How to be social with a sleeve?
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gastrognome89
Posts: 26 Member
I have just booked in for my sleeve on the 15th September and start Optifast on Monday.
It's happening so fast that I've had to devour as much info from the internet and forums as I can in a short time to know what to expect.
One thing I'm unsure of is how you explain (or avoid explaining) that you can't eat much or drink when eating out with people. I would normally clear three courses and half a bottle of wine without a care... How do I now explain that I'm satisfied with one small serve?
I'm 24 so my social life is important to me, although not as important as my health which is why I'm getting this done. I know it will be hard at first but that it will change my life for the better and I am tremendously excited. Just not sure how to share this with other people in a way that doesn't raise too many eyebrows or judgement.
Any tips for a rookie would be greatly appreciated.
From Gnomie.
It's happening so fast that I've had to devour as much info from the internet and forums as I can in a short time to know what to expect.
One thing I'm unsure of is how you explain (or avoid explaining) that you can't eat much or drink when eating out with people. I would normally clear three courses and half a bottle of wine without a care... How do I now explain that I'm satisfied with one small serve?
I'm 24 so my social life is important to me, although not as important as my health which is why I'm getting this done. I know it will be hard at first but that it will change my life for the better and I am tremendously excited. Just not sure how to share this with other people in a way that doesn't raise too many eyebrows or judgement.
Any tips for a rookie would be greatly appreciated.
From Gnomie.
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Replies
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"I had WLS recently and am working very hard to be fit and healthy. I can find something appropriate to eat almost any where, but you'll probably notice that my eating habits are very different. I'd be happy to explain more if you're interested."
Just be matter of fact. Don't lie. Don't be embarrassed or feel self conscious. Just put it out there and do your thing. You'd be surprised how much people really don't notice or care what you eat or drink or how you do it.0 -
If you don't want to tell the world about your WLS just say:
"It looks delicious, but I've been dieting and doing pretty well with it. Hate to mess it up. You know how difficult it is to lose weight."
Leave it at that unless you want the whole evening to devolve into a discussion of your WLS. You'll probably have to endure 15 minutes or more of people telling you how THEY lost their weight:
"I tried the beans and flatulence diet. It worked great!"
"I gave up gluten and the pounds fell off!"
"What I do is eat nothing but strawberries on week days, then I eat whatever I want on the weekend!"
to which you answer, no matter what they say:
"Really? That's amazing! I'll do a little googling on it after I get home. Thanks!"
You're not lying and you're not telling. This surgery is nobody's business but your own and at some point, you're just going to be the thin woman who doesn't eat so much. There's always people like that around. Your friends will adjust to that and never have to know you had WLS.0 -
"I had WLS recently and am working very hard to be fit and healthy. I can find something appropriate to eat almost any where, but you'll probably notice that my eating habits are very different. I'd be happy to explain more if you're interested."
Just be matter of fact. Don't lie. Don't be embarrassed or feel self conscious. Just put it out there and do your thing. You'd be surprised how much people really don't notice or care what you eat or drink or how you do it.
I pretty much approached it this way, and it's true, most people really don't notice or care. At first I was kind of a novelty among my friends and family, but not in a bad way. Some people were really curious and concerned and had a lot of questions, and I was open about it. Eventually that novelty and new-ness of it all wore off. Now they are just used to me eating differently. Tell people whatever you are comfortable telling them. This isn't about them anyway, it's about you!0 -
Leave it at that unless you want the whole evening to devolve into a discussion of your WLS. You'll probably have to endure 15 minutes or more of people telling you how THEY lost their weight:
I've never kept my WLS a secret -- I'm open with anyone who has asked if I've lost weight (thousands by now?) and give details to anyone who inquires about the details of my eating.
In my experience post-WLS, I have not had one single person question, belittle, judge or debate my choice. Also in my experience, I've never had anyone comment on what I'm eating, how I'm eating it or what I'm choosing to not eat. I would guess that more than 50% of all people will try some kind of diet or weight loss effort in a given year. I think everyone is over it.
I have received tons of support, encouragement and compliments from most everyone I've told. I've also influenced more than 10 people who were also struggling with obesity to attend the seminar and they have all gone on to have surgery and lose their weight.0 -
I have told everyone about my surgery. When I go out to eat I order 2 starters or just a main. If paying for a combined meal I jut order what I would like to try or just share it with everyone else. My nephew and oh love going out to eat with me!!0
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I'm two months out and I stick mainly to soup when eating out.
I'm not an open book about my surgery. I've only told a few people. I don't feel it's necessary to tell everyone because it's my
Business and I'm not really interested in other peoples opinions.0 -
I have found that NO ONE cares what and how much I eat-- even when I am with friends who were familiar with my prior patterns. I have not spoken up much about my surgery, nor do I say I am on a diet. I order what I feel like. In the event someone comments on how little I have eaten, I just say I was not all that hungry and will take the rest home. Nothing happens. I do not get struck by lightning, no one feels the need to give me dieting advice, or tell me every horror story they ever heard of WLS going wrong. It is a non-issue and really not nearly the big deal I thought it would be pre-surgery.0
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I am open and honest about my WLS, sometimes even a little obnoxious about it. I was questioned about why I wanted something very small at a restaurant and I said I just had weight loss surgery and she told me "I'm trying to lose weight too but I'm doing it the old fashioned way" in a pretty superior and snotty tone and so I replied "yeah but who has time for that?" Anyway, the defense snottiness aside, she is the only one that has ever given me grief about it. When I am social, I mooch off of everyone else :drinker: As bad as that sounds, no one minds lol. I do have to point out that most people I am social with are my very closest friends and family so they already know about my surgery and are actually happy to give me a bite off of their plate so I don't overwhelm myself with ordering a whole meal for just me. Sometimes, I'll even order what I want then arrange for someone to take over for me when I'm done. It works out spectacularly.As Thaeda said though, most people really don't care and you can always just tell em that you're not that hungry. Don't worry, you'll figure it out!0
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Thank you all for taking the time to give me your thoughtful responses.
Trinity you make a good point - most of the time I'm with close friends who know I'm having the surgery anyway. Then long term it will all become normal I guess. Right now it's hard to imagine the new lifestyle ever being normal, but I know it will with time.
Starting Opti tomorrow, my mum is going to do it with me for support
Thanks again ladies.
From Gnomie0 -
I was thinking about this today and found it amusing....
On a daily basis I interact with:
2 people who are post VSG
1 person with a failed lap-band who converted to bypass
1 person with a very successful bypass
1 person who uses an online fitness/health coach to guide her eating
1 person who eats/trains for bikini competitions with ridiculous low calorie/fat/carb diet cycles
1 person who is low carb for her wedding
1 person who eats paleo
1 person who is gluten free (but used to be a vegetarian and now eats meat?)
2 pregnant women who are avoiding caffeine and alcohol
1 person who is very picky/super taster and has a limited palate
This is just at work on a daily basis...
Really, no one will notice your food restrictions! :laugh:0 -
Ok so last night I went to Chinatown in Melbourne with family I hadn't seen in 30 years. I was worried to pre surgery about the same thing. But since surgery and losing weight, gaining confidence and feeling so much better all around, I happily share my surgery story. I have nothing to apologise for and I have not yet had anyone say anything negative to me. Why would they? Healthy versus unhealthy. Who condemns that? However back to food choices. I had a Chinese broth followed by prawn dumplings and a pineapple juice over a few hours. I managed 2 dumplings and offered the rest to others. Thoroughly enjoyed my outing and stayed quite well within my calories etc. Good luck.0
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I'm 9 weeks PO. I told no one about surgery other than immediate family-I didn't want any negativity before surgery and I just want to be "normal" now. No one will probably notice what you eat or don't eat if you don't make a "deal" about it. I had to take a client to lunch while I was pre-op on full liquids. I just got a grilled chicken salad and played around with it and took it home to my hubby for dinner. No one noticed.
I went to my first party about 4 weeks PO. I felt like an alien and left after a couple of hours. I "faked" a round of shots (the plant was drunk) and drank water with lime out of a solo cup (and if people asked what I was drinking, I said vodka/soda). I've been to several parties now and it's getting easier, but it's definitely an adjustment. I miss not being about to party all night like I used to. That said, I'm very happy with the results of my surgery and the trade off is totally worth it.0 -
I know everybody's experience is different but I get angry when I read this having to hide the truth. Not angry with the sleever but angry to think there are still such narrow minded people out there that can intimidate folk into feeling they have something to be ashamed of.I'm 9 weeks PO. I told no one about surgery other than immediate family-I didn't want any negativity before surgery and I just want to be "normal" now. No one will probably notice what you eat or don't eat if you don't make a "deal" about it. I had to take a client to lunch while I was pre-op on full liquids. I just got a grilled chicken salad and played around with it and took it home to my hubby for dinner. No one noticed.
I went to my first party about 4 weeks PO. I felt like an alien and left after a couple of hours. I "faked" a round of shots (the plant was drunk) and drank water with lime out of a solo cup (and if people asked what I was drinking, I said vodka/soda). I've been to several parties now and it's getting easier, but it's definitely an adjustment. I miss not being about to party all night like I used to. That said, I'm very happy with the results of my surgery and the trade off is totally worth it.0 -
I know everybody's experience is different but I get angry when I read this having to hide the truth. Not angry with the sleever but angry to think there are still such narrow minded people out there that can intimidate folk into feeling they have something to be ashamed of.
I am not sure it's always that people are narrow minded, but I think they are grossly under informed and ignorant of the process. Yesterday I was talking to a couple of people in the spin class at my gym about losing weight. I told them how much I lost and one guy asked how I did it. I was honest, I said I lost 70 lbs on my own making lifestyle changes, and I had surgery as an extra tool to help me be successful. He said, "Isn't that dangerous? Don't people die from that surgery? I know some people have a lot of problems too". I said, people die from routine surgeries all the time, surgery in and of itself is risky, but some people will die of complications due to obesity if they DON'T have surgery. I also told him that yes some people do have trouble, but if you do the things you need to do, the chances of that happening are not that high. So, I do think there is judgment but I think it often comes from ignorance. Not everyone should feel obligated to give people insight to the process if they aren't comfortable with that, but I find that open dialogue helps people understand, and the more understanding there is, the less judgment and stigma there will be.0 -
Some people are more private than others. The point is, if the OP doesn't want to explain her WLS or tell anybody about it, that's her business. I'm one of those private type of people. I don't think my medical history is everybody's business anymore than I'd be telling them about my sex life. Others are more open. So there's no hard and fast rule. I don't want to tell everybody about my WLS. It has nothing to do with whether or not they would be supportive or not. I have other things to talk about than my WLS. The OP just wanted to know how to talk about it or avoid talking about it.0
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Some people are more private than others. The point is, if the OP doesn't want to explain her WLS or tell anybody about it, that's her business. I'm one of those private type of people. I don't think my medical history is everybody's business anymore than I'd be telling them about my sex life. Others are more open. So there's no hard and fast rule. I don't want to tell everybody about my WLS. It has nothing to do with whether or not they would be supportive or not. I have other things to talk about than my WLS. The OP just wanted to know how to talk about it or avoid talking about it.
This!0 -
Hmm, this was an interesting question that I had to think about my experiences for a bit. I've found that I am usually with people who know that I have had the surgery so no one remarks on it, or nobody notices, or if they do they don't care. Most people I've run into are either on a diet of some type, or avoiding some type of food so people don't question very much.
Right after my surgery when I had a friend from out of the country staying with me, she was going out to eat every day because it was things she couldn't get back home. She was so worried that I would be upset with her and kept offering to bring me back soup. I really didn't care (nor did I want anything, lol). Once I was on full foods, I went out a couple times with friends/family who were more worried than I was that I wouldn't be able to find something to eat. Now I get an occasional ribbing from a co-worker/friend who upon seeing me eating leftovers from our dinner two nights ago is like "man, you're still eating that?" (he knows I've had the surgery).
I've never lied about having the surgery, but I don't necessarily volunteer information. Its less because I want to keep it a secret, then the idea that not everybody needs to know everything about me. If someone asks directly, I will tell them.0 -
As I stated everybody's experience is different and many people are private rightly so. But there are many on here have mentioned negative comments which make them feel unable to share their experience. I hate to think of people on the cusp of a new healthy life feeling this way. As you say, not everybody shares their medical history with their friends, family, colleagues. That's fair.0
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In discussing WLS publicly pre and post op I've noticed I only received negative comments or reactions pre op. That's where a lot of the "don't be stupid, just eat like the rest of us" and surgery is bad stuff happened (infrequently, most in my life were really supportive). Post surgery there's not much anybody can say, there's no "oh, you should totally go back to the doc and have them put it back in". Your reality now is immutable and I think people realize that. The only time it's ever really brought up around me is as a novelty ("lol, my toddler eats more than you"), someone asking "can you eat/drink this?" before offering something, or people who are curious about getting the surgery. My experience has been positive sharing my WLS journey, YMMV0
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I go out several times per week these days. I'm open with most people. All of my friends know about my surgery and support me by splitting appetizers, etc.
Dating... is a little harder particularly early in a relationship, before I'm ready to spill but I've never had a problem with it being "weird" at all. I try to suggest places where they have "small plates" or appies I like. Cup of soup is always good too. When I drink, now I obviously avoid beer because of the bubbles. It fills me WAY too fast and makes me uncomfortable anyway. I often go for a mixed drink or martini now a days just because there is less volume there and it's easier to sip on. If I do wine, I drink at about half the rate of my friends now, particularly if I'm eating. I've also used the, "I had a big lunch", or "I'm watching my diet", or "I eat 5 very small meals per day and it's working for me", (which is totally true) lines. They honestly love that I'm a "cheap" date! LOL0
