How has ED effected your life?(sorry long winded..)
cowlover22
Posts: 309 Member
Just curious how peoples eds have effected them. Here are some good reasons for those of you who have not had your EDs that long to fight like Hell.(Not that we all shouldnt, but statistics show the sooner you get treatment the better the out come.
As for me..well pretty much has caused me a life of misery.(Yeah dont know why I keep it either) but at first it was great with all the compliments but that didnt last..In collage I was bulimic..didnt just binge on food I also binged on alcohol which got me in trouble many times and ended up in ICU b/c my heart stopped from alcohol poisoning. Effected my grades, learned how yo really hide things, but eventually got so bad had to quit school and go in the hospital. Did move back home after that and graduated with honers and got my nursing degree. Did pretty good for a while.till I moved out than it started aall over..the exercising, starving,purging, and lots and lots of laxatives for many years. Well your body can only take so much..my bowel got a hole in it and my stomach was bleeding.It just about killed me. Worse yet I ended up with a colostomy and they took out my entire large bowel b/c I basically killed it. Just about lost my job from being off work..the one thing I love. But I also really got into not eating at all. Stopped calling my friends and became very depressed. This whole time nobody knew about my ed except my parents(who disowned me for being gay) and my wife and my therapist. I did get rid of the colostomy but now I might as well live in the bathroom!
People stop calling after awhile you know..all alone...still doing my damn ed behaviors, but atleast Bonnie was here to make sure that I at leat ate once a day. Then she had a massive stoke totally out of the blue at the age of 48. Now I was totally alone....had health problem so people thought I didnt eat from that but I was just kidding myself.
My co workers basically saved my life. Of course everyone is always talking about diets and ed couldnt help but butt in and some people figured it out and went to my boss.She was a friend before she was my boss so it was ok. So basically went from no one knowing to everyone knowing. And not just the people I work with but a lot in the hospital. I thought I was going to die..but it was the best thing in the world. Had to tell my doctors and my brothers and now I have a lot of support. But Ed still keeps me isiolated. Keeps me under its spell telling me what a big piece of fat **** that I am that cant do anything right.
But I am still fighting..only was working 4 hour shifts for the last 2 years..oh all that money...oh all that time not spent with my patients. But one of my biggest thing that ed took from me was..I won the nightengale award.(A big deal for nurses) and as I was walking to go into the hospital my boss called me and told me I won..I couldnt be there though b/c I was in the hospital!
The other thing besides all of my self respect and self love is the damage it has done to my body..these things cant be changed..you may think oh that will never happen to me..well I thought the same. Besides the whole bowel issue I have kidney damage, I damaged my stomach where I know have severe gastroparesis. Food doesnt want to leave..everything slowed down(from not eating and vomiting) had 8 knee surgeries one my right knee and 2 one the left from constant running and exercise and now from the osteoporosis I am losing the bone in my jaw and my teeth are shot.
Dont want anyone to feel bad for me as I have basically done this to myself..but the reason I am sharing this is b/c maybe just maybe someone might think before they do something and can learn from my years of mistakes. I would hate to see anybody do this to their body. Esp the laxatives..they are really bad!
On the plus side I got to meet all of you!
So now I need to beat this so I can go out and find someone new to spend the rest of my life with and not have this constant battle with the demons in my head.
As for me..well pretty much has caused me a life of misery.(Yeah dont know why I keep it either) but at first it was great with all the compliments but that didnt last..In collage I was bulimic..didnt just binge on food I also binged on alcohol which got me in trouble many times and ended up in ICU b/c my heart stopped from alcohol poisoning. Effected my grades, learned how yo really hide things, but eventually got so bad had to quit school and go in the hospital. Did move back home after that and graduated with honers and got my nursing degree. Did pretty good for a while.till I moved out than it started aall over..the exercising, starving,purging, and lots and lots of laxatives for many years. Well your body can only take so much..my bowel got a hole in it and my stomach was bleeding.It just about killed me. Worse yet I ended up with a colostomy and they took out my entire large bowel b/c I basically killed it. Just about lost my job from being off work..the one thing I love. But I also really got into not eating at all. Stopped calling my friends and became very depressed. This whole time nobody knew about my ed except my parents(who disowned me for being gay) and my wife and my therapist. I did get rid of the colostomy but now I might as well live in the bathroom!
People stop calling after awhile you know..all alone...still doing my damn ed behaviors, but atleast Bonnie was here to make sure that I at leat ate once a day. Then she had a massive stoke totally out of the blue at the age of 48. Now I was totally alone....had health problem so people thought I didnt eat from that but I was just kidding myself.
My co workers basically saved my life. Of course everyone is always talking about diets and ed couldnt help but butt in and some people figured it out and went to my boss.She was a friend before she was my boss so it was ok. So basically went from no one knowing to everyone knowing. And not just the people I work with but a lot in the hospital. I thought I was going to die..but it was the best thing in the world. Had to tell my doctors and my brothers and now I have a lot of support. But Ed still keeps me isiolated. Keeps me under its spell telling me what a big piece of fat **** that I am that cant do anything right.
But I am still fighting..only was working 4 hour shifts for the last 2 years..oh all that money...oh all that time not spent with my patients. But one of my biggest thing that ed took from me was..I won the nightengale award.(A big deal for nurses) and as I was walking to go into the hospital my boss called me and told me I won..I couldnt be there though b/c I was in the hospital!
The other thing besides all of my self respect and self love is the damage it has done to my body..these things cant be changed..you may think oh that will never happen to me..well I thought the same. Besides the whole bowel issue I have kidney damage, I damaged my stomach where I know have severe gastroparesis. Food doesnt want to leave..everything slowed down(from not eating and vomiting) had 8 knee surgeries one my right knee and 2 one the left from constant running and exercise and now from the osteoporosis I am losing the bone in my jaw and my teeth are shot.
Dont want anyone to feel bad for me as I have basically done this to myself..but the reason I am sharing this is b/c maybe just maybe someone might think before they do something and can learn from my years of mistakes. I would hate to see anybody do this to their body. Esp the laxatives..they are really bad!
On the plus side I got to meet all of you!
So now I need to beat this so I can go out and find someone new to spend the rest of my life with and not have this constant battle with the demons in my head.
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Replies
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- My relationship with my bf is dominated by my ED. Not only because we can't eat out together, or get takeout, or go to the pub for a drink, not only because refuse to let him cook for me, not only getting up at 6am for hospital appointments, not only because all his friends in college ask him about whether I'm ok every time they see him rather than if he is ok, but mostly because I never have the energy or patience any more to return his love. I live in constant knowledge that I don't deserve him.
- I have been absent from college for 3 weeks now, and it looks like I might fail the year as a result.
- My parents have to take time off work to see me every week for their own peace of mind, so that they can check their daughter isn't killing herself too quickly.
- My heart basically doesn't work any more, and every time I restrict (under 900 cals normally) I know there's a high chance I'll be in hospital in the resuss ward for the night. I'm 21 and the heart problem was caused by anorexia when I was younger.
- My periods have stopped. I sure as hell hope they come back when I recover. But knowing your body is so ill that it wont do the thing it's designed for is pretty crap.
- A lot of my friends don't talk to me any more because they're scared of what I've become and I'm no fun in social situations. Nobody wants a calorie counter on a night out.
- Obsessive exercise against doctors orders led to 2 operations on my right knee, meaning I have lost 90% of the cartilage and 50% of the bone. And yet I keep on running in full knowledge that doing this will mean I need more operations on it and eventual complete loss of my knee.
- I have to turn down work (concerts) because I know I wont have the energy to do it. This means I lose out financially, professionally, and I am simultaneously screwing over other people in my chamber group.
- Having to explain to the hairdresser that you need your hair cut in a way that will still look ok once even more clumps of it have fallen out is no fun.
And that's just the start of it. The worst thing is that I'm still only at a BMI of 18.5 and all this has already happened.0 -
ED take so much from everyone.
I lost: - My university degree and career as a Child Nurse
- most of my friends
- my freedom
- money
- a stable relationship with my family
- self-respect
- etc....0 -
I'm pretty new with my eating disorder I've been struggling for 7months and I'm diagnosed with EDNOS,
but ever since this has all started I've noticed :
- Increase in depression
- Family relationships down the drain
- the once honest and trustworthy girl is now dishonest and not worthy of anything
- i put my parents thru so much , from being hospitalized over and over
- missing things like birthday party's , baby showers , family gatherings etc.
- My grades
- i sleep through classes
- don't sleep at night
- Get upset about stuff that really doesn't matter
- i could go on forever...0
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