August 21, 2014

julieworley376

Hey anyone can start the daily thread and please feel welcome to start any new topics of discussion you want at anytime.

This morning I feel terrible, cold is heavy, could not use my CPAP machine last night I could not breathe, felt like I was suffocating so I slept without, a very fractured horrid sleep, I was hot all night too. Now at my work desk with the fan full on me, yes I know I am nuts. But at least I have lotion tissue and day quil liquid.

The esophagram yesterday was fun.. not.. had to swallow granules when I had nothing to drink, then chase it with a tiny bit of water that turned it into sour paste.. YUCK.. that produced gas but I wasn't allowed to burp.. then I got to drink barium, watching myself swallowing on the inside was kind of cool though. At the end of all of it and everything was great.. I get a horrid bottle of purified water.. ah well.

Sometimes I ask myself what the hell I am doing.. but then I think.. nothing has worked in 50 years and my health and quality of life are at risk.. so I go on.

What things make you think.. what the hell?

persistentsoul

Sorry to hear you are feeling so unwell. Hope your cold goes soon.
What makes me go what the hell !
When I have been super good and diligent for weeks and scales do not budge. I get very frustrated , then I cry and want eat stuff but I don't. I don't care what they say on the forums, Sometimes the body just refuses to part with fat stores. Must not munch though. Even when my body is in defiance of the laws of physics by not showing a reduction on scales for weeks at a time. I console myself with the fact at least the numbers are not getting bigger. Sometimes I forget what an achievment just that is. After a 3 week stal my scales did go down 2lb this morning (probably dehydrated from having a couple of drinks yesterday but i will take it as a loss for now). It is hard to keep the faith though when progress feels so slow. Must hold on to big picture.

julieworley376

You are SO brave and your name is spot on! You are being very persistent. This was driving me crazy, I would go to WW and just stick and stick, then I tried tracking here and basically was getting nowhere.. I think I have just been at this too long now. 50 years of dieting has got to take it's toll right?

Why is it so quiet around here? We have TONS of members.. looks like I will have to start thinking up some stuff to add threads maybe we will get some joiners. I really want to help people here, whatever path they choose to ultimately getting to a healthy weight. Or, even if that is eluding them right now.

persistentsoul

I tried promoting this group in one of the forum threads someone started about having 100lb to lose. It puzzles me too why this is not busy. I only found this group and one other called 100+ when i was looking for groups for people with a lot to lose. There are so many people on site with loads of weight to lose. It should be busy here.

Yes 50 years is a lot of persistence. I can understand why you are choosing surgery. That is a very brave choice too. I don't understand why the fat is so stubborn. I tried upping my calories to see if i was in starvation mode,no effect. I have cut out all junk food. Now i am thinking i will mix it up a bit. I will just keep persisting until something works and when it stops working i will change game plan again. It feels like being at war with a cunning component trying to out fox the fat. People who do not eat eventually will starve and die, anorexics get skelital from not eating. After surgery you will not be able to eat much. All those methods work due to massive callorie restriction in one way or another. I am not going to stop eating but I think i will alternate some very low calorie days with just low calorie days and some more moderate calorie days. I figure anything is worth trying as long as protien and nutrient needs are met. I do think the longer the yoyo dieting goes on the more resistant the body gets to letting go. To be fair i lost loads in first week and half on my ketogenic food plan before it ground to a sudden halt, I think that was mostly water retention though and not fat. I was very swollen with fluid. It was creepy prodding my feet with all the water swelling. That is all gone now. Now it is just me and the fat in a show down to the death

ronercat

What makes me think what the hell...hmm. I would have to say that when I wake up the morning after a particularly strenuous work out I do tend to think "what the hell was I thinking last night?!" When I was 18 I could play basketball or any random sport for hours and the next day I felt just fine. Now, just 10 years later, I find that this is no longer the case. It is the same for most of my friends so at least I can blame it on age and not on my weight haha.

KnitOrMiss

Persistent Soul - another of our ladies here posted something about how you can't make too drastic a change, particular in calories all at once, or it stumps your metabolism, basically turning it off until the "operating" system catches up. Sounds like this might be the case for you, as you went ketogenic all at once, right? I'll see if I can go back and find that date...it was 2-3 weeks ago.

Julie, maybe we could start a sticky to record awesome posts and information that pops up in our daily threads??

What makes me think what the hell? The fact that I am 38, that my body has been screwed up majorly since age 24, minorly since puberty, and the fact that I am determined to find a me I've never known before. I keep thinking it will never happen, but I keep trying because you never really know... Obviously what I'm doing isn't detrimental, so might as well. It can't be worse than how I abused my body for decades, right? Nothing ever worked before, this probably won't either, but what the hell?

SIGH...I know my life has been crazy hectic...some days I haven't been able to get on...

Hugs, Carly

PatrickB_87

I think what the hell when I realize I've lost ~60lbs and my body doesn't feel like its changed. I know it has, my bum has displayed itself in public because my pants don't fit anymore... but I don't feel it. Not yet at least, not until this stomach and thighs are gone and my face is thinner. People tell me I look different, I wont go into my mixed feelings on that, but I still see the same face when I look in the mirror.

carostad

Yeah, me too Patrick. I just went down a shorts size and am still wearing shirts that used to be modest but now sometimes are quite revealing as they get too loose, but I don't think I look different, and I don't hear much from other people. I have the scale, and I have my growing clothes, but my perception has yet to change. What gives?

Also, I'm totally revelling in my increased activity. I have been so inactive for so long, it almost makes me giddy sometimes when I'm out there doing hard stuff. I sweat like nobody's business, but that sweat makes me proud (unlike the sweat that appears when I'm sitting still in an airconditioned room...) I walked 2 miles today in under 40 minutes. It felt like I was practically jogging, but I guess that's just an average pace? Anyway, it felt fabulous and I'm quickly losing touch with the me that was heading for a wheelchair just a year ago. That definitely makes me go What the hell? I could barely walk???? It doesn't seem like that was really me.

Oh, and me sweating in air conditioning? That's a what the hell moment too. Although, I'm 45..... I guess I know why. But, how did I get this old??? LOL. I still feel 20! (even more so lately!)

mikesgirl4evr

Hey everybody. Sorry I haven't been on much. Life has been extremely busy. Doctor appts, surgeries, out of town guests, you name it. Most days I just pass out on the bed when I finally stop moving. Julie, I'm so glad to hear that you are making progress towards your surgery. That barium test is horrible. They do one after surgery to make sure you have no leaks in the area where the pouch and intestines meet. It is cool to watch though.

What makes me go "what the hell?" Well like several others, staying on track day in and day out and yet the scale doesn't budge. I have been at a stand still for months and it is so agonizing. I've shaken things up a bit in my eating and it appears to be working. I haven't actually weighed in since the scale and I have broken off our relationship but I do get weighed when I give plasma. Though I haven't seen numbers, the lady who weighs me says the numbers are going down I will probably weigh in soon just to see the progress. The other thing that makes me go "what the hell" is the fact that I have lost 208 pounds but am still considered morbidly obese. I mean come on, give me a break! Rather depressing.

Well, Michael's hernia surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. Between that and the fact that my cable/internet will be shut off on Saturday morning until I get paid on Wednesday, I probably won't be online much. Have a great weekend all and I'll try to check in more often.

Dee

persistentsoul

Persistent Soul - another of our ladies here posted something about how you can't make too drastic a change, particular in calories all at once, or it stumps your metabolism, basically turning it off until the "operating" system catches up. Sounds like this might be the case for you, as you went ketogenic all at once, right? I'll see if I can go back and find that date...it was 2-3 weeks ago.

Julie, maybe we could start a sticky to record awesome posts and information that pops up in our daily threads??

What makes me think what the hell? The fact that I am 38, that my body has been screwed up majorly since age 24, minorly since puberty, and the fact that I am determined to find a me I've never known before. I keep thinking it will never happen, but I keep trying because you never really know... Obviously what I'm doing isn't detrimental, so might as well. It can't be worse than how I abused my body for decades, right? Nothing ever worked before, this probably won't either, but what the hell?

SIGH...I know my life has been crazy hectic...some days I haven't been able to get on...

Hugs, Carly

Yes I am sure it was a shock to my system having processed carbs cut out. My main reason for going Ketogenic was to tackle treatment resistant rapid cycling bipolar. I just can't face the thought of living with the extreme mood and energy swings the rest of my life. Some experts believe Ketogenic diet is good for any neaurological disorders although it is most well known for treating drug resistant epilepsy. I started the Ketogenic diet during a down swing with my mood and energy, the downs can last months and are really bad. I am pleased to report My mood lifted much faster than usual. I can still tell i am in a down because my energy has not come back and i have noghtmares when i sleep. i tend to be in bed most of day during downs just because exhaustion is so bad. I can cope with that much more easily if it is just the physical side and not the despairing black mood as well. I have been a bit tearful last few days but thatb could be PMT and is not the same as the sobbing out of control place i often go to. I have not cried today. That is really good because usually once i cry it lasts weeks where every little thing sets me off again. I feel like maybe the ketogenic thing is helping a bit even though it is early on. Any improvement is good.
I can take a couple of months for body to entirely adapt to Ketogenic way so you are probably right, it is still working out what to do. I think things are starting to shift though. I really love not being hungry all the time. Usually the constant hunger and cravings only go away when i am manic. When i am in low mood exhausted phases i normally want food constantly. I like not having to deal with that.

PatrickB_87

Yeah, me too Patrick. I just went down a shorts size and am still wearing shirts that used to be modest but now sometimes are quite revealing as they get too loose, but I don't think I look different, and I don't hear much from other people. I have the scale, and I have my growing clothes, but my perception has yet to change. What gives?

Also, I'm totally revelling in my increased activity. I have been so inactive for so long, it almost makes me giddy sometimes when I'm out there doing hard stuff. I sweat like nobody's business, but that sweat makes me proud (unlike the sweat that appears when I'm sitting still in an airconditioned room...) I walked 2 miles today in under 40 minutes. It felt like I was practically jogging, but I guess that's just an average pace? Anyway, it felt fabulous and I'm quickly losing touch with the me that was heading for a wheelchair just a year ago. That definitely makes me go What the hell? I could barely walk???? It doesn't seem like that was really me.

Oh, and me sweating in air conditioning? That's a what the hell moment too. Although, I'm 45..... I guess I know why. But, how did I get this old??? LOL. I still feel 20! (even more so lately!)

I hear you Caroline. I hope i wasn't sounding overly depressing. I know the changes are happening and I am happy for that I just need to spend more time seeing and excepting the changes. When your as big as we were it takes a lot more to get back out from behind those layers.

Are you taking pictures? I'm totally being hypocritical about this since I don't, but it would probably help a lot to be able to see your body or face change in a disconnected way.

I have the same feeling when I walk. I go this long distance at a pace I think is fast and then fitbit or MFP comes back and says leisurely pace. I didn't know computers could spit at you.

Finely got out for a bike ride after 3 days of being chained to a desk.

KnitOrMiss

Guys and gals,

I just re-read this post, and I have to say I feel so uplifted by all of you. We all struggle with daily issues, and we all feel really down on ourselves at certain points, but even in our lows, we work to bring others up!!! To me, this is so amazing. Too many people today simple can't be bother to give a crap, and here, we who have some of the strongest struggles are pulling each other up!!! I'm getting goosebumps right now...literally!!!

I just wanted to give a huge shout out and positive thoughts to every single one of us still trucking on this journey, however that looks for you. I feel so happy this morning, because in every single post, I felt a glimmer of light, of hope, of burgeoning happiness... I'm overwhelmed, and my cup runneth over!

Thank you to every single one of you (and you lurkers, too, because I know you are THERE!!!!) for brightening my day, my life, and my outlook!

Much love and hugs all around,
Carly in Oklahoma