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Follow_me
Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
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The whole internet dating thing isn't working out so well. I'm not one to hang in bars and I would feel guilty going to church trying to find a GF. So, please tell me....

Where do the 40 somethings go to have fun? I know ya'll just don't hang out at home all the time.
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  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    that's the million dollar question!!!!

    we have the same issues. internet dating plain ole sucks... (but I'm still out there) picking up someone in the bars is just - ewww... (but I still go occasionally) honestly, there's no one at my church who is even close to be a candidate. I thought maybe might find someone here on mfp, but nope, that seems to be a bust, (whenever I get 'close' to someone or letting them 'in' they end up being a huge let down). maybe the supermarket? sometimes the beach. no one at work is even an option. what about the gym? no one at my gym is an option. guess we'll just go along with life, do our thing and as ppl say, when we least expect it, bam! we'll find someone??? who knows...

    and no, I don't hang out at the house all the time. I work late, go out w/one of my gf's, go to the gym, run errands, blah blah blah

    good luck to ya!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Bars, concerts, festivals, football, cinema, parks, shops, work, traffic queues......lol

    I think its really hard to approach someone outside a more social setting. A guy pulled up in a car alongside me once, and asked me to go for a drink, and it freaked me out!! :noway:

    Have you tried Meet ups? Kayak clubs? Hiking trails? (I hear that's where hot American women hang out.....:bigsmile: I'm a Londoner, so not so into the kayaks, ......:wink:
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I'm only 23, but all I do is sit at home when I'm not working out, at school, or working. Maybe I'm in the minority with that, but no one in my town interests me (minus a guy who sadly rejected me haha) so I don't see a point of going out.
  • lessofme150
    lessofme150 Posts: 105 Member
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    There are some great suggestions posted above. I agree about it being hard and I know when someone approaches me in normal every day places, I get a little freaked out because people don't typically do that so don't be offended or give up trying.

    Find things that interest you and try those places. For example, if you like reading, go hang out at a book store. See what they have for the social clubs. It's less intimidating as it's a group setting.

    I just turned 40 and yes, I spend a lot of time at home. As I get older, work gets more stressful and it's nice just to veg.

    As everyone keeps telling me, the right one is out there and will show up.

    Good luck with finding your soul mate!
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
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    Thanks girls. I am a bit involved with meetup.com I've met some people there who do share the same interests. Unfortunately, many are men and I just don't go that way. lol

    I keep hearing this as well; "As everyone keeps telling me, the right one is out there and will show up." That is sooo easy to say!

    I'm not one to sit back and wait either. I've been a go getter my whole life. That's what makes this so frustrating. I wish everyone in this group the best of luck!
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
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    Meetup is great! I think as long as you're being social (concerts, festivals, friends parties, etc) you're bound to meet women. Of course not every woman is the one or even the one right now, but eventually one will.

    I loved online dating. Met many guys I never would had met and just got lots of dating experience after being out of the dating game for so long (was married for 10 yrs). So every date, whether good or bad was just another experience for me.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    Meetup is great! I think as long as you're being social (concerts, festivals, friends parties, etc) you're bound to meet women. Of course not every woman is the one or even the one right now, but eventually one will.

    I loved online dating. Met many guys I never would had met and just got lots of dating experience after being out of the dating game for so long (was married for 10 yrs). So every date, whether good or bad was just another experience for me.
    As long as you don't work weekends. :grumble: I've seen tons that I love to participate in, but none work for me. My weekend falls on Mon/Tues. Not much of a selection on those days.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    I don't wanna be the downer in here but I really see it as being realistic. "There isn't someone for everyone" - There are just too many people in the world, and alot of them feel "entitled" to certain things. Alot of people think that is a negative way to think. But really...is it?

    I'm one that no matter where I am seize the opportunity. That stupid commercial for "Our Time" or whatever it the site is...the guy says "No one comes up to you in the grocery store" - Um yes....I friggin do.

    If I like what I see, and there are no obvious (ring, lady with him, kid screaming about mommy - which could go many ways but eh) signs, then I've got a bucket full of openers. And it leads to "Do you want to get coffee sometime?"

    Sometimes I get a little bummed because then end up being married and just don't wear a ring, or already have a gf etc... or as I pursue the conversation it turns into something I don't wanna ask for coffee.

    Do you know how incredibly amazing it would be if I ran into a guy that treated that whole process the way I do. OMG. It will never happen. Either that or I've hit enough guys that know eachother and I'm just a freak, but hell. I don't care. I tried. That's all that matters.
    Grocery store, feed store, WalMart (be picky while you are there), New guy at the gym, pumping gas. Take the intention out of your conversation, ask for the time...just make sure you aren't wearing a watch.

    I firmly believe that it does not "just happen". so keep on being a go getter. :)
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    I definitely spend more time at home - a lot of that is because my girlfriends that I would go out with are settled down now and don't want to go out without their SO. I'd love to do meetups but I'm way too shy to go alone. I do have season football tickets though so I'm hoping I'll meet someone at a game this year. And hopefully not a Raiders fan!
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I don't wanna be the downer in here but I really see it as being realistic. "There isn't someone for everyone" - There are just too many people in the world, and alot of them feel "entitled" to certain things. Alot of people think that is a negative way to think. But really...is it?
    Wow, yes negative - and kinda sad :cry: - just my opinion. I'm starting to think there are a lot of somebodies out there who we could each be compatible with if we weren't such a disposable society. It's just a matter of finding them and letting things play out naturally...
    Have you tried Meet ups? Kayak clubs? Hiking trails? (I hear that's where hot American women hang out.....:bigsmile: I'm a Londoner, so not so into the kayaks, ......:wink:
    Anna, You crack me up! :laugh: But yeah, I one to often gravitate toward individual activities so it is harder to meet someone on a hiking trail as opposed to a concert. Or at home relaxing than being out... but don't we all need both kinds of activities in our lives?
    I loved online dating. Met many guys I never would had met and just got lots of dating experience after being out of the dating game for so long (was married for 10 yrs). So every date, whether good or bad was just another experience for me.
    Tube socks - I don't think I've ever met anyone who liked dating as much as you seem to and I say that mostly because I'm impressed with your positive attitude.:happy: Guess I've encountered enough duds (sorry guys!) in my time dating that sometimes it's tough to get excited about the process.
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
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    Well I was unhappily married to a cheater for all 20s so meeting lots of nice attractive men was such a fresh breath of air!!! Lol
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    I don't wanna be the downer in here but I really see it as being realistic. "There isn't someone for everyone" - There are just too many people in the world, and alot of them feel "entitled" to certain things. Alot of people think that is a negative way to think. But really...is it?
    Wow, yes negative - and kinda sad :cry: - just my opinion. I'm starting to think there are a lot of somebodies out there who we could each be compatible with if we weren't such a disposable society. It's just a matter of finding them and letting things play out naturally...
    But then how do we explain those that have never found "the one". Those elderly (or a bit younger than that) that are living by themselves...is there an age to when they just quit and accept that the neighbor is going to be their "emergency contact" ...I guess I've had one too many conversations with those that are older, that give me the short and sweet answer of "it just wasn't meant to be honey" or "I guess the good Lord didn't have one for me"
    There are a few bitter responses that I've gotten to but in the light that I'm not trying to be negative about it....I just don't know anymore really. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. But it doesn't keep one from trying. Unless (and I know there are some) you refer to those that choose to do that, those are different than the people I've talked to.

    I will totally admit that after going to the funeral of a 24yr old friend last night. It's bothering me more than it should. But with that aside... I still think it's realistic.
  • rlshopp6
    rlshopp6 Posts: 31 Member
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    Hi. So I'm been lurking in this group for a while but haven't posted yet. I'm 40 and single and have a hard time meeting guys. So definitely it's a valid question because I'm apparently not hanging out where the men trying to find me are naturally looking. I haven't had a lot of success with internet dating, although I've met several guys some great just not a fit for me, some not great and 2 horror stories (that's a whole other post) nothing has led to a quality relationship.

    I am involved with my church, and though I certainly am not there only to look for a guy, if I happened to meet one while there, and we shared that common interest, that would be a great start. There may be lots of people at church only there for the social aspect, so I wouldn't say don't go even if that is your only intent, because regardless of your reasons for being there, if you're hearing a good message and encouraged by that, then it's a great side benefit if you happened to meet interesting people too.

    It is super rare for a guy to talk to me when I'm in random places like a coffee shop, grocery store, book store or library, gym, etc. Most of the social things I do I'm with a large group and it's either several single woman or a mix of married couples and a few single woman, and I get that a single guy might not approach me if I'm with a big group... but why never when I'm by myself I'm not sure. I do make eye contact with strangers and smile, but I wouldn't say I'm flirty with strangers, so maybe I'm unintentionally giving off an unapproachable signal?

    But if a guy had courage and confidence to approach me at any of those places that would be a great first impression as long as he was friendly and respectful with how he started the conversation.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I don't wanna be the downer in here but I really see it as being realistic. "There isn't someone for everyone" - There are just too many people in the world, and alot of them feel "entitled" to certain things. Alot of people think that is a negative way to think. But really...is it?
    Wow, yes negative - and kinda sad :cry: - just my opinion. I'm starting to think there are a lot of somebodies out there who we could each be compatible with if we weren't such a disposable society. It's just a matter of finding them and letting things play out naturally...
    But then how do we explain those that have never found "the one". Those elderly (or a bit younger than that) that are living by themselves...is there an age to when they just quit and accept that the neighbor is going to be their "emergency contact" ...I guess I've had one too many conversations with those that are older, that give me the short and sweet answer of "it just wasn't meant to be honey" or "I guess the good Lord didn't have one for me"
    There are a few bitter responses that I've gotten to but in the light that I'm not trying to be negative about it....I just don't know anymore really. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. But it doesn't keep one from trying. Unless (and I know there are some) you refer to those that choose to do that, those are different than the people I've talked to.

    I will totally admit that after going to the funeral of a 24yr old friend last night. It's bothering me more than it should. But with that aside... I still think it's realistic.

    I'm sorry about your young friend passing. :flowerforyou:

    I'm not really sure how about everything else. Of course there are people that choose not to look or those that are half-hearted about it. There are also people who become negative and give up too soon. Then again, since your description was about knowing several elderly people this relates to specifically, it makes me wonder if perhaps there is/was a generational issue? Kind of assuming that it wasn't always acceptable for women to make the first move so to speak, so yeah, maybe some also missed the boat that way. The genders being more equal today though, anyone can go after what (or who) they want out of life (IF they want someone at all).


    Welcome rlshopp6! :drinker:
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    But then how do we explain those that have never found "the one". Those elderly (or a bit younger than that) that are living by themselves...is there an age to when they just quit and accept that the neighbor is going to be their "emergency contact" ...I guess I've had one too many conversations with those that are older, that give me the short and sweet answer of "it just wasn't meant to be honey" or "I guess the good Lord didn't have one for me"
    There are a few bitter responses that I've gotten to but in the light that I'm not trying to be negative about it....I just don't know anymore really. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. But it doesn't keep one from trying. Unless (and I know there are some) you refer to those that choose to do that, those are different than the people I've talked to.

    I will totally admit that after going to the funeral of a 24yr old friend last night. It's bothering me more than it should. But with that aside... I still think it's realistic.

    I have to say I agree with you. I lost my fiancee in 2007 and I'm starting to think he was really, truly it for me. I mean who gets more than 1 soulmate in a lifetime? If you believe in the soulmate thing...which I tend to because of him. But damn I'm only 30! Is that really it for me?? Honestly...and I'm NOT being close-minded or stand-offish about it. I've met guys that I've liked that didn't like me "that way" or vice versa. I'm definitely open to finding someone new, I just haven't. I've tried waiting. I've tried not looking. I've tried initiating, smiling, saying hi, online dating, offline dating, UGH. People tell me ALL THE TIME "It will happen when you least expect it!" Well, I'm still not expecting it...and it's been 7 years...
    Most of the social things I do I'm with a large group and it's either several single woman or a mix of married couples and a few single woman, and I get that a single guy might not approach me if I'm with a big group... but why never when I'm by myself I'm not sure. I do make eye contact with strangers and smile, but I wouldn't say I'm flirty with strangers, so maybe I'm unintentionally giving off an unapproachable signal?

    But if a guy had courage and confidence to approach me at any of those places that would be a great first impression as long as he was friendly and respectful with how he started the conversation.

    Also agree! That sounds a lot like me.

    ::shrug::
  • Everlearn
    Everlearn Posts: 30 Member
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    Of course you can have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. But the magic doesn't find you when you specifically go looking for it; you have to get out, meet people, and let the magic find you. Annnndddd...you don't tell yourself your one true soulmate is in your past. "One of" your true soul mates, okay, but acknowledge another one can be out there. Really, we aren't designed this way; we are relational beings. You don't find your best friend and say, "You know, this is my best friend, I don't really think there are any other friends out there for me." Of course not. Why do we tend to think the ultimate best friend--a romantic partner--has to be one-of-a-kind? It doesn't make the person you ultimately spend your life with any less special; it simply means you found a connection and a commitment.

    Yes, we are all damaged by our past tragedies, our failed relationships, our coulda shoulda wouldas. But the future is possibility, and as those commercials for financial products always tell us: past performance is no guarantee of future results.

    So, to the OP: If that means online dating, so be it. Meetups, great. Cooking classes, yes. Concerts and events and such, of course. Volunteering for a local nonprofit you care about (where you will meet someone with similar values), genius. Hanging out in the produce section at the grocery store and making comments to women about their melons...well, maybe not so much.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    Just get out and do what you enjoy. Wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, be social and get to know those around you, because you never know.
  • DrewMaxwell
    DrewMaxwell Posts: 269 Member
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    . . . I mean who gets more than 1 soulmate in a lifetime? If you believe in the soulmate thing...which I tend to ....... I've met guys that I've liked that didn't like me "that way" or vice versa. I'm definitely open to finding someone new, I just haven't. I've tried waiting. I've tried not looking. I've tried initiating, smiling, saying hi, online dating, offline dating, UGH. People tell me ALL THE TIME "It will happen when you least expect it!" Well, I'm still not expecting it...and it's been 7 years...

    It's scary just how much this sounds like me, but it's nice to know I'm not alone in that regard :smile: And so I wait :wink:
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
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    I do make eye contact with strangers and smile, but I wouldn't say I'm flirty with strangers, so maybe I'm unintentionally giving off an unapproachable signal?
    But if a guy had courage and confidence to approach me at any of those places that would be a great first impression as long as he was friendly and respectful with how he started the conversation.
    Also agree! That sounds a lot like me.
    ::shrug::
    I would say that - if anything - it is better to be flirty than not.
    If people want a nice polite friendly conversation they will just find one of their nice polite friends. Which you could come across as if you act as such, so it is not a bad idea to show there is potential for "more" than friendship.

    Arguably, the main difference between friends and dates is that you have sex and flirt with your dates.
  • Ump78
    Ump78 Posts: 342 Member
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    I'm not 'actively' searching (what does that even mean, anyway?). But I've always got my radar on and looking. Seems most of the women I am attracted to are married. Oh well. I was married for 21 years. And I WILL marry again. I miss having someone to hurry home to. Someone thatse looking forward to me being home. Random kisses for no reason and a stray hand on my chest at night......sigh. Fret not, all those that are searching. You will fimd your destiny. As will I.

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