the term "breeder" for hetero

kennethmgreen

This thread got me wondering: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/395694-queer-empowering-label-or-hate-word

Was the term "breeder" for heterosexuals ever considered negative? This term was popular amongst some of my friends in the mid-90s and I got called a breeder. Were my friends giving me ****? It didn't feel that way. It always felt like a simple identifier. Was the term popular because of the band?

I never hear this term any more. Did it completely die out? Or are all my gay friends (and myself) just old? :bigsmile:

_SusieQ_

I personally use the term breeder for any of my friends with children, regardless of sexual orientation. I do not consider it negative, but then again I am NOT a breeder.

MikeSEA

First, I think the term really lacks any power in a general context. You really can't come up with a derogatory name, based on a common quality, for people who don't qualify as a marginalized group because of that quality.

it doesn't surprise me that it died.

Second, the gay community was going in isolationist mode for awhile. At some point we decided to play nice and decided to stop alienating straight people for being straight, despite being bitter.

Currently, the term Bigot has filled the Breeder position, imo.

EDIT: to piggyback on the previous poster, we've also seen a trend in the gay community to counteract the common misconception that we can't have children---mostly because a lack of breeding potential is often used as an argument against same-sex marriage--even though it's not valid. Identifying only heteros as breeders doesn't do much to highlight the fact that plenty of gay couples raise biologically-linked spawn.

ilookthetype

I personally use the term breeder for any of my friends with children, regardless of sexual orientation. I do not consider it negative, but then again I am NOT a breeder.

I use it all the time for my friends who are making babies. I know that Dan Savage still uses the term, but he is quite liberal in his word choices, I've never heard it used in a way that was meant to be negative.

maab_connor

when i call someone a breeder, it is derogatory. but it has nothing to do w/ orientation. it has to do with having way too many kids and/or not taking care of them. Duggars - breeders. Missy (insane chick i went to HS with, 4 kids no job, terrible mother) -breeder.

_SusieQ_

I believe you can take the most innocuous term and make it derogatory depending on context and ferocity of usage. So to maab's point, I have probably used that term in the derogatory sense like her example. But as stated before, I have also used it as a blanket term to differentiate myself (no kids) from others with kids.

kennethmgreen

EDIT: to piggyback on the previous poster, we've also seen a trend in the gay community to counteract the common misconception that we can't have children---mostly because a lack of breeding potential is often used as an argument against same-sex marriage--even though it's not valid. Identifying only heteros as breeders doesn't do much to highlight the fact that plenty of gay couples raise biologically-linked spawn.

I was wondering about this. The majority of my gay friends are parents. This was not the case 15 years ago.

thedreamhazer

I would like to say that I come from a family of 5 children, and I am very happy and would never give up having such a big family. There were a lot of difficulties growing up with so many siblings, and my mother's mental health problems was part of that and made it difficult for her to raise all of us. However, it was her decision to choose to have more than the normal number of children, and despite my mother's issues, we all had at least one capable parental figure who helped raise us into good people.

baisleac

The only time I see breeder is on Child-Free boards and "The Feminist Breeder" blog.

brittanyjeanxo

I have a friend who is gay, but doesn't know my sexual orientation. When he's talking about straight people he says "you breeders." It kinds bothers me. When I'm talking about gays/lesbians I don't say "you queers".

CakeFit21

On our HOA message board a while ago some chick used the term in a rant about noisy kids at the pool in summer. (Um, we live in a suburban neighborhood, it should have been no surprise there would be kids at the pool in summer) It was definitely derogatory. All of us "breeders" sorta took that term and started using it on each other in a teasing way. Now I laugh at it. If it's said in a derisive way, just like other terms, I believe it says more about the person saying it than anybody else.

kennethmgreen

On our HOA message board a while ago some chick used the term in a rant about noisy kids at the pool in summer. (Um, we live in a suburban neighborhood, it should have been no surprise there would be kids at the pool in summer) It was definitely derogatory. All of us "breeders" sorta took that term and started using it on each other in a teasing way. Now I laugh at it. If it's said in a derisive way, just like other terms, I believe it says more about the person saying it than anybody else.

Well now you just made me want to explore the use of the term "chick".....

xLyric

The only time I've ever even heard it used was when watching a TV show, and because of the negative way it was used there, I just assumed everyone used breeder in a derogatory way. I agree with whoever said it already; I wouldn't call a group 'those gays' so why would I call a group 'breeders'?

KeeleySue

It kinds bothers me. When I'm talking about gays/lesbians I don't say "you queers".

I pretty much agree with this. The only time I have ever heard "breeder" is when it's being used in a derogatory manner by non-straight people.

Bonita_Lynne_58

I have never heard this term applied to me. I am straight and also have children. I could care less if someone chooses to use that term to identify people who seem to fit in the same category as I do. It's never as much a word as the intent behind a word. And that goes for lots of different words.

The only word that I feel can truly describe all of us without regard to race, nationality, gender, religion or sexuality is.......HUMAN. After that's what we all are.

Yakisoba

when i call someone a breeder, it is derogatory. but it has nothing to do w/ orientation. it has to do with having way too many kids and/or not taking care of them. Duggars - breeders. Missy (insane chick i went to HS with, 4 kids no job, terrible mother) -breeder.

._. Them. I swear... One day, her vagina will retaliate.

Vaanja

I have a friend who is gay, but doesn't know my sexual orientation. When he's talking about straight people he says "you breeders." It kinds bothers me. When I'm talking about gays/lesbians I don't say "you queers".

^This, thank you.

KeeleySue

when i call someone a breeder, it is derogatory. but it has nothing to do w/ orientation. it has to do with having way too many kids and/or not taking care of them. Duggars - breeders. Missy (insane chick i went to HS with, 4 kids no job, terrible mother) -breeder.

A little off topic, but I disagree about the Duggars.

Their own philosophy is they will have as many children as God blesses them with. They are very financially responsible, do NOT use public assistance AT ALL, and all of their children are well-behaved and very polite.

MikeSEA

when i call someone a breeder, it is derogatory. but it has nothing to do w/ orientation. it has to do with having way too many kids and/or not taking care of them. Duggars - breeders. Missy (insane chick i went to HS with, 4 kids no job, terrible mother) -breeder.

A little off topic, but I disagree about the Duggars.

Their own philosophy is they will have as many children as God blesses them with. They are very financially responsible, do NOT use public assistance AT ALL, and all of their children are well-behaved and very polite.

Are these the same people that have like 19 children, claim that they're just accepting gifts from God, but go to specialists in an effort to have more children? Or am I thinking of different people?

If they're self-sufficient, I don't actually care how many children they have. I would take exception to anyone who feels like they're just doing what God wants by going to fertility specialists to have that many kids.

_SusieQ_

when i call someone a breeder, it is derogatory. but it has nothing to do w/ orientation. it has to do with having way too many kids and/or not taking care of them. Duggars - breeders. Missy (insane chick i went to HS with, 4 kids no job, terrible mother) -breeder.

A little off topic, but I disagree about the Duggars.

Their own philosophy is they will have as many children as God blesses them with. They are very financially responsible, do NOT use public assistance AT ALL, and all of their children are well-behaved and very polite.

Are these the same people that have like 19 children, claim that they're just accepting gifts from God, but go to specialists in an effort to have more children? Or am I thinking of different people?

If they're self-sufficient, I don't actually care how many children they have. I would take exception to anyone who feels like they're just doing what God wants by going to fertility specialists to have that many kids.

Since I do not know the Duggars personally, and can only answer based on their REALITY TV SHOW, it's my understanding they do NOT use fertility doctors, but they also do not use any kind of protection for birth control. They believe children to be God's gift and therefore do nothing to prevent pregnancy. While I will not comment about their choice to not use conventional means, there are other ways to prevent pregnancy.

*Edit to say, I didn't mean to digress from topic, just was answering the poster's question.

kenzietea

I think since the LBGT community is a minority, we should know the pain and hurt felt by derogatory terms first hand and choose not to use them. Would I personally be offended by that term if I were straight? No. But I am not so sure if anyone should use any name towards anyone else before actually knowing anything about them. I am still torn on this subject though.

nevadjinn

The term breeder takes one of the most pervasive and sick arguments against queer people "Won't someone please think of the children?!" - the pedophilia stereotype, basically the idea that queers present an affront to the traditional, wholesome family, and reverses it by making the traditional family sound disgusting and mindless. By insinuating that heterosexuality is driven by a mindless instinct for reproduction, the term breeder implies that those who don't fit the description are driven by something greater. That homoeroticism is more refined etc. I use it to describe people like the family members (yes, there are more than one) who dropped out of college when they got knocked up and get upset when I express that I have no intention of reproducing, of breeding. I've used it in pure hatred to describe the heteronormative society I rebel against. I use it to describe that lesbian couple I know who chose to have kids biologically and thus exacerbate the overpopulation problem while children lie in orphanages with no one to hold them. There has always been hate speech and it will continue to exist as long as people continue to hate groups as well as individuals. I disagree with the idea that every group deserves verbal respect. Human rights do not include the right to be free from criticism.

Bonita_Lynne_58

The term breeder takes one of the most pervasive and sick arguments against queer people "Won't someone please think of the children?!" - the pedophilia stereotype, basically the idea that queers present an affront to the traditional, wholesome family, and reverses it by making the traditional family sound disgusting and mindless. By insinuating that heterosexuality is driven by a mindless instinct for reproduction, the term breeder implies that those who don't fit the description are driven by something greater. That homoeroticism is more refined etc. I use it to describe people like the family members (yes, there are more than one) who dropped out of college when they got knocked up and get upset when I express that I have no intention of reproducing, of breeding. I've used it in pure hatred to describe the heteronormative society I rebel against. I use it to describe that lesbian couple I know who chose to have kids biologically and thus exacerbate the overpopulation problem while children lie in orphanages with no one to hold them. There has always been hate speech and it will continue to exist as long as people continue to hate groups as well as individuals. I disagree with the idea that every group deserves verbal respect. Human rights do not include the right to be free from criticism.

And while being a hetero female who is married and had children (biological and step) and having read all of what you wrote, I am not offended! I choose not to be. It's just a word and if I refuse to give it power to hurt me, it can't. That being said, there are words I will never use because they're commonly use to denigrate others.

I have heard people suggest that being (please understand if I use the wrong word) lesbian or gay equates to pedophilia. That is absolutely ludicrous! Sorry we're in a society where it seems to be accepted to pick on others for who they love.

sunnykt

The term breeder takes one of the most pervasive and sick arguments against queer people "Won't someone please think of the children?!" - the pedophilia stereotype, basically the idea that queers present an affront to the traditional, wholesome family, and reverses it by making the traditional family sound disgusting and mindless. By insinuating that heterosexuality is driven by a mindless instinct for reproduction, the term breeder implies that those who don't fit the description are driven by something greater. That homoeroticism is more refined etc. I use it to describe people like the family members (yes, there are more than one) who dropped out of college when they got knocked up and get upset when I express that I have no intention of reproducing, of breeding. I've used it in pure hatred to describe the heteronormative society I rebel against. I use it to describe that lesbian couple I know who chose to have kids biologically and thus exacerbate the overpopulation problem while children lie in orphanages with no one to hold them. There has always been hate speech and it will continue to exist as long as people continue to hate groups as well as individuals. I disagree with the idea that every group deserves verbal respect. Human rights do not include the right to be free from criticism.

And while being a hetero female who is married and had children (biological and step) and having read all of what you wrote, I am not offended! I choose not to be. It's just a word and if I refuse to give it power to hurt me, it can't. That being said, there are words I will never use because they're commonly use to denigrate others.

I have heard people suggest that being (please understand if I use the wrong word) lesbian or gay equates to pedophilia. That is absolutely ludicrous! Sorry we're in a society where it seems to be accepted to pick on others for who they love.

It's no more or less offensive then the terms "*kitten*" or "*kitten*", it's all about context and subjectiveness.
Personally I don't find these terms offensive at all. I'm all for the reclaiming of previously negative terms. I'm all for language in all its forms. But in some contexts I would punch a hoe over calling me any of the above, why? Context.
I don't like the PC committee that goes around telling us to use only positive language that can't be considered offensive. Grow a sense of humour and come join us in the real world at some point.

Bonita_Lynne_58

The term breeder takes one of the most pervasive and sick arguments against queer people "Won't someone please think of the children?!" - the pedophilia stereotype, basically the idea that queers present an affront to the traditional, wholesome family, and reverses it by making the traditional family sound disgusting and mindless. By insinuating that heterosexuality is driven by a mindless instinct for reproduction, the term breeder implies that those who don't fit the description are driven by something greater. That homoeroticism is more refined etc. I use it to describe people like the family members (yes, there are more than one) who dropped out of college when they got knocked up and get upset when I express that I have no intention of reproducing, of breeding. I've used it in pure hatred to describe the heteronormative society I rebel against. I use it to describe that lesbian couple I know who chose to have kids biologically and thus exacerbate the overpopulation problem while children lie in orphanages with no one to hold them. There has always been hate speech and it will continue to exist as long as people continue to hate groups as well as individuals. I disagree with the idea that every group deserves verbal respect. Human rights do not include the right to be free from criticism.

And while being a hetero female who is married and had children (biological and step) and having read all of what you wrote, I am not offended! I choose not to be. It's just a word and if I refuse to give it power to hurt me, it can't. That being said, there are words I will never use because they're commonly use to denigrate others.

I have heard people suggest that being (please understand if I use the wrong word) lesbian or gay equates to pedophilia. That is absolutely ludicrous! Sorry we're in a society where it seems to be accepted to pick on others for who they love.

It's no more or less offensive then the terms "*kitten*" or "*kitten*", it's all about context and subjectiveness.
Personally I don't find these terms offensive at all. I'm all for the reclaiming of previously negative terms. I'm all for language in all its forms. But in some contexts I would punch a hoe over calling me any of the above, why? Context.
I don't like the PC committee that goes around telling us to use only positive language that can't be considered offensive. Grow a sense of humour and come join us in the real world at some point.

If we refuse to allow words that seem derogatory to define us, they won't. There will always be people who hate. I just don't intend to identify myself with them. I am not comfortable using these words because they were always used with such hate and scorn as I was growing up. I never wanted to be like the people who were so hate filled and biased. Could not then and still can't understand why someone would be hated for race, sexual preference, economic standing, weight, disability, etc. You may have gathered that I grew up in a very intolerant family.

If using words that I view as negative takes the power away from them, it's a good thing. I however don't relish being called fat. I know that I am. But I am so much more than the labels someone may apply to me. With a close friend I might use a term in jest. But will not use words to deliberately hurt others.

I am not policing the language anyone uses. I just choose how I speak. And if someone maliciously calls you something like that, then they have it coming! It really is about the context!