A dangerous time to start dating
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Joannah700
Posts: 2,665 Member
So...I admit, I have not dated anyone other than my ex for 10 years. And even then I was 20 - so to say I'm woefully out of practice is an understatement.
However, one year I remember beginning to date someone in the beginning of November and realizing quickly it wouldn't work out. But by then it was too late - I was stuck.
The holidays trapped me.
He liked me, and I couldn't STOP dating him right before Thanksgiving. I would ruin Thanksgiving! You can't ruin Thanksgiving - that's pie day! And after Thanksgiving...I can't ruin Christmas. And then his birthday was in the beginning of January...
I 'trapped' myself into dating the guy for 3 months because it started at an inopportune time.
I'm wondering - what's everyone's policy about beginning to see someone new/ date around the holidays? Do it or avoid it?
And do you involve the new person in your holidays?
(And..the guy started off as a good friend, if he was someone I didn't know - I think I could have broken it off earlier)
However, one year I remember beginning to date someone in the beginning of November and realizing quickly it wouldn't work out. But by then it was too late - I was stuck.
The holidays trapped me.
He liked me, and I couldn't STOP dating him right before Thanksgiving. I would ruin Thanksgiving! You can't ruin Thanksgiving - that's pie day! And after Thanksgiving...I can't ruin Christmas. And then his birthday was in the beginning of January...
I 'trapped' myself into dating the guy for 3 months because it started at an inopportune time.
I'm wondering - what's everyone's policy about beginning to see someone new/ date around the holidays? Do it or avoid it?
And do you involve the new person in your holidays?
(And..the guy started off as a good friend, if he was someone I didn't know - I think I could have broken it off earlier)
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Replies
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This is the best time to date. Everyone needs a date for New Years.
If I started dating someone now and it got serious, I would involve my date in peripheral gatherings with family but not the close ones like Christmas mornings, etc. As for presents to each other, a small gift. It really depends on where the relationship is going but I don't treat the holidays any different than other times of the year.0 -
Ive just started dating someone and I have alot of occasions coming up, not to mension Halloween, Bonfire Night (UK thing), Hull Fair (a event that happens in my city once a year) and finally christmas and new year, I want to involve this girl in these occasions, she wont be the centre of them, I dont like planning dates and what should happen at this or that time, I like the idea of just living for the moment and what ever happens happens, dont let it ruin these holidays for you, let it make them more pleasurable :-)0
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The likelihood of my meeting someone in whom I have any interest are slim to none, much less someone with whom said interest is mutual. As such, if hell freezes over and such an event happens, checking the calendar will be the last thing I care about.0
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If you really think about it, any time of the year could have the potential to be "dangerous" for one reason or another. Maybe I overanalyze? This could be part of my problem. Bottom line, if you meet someone and has potential, you shouldn't be concerned about the calendar! 0
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I don't really think there is a right or wrong time to meet someone.0
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I agree with most other posts here, I've had such a difficult time meeting a quality person that I don't really think the calendar would have any effect on whether to start dating them or not.0
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Have to agree with most of the other posts here: It is so difficult to meet a good person that you share interests with that I can't imagine holding off dating just because of the calendar. That said I kind of get that you might not want to break up with someone during the holidays. Personally though I think I'm too optimistic (or maybe unrealistic is the better word the way things have gone the past couple years) to go into dating thinking that it's not going to work out so I shouldn't start it until after the holidays. Just not the way I think I guess...
Whatever the case, really interesting question...0 -
My own personal opinion...if I was only dating someone for say a month, its not going to ruin my holiday if its not working out for the other one. I think being sensitive to the other persons feeling and being honest would be the best bet...even if right before a holiday. I would rather know anyway and to be honest, I would probably already catch on that it wasnt working.
Having said that....if you're worried, I would go on very friendly types of dates until after the holidays 0 -
Honestly? This was mostly to start a conversation (this is a quiet group!). I'm still married and havent begun the paperwork for my divorce yet so I dont think its fair to start any entanglements at the moment.
And it sounds as if the consesus is to take the risk because good people are hard to find.
I personally think you know within 3 dates if there is potential. And it sounds like 3 dates isnt enough to be obligated to see someone through the holidays. If it doesnt work out, break it off like a band- aid regardless of the time of the year.
Its starting to sound as if a good date should be treated like 'my precious'.0 -
The likelihood of my meeting someone in whom I have any interest are slim to none, much less someone with whom said interest is mutual. As such, if hell freezes over and such an event happens, checking the calendar will be the last thing I care about.
I couldn't have said it better myself!!! I've been single for 2 years :sad: :sad:
OP - I found myself in a situation like yours about 5 years ago. Luckily, the guy got a job transfer and moved to California :laugh: :laugh:0 -
My own personal opinion...if I was only dating someone for say a month, its not going to ruin my holiday if its not working out for the other one. I think being sensitive to the other persons feeling and being honest would be the best bet...even if right before a holiday. I would rather know anyway and to be honest, I would probably already catch on that it wasnt working.
Having said that....if you're worried, I would go on very friendly types of dates until after the holidays
That's a really good point. Thinking about it that way, if it was me I would definitely rather know it wasn't working for the other person (and you usually do have an inkling anyhow even if you don't want to admit it to yourself) then be clueless about it and have the boom lowered on me right after the holidays!
Can I change my answer now? lol0 -
Honestly? This was mostly to start a conversation (this is a quiet group!). I'm still married and havent begun the paperwork for my divorce yet so I dont think its fair to start any entanglements at the moment.
And it sounds as if the consesus is to take the risk because good people are hard to find.
I personally think you know within 3 dates if there is potential. And it sounds like 3 dates isnt enough to be obligated to see someone through the holidays. If it doesnt work out, break it off like a band- aid regardless of the time of the year.
Its starting to sound as if a good date should be treated like 'my precious'.
Not necessarily a good date being treated as "my precious" but a good person, definitely! The number of flighty, flaky, selfish people you have to sift through before you find a good one is unreal. And even when you find what you think is a good one, you just don't know until some time has passed. Just found that out a week or so ago (thankfully I wasn't in the relationship that long...only a couple of months, but still it was a shocking realization to see just how self-centered someone can be).
And as far as getting entangled...definitely recommend you take some time during and after your divorce (been through 2 so I know the drill) to get you together before adding to it. I didn't do that after my divorce a year and a half ago and I got BADLY burned.
(and now that I've managed to depress myself I'm going to go eat some chocolate now lol)0 -
And as far as getting entangled...definitely recommend you take some time during and after your divorce (been through 2 so I know the drill) to get you together before adding to it. I didn't do that after my divorce a year and a half ago and I got BADLY burned.
I can definitely second this. My 2nd husband blind sided me with cheating in 2009 and didn't fess up until New Years Day 2010. We were divorced shortly after. I have not had a serious relationship since then. I have been working on myself since then and this weight is one of the last on the list. I'm with djefferys10, if I find someone I'm compatible with, I don't care what time of year it is. ^_^
Oh and the dumping during the holidays ...... just do it. My ex husband (mentioned above) strung me along through Thanksgiving and Christmas and it would have liked to kill me. Being honest and breaking it clean is better than dragging it on and on with a false sense of hope.
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