Dating Rut?
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Thought this was interesting............
Five ways to avoid getting burned out on dating
It happens to the best of us: At first, you’re dating up a storm and having fun meeting lots of new people. But eventually, your eyes begin to glaze over a little when strange numbers keep texting you on weekends. Your nerves are jumpy from too many lattes, and strangely, meeting that blind date for dinner feels like one more chore you’ve got to force yourself to complete. In short, you’re approaching dating burnout — and fast. But that doesn’t mean you can’t reverse the course before where you end up shutting yourself in your home for months, changing your online privacy settings and watching too much TV. Here’s how to bring back that spark so you’re feeling full of life and looking forward to meeting someone new again.
Way #1: See if there’s a pattern that could be holding you back — then break it
If you feel like you’re spinning your wheels, take a step back and examine why dating isn’t going so well for you. “Ask yourself whether you’re only meeting new prospects in one particular place — like a bar — or only going out with a certain type of person,” says Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and dating coach in McLean, VA. “If you keep on doing what you’ve already been doing, then you’ll just get more of the same.” Try to shake things up a bit by scoping out dating prospects at places you’ve never visited before. Or try going out with someone completely different than your usual type: If you find yourself only dating investment bankers who talk more about their portfolios than their personal lives, try seeing who else interests you — for example, you might find yourself on a date with a cool zoologist instead. Just as you might not have chemistry with the person who fits the criteria on your checklist, you might fall for someone who’s the total opposite of the person you’d usually consider to be a dream date.
Related: Stuck in a bad dating rut?
Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman
Seeking a: Man Woman
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Way #2: Keep your first few dates short; less than an hour is ideal
This one should be obvious, but the longer your dates are, the more exhausting they’ll be — and that’s especially true on first dates if you’re not sure whether or not you’ll click with each other. That’s why it’s often smart to keep them short and sweet during the early stages of dating someone. “Arrange to meet friends afterwards,” advises Coleman. That way, if the date’s going badly, you can leave without having to make up an excuse — and laugh about it later in good company. Just make sure your date knows beforehand that the evening has a time limit by saying you’ve got plans with friends happening at a certain hour. “And if things should go really well,” says Coleman, “Your friends will understand when you bail on meeting them to stretch the date out longer.”
Related: How to make your first date a successful one
Way #3: Go on a second date — even if the first one didn’t “wow” you
When there are plenty of romantic prospects both online and elsewhere, it’s easy to quickly dismiss someone if you feel no sparks on your first outing together. But this mindset can leave you with a string of first dates that ultimately went nowhere — and you feeling increasingly disappointed, which is hardly the right attitude for attracting The One. “A lot of people will get home after a date and immediately look online or call their friends to complain,” says Debbie Magids, Ph.D., author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. But what if you kicked back to let the memories of that date simmer a little instead? What if, in spite of his less-than-desirable taste in clothes or her too-shy-for-you demeanor, you gave that person another chance to see if things might click? “Really get to know someone, and you may find that you have a lot more in common than you first thought,” counsels Dr. Magids. Even if it isn’t love at first sight, you may find that the fun you eventually have together turns into real romantic chemistry down the line.
Related: What guarantees a second date
Way #4: Diversify your dating venues to keep things fresh
Sick of meeting people for dinner, drinks or coffee at the same old places? Then it’s time to try something completely different. If there’s an exhibit at the local museum that you’ve been dying to see, try meeting there for your next date, suggests Coleman. “Make a date into something fun so that even if there isn’t a love connection, you spent your time together doing something that you really enjoy,” she explains. “Plus, it’ll help you figure out whether your date shares similar interests.” Nothing new and exciting happening in town? Do something productive like running errands or shopping, advises Coleman. “Not only will you get stuff accomplished, but you’ll get to see how your date interacts with people like sales clerks and cashiers,” she says. “People tend to reveal more of their true selves in environments like these.”
Related: What men and women notice on dates
Way #5: Take a temporary break from dating to rest and rejuvenate
“People who date four or five times a week easily become social chameleons, doing whatever the other person likes to do,” says Dr. Magids. “Taking a week or two off from the dating scene will not only re-energize you, but it’ll help you remember what you like to do without worrying about pleasing another person.” Love bird-watching? Grab your binoculars and head to the park. Got a stack of unread best-sellers gathering dust on your shelf? Call up your defunct book club and plan a get-together. When you do start dating again, you’ll not only feel more relaxed and centered, but you’ll also appear more interesting because of all the stuff you were busy doing when you were taking that much-needed break. And if that man or woman you’ve been eyeing asks you out during your self-imposed respite, don’t budge on your no-dating rule. “Say you’d love to go, but the next two weeks are really hectic; then, ask if you could get together the following week,” advises Dr. Magids. Chances are good it’ll actually make you more appealing — and give you the time you need to recharge your emotional batteries.
Amanda May has written for Redbook and other publications.
Five ways to avoid getting burned out on dating
It happens to the best of us: At first, you’re dating up a storm and having fun meeting lots of new people. But eventually, your eyes begin to glaze over a little when strange numbers keep texting you on weekends. Your nerves are jumpy from too many lattes, and strangely, meeting that blind date for dinner feels like one more chore you’ve got to force yourself to complete. In short, you’re approaching dating burnout — and fast. But that doesn’t mean you can’t reverse the course before where you end up shutting yourself in your home for months, changing your online privacy settings and watching too much TV. Here’s how to bring back that spark so you’re feeling full of life and looking forward to meeting someone new again.
Way #1: See if there’s a pattern that could be holding you back — then break it
If you feel like you’re spinning your wheels, take a step back and examine why dating isn’t going so well for you. “Ask yourself whether you’re only meeting new prospects in one particular place — like a bar — or only going out with a certain type of person,” says Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and dating coach in McLean, VA. “If you keep on doing what you’ve already been doing, then you’ll just get more of the same.” Try to shake things up a bit by scoping out dating prospects at places you’ve never visited before. Or try going out with someone completely different than your usual type: If you find yourself only dating investment bankers who talk more about their portfolios than their personal lives, try seeing who else interests you — for example, you might find yourself on a date with a cool zoologist instead. Just as you might not have chemistry with the person who fits the criteria on your checklist, you might fall for someone who’s the total opposite of the person you’d usually consider to be a dream date.
Related: Stuck in a bad dating rut?
Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!
I am a: Man Woman
Seeking a: Man Woman
Near:
Way #2: Keep your first few dates short; less than an hour is ideal
This one should be obvious, but the longer your dates are, the more exhausting they’ll be — and that’s especially true on first dates if you’re not sure whether or not you’ll click with each other. That’s why it’s often smart to keep them short and sweet during the early stages of dating someone. “Arrange to meet friends afterwards,” advises Coleman. That way, if the date’s going badly, you can leave without having to make up an excuse — and laugh about it later in good company. Just make sure your date knows beforehand that the evening has a time limit by saying you’ve got plans with friends happening at a certain hour. “And if things should go really well,” says Coleman, “Your friends will understand when you bail on meeting them to stretch the date out longer.”
Related: How to make your first date a successful one
Way #3: Go on a second date — even if the first one didn’t “wow” you
When there are plenty of romantic prospects both online and elsewhere, it’s easy to quickly dismiss someone if you feel no sparks on your first outing together. But this mindset can leave you with a string of first dates that ultimately went nowhere — and you feeling increasingly disappointed, which is hardly the right attitude for attracting The One. “A lot of people will get home after a date and immediately look online or call their friends to complain,” says Debbie Magids, Ph.D., author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. But what if you kicked back to let the memories of that date simmer a little instead? What if, in spite of his less-than-desirable taste in clothes or her too-shy-for-you demeanor, you gave that person another chance to see if things might click? “Really get to know someone, and you may find that you have a lot more in common than you first thought,” counsels Dr. Magids. Even if it isn’t love at first sight, you may find that the fun you eventually have together turns into real romantic chemistry down the line.
Related: What guarantees a second date
Way #4: Diversify your dating venues to keep things fresh
Sick of meeting people for dinner, drinks or coffee at the same old places? Then it’s time to try something completely different. If there’s an exhibit at the local museum that you’ve been dying to see, try meeting there for your next date, suggests Coleman. “Make a date into something fun so that even if there isn’t a love connection, you spent your time together doing something that you really enjoy,” she explains. “Plus, it’ll help you figure out whether your date shares similar interests.” Nothing new and exciting happening in town? Do something productive like running errands or shopping, advises Coleman. “Not only will you get stuff accomplished, but you’ll get to see how your date interacts with people like sales clerks and cashiers,” she says. “People tend to reveal more of their true selves in environments like these.”
Related: What men and women notice on dates
Way #5: Take a temporary break from dating to rest and rejuvenate
“People who date four or five times a week easily become social chameleons, doing whatever the other person likes to do,” says Dr. Magids. “Taking a week or two off from the dating scene will not only re-energize you, but it’ll help you remember what you like to do without worrying about pleasing another person.” Love bird-watching? Grab your binoculars and head to the park. Got a stack of unread best-sellers gathering dust on your shelf? Call up your defunct book club and plan a get-together. When you do start dating again, you’ll not only feel more relaxed and centered, but you’ll also appear more interesting because of all the stuff you were busy doing when you were taking that much-needed break. And if that man or woman you’ve been eyeing asks you out during your self-imposed respite, don’t budge on your no-dating rule. “Say you’d love to go, but the next two weeks are really hectic; then, ask if you could get together the following week,” advises Dr. Magids. Chances are good it’ll actually make you more appealing — and give you the time you need to recharge your emotional batteries.
Amanda May has written for Redbook and other publications.
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I keep hearing about changing the type of person you go for, but surely if that's you're type, then there isnt much you can do about it?? I'm just drawn to 'my type' and it's not there's anything wrong with the type per se, just the person within that type!!
For example, not all chatty, witty, cheeky guys are irresponsible flakes!!
I've never had a short date unless I didnt like the guy, so perhaps organising an hour is a good thing. Mind you, I've never had a long date that I didnt enjoy!! :laugh:0 -
I've never had a short date unless I didnt like the guy, so perhaps organising an hour is a good thing. Mind you, I've never had a long date that I didnt enjoy!! :laugh:
This, except for my very first date, it was 'okay' and it was my first time getting out there in over 24 years and i didn't know better! I know better now! LOL
glad to see i'm not the only one who gets 'burned out' by the dating scene! i go in waves, date lots then slow down or stop for a bit.0 -
I keep hearing about changing the type of person you go for, but surely if that's you're type, then there isnt much you can do about it?? I'm just drawn to 'my type' and it's not there's anything wrong with the type per se, just the person within that type!!
For example, not all chatty, witty, cheeky guys are irresponsible flakes!!
I've never had a short date unless I didnt like the guy, so perhaps organising an hour is a good thing. Mind you, I've never had a long date that I didnt enjoy!! :laugh:
I think everyone has a type, but I think you can also be attracted to people that vary from type by a little bit....for example, the guy I am seeing now is not my normal type--but is working so far....
I have a friend who had a date last night and was SHOCKED to find that she was attracted to him after spending some time with him as she had enjoyed his personality, but he was "little" (5'9) so she was pleasantly surprised, so I think it is good to date outside your normal type although the attraction won't always be there
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I would actually like to date a guy that is my type. I keep trying the not my type thing and it isn't working for me.
I like the idea of a short date for the first date.0 -
I get so frustrated with myself. I CLEARLY have a type. But that type isn't working out for me. It is irritating.0
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Going outside of my type makes me feel awkward...because we typically don't have too many things in common. And then I feel fake.
So I'd have to disagree personally with the outside of your type.
I do like the idea of a short date, but an hour would be waaaaayyyy to short. I like to give plenty of time but 3 hours or less is pretty good. Pretty common for a first meet. Kind of hate calling that first meeting a date, but that's what everyone else calls it. Soo many expectations if you say it's a "date".
If you are just meeting to make sure they are who they say they are...it's really a meeting.
Edit - Oh yeah and the four or five times a week date????? Where the holy jesus *kitten* does that woman live that there are that many opportunities to have multiple dates within a week? Seriously....that was insulting and stupid. LOL>0 -
I took the outside of your type to mean physical type.....you could have a great deal in common with someone that is not your normal physical type. Because, definitely if they are not your type on personality scale, might not have anything in common. And, while opposites attract initially doesn't always work long term (was married to my opposite.....note WAS).
And, I also don't know someone who has time, energy and opportunity to date 4-5 x a week--I don't have children and can't imagine doing that.....so can't imagine if you do have children. Though I guess if you can add lunch dates to your schedule, that could work more easily...but not everyone has that option.0 -
It's kind of funny how everyone got hung up on the type thing when the category was look at what you've been doing to see if it's holding you back. Dating a certain type was just an example. Einstein supposedly said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting the result to be different. The premise is the same here. If you are repeatedly frustrated by the people you are meeting, the one constant in all those meetings is you. Perhaps, it's better to evaluate your selection criteria, your actions or inactions, and your methods of looking for dates than it is to just be aggravated with the process.0
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Ah, I see, I was thinking personality types............physically, I've dated vastly different types - tall or average height, fat , thin, dark, ginge, fit, never lifted a weight in his life!! lol........I'm more into the guy's personality than his looks, so that's not my first consideration.
I can't believe anyone would have the stamina and phone juggling ability to date 5 different guys in one week. That must not take any prior chatting or getting to know you type conversations.........in which case, that's not a date, that's a meet!! :laugh:0 -
Having TWO dates in the same week wears me out. Five would put me in a coma.0
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ok, i do confess... i've had two times where i had two dates on the same day! (hehehe)0
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sweetcurlz67 wrote: »ok, i do confess... i've had two times where i had two dates on the same day! (hehehe)
Honestly can't imagine doing that! I'm only starting to come around (at age 42) that it might be OK for me to casually date two people at the same time (if nothing else than to keep myself from getting too serious too quickly)...haven't done it yet, but starting to come around to the idea!0
