August 1, 2014 - New Month!

blondageh

Its 2:12 am and I just got back from school supply shopping and grocery run. I left my house at 8:30. I could go on and on about the epic issues that delayed me including bats swooping down by my head inside the store and getting stuck behind extreme couponers...but lets start the say off right..

Ah August...we never seem to get along. This seems to be the month I slowly start creepijg back to old habits so I am really couting on this group and its amazing support to keep me going.

What are you going to do different THIS time so you dont slowly fall back into bad habits? Do you have a plan? Check and balances?

julieworley376

Good morning! Yes I have a plan. On August 11 I am attending a seminar on weight loss surgery and on August 18 I am seeing a Doctor to start the approval process for lap band surgery. I spoke to my insurance yesterday and they said all they need to do is provide evidence of post operative counseling and I am good to go. I could get the surgery only 8 weeks after that and I hope that is true because I don't want to go through another set of holidays how I am right now.

I know that some might think this is an easy way out but trust me it is not. There are lots of restrictions and a difficult diet to follow but I have hope where there was none and I feel like I am taking back control of my body. I look forward to a healthier and more active life which right now is impossible for me.

I for one would LOVE to hear more about the bats and extreme couponers.

Julie in Rockford, IL

blondageh

Not the easy way out at all! I would band this belly in a heartbeat if cost wasnt an issue. 45 mins of sleep. I will go into detail about last night if/when I get some time at work today.

andysdream

Julie, No way is surgery an easy way out. I have considered it, but to tell you the truth, I'm afraid that even with surgery I would not be able to maintain the weight loss that happens long term. But I have a friend who is doing great post op. So I think it depends on the individual.

Andrea

KnitOrMiss

Sorry for your grocery/school shopping mishaps, Heather! Hope Friday treats you well. I've had many days of little to no sleep, so you have my full sympathy...sending energy your way via the mental interwebs.... LOL

I don't have one month in particular where I falter. I kind of stutter step all the time, and some time after my initial burst, I get frustrated, overwhelmed, stalled, and feeling hopeless, etc. Whenever that hits, I'm kinda toast for a while. I posted a response to the "stalled" that I want to share part of here...


*****I had a friend who underwent bypass or some other weight loss surgery, and her consulting doctor said something that resonated so strongly with me...it's been a while, so I know I'm going to butcher it a bit, but this is the gist...

"When someone has been overweight their whole life, has never been a healthy weight, you really have no context or frame of reference to use as the fuel of your motivation for weight loss. Any healthy weight goal you set is such a foreign concept or seeming fantasy that is practically impossible for you to achieve a goal that you don't truly understand. If you know exactly what you are fighting for, what you lost along the way, your goal is tangible. Achievable. Real. But if you don't know and understand exactly what you are aiming for, how can you aim that direction? How can you achieve that goal? How do you know when you get there? And when your motivation and determination fails you in even the smallest of ways, how can you get that drive back without a true appreciation for your goal? You might as well aim for becoming a fairy or changing your sex. You don't know how either of those things would truly be either. So, from the beginning, your body was set up to fail. We are changing that by training your brain, but until you begin to achieve successes in weight loss, it is extremely difficult for your brain to give your mind enough fuel to get you to where you need to go. But to achieve any success, you need to have the determination already. So, for someone like you, who has always been somewhat overweight, you are in an endless cycle unless you take an outside step, some level of intervention, to help bolster you through this process... Will you let me help you?"

I remember reading that info when she sent it to me. I literally almost started crying. It suddenly made sense to me why I couldn't stick with determination on a goal that didn't fit...how can I aim for something when I don't know what that something is? I think that was around the time I started making some big changes and dropped a ton of weight.... I don't know about you, but I needed that reminder... I think that is going to help push me again...*****


I think the thing that is going to help me through this rough patch is kick butt friends like y'all; small, reasonable goals (no matter how discouraging slow progress is!!); reminders/motivational stuffs; the hopefullness and motivation that comes with new meds that seem to be helping some; attempting to keep guilt banished; and just being thankful for the strength of friends!


And Julie, no one who has ever struggled, truly fought with weight loss/health gain would ever consider surgery the "easy way out." There are permanent restrictions, risk of relapse, surgery complication potential, recovery rates, potential failure options that would mess your head up more than failing on your own, plain and simple cost concerns, and oh so many other things we've all thought about. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Honestly, the restrictions and risk of permanent complications are the main things that have stopped me. After fighting all my life, the fact that I'm made some moderate progress and maintained it to a certain level the last few years for the first time in my life tells me that I might be able to do some of this. The fact that it remains a constant state of war tells me I'm always one step away from relapse. But right now, I choose to fight for me. This will never be an easy fight, but we must use all the tools available to us (including surgery, when needed!), gain skills along the way to help us fight, and then we have a chance at success. Don't let idiots get out down over what you have to do to help yourself...

Hugs to all,
Carly in Oklahoma, lost in deep motivational thoughts and consideration, wishing nothing but positivity to all her friends here!!!

melissasue0317

Happy Friday guys! Surgery is a big deal, not easy at all. I went for a consult before really diving into the journey "on my own." Which we all know, this process is not on your own and you need a team of friends around you. I chose not to do the surgery just yet as we are not sure we are doing having children, I did not want to risk the high relapse rate after pregnancy.

Side note. Its always a great start to the day when you feel like someone of the opposite sex is FLIRTING with you HAHA. Thank you for the wink, Mr.Good Looking. I posted a few pics of my journey. Something I really think we all should do. Even if its just for your eyes. It is a big eye opener for me and makes me excited to continue to work my big *kitten* off

wennim

Ok so I have been lurking on this board for about a week and I am finally ready to join in a little if you don't mind...the glittery turd thread told me this group would be a good fit for me. I will post an intro in the other thread when I have some time.

I will do this this time. I will lose the weight and I will keep it off. I have tried so many times before but given up or backslid when I had lost about 20-30 lbs. I am at a critical point right now where this is the lowest weight I can remember being since I had my first baby and the lowest I have ever gotten by losing before ballooning back up again.

I think the biggest difference this time is that my husband is doing it with me. He is losing more and faster but we keep encouraging the other when we just want to give up. That being said... its a little difficult to celebrate him losing when I am stuck so I am turning to the internet for an outlet. I think once I get past the magic number that seems to cause my issues I will be fine for a little but getting past that scares me.

My plan to get past it is keep doing what I am. It is going to be hard with the kids school starting up here in a couple weeks and a new routine but I am going to try my hardest to keep on plan. My other part of the plan is to change my ticker. That huge number on there makes it seem so far away. I am going to set a mini goal and I will change it when I get there. Maybe biting off smaller chunks will help.

catladyksa

Carly.....that was well put, very well put!!! Heavy thoughts, and you said it very well. I so agree with what was stated! Wheew...that was very heavy duty reading!!

Anyone going for bariatric surgery...whether it is a gastric sleeve, gastric bypass or banding truly needs to get all the info they can before the procedure and really understand what it entails and what they must do after the procedure... for the rest of their lives. I am not anti bariatric surgery, just want to be sure everyone is informed as to the road that lies ahead of them to make a successful outcome.

Have a great day all!

nancy

NorahCait

Hello all!

It's humid and icky and about to rain here, but I'm feeling good! I have lots of fun plans for this weekend -- baseball game tonight with two great friends/former roomies, brunch tomorrow with ANOTHER former roomie and lovely friend, and then a trip to the aquatic gardens to see the lotus blossoms Sunday morning with a great couple and their adorable toddler. Oh! And I got a complimentary pass for August at my gym and my friend wants it and we're planning to go for a run together tomorrow afternoon!

This is really the first time I've tried to lose weight and been successful without venturing into disordered eating territory, so I don't really have a pattern to look out for yet. Things have been harder this past month or so -- I haven't been as good about hitting my macros, and I'm eating back more of my exercise calories. The weight loss has slowed down, but I expected that. My worry is classes starting up again. College is a major source of stress for me. Various health and money issues have kept me from graduating for 10 years. This *should* be my last semester, and I only have two courses, but ahhh. It's also going to suck up a lot of time that I'm currently spending working out. That'll be my first real test, I suppose.

Carly, I love what you posted. Having a supportive network has been crucial for me. You all are wonderful, and I know I couldn't have gotten this far without you.

KarenZen

Norah, see if you can get your textbooks as audio files that you can listen to while walking. The office of students with disabilities typically has these. A lot of publishing houses make them available too if you purchase the textbook. That might help.
You could also digitally record your prof's lectures and re-listen to them while walk.
K.

KarenZen

Welcome, wennim... glad you decided to join the conversation! I'm so happy the glitter turd drew you in, LOL! Maybe the glitter turd should be the official mascot of our group. I'll get started right away on crafting some jewelry. Pat, can you create a logo for us?

Julie and I have already messaged about bariatric surgery, and one thing she pointed out was that she and I can help open the conversation in here about when or whether it's a good option. I'm only about a month, HOPEFULLY, away from my surgery date for sleeve gastrectomy. It's like gastric bypass, except nothing is actually bypassed. Basically, 75% of my stomach will be removed, including the part that produces most of the appetite stimulating hormones. For the first year, I should feel no hunger. My stomach will only hold about an ounce right after surgery. After a year, it will stretch out to hold about a cup.

I've thought about weight loss surgery for years and continued to try to do it on my own. This year, my primary care, my rheumatologist, AND my eating disorder shrink all recommended that I look into it, and I knew they were right. Many of you have heard my littany: I'm 50, almost 500 pounds, menopausal, hypothyroid, crippled by Still's disease, stuck on prednisone, have yoyo dieted for over 40 years, and have a stretched out stomach, a confused metabolism, and an appetite on overdrive. I am fighting too much biology and neurology at this point to fix myself. I've been working on the psychological issues for three years, exercise religiously, learned to control my binge eating behaviors.... Now I need the final push, and the sleeve is going to be the last tool in my toolbox. Without it, I'm pretty sure I will be in a wheel chair by next year, and after that will be a quick, downward spiral.

If money is the only thing holding you back, I would look into it again. The first time I went to a meeting, I was told to expect to pay out about $4000. This time, my charges have been almost nothing. A few co-pays. And I don't think I'll be paying anything for the surgery. So something has changed--maybe the insurance companies finally realized that paying for bariatric surgery is cheaper than paying for all the services and medications of obesity-related illnesses.

I agree with Nancy that this isn't a decision to be made lightly. The risk of complications is very real. The risk of relapse is high. The post-operative restrictions are for a lifetime. For me, FINALLY, I've reached a point where the food I can't eat, the coffee and soda, I won't be able to drink, the binge I will never have again... none of it is as important as getting my life and health back. I've worked my *kitten* off for years losing weight only to regain with more each time, and I'm done with this cycle of defeat. I wish I could do it successfully on my own, and I'm humbled by my admission of defeat.

Anyway, Julie, thanks for opening up. I know you are really, really struggling and this is a huge decision. I'm right there with you! Stay hopeful!
Karen

julieworley376

I actually feel better than I did before I made the decision. I would be lying if I said that no carbonated drinks, no caffeine and possibly no steak or pork chops or ice cream for the rest of my life isn't a concern.. it is. But just like Karen I am looking at my health and fitness versus being able to eat however I want.. it is that which got me here! In any eating program you need to change the way you eat, I am part way there but seem unable to go that extra step, banding will give me a tool to take back control.

blondageh

I think i have said this before but my insurance through work requires you to be employed with the state for 5 yrs, then you have to do the year long pre op hoops. Then, if approved, you pay $10k out of pocket and they will pay for 80% after or something like that. Its ridiculous. I told you about the 25 yr old who weighs about 650. His out of pocket thru our insurance would be more then if he did the lapband which he was trying to lose weight and save for. He has since stopped even trying. ???? Meanwhile, Im sure his med bills are going to be racking up a ton here soon. He already almost died from blood clots. Its just so sad. Oh and i work for the government who is supposed to be all about good benefits.

I am totally with you Karen, after 23 yrs now of extreme yoyo dieting, I almost feel like I am out of options. Yes, i have lost a lot but yall know I have lost this same 125 so many times now, its not even a big deal anymore. I would like to make healthy lifestyle changes, but I honestly feel until they can pinpoint the chemical imbalance that causes me to night binge, I will forever be stuck dieting trying to get weight off. So far there has been no permanent fixes. I know WLS isnt permanent either, but I think it would be my best chance to start fresh and form a new relationship with food. Ok. Got that out. I keep telling everyone I dont want WLS but honestly, if it was do able, i would.

KarenZen

Heather, with your history and BMI, and certainly your 650 pound co-worker's BMI, I would start the process if the surgery is what you want. Here's the secret no one tells you. You don't have to pre-pay. You will be billed after the surgery, and since you obviously can't pay the full amount, they will put you on a payment plan. As long as you pay something each month, even if it's $1, the hospital cannot send your bill to collections. Periodically, they will reduce your bill by applying donations to the balance. My mother worked in medical billing for years.

blondageh

I tell ya what...this is my last shot. I hate to sound like I am doomed to fail because this girl is NOT giving up, but if sonething horrible happens and i gain 80lbs back in 6 months, thats IT. Unfortunately my coworker has 2 more yrs until he can even qualify because he has only been with the state 3 yrs. I just passed 5.

KarenZen

I think you can do it too, honey. Now that your daughter is getting older, you'll have an exercise partner. Maybe you can get hubby on board too. Have you seen an eating disorder specialist about the night eating? With food logs to review, now might be a great time to do that. I think we need to use all our best tools to win this battle.

carostad

Night binging is my weakness too. I wish there was some way of preventing that. I've mastered a few things, but that one is beyond me. My latest thing, when this urge hits me, is to get a spoonful of PB2 chocolate and just shove it in my mouth. It is DRY DRY DRY and takes forever to get it all down. It's pretty yummy and one tablespoon is about 25 calories, so hopefully by the time I've gotten that down, my head will kick in and I can walk away. The secret to this working though, is to put the entire tablespoon in my mouth all at one time. No savoring, just full on dryness. It does taste good, but it's very hard to eat that way, lol.

I too have considered lap band surgery. But I have so many doubts about it. The expense, the recovery time, the risks, and I've seen so many people gain weight back afterwards to wonder if it's an effective lifelong solution? I think short term, it's clearly effective, but what happens 5 years down the road? I like food too much to think about not being able to eat much the rest of my life. I guess avoiding researching further is my way of dealing with the risk of failing. It terrifies me to think of going to all that trouble only to fail afterwards.

I've never successfully lost much weight. I had slimmed down when I met my husband, but gained about 50 pounds while we dated, and then another 50 before I got pregnant, and of course, the requisite 50 after having babies. I'm down to my prepregnancy weight now, which feels good, but I want to get down to my prewedding weight next. And, then, my single weight. Sheesh! What a lot of weight my milestones have brought me! Is there a 50 pounds when your kids move out? Hope not, I have two...

I do feel very different in the way I'm approaching food in the past year or two. I don't diet anymore. I won't eat anything "diet" but I'm happy to adjust my foods somewhat to make room for other things. For example, tonight we had tacos. I used savoy cabbage as my wrap instead of tortillas, which saved 260 calories. Yay! And, honestly? I liked the cabbage better. Never been much of a fan of tortillas, lol. And, then I had some blueberry bread pudding for dessert at 246 calories. Did I feel like I was dieting? No way. I did modify the bread pudding recipe a tiny bit by using whole milk instead of cream and only 3/4 cup of sugar, instead of twice that. It was plenty sweet and rich. Not diet tasting AT ALL.

Norah, I've seen you write about your macros before. What do you mean by that?

mikesgirl4evr

Hello my friends, I feel as if I have to put my $0.02 in here about weight loss surgery. It is not a decision to be taken lightly (not that I think any of you that are considering have done this). It is a surgery after all with all the complications associated with surgery compounded by the fact that we are morbidly obese. Then depending on the type of surgery you opt to have, there are lifetime changes that have to be made. Yes, regain is always a possibility. I myself, managed to gain back about 125 pounds 2 years out of surgery and am working diligently now to re-lose said weight. One of the most important tips I can give you is to try to get yourself into therapy as soon as you can post-op. Most of the times there are emotional/mental issues behind our weight and the surgery only operates on your stomach not your head. You need help to work through those issues to help with your success. Also, it is VERY important to realize that the surgery is only a tool to help with your weight loss NOT a cure. As I got further out not only did I let the emotional baggage of my sexual abuse/low self-esteem and self-worth as well as other emotional issues get in the way of my weight loss (and actually cause gain) but I quit working my tool. I started ignoring the messages of being full, started grazing (eating small amounts over a period of time therefore never feeling full), and most importantly testing how my body responded to high sugar and fat. Part of having gastric bypass is that if you eat a food that is high in sugar or fat, you will get what they call dumping syndrome. This is characterized by nausea, the sweats, light headedness, and basically wishing that God would just let you die. By testing it, I found that either I never had dumping or that like most others my dumping syndrome decreased in its effectiveness. I'm pretty sure it's the later because I now describe eating something that I shouldn't as playing Russian Roulette because I never know if it will cause dumping or not. One time it will and another time it won't (even the same food). So unfortunately I am able to eat the candy, ice cream, etc. that I always thought I would never be able to eat again. I just have to weigh whether or not it's worth eating and chancing getting dumping or whether I just need to say no. I am still capable of binging and it doesn't even have to be a "bad" food. I can binge on baby carrots until my pouch can handle no more and I'm in the bathroom vomiting. Grant it, my binges are must smaller but I'm still capable of it. So PLEASE if you take nothing else away from my little novel here, do not forget that WLS is only a tool to help you lose the weight. I have to use the tool in order to be successful. With all that said, I had my gastric bypass over 8 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made in my life and would do it again in the blink of an eye. If anyone has specific questions or just needs to talk about it, feel free to message me any time.

KarenZen

Thank you for that, Dee.
I would add that anyone considering bariatric surgery should start therapy well BEFORE the surgery, and it can't hurt to work with an eating disorder specialist. Those who regain after surgery are typically the ones who haven't dealt with the issues that drive their eating compulsions. I'm in year three of eating disorder therapy, not cured but presumably healthy enough to use the surgery as a tool, I hope!
K.