Should parents be allowed to spank their children?

summalovaable

The topic name hopefully says it all, should a parent be allowed to spank their child as a form of discipline?

If yes, what age (if any) should you stop? And do you think this affects how the child behaves in public?

Yakisoba

My parents (mother primarily) used to spank me. I asked her why as I aged and she said because that is what her mother did to her. Well, when her mother spanked her, she changed her behaviour. o.o I never did. Why was she spanking me? She never spanked me in public. She would always wait until we were home or out of side.

I think she stopped around the time when I was six and I started laughing during my spanking. She asked why I was laughing and I said something along the lines of her not knowing what to do with me besides spank me. She never hit me again. I don't know what kind of mouth I had when I was a child, but it worked.

Now... back to the topic. I really do not know. If the parent doesn't go into full-on abuse, then maybe it would work to correct the child's behaviour. Some children don't respond to spanking, being grounded, time-outs, etc. I think you need to find out what your child response to as punishment and do it. I think I liked giving my mother *kitten* as a child, so I would act out despite knowing what was coming. -shrugs.

BrettPGH

I don't spank, but I do think parents should be allowed to. I don't think they should be punished for it. Children should never be abused but spanking, proper spanking, doesn't cross that line. I do start to get a little upset when belts and the like come into play.

poisongirl6485

Should they be allowed to? The easy answer is yes.

Now, there's a difference between spanking and beating. A big difference.

Additionally, not all kids respond the same to various types of punishment, so while redirection and time outs work for some kids, for others they don't. Same with spanking. Not all kids will correct their behavior with spanking used as discipline, so spanking and other other form of discipline shouldn't be used all the time if it's not working.

summalovaable

Should they be allowed to? The easy answer is yes.

Now, there's a difference between spanking and beating. A big difference.

Additionally, not all kids respond the same to various types of punishment, so while redirection and time outs work for some kids, for others they don't. Same with spanking. Not all kids will correct their behavior with spanking used as discipline, so spanking and other other form of discipline shouldn't be used all the time if it's not working.

agreeed, I think russel peters says it best though :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMLr5tOjF3A&feature=related

Grimmerick

Yes I think parents should be allowed to spank if they feel it appropriate and necessary for that particular situation. i.e. they told their child 2 times to stop doing something and their child didn't listen, there are other ways to punish too but most parents try different things and knows what works for their child. For my mom it was getting nose to nose with me and giving me the look haha worked every time because I knew she meant business and that would mean a spanking. I think the age you stop spanking should be when they are old enough to understand and be punished by having things or privileges taken away.

Reminds me of my friend who would make her little girl stand in the corner with her nose literally pressed into the corner, she had chubby cheeks and was usually crying so after a few years it was like an age chart where you could see the tear stains going up both sides of the corner haha. she only had to stand there for a couple of minutes though but she learned.

Izable2011

Yes I think it should be allowed. There will be some people out there who don't just spank and actually hurt their kids. This will happen whether it is legal to spank or not. Abuse is never okay. I don't think spanking is abuse. I think spanking has to stop when they get old enough that it is not effective b/c I don't think you should just spank harder because they are older. Spanking is meant more to hurt their pride when they are misbehaving. IMO it is not meant to actually physically hurt the child. It also depends on the child. Some children do not respond well with spanking. Some kids do not need spanking. It really just depends on the child. If you are effective in discipline and stick to your word then you probably should not even need to spank to begin with. Well I hope I did not ramble too much. What does everyone else think?

SeasideOasis

I am for kids getting spanked.

The problem is, what is a 'spanking'? To me, its all about the open hand to the butt. I am not ok with the belts, wooden spoons, and the like. That is not a spanking to me, that is a beating.

I was spanked as a child. However, my mother quickly realized that wasn't getting through to me. The punishment didn't fit the crime. When I got lippy, she washed my mouth out. She carried a bar of dove in her purse. I HATED getting the soap. I was old enough where I didn't swallow it (there was little to no fear of toxic problems). Twice is all it took. Then she could reach for the darn soap bar and I was minding my P's and Q's.

VeganInTraining

I think children should be allowed to spank and if necessary, I plan to spank my children. That being said, I don't think you should HIT your kids and it should never be done out of anger. I don't think i'm either opposed or for a spanking object. i started to write that I would use a spoon because I never want my child to shy away from my hands (or any part of me for that matter) but then I realized that if you are only spanking and not hitting and it's not done out of anger but for discipline then the child shouldn't be afraid of you.

I think that spankings should stop when they stop becoming effective or by age 10-ish. I think that at 12+ spankings are becoming inappropriate.

Azdak

The difference is between being "allowed" -- ie. legally -- and being "appropriate". I don't know any way you could legislate the first thing, but I am 100% against the second.

There is absolutely nothing positive, effective, or necessary about spanking. It might be possible to come up with some convoluted, hypothetical justification, but, in reality, virtually 100% of the time spanking is done out of anger and represents a loss of control by the parent. It teaches one thing and one thing only -- it is OK for bigger people to hurt smaller people. The idea that spanking can be done "as discipline, but not out of anger" is complete self-rationalizing BS, IMO.

I hear people say all the time--"my parents spanked me and I turned out OK"--I've never in my 58 years met a person who said that and actually WAS OK. Again, it's just more denial and rationalization.

Another myth is that "anti spanking" equates to "permissiveness" or "lack of discipline". That's another big, steaming pile of nonsense. It's spanking itself that represents a lack of discipline--on the part of the parents. Teaching standards, correcting behavior, applying discipline in an effective and consistent manner--these things are work that too many parents aren't willing to do. Spanking is a cop out. It is an act of moral cowardice.

BuffyEat2Live

I think that spanking is cruel and unneccesary. However, I've been assured by several people that it can be done in a loving way, so I don't think that it should be outlawed or anything.

It should be up to the parents to decide how to discipline their children.

But as soon as I find out that a parent spanks, I do tend to lose respect for them.

(coming from a non-parent, take my opinion as you will)

VeganInTraining

The difference is between being "allowed" -- ie. legally -- and being "appropriate". I don't know any way you could legislate the first thing, but I am 100% against the second.

There is absolutely nothing positive, effective, or necessary about spanking. It might be possible to come up with some convoluted, hypothetical justification, but, in reality, virtually 100% of the time spanking is done out of anger and represents a loss of control by the parent. It teaches one thing and one thing only -- it is OK for bigger people to hurt smaller people. The idea that spanking can be done "as discipline, but not out of anger" is complete self-rationalizing BS, IMO.

I hear people say all the time--"my parents spanked me and I turned out OK"--I've never in my 58 years met a person who said that and actually WAS OK. Again, it's just more denial and rationalization.

Another myth is that "anti spanking" equates to "permissiveness" or "lack of discipline". That's another big, steaming pile of nonsense. It's spanking itself that represents a lack of discipline--on the part of the parents. Teaching standards, correcting behavior, applying discipline in an effective and consistent manner--these things are work that too many parents aren't willing to do. Spanking is a cop out. It is an act of moral cowardice.

Ok, maybe I am no "OK" sure I have issues (don't we all) but none of them stem from being spanked. My parents never once hit/spanked me out of anger. If I disobeyed many times (or lied, lying was the biggest offince in our house) I was sent to my room, my mom or dad cooled down if they were upset then they came to my room, had a talk about what I did wrong and I received my spanking (which were the exact number that my parent had told me I would receive when they sent me to my room "Emily, go to your room and think about what you have done, i will be in shortly to give you 3 spankings." They didn't spank me often and when they did it was always done out of love. I respect my parents but have never feared them

macpatti

, but, in reality, virtually 100% of the time spanking is done out of anger and represents a loss of control by the parent.

This is a false statement.

I hear people say all the time--"my parents spanked me and I turned out OK"--I've never in my 58 years met a person who said that and actually WAS OK. Again, it's just more denial and rationalization

I know many decent people who are "ok" and were spanked as children.

Another myth is that "anti spanking" equates to "permissiveness" or "lack of discipline".That's another big, steaming pile of nonsense

I agree with this.

It's spanking itself that represents a lack of discipline--on the part of the parents.

Not in all cases. Don't make sweeping statements, unless of course you know every parent who has spanked a child and know them to personally lack discipline.

I believe spanking can be an effective parenting tool. It won't work for all parents or all children, but parents should be allowed to spank their child. As others have stated, there is a difference between spanking and hitting. And a parent should never spank when angry.

Azdak

1. From a practical standpoint, spanking has no value. It achieves nothing that can't be accomplished through more enlightened and effective actions. Most of the justifications for spanking are myths--not supported by scientific literature or by most objective professionals.

2. A "lay" person is in no position to determine whether or not someone who was spanked as a child is "OK". It's the same as the people who follow goofy diets or scams like HCG and say "it worked for me". When you go to the objective, scientific literature, you find that those practices do not "work". In this case, there are volumes and volumes of literature and studies that would say that people who are spanked are not "OK". Saying "I'm OK" is often an important defense mechanism to try and suppress the trauma. Being "not OK" doesn't mean you are demonstrably unstable. The damage is much more subtle.

3. Often the "need" for spanking occurs because adults have inappropriate and unrealistic expectations of their children's behavior. Often young children lack the attention span or physical ability to control themselves in adult situations. It's not that they are "bad" or even misbehaving--they are being required --and are being punished for their failure to do so --to do things they cannot do. That is grossly unfair as well as really, really stupid. You wouldn't treat a mentally incapable adult that way--why would you do it to a mentally incapable child?

There are numerous resources of information and literature on this subject--it's readily available for anyone who wants to look at this issue in a serious way.

I guess to me it ultimately comes down to this: if a particular action would be illegal if you did it to an adult, there is no way you can justify doing it to a child.

macpatti

1. From a practical standpoint, spanking has no value.

And I would argue that it does have value. It can accomplish more than reasoning with a child who is not capable of doing such, just as one example.

2. A "lay" person is in no position to determine whether or not someone who was spanked as a child is "OK".

It was my understanding that YOU claimed you didn't know anyone who was OK. Does that mean you are not a lay person?

3. Often the "need" for spanking occurs because adults have inappropriate and unrealistic expectations of their children's behavior.

At least now you're saying "often" instead of "virtually 100%"

I guess to me it ultimately comes down to this: if a particular action would be illegal if you did it to an adult, there is no way you can justify doing it to a child.

Once a child reaches a certain age, an age when they have grown into their own morality and can reason right from wrong, there are other more effective tools for disciplining. You cannot take a car away from a child who doesn't have one. You cannot fire a child from a job. You cannot keep a child from going out with friends on the weekend. There are many effective, healthy forms of discipline, and I do not believe you can discount spanking as one of them.

VeganInTraining

well I was going to respond, but Patti said everything I would have said so there we have it

VeganInTraining

BTW, my child psychology professor who also worked in child psychology agrees with my views on spanking. I am sure there are many in the field who do not, but there are also many in the field who do

poisongirl6485

, but, in reality, virtually 100% of the time spanking is done out of anger and represents a loss of control by the parent.

This is a false statement.

I hear people say all the time--"my parents spanked me and I turned out OK"--I've never in my 58 years met a person who said that and actually WAS OK. Again, it's just more denial and rationalization

I know many decent people who are "ok" and were spanked as children.

Another myth is that "anti spanking" equates to "permissiveness" or "lack of discipline".That's another big, steaming pile of nonsense

I agree with this.

It's spanking itself that represents a lack of discipline--on the part of the parents.

Not in all cases. Don't make sweeping statements, unless of course you know every parent who has spanked a child and know them to personally lack discipline.

I believe spanking can be an effective parenting tool. It won't work for all parents or all children, but parents should be allowed to spank their child. As others have stated, there is a difference between spanking and hitting. And a parent should never spank when angry.

I agree with all of this.

xoxMandyxox

I spank my 3.5 year old as a "last resort" sort of thing. I give her one warning about why she shouldn't be doing whatever thing she's doing that she shouldn't. I explain to her why that's not good to do. And that usually works every single time. If that doesn't work, then she gets 3 minutes in time out, as well as an explanation for why she's in time out. If, for whatever reason, she does it again, then she gets a swat to the butt and another time out. But, again, this very rarely ever happens, and it is the last resort. The few times it came to that, it's worked. She's a good girl, though (not even a "terrible twos" phase), so she almost never gets passed the second step :laugh:

Her 2 year old sister, on the other hand, is a terror, but I hold off from spanking her, since she's only 2. She gets the explanations and 2 minute time outs. If I find myself so angry I want to rip out my hair, I give her "quiet time" in her crib for 15-20 minutes (only that long because she usually winds up entertaining herself with a stuffed animal or something and I wind up watching her play for a bit :laugh:) Although, when she constantly touches things she knows she shouldn't, like remotes, cell phones, etc, I tap her on the hand and tell her, "Don't touch." Nothing hard or anything; Just a tap to let her know I mean business (even my most firmest of Mommy voices gets a grin out of her, the monster :laugh:)

As others have said: Spanking and taps on the hand aren't the same as beating your kids. It should never be done in anger (like my mother used to). It can be effective for certain families. And there's really nothing wrong with it, in my eyes. What I can't stand is people who think it's cruel and sadistic and judge people for it. One, it's not their kid. Two, the don't know the situation. And, three, not all parents give their kids a swat on the butt because it makes them feel better.