September 10, 2014

julieworley376

I have my surgery date, it is October 20. People have asked if I am excited, no I am not. How can I possibly be excited at the prospect of having surgery and pain? Of the way I eat and drink changing so drastically? I am doing it because it gives me hope of losing all of the excess weight and maintaining it for the rest of my life, it is a help I feel I have no hope without.

I am grateful for the opportunity to do this, for the fact my insurance will pay at 100%, for the hope that I now have.

Now topics.. I am right out of ideas this morning LOL. Take it away...

persistentsoul

Sounds like the topic is facing your fears and finding hope.

Every time I start losing weight i fear i will put it all back on. I always have put it all back , i think knowing that and the fear of it happening again has always undermined my determination. I get so afraid of failing that i give up in order to get the failing over with rather than having it hanging over me. I have participated in that self sabotage countless times. Yet hope survives because i keep on trying again and again. So many times i have felt i had lost all hope but i am still here still trying to get the things i want in life. Hope seems delicate but really i think it is an incredibly resilient and powerful thing.

mikesgirl4evr

WhooooHooooo Julie!! Congrats on not only getting your insurance approval but a date as well. I remember when I got my date. I was excited, scared, nervous, etc. all rolled into one. I was excited for the ability to finally have a tool that would help me have success in losing weight and live a longer, healthier life. I was scared just because it is a major surgery. And nervous because it is a major lifestyle change/learning a new way to eat. And sad because I was going to lose all my favorite foods.
Like persistentsoul, I have always had the fear of failing and would give up just so I wouldn't fail. Growing up I was made to feel like a failure and could never do anything right. So why would losing weight be any different? I also had a control issues. The sexual abuse I suffered left me feeling like I had no control over my life. Food was something I could control no matter how much my mother thought SHE controlled it. That led to hiding and sneaking food. Weight loss surgery gave me hope on both of these issues. I had the hope that I could finally lose the weight and live a healthy life though I must admit there was still a little fear of failure there. And even though 8 1/2 years out I still haven't reached my goal weight, I still consider myself a success. I continue to work hard even though I'm not always perfect and I'm no longer letting my weight control me. It also helped me with my control issues. To some extent the WLS made me control what I ate. Eating the wrong things or too much made me sick. But ultimately, it was my decision. I COULD eat those things but I WOULD pay for it if I did. So I learned to give some of that control up and realized I no longer had the need to hide and sneak food. What I ate was my choice.

scubasuenc

The fear of failing to lose weight and/or put it on again prevented me from even making an attempt for years.

My weight has gone up and down my adult life. I had WLS in 1997, lost about 80lbs and then slowly put it back on again. I had periods when I'd lose some, but inevitably the weight came back. I honestly didn't have the energy to try again and feared failing.

One thing that is different this time is that I have thought about maintenance and how to keep the weight off from the beginning. I have a goal weight, but it was a number I picked based on BMI. I might decide to stop at a higher weight, or I might continue on down to a lower weight. I will stop when I am happy with my body.

That said, I want to make it a conscious decision to shift from weight loss to maintenance. I intend to continue logging when I first go to maintenance so I can fine tune what my maintenance calorie goal is. At maintenance I will give myself a 5 lb weight range and weigh weekly. If I go above or below the range, I will return to logging everything and change my calorie and activity levels appropriately.

I have noticed there are people who naturally do this. They 'feel' a 5lb gain, or notice when clothes don't fit right, and then adjust their diet accordingly. I doubt I will ever have that ability, so I intend to use the scale to help me know when I need to make changes.

One lesson I'm learning is that I shouldn't let the fear of failure stop me from trying. If I never make the attempt, then I've failed anyway.

wennim

Congratulations on the date Julie. Its ok to be apprehensive about it. Any major change is going to take some pain and suffering and you are taking a step in the right direction for yourself.

Thank you all for sharing on the board. I don't really have any real life friends that talk about this kind of stuff so it is nice to relate to people on some level. Makes me feel not quite so alone.

I have failed at weight loss so many times. I got down to 240 lbs 7 years ago and then I packed on 50 lbs. Before that I would just lose and then gain back small amounts. I got into the mindset that it wouldn't work so why bother. This time its different though. I started slow and made changes one at a time. I was scared to death when I got to the 240 lb mark that I wouldn't be able to get past it and give up. It took me getting down to 225 before I could start to believe that the world doesn't end at 240 lb.

smagan1991

Julie,

Remember this date as your new "birthday" , it is scary, but you are getting a whole new chance at life! My mother had her surgery several years ago, and while it has been hard at times, I'm sure she wouldn't change it if she had the chance. The surgery poses risks and complications, but if you have already decided on it, and the doctor gives you the go ahead, there has to be some sort of foreseeable good! I wish you the best of luck dear.

julieworley376

Thank you smagan and wennin and everybody who is supporting actually.. it means a lot.

wennim that is what I started this group for. I wanted somewhere that people with serious weight issues could come and discuss the why's, the wherefores and what is working or not working for them. We really are in a unique category of our own that people with less to lose simply can't relate to in my humble opinion.