Why...
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OperationSuperKAT
Posts: 886 Member
...do married men think it's ok to hit on single girls? Does anyone else struggle with this? I have to be honest and say that sometimes it is tempting, especially since I seem to go through phases where they are the only ones who seem to be interested. Is there something I can do to avoid it? I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship with someone who can actually commit to me without excessive amounts of drama. Help?
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the only response I have for you is that there is something missing in their marriage so they go looking elsewhere.
there is nothing you can do to avoid it, just don't entertain them when they approach. it's really not worth it if you do because you'll end up getting emotionally attached and he'll never leave his wife.
I won't even go out w/guys who are separated!
sorry sweetie! :flowerforyou:0 -
you could always get married yourself. Then the married men would be hitting on a married girl.0
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I've made an oath to myself that I "facebook friend, hang out with, ask for help with the lawnmower, have a casual conversation consisting of more than 20 words, and less than 5 words in a text" NO - KNOWINGLY TAKEN - (married or bf/gf) MAN. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.
Wait - Ok - there is one man that is married to a bff of mine that I ask her if he can help me with mower, car etc etc...but I do not ask him directly.
Too much drama for me. Too many things that could fester and I would not have control of. Especially if it's someone I don't know. If that makes me a tool, then a FN HAMMER I SHALL BE.
I also know that it's like to be that wife/girlfriend of the man that is "talking, helping, f*cking etc etc etc...." to the gal that is single.
Never ever ever ever ever will I make a woman (regardless of whether I know her or not) feel the way I felt when that happened.
With that said I know there are some great guys out there that would never cheat on thier wife/gf...and they are just that kind of guy that helps and likes to talk even if it's flirty. Kudos to them. I've not met them yet (with the exception of the bff's hubby)
Why do they do it? - Ego boost. Checking the waters, while still keeping the comfy backup plan in place. They are bored, They like your hair, their wife/gf is pissed at them so they are gonna just "chat" with a good lookin girl wink wink, maybe the wife/gf will realize how good of a catch (and retard) he is. LOL
Basically I don't fall for it... for me. To have a clear head that I've never made any woman (whether they deserve it or not) feel like i did.
Back away slowly....I know it sucks...it's better to be alone than to be with a player. If he did it to her....he'll have not problems in doing it to you.0 -
WOW FD you have some trust issues.
For me I don't see every interaction with a memeber of the opposite sex as them wanting to get into my pants. Unless a guy propositions me straight out I am taking it as them just being nice. I am not a flirt and as far as I am aware guys don't flirt with me.
I have good guy friends that are married that I work with that I go out to lunch and talk with and there is nothing sexual about it or anything.0 -
Apparently, yes, they do think it's okay.:mad:
sweetcurlz is right. There is nothing you can do to avoid it. I have the same problems. I think "maybe I exude low self-esteem"? Or maybe because I'm overweight they just assume I have low self-esteem and I'll be down for it?? Either that or it's because it's usually men I know personally who know I'm single and have been for a long time....so many questions...it normally starts with a seemingly "harmless" invitation: "We should 'get a drink' or 'hang out' sometime". :explode: AMIRITE?!
But yeah...it's very frustrating. And a few of them have been really good looking...but they will NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER....
NEVER!!! EVER!!!!
...leave their wives. So don't even entertain it.
Actually, I take that back. Maybe they will leave their wives...but most likely only if they get caught. Then it all comes out to their wives/children "I'm not happy. I want a divorce. I haven't been happy for so long". My dad left my mom for the woman he had an affair with and they've been "happily" (as far as I know) married for about 10 years. I think he regrets it sometimes and regrets hurting us/his children, but as far as being "the other woman" I would never want to be that woman who his children hate because *I* made their dad leave their mom or whatever....I think that's a much bigger cross to bear than simply declining the offer.
Either way, I'm willing to be an ear if you need to vent!I won't even go out w/guys who are separated!
Oh H3LL no!!!!0 -
Yes. Yes I do LOL. I used to not be so hard about it but I was also accused of stuff I didn't do. And I think that was the turning point for me to realize how insecure and horridly jealous some girls were. So technically one bad apple ruined it for the whole tree.WOW FD you have some trust issues.
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Yeah, this happens to me on online dating sites quite a bit too. I either don't respond or I stop once I know their deal. It's also caused me to start asking Every.Guy.I.Talk.To. if they are 100% single. I've found asking that to be really helpful to weed out the separated and otherwise attached guys too!
The thing to remember is that it's their issue that they are unhappy! It has nothing to do with you even though when it happens multiple times it feels like you're attracting it... Don't get involved though, waaaaay too much drama, and not good for your self-esteem (or karma!) in the long run.0 -
I once spoke to a guy online for months. On webcam every night! For months. He lived 5 hours away so meeting was difficult. Eventually we met. And attraction was instant. We went to dinner and didnt stop chatting. We came home and started kissing. After a few minutes he broke off and told me he was married.........:noway:
I obviously kicked him out at that with utter disbeleif..........I mean, where the hell was the wife every night that we were chatting???..............In bed apparently.............
At some point in the future he contacted me to apologise again. I asked him 'why?' He said he couldnt live without knowing what it was like to kiss another woman........
Stay clear Kate, especially of men going through their mid life crisis!!! I think it's just a point in their life when they need to experience something fresh and new. They usually still love their wife. They just seem to be stuck in a rut and craving excitement.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I am not sure why this happens.......I don't have this problem, but my cousin does........she ALWAYS falls for guys that are taken.....not necessarily married-but have girlfriends at the least. For her, I think it is because her parents divorced when she was young, and lived in different states......so she is still searching for a 'daddy figure" to take care of her, but I don't think that is always the issue..........0
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you could always get married yourself. Then the married men would be hitting on a married girl.
:laugh: Ok, let me get on that :laugh:
Thanks for the input ladies -- it has been happening a lot lately, to the point where I really don't have a lot of actual single men hitting on me. I was starting to feel isolated, wondering if the fact that I am young, single and an artist makes me a target. As much as it sucks for all of us, I'm glad I am not alone!
Thanks also for the reminder that it isn't worth it. I know in my head it isn't, but sometimes I get lonely! It is good to remind myself that I need to hold out for someone who can actually commit to me -- someone with whom I can walk down the street holding hands, knowing that he is cares solely about me and isn't just looking for an exciting fling.0 -
As a man, I have only this to ask. Why would any woman want to be with a man who is willing to cheat? If they're willing to cheat on their wife, what makes a woman think the same won't happen to her?0
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As a man, I have only this to ask. Why would any woman want to be with a man who is willing to cheat? If they're willing to cheat on their wife, what makes a woman think the same won't happen to her?
Well, I think that is the point of this whole thread. The question is why a married man thinks it is ok to flirt with single women.0 -
This happens to me a lot. Online, the guys are obviously propositioning. But in person, the married guys that I know don't necessarily try to hook up with me, BUT they're the ones who tell me how beautiful I am and what a great catch I am...I'm like umm why don't the single guys think that?? Cause you being married telling me this doesn't help at all.0
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BUT they're the ones who tell me how beautiful I am and what a great catch I am...I'm like umm why don't the single guys think that??
Exactlyyyyyyy!0 -
Yep if I'm out and a guy is hitting on me and he says alllll the right things and compliments are pouring out of him....he's married. That's seriously the best way to spot them, because those guys are liars without conscience.
Now that is really different from a technically-married guy who is actually separated and out looking - I try to avoid that as well for the sake of no drama, but that doesn't make the guy scummy.
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Yep if I'm out and a guy is hitting on me and he says alllll the right things and compliments are pouring out of him....he's married. That's seriously the best way to spot them, because those guys are liars without conscience.
Now that is really different from a technically-married guy who is actually separated and out looking - I try to avoid that as well for the sake of no drama, but that doesn't make the guy scummy.
I avoid the separated guys as well, mostly because I think they're liars
But I'm also with you on avoiding the drama...not to mention, if a guy is truly going through a divorce, they're unlikely to want another serious relationship and I do NOT want to be the rebound ever again! 0
