a problem in the first place.
Instead, women resort to punishing the man for something he probably doesn't even know he did.0 -
Excuse me while I vomit everywhere at the rampant assumptions based on literally no information other than a passive aggressive immature misogynist gesture this idiot dude made. Dumb to make the damn spreadsheet, dumb to make it public.0
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Wouldn't "witholding sex on purpose in a LTR" count as a "passive aggressive" gesture?Excuse me while I vomit everywhere at the rampant assumptions based on literally no information other than a passive aggressive immature misogynist gesture this idiot dude made. Dumb to make the damn spreadsheet, dumb to make it public.
Seems to be the case to me.
Or maybe their shower wasn't working If she feels gross and sweaty all the time.0
