Do you think it's ok to let your child invade others space e

Grimmerick

I was at silver diner yesterday with my fiance and this family with 4 kids was sitting at the table next to us. Well one of their kids(prob 5 yo) comes over and looks at us puts her hands on the edge of our table and starts hanging on it, after a minute all we can see are her fingertips. Her mother turns around sees this and looks at me smiles and points to her kid. I said yes I see that and gave her a look like I didn't approve, but not a total look of disgust. She then turns around and just lets her kid hang there. WTF do you think your kid is that cute to other people that you just let them hang on someone elses table? I just want to let other people know not to assume that everyone likes children especially other peoples children invading there space. Keep your kids at your own damn table or designated area, is that so much to ask?

iAMaPhoenix

Ummm...yes, it is too much to ask. I think my princess is the cutest thing on the planet, and everyone should be exposed to her. She is so sweet, that when she picks her boogers she is happy to share them if they don't taste good to her. She knows that when she farts, it is as if the roses have bloomed so she wants all around her to take in the nectar. When she has a boo-boo, she feels that the blood is a gift from the heavens and has healing power, so she want to make sure that you can heal whatever ails you. And let's not begin to talk about how she feels about her butt and having a wedgie...However that only works for me. I can take that behavior from my own child, but don't allow her to invade the space of others. Yes, she does take off at restaurants, but we are right there to get her back in focus. No adult want to be mean to a child, but there is a level of comfort you feel around anyone, and a snotty nose crumbsnatcher who is not your responsibility should not be at your dinner table at a restaurant. Now if you come to my home, you may get a request from her asking you to scratch her butt since she did not wipe herself after she used the bathroom...lol.

BrettPGH

My kid is no more than 5 feet away from me at all times. I NEVER let her bother other people. And she knows better than to approach strangers.

Some people are s__ty parents. That's the sad truth.

Shanna_Inc86

I hate when allow their kids to do that.

There is a small diner in the town I live in that we frequent for breakfast a lot...my daughter was allowed to wander a little and chatter with ppl...but I was always right behind and we KNEW half the ppl in there ya'know

Otherwise, I've pretty much trained my daughter that her butt is to be in the seat, we use inside voices, any whining, crying, or playing with food will not be tolerated. We will get up and go to the bathroom or outside. Maybe that sounds harsh but I've always been firm with her about how to act in public and she never gives me a problem....At home is a different story LOL

Shanna_Inc86

My kid is no more than 5 feet away from me at all times. I NEVER let her bother other people. And she knows better than to approach strangers.

Some people are s__ty parents. That's the sad truth.

When my daughter was real little and we'd be at the grocery store & she was at that age of "what's that...what's that...who's that..." I'd always tell her those people are strangers and we DON'T talk to ppl we don't know! SHE IS SO SHY NOW lol she will not talk to ppl she doesn't know! She'll look at me first like, "is it ok mom??" and then she'll get closer to me and quietly say hi

hahaha I LOVE IT

california_peach

My children must behave in public. They are flay out not allowed to leave our table alone when at a restaurant, nor are they allowed to lean over the back of a booth and bother others (I loathe this when other parents allow it). They are also expected to be quiet and respectful of others when in public. They can and do behave like a pair of banshees at home, but not when we are out. I have a zero tolerance for acting out in a restaurant, they know I'll take them out to car or take them straight home if they don't behave. What you describe is not only rude but dangerous.

mikajoanow

No its not okay. I don't even let my kids leave the table. Not just because it is annoying to other people. Its really not safe for the kids. Who knows what could happen to them.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I can’t stand irresponsible parents who don’t understand that their child isn’t some sort of special little snowflake. From the day he was born my son has been in restaurants. Sure we make sure they are kid friendly, but he’s not allowed to do the great invasion. As soon as he decides he’s off to the races we pack it up. It’s rude to have your child invade other people’s space. They’re there to relax, not babysit, seriously. I don’t care if their, or my, child looks as sweet as Shirley Temple, child better be on tight rope and out of my space!

maidentl

Yeah, if the mom doesn't handle it I shoot the kid a dirty look and tell them, "Go find your mother." They're usually so shocked at a stranger admonishing them that they hightail it away from me.

adrian_indy

With me, it's all about common sense and courtesy. No matter what, a child will act out in public sometimes. They'll scream, throw tantrums, try to get away from the parent, the usual stuff. I only get angry when parents actively ignore/allow it. If a parent is trying, I understand the kids acting like a brat. My kids have been brats, just like I did when I was a kid. But as a parent, make the attempt. That, and I hate when parents are to busy checking their bullcrap cell phones at the park to realize their mongoloid 7 year old just pushed down my 3 year old. I know your texting something really, really important to your best girlfriend about Dancing with The Stars, but I'm about to punt your son Rodrigo in the face.

Grimmerick

yeah It really didn't bother me until she turned around saw what her kid was doing, made eye contact with me and pointed at how cute she thought her kid was and then turned back around again and did nothing. I would have respected her if she saw that, said honey come here stay at our table and then was like sorry about that. I just couldn't believe she thought that was ok.

suzycreamcheese

i dont think its ok and i would have probably told the child to go and sit with its mummy

sexforjaffacakes

I think it''s a bit unfair to expect a child to sit in their seat for a long meal in a resteraunt without entertainment, as kids just don't have the attention span to enjoy it.
There's lots of ways you can keep kids distracted and occupied between courses at a reseraunt though, puzzles, games like I spy etc, and it's great if there's a place with a little play area.
Even just taking them for a wander to the loo if they start to get a bit restless and uncomfortable.

Letting them wander about on their own and bother other people is completely unacceptable, and teaching them really poor life skills.

And I know someone will probably comment on this and say "Oh but my kids are so well behaved in public I don't need to distract them with games and toys, they sit quiet and do what they're told!" , and I'm sure for a lot parents this is true, but it's not really fair on the kid to sit for one or two hours bored, an hour felt like foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr when you were wee! Having little table friendly activities between courses is a great way to make sure your kid enjoys the night out together too!

This is actually a super nanny technique, and she also says that in supermarkets its great to get kids involved with the shopping, making it like a game, is a good way to stop them getting bored and acting up in shops, as well as making sure they have a nice time shopping with mum and dad too, as well as teaching them how to do a bit of shopping!

Bahet

I was at silver diner yesterday with my fiance and this family with 4 kids was sitting at the table next to us. Well one of their kids(prob 5 yo) comes over and looks at us puts her hands on the edge of our table and starts hanging on it, after a minute all we can see are her fingertips. Her mother turns around sees this and looks at me smiles and points to her kid. I said yes I see that and gave her a look like I didn't approve, but not a total look of disgust. She then turns around and just lets her kid hang there. WTF do you think your kid is that cute to other people that you just let them hang on someone elses table? I just want to let other people know not to assume that everyone likes children especially other peoples children invading there space. Keep your kids at your own damn table or designated area, is that so much to ask?

So how did the story end or is the kid still hanging there?

You should have tapped the mother on the shoulder then said "We're talking about breaking in our new sex swing tonight so unless you want to explain the details to your daughter later you might want to get her out of our conversation space."

Grimmerick

hahaha I will keep that in mind because I am sure it will happen again. No the mom just turned around and the kid hung there for another minute and then was off to annoy other tables. But after that we had a nice loud conversation about bad parenting and well I guess she got the hint because her kids were at the table after that.

KimmyEB

I was at silver diner yesterday with my fiance and this family with 4 kids was sitting at the table next to us. Well one of their kids(prob 5 yo) comes over and looks at us puts her hands on the edge of our table and starts hanging on it, after a minute all we can see are her fingertips. Her mother turns around sees this and looks at me smiles and points to her kid. I said yes I see that and gave her a look like I didn't approve, but not a total look of disgust. She then turns around and just lets her kid hang there. WTF do you think your kid is that cute to other people that you just let them hang on someone elses table? I just want to let other people know not to assume that everyone likes children especially other peoples children invading there space. Keep your kids at your own damn table or designated area, is that so much to ask?

So how did the story end or is the kid still hanging there?

You should have tapped the mother on the shoulder then said "We're talking about breaking in our new sex swing tonight so unless you want to explain the details to your daughter later you might want to get her out of our conversation space."

:laugh:

I've had stuff like that happen...if their parent is around, and they are NOT attempting to get their kid(s) under control, then I let them know what their kid is doing. If it happens again, ehh. In the past, I've lost my temper and cussed them out. I'm not exactly sure how I'd handle it, since something that extreme hasn't happened in a couple of years, haha.

The worst is seeing my friend's or family's kids acting up like that. If I'm out with a friend and their kid(s) act up like that once, then I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's a bad day. If it happens again, I refuse offers to go out if their kid(s) will be attending. I'm down to 3 friends that I'll actually go out in public with, because out of everyone I know, those 3 are the only ones who have well-mannered, nice children. Kinda sad!

daffodilsoup

The worst is seeing my friend's or family's kids acting up like that. If I'm out with a friend and their kid(s) act up like that once, then I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's a bad day. If it happens again, I refuse offers to go out if their kid(s) will be attending.

I feel like I could have written this myself! I have relatives with small children, and they pretty much refuse to discipline them or keep them in line if we go to a restaurant, out shopping, or pretty much any public place. I refuse to be associated with that, because it's one of my biggest annoyances. I tend to rock the boat when I give the reason for why I refuse to go, but why sugarcoat it? The reason that it keeps happening is because no one has the cojones to tell them that their child's behavior in public is embarrassing and irritating.

Also, because it might be relevant to this discussion, I'd like to point you guys to this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/the_middle_seat.html entitled "Flying with Little Children? Go to the Back of the Plane." For those of you who don't have the time to read, it essentially says that some airlines are moving passengers with small children to the back of the plane.

One major point in the article that I disagree with is that some families of small children are split up, leaving the child to be randomly placed among strangers. I absolutely disagree with this practice, because seating children away from their parents is only going to cause more problems, especially on long flights.

However, I can't say I disagree with a designated "baby section". In July, I took a 14-hour flight from New York to Beijing, and it was absolute hell. Kids crying, the kid behind me kicking my seat, kids running up and down the aisles, all the nightmarish things that you hope won't happen on your international flight. I think that by giving families with small children a designated area on a plane, it would be better for all parties involved. I get that at points, small children have to fly with you - but it doesn't mean other passengers have to be subjected to them.

Regmama

I have three children and would have said something to the child and if the child didn't move I would have escorted the child back to the table and addressed the parent. But then again, I have no problem stepping in if the parent doesn't.

macpatti

I have an 11 year old with autism and he doesn't understand personal space. He's totally that kid who would wander over to your table and stare at you. It's MY job to make sure he doesn't!

suzycreamcheese

However, I can't say I disagree with a designated "baby section". In July, I took a 14-hour flight from New York to Beijing, and it was absolute hell. Kids crying, the kid behind me kicking my seat, kids running up and down the aisles, all the nightmarish things that you hope won't happen on your international flight. I think that by giving families with small children a designated area on a plane, it would be better for all parties involved. I get that at points, small children have to fly with you - but it doesn't mean other passengers have to be subjected to them.

Its a tricky one, because thats probably only going to be the more expensive airlines. Budget ones arent going to be giving people family areas anytime soon.

I used to travel on the eurostar a fair bit with my children and would always ask for the family section - except i dont know why they called it a family section because it was just filled up as normal with non-families. Apparently it was called the family section because of a few extra centimeters of leg-room. Needless to say travelling on it with my 3 children, 2 of them autistic, and one of them still a baby the last time we used it, was NOT an easy experience for anyone. Thankfully noone gave me any snidey comments, but people with children need to travel too sometimes. I try to be sympathetic to people who are having a hard time with their children on public transport, rather than critical.

KimmyEB

I have an 11 year old with autism and he doesn't understand personal space. He's totally that kid who would wander over to your table and stare at you. It's MY job to make sure he doesn't!

My younger brother has Sensory Integration disorder, but up until a few years ago, he was diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm majoring in and intern with Special Education, and volunteer with Autism Speaks.

That said, I've seen more "normal" children acting up than any special needs kids! :laugh:

I don't mind Autistic or children with other disabilities "invading" my space, or acting how some people would describe as "annoying." I realize those are different circumstances. But I get very annoyed when my friend's kid, who knows right from wrong and has no excuse to her crappy behavior other than crappy parenting and lack of discipline, thinks the world is her playground, and that everyone else's possessions are hers to steal/break. I'm no longer letting my friend's kids in my home anymore. I've been nice about it in the past, but when my boyfriend has to yell at my friend's daughter because she can't keep her hands to herself of keep her hands off of our belongings after he asked her more than once, it's easier to just ask them to keep the kids at home. Actually, it's just CERTAIN people I know, that I'd ask that of. I do have a couple friends who don't let their kids run wild at my house/out in public, which is very nice!

macpatti

My younger brother has Sensory Integration disorder, but up until a few years ago, he was diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm majoring in and intern with Special Education, and volunteer with Autism Speaks.

That said, I've seen more "normal" children acting up than any special needs kids! :laugh:

I don't mind Autistic or children with other disabilities "invading" my space, or acting how some people would describe as "annoying." I realize those are different circumstances.

I get what you're saying. My son is high functioning, but severely deficient in social skills. The problem with many autistic kids is that they appear "normal". I get plenty of looks when we're out in public. I try my best to always keep him close to me.

Thanks for pursuing a career in Special Education; we parents of special needs children depend on good educators to help us!

suzycreamcheese

It was awful when my eldest was younger. I got terrible looks all the time, I didnt know he was autistic at the time, I just thought i was the worlds worst parent. Its easier as he gets older as when he has his meltdowns its obvious he has special needs, but when its a 2 or a 3 year old, everyone just assumes its lack of discipline

macpatti

It was awful when my eldest was younger. I got terrible looks all the time, I didnt know he was autistic at the time, I just thought i was the worlds worst parent. Its easier as he gets older as when he has his meltdowns its obvious he has special needs, but when its a 2 or a 3 year old, everyone just assumes its lack of discipline

Exactly! I have a t-shirt that says, "Discipline doesn't cure autism, but thanks for your concern".

suzycreamcheese

im going to use that one!!

macpatti

im going to use that one!!

My sisters have sent me some other ones that I can't wear in public, though! ("My kid is autistic; why is yours so weird" type of shirts) :laugh:

suzycreamcheese

aww im not sure id like that one so much, but im sure we all secretly think it sometimes

KimmyEB

im going to use that one!!

My sisters have sent me some other ones that I can't wear in public, though! ("My kid is autistic; why is yours so weird" type of shirts) :laugh:

I saw one that said "I'm autistic, what's YOUR excuse?"

And thank you!

macpatti

aww im not sure id like that one so much, but im sure we all secretly think it sometimes

That's why I never wear it!

castadiva

OK, so the parent probably should have kept the child at the table, or at least come to get the child if she saw you were annoyed by her, but small kids are naturally curious and want to explore their environment and the people in it. It's part of how they learn. The child wasn't being physically or verbally aggressive, and wasn't doing anything that could have caused harm to you or it - is a few minutes of having your 'personal space' in a public area compromised by a small child really worth so much angst?

Why not try smiling at the child, and suggesting nicely that she go back to Mummy, as she wouldn't want her to be worried when she can't find her little girl. In most situations, a child that's just exploring, rather than acting out, will do so. Or for that matter, explain kindly that this is your table, and you're having a private conversation, so you'd prefer it if she went back to Mummy. Kids are humans too, and most will respond to reason - what are we teaching them about appropriate communication and how to treat others if we don't ask politely before we resort to more aggressive tactics?

daffodilsoup

OK, so the parent probably should have kept the child at the table, or at least come to get the child if she saw you were annoyed by her, but small kids are naturally curious and want to explore their environment and the people in it. It's part of how they learn. The child wasn't being physically or verbally aggressive, and wasn't doing anything that could have caused harm to you or it - is a few minutes of having your 'personal space' in a public area compromised by a small child really worth so much angst?

Probably for the same reasons that they wouldn't really appreciate my dog hanging out in their personal space.

Let kids explore other areas, like the park or the museum. A restaurant isn't a place for "little explorers" to be running around and invading other peoples' personal space.