Stories

jennajava

I'm sure we all have stories to share about being 20's and settled.

I ran into some girls I was friends with in high school at a local restaurant shortly after the birth of my daughter. These girls are still working on their bachelor degree (almost 7 years after high school) and partying it up; mooching off mom. They both looked at me bug-eyed and said, "Is that your BABY?!"

I said, "Why yes, we adults tend to get jobs, marry, and procreate."

I felt bad later for being so snarky. It's kind of sad that this isn't anywhere on their horizon. They have no idea what they're missing.

Edit: I'm talking about the wild type, who aren't considering a future. Drugs, etc. No offense to anyone who is in their twenties and working diligently on a degree, etc.

erialsea

I got married at 22 so that's pretty young, I guess. I love it! But It really bothers me that the first question people ask me when they find out I'm married is "when are you having kids?" My answer: "I don't know, not really planning on it." Then I get interrogated. The 'when are you having kids' question is innocent enough and doesn't really bother me, it's the interrogation that comes after that gets to me. I am too nice (interchangeable with pushover) to say I don't feel like talking to you about this and answering all 500 questions about why I may not have kids. Why does being married have to equal having kids? I'm 23 and I feel like I have plenty of time. Leave me alone people! Lol, so that's my story

jennajava

I had fertility issues, so I hated that question. I always replied with, "What makes you think I can have kids?" That shuts em up.

CarolineSuzanneSmith

I can relate! I graduated undergrad in 3 years, and got a masters in 1 year, and now I'm happily married at the age of 22. Whenever I see high-school friends (who, looking back, were not "friends" at all), they think I live such a boring life. Apparently growing up is boring?

I've even been accused of "acting more mature than I really am" and "being self-righteous" because I prefer not to do drugs, get drunk every night, and not have casual sex. It's appalling! I may be mature past my years, but I'd so much rather me responsible than irresponsible and immature, wasting my 20's on sex, drugs, and alcohol.

jennajava

I can relate! I graduated undergrad in 3 years, and got a masters in 1 year, and now I'm happily married at the age of 22. Whenever I see high-school friends (who, looking back, were not "friends" at all), they think I live such a boring life. Apparently growing up is boring?

I've even been accused of "acting more mature than I really am" and "being self-righteous" because I prefer not to do drugs, get drunk every night, and not have casual sex. It's appalling! I may be mature past my years, but I'd so much rather me responsible than irresponsible and immature, wasting my 20's on sex, drugs, and alcohol.

Well said!

clarech82

I hear you there I have always been a bit grown up for my age I have never done drugs or slept around which some people find so weird. One person even told me to leave my fiance and sleep around as I could find out what I'm missing they looked at me so blankly when I said I didn't care what I was missing lol.

As for kids I quite often bump into people who ask if my three are mine. I don't know why else they think I'm walking round with them calling me mummy but they still ask.

The best thing I find though is my sister who is a year younger with no children she lives with her boyfriend but their life is just working and partying. Is always telling me how she wishes she had a kid so she could sit around all day like I do. I really have to bite my tounge when she says that grrrrr. The best thing is last time we went out for the day I let her spend most of the time playing with them and after an hour she was going "don't they ever stop" lol I don't think she thinks their so easy anymore

jenny95662

Hello guys
I am 29 now but i got married at 23 i had only turned 23 2 weeks earlier, then had my daughter on our first wedding aniversary, (at 24) then my son when i was 27 years old. We have been married for 6 years together for 6 1/2 and have moved all over due to him being military. Unlike some of my friends who had kids (not many of them) they were at home and still going partying (still do) i was moving around a lot moved 6 times in 6 years and had to be a single mom most of the time due to my husband being military. I feel like have grown up and settled down faster then most people I know. I enjoy it though

ahsongbird

I can't believe people give you guys crap about not having kids, I've always gotten crap for getting married and having my kids young. I'm 22 I got married about 3 weeks after I turned 18, but I was ready to settle down, I already had a child when I was 16 and I instantly wanted to give him the best life possible and forget all the crap I had been doing before. I met my husband when my son was 7 months old, his biological dad ditched us (we haven't seen him since) and my husband easily became my sons father. My son doesnt even know my husband isn't his "real" dad and he is 6 years old now . I wouldn't have it any other way, his bio dad is a major druggie and I will fight tooth and nail to make sure he never sees him again.

KimmyEB

I get the "So when are you guys gonna start having kids?" question a LOT. Especially lately. I don't want children, nor does my boyfriend, and apparently, that isn't a good enough answer to most people. It only opens up for more questions. "What?! Why not?" "How can you not want kids?!" "Don't you think your parents deserve grandkids?" (that last one is my favorite--DESERVE grandkids?) I'm finishing school to become a special education teacher. I also volunteer with Autism Speaks, and I plan on getting back into volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (among others) once I finish the current semester. There are more ways to help children than having them. And by no means do I think having children is something bad! It's just not what I want for myself.

I also seemed to become some kind of repulsive sub-human when I stopped drinking. I was a HORRIBLE binge drinker, to the point that it was happening a little too much for my body and wallet. I feel so much better without alcohol. It is, however, sometimes still tempting, so I avoid parties where there is a lot of alcohol, as well as bars. Some of my friends don't seem to understand this, and basically act like I no longer exist because I don't go to their drunken parties or go to ladies night at the bar and stuff. And there's the questions with that, too. "Why would you stop drinking?!"

And lately, it's healthy eating! My boyfriend and I were never excessively UNhealthy...but I've gained 50 lbs in the past 2.5 years, and while I've lost 10 of it, I still have a way to go. Now I exercise, eat healthier, and in the past month, my boyfriend and I have tried to eat as clean as possible, and it's done wonders for both of us! It's helped him have more energy for his work-outs (he isn't overweight, but trying to put on more muscle), and I've had more energy for working out and just life in general. And just about everyone (minus my MFP friends of course!) have to be debbie downers and say "eww that sounds gross, I'll keep my fast food!" or "oh that's too much work, don't you just wanna eat a big mac or something?" or "I bet your food tastes disgusting!"

People can be such haters. :laugh:

jennajava

People knock what they don't understand...makes them feel better about missing out.

KimmyEB

People knock what they don't understand...makes them feel better about missing out.

I like that!

Every time I see you post, I want coffee, btw. :laugh:

Mariposa187

I hate the "omg your married already?!" :huh: "how many kids do you have?" so because i am married and young it must mean i have kids?! or the "you are too young to be married! you haven't had a chance to enjoy life yet!" so evidently being married means you life is over and there is no enjoyment... I am the happiest I have ever been in my life... crazy ppl... :grumble:

Mariposa187

I hear you there I have always been a bit grown up for my age I have never done drugs or slept around which some people find so weird. One person even told me to leave my fiance and sleep around as I could find out what I'm missing they looked at me so blankly when I said I didn't care what I was missing lol.

People are so appauled when they hear i have never done drugs or even smoked a cigarette. And girls at work tend not to talk to me once they find out i've only been with my husband. They think its weird to sleep with just one person your entire life.

KimmyEB

I hear you there I have always been a bit grown up for my age I have never done drugs or slept around which some people find so weird. One person even told me to leave my fiance and sleep around as I could find out what I'm missing they looked at me so blankly when I said I didn't care what I was missing lol.

People are so appauled when they hear i have never done drugs or even smoked a cigarette. And girls at work tend not to talk to me once they find out i've only been with my husband. They think its weird to sleep with just one person your entire life.

Never done drugs or smoked a cigarette, either, and while I've been with more than 1 person, my "number" certainly isn't a high one. People usually just don't believe such a thing is possible. It's weird.

jennajava

I hear you there I have always been a bit grown up for my age I have never done drugs or slept around which some people find so weird. One person even told me to leave my fiance and sleep around as I could find out what I'm missing they looked at me so blankly when I said I didn't care what I was missing lol.

People are so appauled when they hear i have never done drugs or even smoked a cigarette. And girls at work tend not to talk to me once they find out i've only been with my husband. They think its weird to sleep with just one person your entire life.

Never done drugs or smoked a cigarette, either, and while I've been with more than 1 person, my "number" certainly isn't a high one. People usually just don't believe such a thing is possible. It's weird.

It's really sad that in our society, people like us are "weird." It used to be the opposite.

KimmyEB

I hear you there I have always been a bit grown up for my age I have never done drugs or slept around which some people find so weird. One person even told me to leave my fiance and sleep around as I could find out what I'm missing they looked at me so blankly when I said I didn't care what I was missing lol.

People are so appauled when they hear i have never done drugs or even smoked a cigarette. And girls at work tend not to talk to me once they find out i've only been with my husband. They think its weird to sleep with just one person your entire life.

Never done drugs or smoked a cigarette, either, and while I've been with more than 1 person, my "number" certainly isn't a high one. People usually just don't believe such a thing is possible. It's weird.

It's really sad that in our society, people like us are "weird." It used to be the opposite.

Lol, right? My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend admitted to sleeping with over 60 men when they broke up...that was a couple of years ago. I have other friends who have dated her since...so that number is on the rise. I honestly have nothing against people who are promiscuous, but jeez...I get the weird stares?! lol.

erialsea

I get the "So when are you guys gonna start having kids?" question a LOT. Especially lately. I don't want children, nor does my boyfriend, and apparently, that isn't a good enough answer to most people. It only opens up for more questions. "What?! Why not?" "How can you not want kids?!" "Don't you think your parents deserve grandkids?" (that last one is my favorite--DESERVE grandkids?) I'm finishing school to become a special education teacher. I also volunteer with Autism Speaks, and I plan on getting back into volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (among others) once I finish the current semester. There are more ways to help children than having them. And by no means do I think having children is something bad! It's just not what I want for myself.

I couldn't have said this any better. I agree with everything you said. I also work with children, am constantly around children and absolutely adore them. I just don't feel like I need my own and neither does my husband. We are both open to the idea of adoption later down the road though
Edit: and by later down the road I mean late 30's or early 40's. Then I get the, "Eew, you're going to be so old by the time they're in college!"

LysieMae

In my Spanish class this year, my professor was handing out the questions for the oral interview we have to do as a final. She asked who is married, because married people have a few different questions than single people (name of spouse, how many children, etc). The guy in front of me raised his hand as a joke, then lowered it when the professor asked him about it. When he brought his hand down, mine was the only one sticking up in the air. I am the ONLY one in my class married and the only one with children. :embarassed: I miss night classes, haha.

Then the next week, she went over all the answers to my interview in front of the class - I got some very interesting looks when people translated in their heads that I am twenty years-old, married, and a mother of one. :huh:

EmmyBee

Have you guys seen that picture going around on Facebook that says "All of my friends are getting married or getting pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome."? (I've also seen the variation that says "I'm just getting drunk"....yeah, classy statement about yourself there.) Seeing people I know post this just really irks me for some reason. People who are married or have children are getting more awesome too!!!

jaxonsmommy11

im 22 i have a 9 month old son. he is my world. but i would never ask someone why they dont want or have kids. im not married but we live together i didnt want to be pregnant and get married. Most of my close friends have kids the other people just look stupid going out drinking all the time. good way to kill ur self before u make a life for yourself

KimmyEB

On the topic of alcohol....yeah...I know a lot of people who are already alcoholics in their early 20's. It's terrible. I was a horrible binge drinker up until March of last year...I could have been a lot worse, but I decided to not get to that point. My body and wallet are much happier without alcohol!