Dating...and not i'm not asking for a date

dragonflybird

[edit]...the topic should read...and no i'm not asking for a date....

I've been back on the dating scene for about 7 months now. Ever since I started really caring about my health, I've been finding it hard to date someone who doesn't share the same passion as me about leading a healthy, active lifestyle. I feel bad for letting someone go because she does not want to go on runs etc. I wonder......is this really wrong of me? Couldn't or shouldn't I be happy if she is willing to support me from the sidelines????

I'm so confused.

DimplesInProgress

I think you absolutely should have someone who has similar interests. Not meaning that you need to have all the same likes and dislikes, but having someone to live a healthy lifestyle with is a good thing. My previous relationship and current one are totally opposite. The guy I was with before, he loved to eat out at nice restaurants and go to beer and wine tastings all the time. While it was fun, it was super fattening. he supported me working out and trying to get fit but didn't understand why i spent so much time focusing on it and accused me of obsessing. He just didn't understand the hard work and dedication it takes. The girl i am with now is totally different. We work out together twice and week and encourage each other to work out alone. We make each other playlists to exercise to, and challenge and encourage each other. I have found that its much easier to relate to her because we have similar interests. We aren't exact copies by any means, but we are enjoying the similar health goals.

Hope that helps...

:-)

poisongirl6485

In addition to the healthy lifestyle, I'd compare your partner not wanting to go on runs etc to someone who simply doesn't hold the same interests, hobbies, etc. I don't know if I could handle that either....it would be a pretty boring relationship if there was little in common.

sarablueskies

i don't think it's too harsh, it's whatever you can handle. i just left my gf because she was so unhealthy...she smoked, only ate one meal a day, never exercised and didn't seem to care to get healthier. i want someone who will challenge me and make me want to workout instead of laying on the couch watching movies...again. i'm much more motivated on my own, so i know i'll have to find someone with more interest in health. which, if you head to the gym and go to classes, join groups, etc., you meet more people who share that interest and maybe will meet someone to date!

lulukan

i don't think it's too harsh, it's whatever you can handle. i just left my gf because she was so unhealthy...she smoked, only ate one meal a day, never exercised and didn't seem to care to get healthier. i want someone who will challenge me and make me want to workout instead of laying on the couch watching movies...again. i'm much more motivated on my own, so i know i'll have to find someone with more interest in health. which, if you head to the gym and go to classes, join groups, etc., you meet more people who share that interest and maybe will meet someone to date!

My ex is the same. It was hard to be around her with the smoking (plus I got annoyed with the amount of money on ciggs) and she was always trying to talk me into going to get ice cream, junk food, etc... When we broke up I started getting healthy and felt so much more able to do this. I want to find someone who is as healthy, or more healthy, than I am.

tameko2

I think it depends - if you have other hobbies/things you have in common then I think you should be able to date someone that isn't SUPER into fitness like you are.

I'm in a relationship now where its kind of wierd because for 4 years we sat on our butts, got fat, overate, and never worked out, and suddenly I work out 5 times a week and I'm constantly asking if he wouldn't like to join me. He eventually DID join me (3x a week) but its definitely a little irritating for him because he feels like "This isn't what I signed up for!"

But at the same time, if he had some OTHER hobby I didn't care to join him in and he just dedicated the time I was out running to that hobby, I don't think it would bother me. It didn't really start to bother me until I'd go out and come back and 2 hours later he'd still be sitting in front of the computer.

I think you shouldn't necessarily rule out people who don't work out the same amount as you - for one thing, you might inspire them to start (becuase really, don't MOST people sit around thinking "boy I really should get in shape at least a little bit"). For another if they have some other hobby they are REALLY into they might not necessarily want or need you to be that involved in that. You can kind of work out your different hobbies together.

My sugarplum and I are pretty codependent (hurts a bit to say that but I can recognize it). We spend almost all our time together, we eat together (sometimes we meet for lunch during work hours even). We run errands and go to the store together on the weekends. We agree on pretty much everything. I do not necessarily think this is normal OR a good idea for most people even though it works for us (kind of). I think most people have several hours a week that they spend apart doing things that the other person might not really enjoy or feel the need to be a part of (like grocery shopping).

As long as you are upfront about your personal habits (work out 5x a week, try to eat healthy, etc) going into the relationship and the other person feels supportive of that I think it might be ok.

I don't think it makes you a BAD person or anything, I just think you shouldn't go out dating with too many absolutes in your head, because most of the absolutes people carry in their heads are actually pretty negotiable. There are things I know now about my bf that I would have been like "oh god NO" on the first date (but not really the kind of things that you can find out on the first date anyhow) but that I have learned to accept ...kind of. There are other things that I never would have said were really important to me, like the fact that we share the same political and social beliefs and feel strongly about them,