November 14 - Toughest part about being a Mom...

carolina_r

NOVEMBER 14

THIS WEEK’S TASK: DRINK UP!!!
Are you getting enough water? MFP allows you to track how much water you are drinking…If you’ve never used this function, try it and see how much you are having in a day. See if you can get to 8 cups a day!

THIS WEEK’S POLL: TOUGHEST PART ABOUT BEING A MOM
Motherhood is an amazing, rewarding experience. But let’s face it – there are many times when it can be very challenging and exhausting! Share with the group what you find the toughest about being a mom…

Baby is crying...I'll post my response later, ladies!

mrsyam

I love my kids with all my heart, but sometimes I NEED a break. My break for me is going to work. I only work 7 days a month, but those 7 days are an escape from the whining, crying, diapers, bottles, potty, etc. Having 2 children under 3 is hard sometimes.

redmanis

Ladies, you should read
I was a Good Mom Before I Had Kids
It is excellent and a very light easy read! It talks about how we love our kids but how we don't always love motherhood. I wish I read it 5 years ago with my first. It talks about how hard motherhood is and how we feel guilty if we do something for ourselves. Also how moms don't talk about their struggles enough and no one prepares you for the challenges of motherhood!
It is excellent!!!!

carolina_r

redmanis - Thanks for the book suggestion! I will look for it!

I have only been at this motherhood thing for a short time (my first and only child is 8 1/2 months old), and I have found a number of things challenging.

1) Fatigue...
I was always a great sleeper - I'd fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and would easily get 7-8 hours a night. Once I got pregnant, the sleep disturbances began, and a colleague of mine said, "Get used to it...you'll never sleep well again!" This scares me! I know that he is a baby right now, so night waking is just a part of my life, but I know deep down that the night waking can continue beyond infancy (peeing the bed, nightmares, illness, scared of the dark...). I am getting used to running on reduced and fractured sleep, but it is tough. How will I be when I go back to work? Will I be able to handle it?

2) The relentless nature of motherhood...
It never stops. It goes 24/7. Even when my husband is around and taking care of him, I still feel primarily responsible for him. Even when I'm spending a b-day afternoon at the spa, I am thinking about him and hoping he is okay. When I try to fit my workouts in the evening after he goes to bed, I have to be listening in case he wakes up and needs me. When I get a chance to take a hot relaxing bath (dad's treat), I get the inevitable tap on the door..."I think he's hungry..." It is a constant pressure. One I have taken on willingly and joyfully, but it does add extra weight to my shoulders. I suspect this "pressure", though it may lessen with time, will never fully go away (as evidenced by concerned chats with my mom about my 30 year old brother who is currently in Australia...).

3) Loss of self...
This is one that I think can happen very easily, but that MFP and all of you are helping to combat! Tracking my food and exercise, taking the time to exercise, posting to forums and coming up with ideas for this group - these are all things I do for MYSELF - not my son, husband, mom, etc. It feels good to dedicate a part of each day to bettering myself and reclaiming my body, though I do wish I had more time to do other things I love, like drawing, painting, and scrapbooking. I will continue to try to carve out some time for me, but I worry that my return to work (and the "Ms. Resendes" part of my persona...I'm a high school teacher) will just make balancing things even more difficult!

4) Fear and worry...
I remember thinking to myself on the day he was born, that it was his first step away from me...When he was in my belly, I could easily keep him safe, but as he grows and learns new things, it gets harder and harder. Eventually, he will go to school, and I hope that he experiences success and makes some good friends. I hope he doesn't experience any harassment, and that he feels good about himself. I hope he doesn't suffer any terrible physical illness or injury, and that he is and will be happy. I hope that he is kind to others, that he is not the source of torment for another child. I hope he doesn't become addicted to drug / alcohol. I hope that he finds love and connection with another human being....and on and on it goes! And then, I think about it and realize that I am hoping for the impossible...and that the hardships in his life will make him stronger and build his character, and yet I wish life could be easier...And then I think, that I need to make sure I don't spoil or smother him, that I need to let him learn from his own mistakes...What a mess goes on in my head!!! Now - I don't sit around thinking these things all the time, but they do pop in there periodically...

To those of you with more than one child...I think "How do you do it??"!!!!!!!!

redmanis

Carolina, I really encourage you to read the book! I got it on Amazon for $4. It helps validate all of your worries and struggles.

I know what you mean about losing yourself. I have 3 kiddos and I have had to work at giving myself me time. I love thrift shopping and I try to go thrift shopping at least every other week by myself or at least just with the baby ( he's easier because he doesn't talk or move yet). I also started my own blog two weeks ago when I started MFP. It's http://jugglingchic.tumblr.com
this helps give me a creative outlet that is just for me!

feydruss

Morning ladies! I was a bit MIA last week, but have a moment now to check in while the boys are playing in front of me.

"Relentless" is the right word, Carolina! Especially with twins. Everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps" but when you have two, they might not sleep at the same time. You pick one up to soothe them and the other wants attention. Then trying to keep them from killing each other is another challenge.

Fatigue is definitely big on my list, but I think you nailed it on the head when you said it's constant. Even when DH is taking care of the boys for a few hours or something, I have to resist texting or wondering what's happening. When they came I tried to think of motherhood as a new job, but damn if it isn't a 24/7 job with crappy hours and manipulative bosses!

I think twins have their own unique challenges, but the biggest one for me is just learning how to juggle! I feel like I'm never giving anyone enough attention, because I'm constantly trying to deal with both of them.

Starting some sleep training this week! Wish me luck!

mrsyam

Carolina..... it gets better when they become more independent around 18 months old. Then it gets to be so much fun because they're so interactive and beginning to really communicate.

Then, they turn 2 and all hell breaks loose. lol I'm praying 3 is better than 2.

Feydruss....how old are your twins? Good luck with the sleep training. My oldest was a fabulous sleeper (STTN at 6 weeks old), my baby was not a great sleeper. It took her until 7.5 months to sleep all night.

redmanis

I know this doesn't help but once heard Terrible Twos, Horrible threes! I'm happy to say I didn't experience this!

bluestarlight19

I would say sleep deprivation in the beginning...I really don't do well without good sleep, and oh I was a basket case between that and the hormones. I thought I was giving my husband a break because I was on leave and he was working but I cracked and had to have him do some nights. Then on his own, he started taking a morning shift til he went to work and I got a couple more hours. Then magically, just a couple weeks before I went back to work, She started sleeping through the night, oh it was awesome! Has slept through ever since
Now its guilt from working...I get home at 6pm, and she is tired, we have to rush through a bath, feed/give her a bottle, then its calming her off to sleep with a binky before 7:30. I feel like I don't get to spend real time with her except on the weekends and even then, its go go go with food shopping and laundry and dishes. Sometimes I wish I could afford to be a stay at home mom.

LysieMae

I've been trying to keep up on the water since Wednesday - and, jeez, by the end of the day, I'm using the bathroom every 20 minutes it seems like!!

I have found the toughest part of motherhood so far to be breastfeeding. Not the actual act so much as everything that has gone along with it. From supply issues, to latch problems, to a hurting back and aching arms due to holding my baby in proper position, I've had some issues. Also the constant worry about a schedule. When did he last eat? Was it enough? Do I have enough milk in the fridge so that DH will be ok when I go to class? Then: If I go out, will there be a place to feed him or should I bring a bottle? If I feed him now, will he get hungry before I'll be able to feed him again? Sometimes, it would just be really really nice to leave him with the hubs and not worry about when I have to be home, or how much is in the fridge or if I'm getting everything in my diet for him.

LysieMae

3) Loss of self...
This is one that I think can happen very easily, but that MFP and all of you are helping to combat! Tracking my food and exercise, taking the time to exercise, posting to forums and coming up with ideas for this group - these are all things I do for MYSELF - not my son, husband, mom, etc. It feels good to dedicate a part of each day to bettering myself and reclaiming my body, though I do wish I had more time to do other things I love, like drawing, painting, and scrapbooking. I will continue to try to carve out some time for me, but I worry that my return to work (and the "Ms. Resendes" part of my persona...I'm a high school teacher) will just make balancing things even more difficult!

Agree! 100 %! I feel this a lot, especially since we live away from most of my friends and I don't work, so most of the friends I hang out with are wives of my husband's friends. It's hard not to just become "Wewetzer's wife."

carolina_r

LysieMae - I hear you!!! Breastfeeding has been quite the challenge for me as well (latching issues, scabbing, pain, inverted nipples, dermatitis...) I had to use a nipple shield just to get him to latch properly! It was always so stressful going out in public - hard to nurse when using a shield in public! Luckily, he is older now, also eating solids, and we have been able to say goodbye to the shield...but yes, bfeeding is a lot more challenging than what one would expect, considering it is a natural process! Shouldn't it be easier??

bluestarlight19 - I'm expecting the guilt to set in in February when I return to work...Have you found a way to cope with it?

redmanis - It gives me hope...all kids are unique, so you never know!

mrsyam - Thanks for the reassurance! I know that every stage brings its improvements and its challenges...they always keep us guessing!

feydruss - Once again, I laughed...:) I like your "job" metaphor!!!

stritte14

I added water to my diet many moons ago & therefore do not struggle with meeting the 8 glasses a day. I don't like juice & with all the beverages that contain ingredients you shouldn't drink while breastfeeding...there is not much left besides water! My babe hit 11 months this past Friday & I have to admit that I am excited about the return of black coffee to my diet soon....I just love coffee. Mmmmmm! I figured out ways to get my 8 glasses of water like I drink a glass while straightening my hair that help me not forget.

Challenges to being a mom? What challenges?? Bah ha ha....where does one even begin.

For me, I think the main challenges are definetly related to the emotional aspect that some of you have mentioned as well as the standard I hold myself to. Having had full responsibility for my husbands' teenage boys (read they do not go to their mother's....ever) has helped us to realize how fast time passes, how fast stages are over, and how fast they truly grow up. The past 10 years have flown by and I can't believe the 16 year old in front of me in the morning is the little 6 year old I remember so vividly. This coming weekend we are having a birthday party for my first baby's 3rd birthday. I literally remember giving birth to him like it was yesterday. As a result, the sleepness, the teething grumps, the making of baby food, the changing of bums, the having a baby with you all the time cause you are nursing etc....does not really get to me. I am able to truly focus on the "this too shall pass" and always try to remember that "you never know, this may be the last time". You never know when your last middle of the night snuggle is happening until it is already over. And these type of thoughts truly make me sad as I don't want my babies to grow up and travel through the harsh life lessons that inevitable, even though I know it will be okay that they do. I love the feel of their little tight hugs & trust me you don't get as many when they are teens!

I really stress about being the best mom I can and providing my children with the "best" that I can. I am an educated highschool teacher who has been employed for the past 7 years as a Child Protection Worker at Children's Aid. I spend everyday taking care of other people's children and want to ensure I am doing the best that I can for my own as well. I attend all sorts of training about topics such as development, attachment, etc and it's almost like I know too much. I can't just say "bye" and sneak out the door to the gym. Cause then my child might develop an insecurity that can result if you don't properly say goodbye. They might begin to think that you could disappear at any time, which would cause them to develop insecurities....you get the picture. I think it also makes it hard on my husband because he has to part to a CAS standard....sometimes I think that everything gets "over thought'.

Every day I am amazed at what women can do. How we grow, develop and figure out this parenting thing. I remember when it was just the older boys and thought I have no idea how I can manage this, let alone work. And then with just one baby, how in the world do you do two? And now here I am with another one & everyday may not be perfect but I am managing & my children are flourishing. We should all be so proud of our accomplishments.

SmangeDiggs

ive always been a big water drinker and if i dont drink at least 9 glasses a day i start to feel dehydrated, luckily my bladder seems to have adjusted and i dont pee every 5 mins,

The toughest thing about motherhood for me is the guilt - With my daughter (now 6 ) i went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, i was a single mum at the time and had no other choice...i was lucky enough to be able to spend 4 and a half months off at home with my son this time. Ive been back at work a month and it kills me every morning dropping him off to daycare....He loves daycare so much he cant wait to get out of my arms when we are there, people keep telling me to be happy he likes it there but to be honest id be more secretly pleased if he at least pretended to miss me. Lol i guess the subtleties of social interactions are lost on a 4.5 month old.

I hate that my monday - friday interactions with my children involve a rush of feeding, dressing, dropping off, picking up, feeding, bathing, homework and bed. I hate that i pay excessive amounts of money to people to raise my baby, I hate that this is my last baby and there are going to be firsts i miss out on. I hope that my children will grow to be strong independent people and accept that at times it was neccessary for me to be absent from their lives for short periods and be confident that i will infact be back.

I know my situation is not unique and i empathise with all parents who face the same battle on a day to day basis.

carolina_r

SmangeDiggs and stritte14 - I can't thank you enough for your responses!!!

While reading your posts, you made me:
- feel lucky to be able to spend the first 11 months at home with my son
- realize how lucky I am to be there for so many firsts (things my husband missed out on...)
- realize how lucky I am to have a partner helping me raise my son (single moms are the toughest thing out there...)
- see a positive side to night wakings

Inspiring!!!

pmur

I drink atleast 9-10 glasses of water a day. Have done it for a while now. Thanks for reminding me to track it! I was getting too lazy to do that!!!

I have two kids my older one is 9.5 yrs old and my little one is 10 months old. The toughest things kept varying year by year with my daughter. I have to say by far the most difficult milestone as a parent would be learning to let go and learning to not "baby" our daughter anymore. I still have trouble with that! I can't believe how soon she has grown up and I promise all of you, you are going to miss each of these baby moments(good and not so good). So cherish it while it lasts, it does not last forever!

rblair_22

I think the hardest part of being a mom is feeling like I have to do everything. Unfortunately for me, when my som went through his seperation anxiety phase he latched onto me. He will be 2 in December and he still insists "mommy do it." My husband is a lot of help, but my son refuses to let him do anything if I am in the vicinity.

Fatigue is also a problem! Danny is still a horrible sleeper to this day. We will go through phases where he will sleep well for about 2 wks, and then he starts waking up in the middle of the night again. I believe he's having nightmares because he will wake up screaming and won't calm down. When I go into his room to check on him he is always sitting or standing up. It's so frustrating because he will calm down and go back to sleep after I have cuddled him for a few months, but I have to be the one to do it. If my husband goes in, Danny just becomes more upset and starts thrashing around and trying to get away.

Carolina, I'm sorry but when your friend told you you would never sleep again, it's possible they were right! It just depends on the child, their personality and whether your willing to let them cry it out or not. For me, the cry it out method did not work!

ErinBEW

It's hard to balance everything! I just had my 2nd child on 10/07 and it's a challenge to balance the two kids with everything else going on in life!

raelynne629

Guilt about working and needing time for me... that's the hardest part, not feeling like i spend enough time with him.

SaishaLea

Balance. I have a 20 month old and a 4 month old. It has been going pretty smoothly, but every so often there comes a meltdown moment. I will have a million things to do, both of them start crying, both need a changing or feeding at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could clone myself:) My mother had six kids- I don't know how she did it!
I don't post a lot, but I am definitely reading and taking notes!

TiffanyaeBrown

Hi ladies! I'm new here, so I'm just going to jump in. I'm still playing with my features so I'll look into tracking water. I drink a lot of reduced sugar/natural fruit juices, but I'm sure the water would be better.

As for the overwhelming/toughest part of being a mom? Well... I have 5 little girls. Lol, so for me it's keeping up with everyone's schedules and keeping everything organized. It's not really any *one* issue, it's just staying on top of everything enough to make sure everyone is taken care of. On the flip side of that, my girls help with household chores and even coupons! Lol Everyone pitches in, so that's a double win. It helps me and teaches them many other skills, i.e. self-reliance, helping others (younger siblings), working together, etc.

It does get overwhelming at times, and I've been blessed with a husband who can recognize it! Lol. He'll give me time out to myself or get a sitter and take me out. I love to read, so sometimes he surprises me with a new book. And in a few weeks, i'll be able to add going to the gym to that list. (I'm still recovering from a c-section.)