Single and dating...

backwardslant

Hi folks, for those of you who are single and looking for dates or are in the process of dating, how are you finding it as far as how it relates to your weight-loss or fitness goals? For instance, are you avoiding dating because of self-esteem issues or fears? Or do you find yourself doubting your attractiveness due to any of those issues?

Also, do you prefer to meet people through online sites or groups, or do you stick to more traditional "in person" type places?

I'm finally jumping back into it all, and am curious to hear others' feelings and experiences with all of the above. I know I have my own issues to work on regarding my perception of myself versus others, and am wondering if many of you do as well?

notebooksecrets

I've found that my weight-loss and fitness goals have taken a bit of a backseat since I became single a couple of months ago because I found that the stability of being in a relationship helped me to regulate my eating patterns (and my partner and I were pretty competitive and both trying to lose weight). Since then, I've somewhat lost motivation and am trying to hop back on the bandwagon.

In terms of dating, I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about my body and self-esteem at the moment. I think it's tougher now that I don't have someone who's there for me who I know likes me how I am, so I feel under more pressure to look better because, in my eyes, everyone else out there is smaller and more attractive than me. I've been 'seeing' a couple of women in the last few weeks, and it's a bit of a head**** because I can't quite understand what on earth they see in me, and I end up just overthinking and feeling bad about myself. I'm learning that the best thing for me to do is try and ignore all my nagging negative thoughts and just accept that if people like me, they like me, whether understand it or not. But there is that extra motivation starting to pop in for weight-loss though (i.e. will be seeing a girl I like in a fortnight, and I would really like to shift a couple of pounds between now and then because I would hate for her to have gone off me...she is ridiculously skinny!).

In terms of meeting people, I don't know, I tend to find women just crop up when I'm not expecting them to. For instance, I've been surfing good old gaydargirls (a UK-based lesbian dating site) but not really having much luck, whereas I've found that half the friends I've been talking to about trying to get over the ex have turned around and told me they really like me. It's completely random.

/non-sensical rambling.

woou

I'm still in school, so while I date, I try to stay unattached. Keep it to casual dating instead of serious dating. I just have a lot of things on my plate and don't see myself giving the time and attention towards a serious relationship that I would like to give. I let anyone I'm dating know that, and most are ok with it. Some I never hear from again. I completely understand and respect that.

Since I live in an urban area, I find people anywhere offline & online. Or maybe b/c I'm not really looking, and that's why they crop up. Bet ya when I start looking for a serious relationship, I can't find anyone. :laugh::noway: :laugh:

emzmc

I automatically think that no one will find me attractive because of being over weight, my mind keeps telling me that this is true because I have never had a bf/gf before ( I'm 21 22 in less than a month). I'm trying to get into my head that maybe I'm one of those people that will never be whisked of my feet by someone and be lonely forever.
I would love to meet someone who likes/loves me for me.... Not as if I'm asking for alot.
Would love to be the thin attractive girl that people would think 'she looks hot/nice/fit, I'll go and talk to her'.

dragonflybird

LMAO, I'm single and dating.....and I wouldn't have a problem at all except that I'm living with my EX still! Aside from that, I am pickier of who I date now. I am not wanting to date someone who is not physically active. I find looking online doesn't work so well anymore seeing as I'm well....38 now. I also find it harder to meet people because I'm not one to go out clubbing ...and it's not like I am going to find my mate in a grocery store. I think I'll have an easier time when I go back to school to do my PhD. At least, I'd like to think that.

david581c

Currently Im waaay to neurotic and lethargic to date.

Probably my weight, though i dont see anyone attractive around me. All the woman are caught up in scoring a meathead who's "cute" and all the guys are just the meatheads looking for girls who think their "cute"


Dont even get me started on the gay crowd here, think of the weirdest creepiest guy, then imagine him gay. Thats a no bueno.


Im starting to feel like im in the wrong place, doing the wrkng thing, @ the wrong time.

tameko2

Currently Im waaay to neurotic and lethargic to date.

Probably my weight, though i dont see anyone attractive around me. All the woman are caught up in scoring a meathead who's "cute" and all the guys are just the meatheads looking for girls who think their "cute"


Dont even get me started on the gay crowd here, think of the weirdest creepiest guy, then imagine him gay. Thats a no bueno.

I wish merely to point out that you called yourself super neurotic, and then said things that make you sound super neurotic.

Also - online date. Its the best. People you just happen to run into locally are not the best dating pool.

woou

Also - online date. Its the best. People you just happen to run into locally are not the best dating pool.

What? No way. :laugh: Nevermind. I'm just too lazy for online dating. Checking profiles, messaging back and forth before actually getting to meet the person, etc.... Now when I do it, I usually post an ad to meet at a certain place and time. I really don't like messaging a person back and forth for a lengthy amount of time unless we're going to keep our interaction online permanently.

Plus, people who I get a certain feel for online usually turn out to behave differently offline. For instance, a super shy girl online turned out to be pretty flirty off. And then another who was super flirty online was so nervous that her hands were cold and shaking. I thought it was cute, but when we started chatting online again, she would get super flirty, and I would be all confused like it was talking to a completely different person :huh: . I usually place more emphasis on how a person behaves offline versus online though.

I kind of like bumping into random people and getting to know them from there personally. Oh and I don't go to the clubs or bars either. The last bar I went to was probably more than 2 years ago. I actually meet people at the library, store, etc.... I think those of us with superb gaydars can hone in on each other like that. :laugh:

david581c

I wish merely to point out that you called yourself super neurotic, and then said things that make you sound super neurotic.

Also - online date. Its the best. People you just happen to run into locally are not the best dating pool.

oh trust me, I'm well aware of my neurosis, at times I feel like Morrissey said one time, "I'm bored with men and bored with women"


as open minded as I am, online feels so...new...

I'm a sucker for traditionalism, y'know, running into your 50th anniversary lover at the grocery store type stuff, then again, maybe I just need time.

then again, I'm a self diagnosed hypochondriac.

sunnykt

"Aside from that, I am pickier of who I date now. I am not wanting to date someone who is not physically active. "

Amen to that.

"Plus, people who I get a certain feel for online usually turn out to behave differently offline."

Yer, I like to think I'm funnier offline, but really I come across as white and nerdy... On the internet I'm a ****ing she wolf, ya? Plus everything is at least 20% more boring when I say it outloud because I'm not filtering it as much...

Currently Im waaay to neurotic and lethargic to date.

Probably my weight, though i dont see anyone attractive around me. All the woman are caught up in scoring a meathead who's "cute" and all the guys are just the meatheads looking for girls who think their "cute"


Dont even get me started on the gay crowd here, think of the weirdest creepiest guy, then imagine him gay. Thats a no bueno.


Im starting to feel like im in the wrong place, doing the wrkng thing, @ the wrong time.

I'm experiencing wanderlust too...

I set myself the goals that I couldn't date until I at least reached 63kgs. Now I've reached that goal. But it turns out curing the body that I got after dating my ex (not that I've completely cured them yet) doesn't cure all the other self esteem issues that come from knowing you chose someone completely wrong, even if it wasn't forever. I guess I'm like, a romantic or something, deep, deep, deep down I don't like the idea of not committing for 'forever'. It feels like a failure if it doesn't last. Product of having parents who didn't get a divorce and all...

I'm young. So I account for the fact that once a week I'm going to go out to some cafe or restaurant and blow heaps of calories on food I'm not craving and don't need (with no nutritional value) with friends. And I go out and binge drink calories pretty much every Thursday, but dating is just a diet landmind and I don't want to get into a threeway relationship where it is me, someone else, and food, I really can't see myself dating again until next year, because I can't see myself dating before I've reached and maintained my final weight loss goal- which is slightly unfortunate when I think about it. More proof I'm secretly introverted...

But all in all, loosing about 10 kgs has put me back on the dating map. It's actually quite disconcerting how many of those 'meatheads' (and by meatheads I mean people I don't like) are boring me right now....