Bipolar?

cherdan

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II in my late teens. I had known it for some time before that, though. I had my first panic attack at 15, anxiety problems and depression began, etc. I never had mental issues growing up. I was picked on mercilessly in high school, near 300 lbs at my heaviest. I was diagnosed with PTSD.. the anxiety disorders have effected me most profoundly, I think. The bipolar just goes along with the territory, methinks..
I have been by choice (mainly due to the horrid weight-related side effects) completely off medication for 4 years, at least. I think I am lucky/I can "handle" this because I consider myself a 'high functioning' sufferer of mental illness. Although certain things worry me.. as I get older, I notice the social anxiety has worsened, especially since I've been out of college and stopped having a social life/friends, etc. I also notice myself increasingly vocalizing my frenetic internal dialogue.. especially when in manic mode. Basically whereas before I tried to suppress all my anxious/irritable thoughts, now I just talk to myself aloud, whenever, in public, and I don't really care if people notice.
Anyone else feel the symptoms of this disorder render them more susceptible to compulsive eating? I feel like I definitely eat out of boredom on impulse.. even though now I don't feel as bad because it's not cheat foods/'bad' foods and I stay within my weight loss or maintenance calorie alottment. I also suffered an eating disorder in my teens so I still have issues with feeling "guilty" embarrassed eating "too much" around people, especially men. So I tend to eat the vast majority of my allotted daily calories at home alone, then restrict myself all day out in public, so as long as I have eaten my one filling lunch before heading out.
Anyway, long story short. I think it's twice as hard for a person afflicted with mental ailments to lose and maintain weight than it is for the 'average joe'.. I have lost 60 lbs in the last year and I think that it is a testament to my strength and drive, because I was able to do all that, completely alone, with all my ****ed up internal dialogue/disordered thinking...

vittix

Hey Cherdan, i to am Bipolar. I understand how you feel. I didn't find out till i was in my 20's. Food has always been my best friend. I hit 364 @ 24 and ended up having a bypass. Best thing i could do for myself, but 10 years later i have fallen back into those old eating habits and meds have a part in that, Gained 1/2 of my weight back. I have alto of health issues, hip knee heel. Keeping me from the one thing that helped me see the light, walking. Walking always cleared my head. I'm a compulsive eater and i have always ate my feelings. I started a 1200 cal diet with my Dr. I working it. Its hard and some days too hard but I'm sticking to it. Food is all i can think of some days, but now its the calories. I dream about calories. Yet i haven't been manic. I've been grumpy, hard to watch everyone else eat what you can't. I'm always reminding myself I'm the only one who can do this for me. 2.7 lbs I'll hit 40lbs lost and i haven't cheated. The part about not cheating is what I'm most proud of. Keep your chin up Feel free to add me as a friend

Jorra

My mother was bipolar. She managed it fairly well with medication. Whenever she needed a new mix of meds she would get manic and need to go to the hospital. That happened every couple of years. She didn't work, and we lived off of Disability. She spent all her time at home watching TV and eating. Because of this, she was morbidly obese my entire childhood. I followed her habits, and I have also been obese my entire life. She died of cardiac arrest my first Christmas back from college.

I applaud both of you for taking control of your life and your health.

cherdan

My mother was bipolar. She managed it fairly well with medication. Whenever she needed a new mix of meds she would get manic and need to go to the hospital. That happened every couple of years. She didn't work, and we lived off of Disability. She spent all her time at home watching TV and eating. Because of this, she was morbidly obese my entire childhood. I followed her habits, and I have also been obese my entire life. She died of cardiac arrest my first Christmas back from college.

I applaud both of you for taking control of your life and your health.

I am very sorry about this.
I fear of the same thing happening to my mother, who is nearing 60.
She is definitely bipolar, without a doubt, but she is the queen of denial and would never seek help/get diagnosed. When I first started seeing a shrink in high school she would drive me and wait outside and when I was done would mock me/ask me if I talked all about her/etc. So vindictive.
There is a long, long history of mental illness and alcoholism (several young deaths from alcoholism) in the women on my mother's side of the family.
My older brother passed almost 2 years ago from complications from years of morbid obesity. He was nearly 700 lbs when he passed. He had been waiting for approval for the lap band surgery when he died but he had to lose 100 lbs before even being considered, per the complications. He was also a heavy smoker, drug user of both pot and prescription narcotics so I don't think it is necessarily the weight that killed him.
My mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship, she was highly emotionally abusive and at times physically abusive. Have wanted to call the cops on her many, many times but I can't as my dad's disabled (quad) and she's his caregiver and it would break up our family.
7 or 8 years ago my mom got caught committing identify theft and fraud and went to jail for about a year. Before she left she got completely clean and sober. For 5 years she was sober and we got along well. Once he passed she went off the deep end. She's back to smoking pot heavily (literally perma-stoned) and drinking 24/7. Her justification is that its "only wine and pot." I found out she stopped taking her Zoloft years ago and now her mental issues are worse than ever.
The only good to come out of it she helped me realize I needed to get sober and that pot is a horrible drug for mentally ill people. I feel much better and have a easier time coping with life. The 30 days coming off it were the hardest thing I've ever quit. I literally wanted to die.. every day.
My mom used to be very active, avid bicyclist, lost an immense amount of weight exercising and living healthy. Now she is sedentary pretty much 24/7. She injured her back a few times and now she's on all these pain meds. She lies on the couch I'd say 90% of the time she is awake and watches tv and eats.. all junk. She's packed on a lot of weight.. I'd say at least 50 lbs within the last 2 years. She keeps saying she's going to die soon out of pity and justification for her selfish habits, but that's just a copout. She wants to die.. she's digging her own grave.
Seeing her rapid degeneration is a daily affirmation of what I never want to be.

chellesky

Im Bipolar too. Was diagnosed when I was 26, Im now 49. The last two years have been terrible. Ive been hospitalised three times for up to 2 months at a time since 2009. I have put on so much more weight with the medication in the last two years
as its made me so hungry. Ive recently changed meds and began to look at my obesity issues.

So sorry for your loss Jorra.

Thanks for your bravery and starting this topic Cherdan

vittix

The hardest thing is watching others struggle and not be able to do anything about it. You making changes in your life so you don't go down the same road. Its hard, some don't understand. I think its brave

Qarol

My mom and I believe my grandmother had this, even though she was never officially diagnosed. She expressed so many of the classic symptoms.

When I first moved to this state 7 years ago, I made an appointment with a local psychiatrist to discuss meds for my depression. I have been diagnosed. I have been on other medications. I have been in years of therapy. When I mentioned my grandmother, he latched onto the idea that I had bipolar, too, since it can be hereditary. I was very skeptical. He had me leave his office, sit in the waiting room, and fill out this 10 question form to try to sum up my symptoms. Every.single.answer was negative when it came to bipolar. I've never been manic. Not even close. Nothing on that form even closely resembled what I go through.

I went back to his office, handed it to him. He read it over, and said, huh, all your answers were no. Well, that still doesn't meant you don't have it.

Quack. I didn't go back to see him again. If you're not going to LISTEN to what is wrong with me, then you've really got no business being in this profession.

Jorra

Quack. I didn't go back to see him again. If you're not going to LISTEN to what is wrong with me, then you've really got no business being in this profession.

I bet he's one of those that get kickbacks for prescribing medication. That's absolute horsecrap. No one else in my family has ever been diagnosed with bipolar disorder besides my mother. I know that it is something that you are born with, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily hereditary.

LoveleeB

I am just about to finish my master's in counseling psychology in a few months and I am so glad someone decided to make this group!

Cherdan, I pulled out my handy-dandy DSM-IV and looked up the associated symptoms and co-morbid disorders for someone with Bipolar II. Common co-morbid mental illnesses for someone with Bipolar II are Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa, which would indicate that having disordered eating might be linked with Bipolar disorder. I think it is completely logical to conclude that your Bipolar has something to do with your eating habits. In addition, anxiety and PTSD in general make people susceptible to feeling "out of control" regarding things in their life. Thus, by controlling eating in any manner,a person would find it to be a soothing behavior to a certain extent because it reduces the anxiety.

Thank you for being willing to share this and open the topic for discussion.