Nourishing myself today
ResilientWoman
Posts: 440 Member
Most of weight loss/fitness journey has been about removing bad attitudes I held toward myself. Most of these I got from my culture (the Deep South) and from churches and my family. Today as rain threatens, clouds hide the sun and the wind whips us into frigid popsicles imitating humans, I am thinking about the challenges we face as a queer community nourishing ourselves - our bodies, our spirits, our hearts.
Just got back from visiting my mom, sister, bil, nephew and 3 nieces who I haven't seen for 3 years. I've been out to them for 14 years but we've never really been a family since then...at least until now. Oddly, it was my persistence in seeking my own nourishment that made an opening in their hearts. They are of a religious paradigm that doesn't recognize my sacredness as a queer person. But I think we are coming to a different place of connectedness than we've known before. Mostly I guess because of my weight loss (I've dropped over 100 excess pounds and they still need to do so).
When my daughter was born 6 years ago, they were lovely but it was lovely 'about her' and they were recovering from Katrina. There has never been one moment when I felt they accepted or loved the authentic 'me' which includes my sexuality. I am not content to just be thought of as asexual or simply pass as straight. When comments applauding the hetero couple (sis and bil) laud their relationship's health, I feel left outside the conversation because I am unlikely to ever hear them praise my gf and I for our relational strengths. This valuing of relationship is what I miss, a kind of social nourishment.
I spent the morning on U-Stream worshiping with some friends who stream their LGBT church service from Canada (I live in Seattle) and thinking about how nice it would be for my family to attend a queer church service with me and step outside their comfort zone. They have no idea how uncomfortable I am crossing into their homophobic culture. When hate is sanctioned with silence, cortisol production abounds leading to overweight, obesity and disease.
Now that I live a lifestyle built around being true to myself, eating foods that strengthen my body and heal my soul, I suffer less and less from stress related issues. Visiting the family, I heard comments of how much I had mellowed over the years. I guess living closeted and dealing with spiritual violence in the church and in my own family did increase anxiety as living apart from it has also lowered it. LOL
When I put beef marrow bones, a roast, ginger, garlic, celery, onions, carrots and herbs into my slow cooker this morning, I think about how rich I have become in community, in support (God Bless the Internet), and in relationships. My girlfriend, Pam, lives in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She's a bi single mom to a mildly autistic 15 year old daughter. We were not able to bring her this trip due to limited finances but in the future she'll be coming with me to meet the family. I hope by then that the success I have found in overcoming their prejudices and the success I have had with transforming my life from one that was built around stress and disease to one that fosters health and strength will spread to the family that I hold so dear even as they are beginning to see and will maybe, one day, embrace the real me.
How will you nourish your queer spirit today?
Just got back from visiting my mom, sister, bil, nephew and 3 nieces who I haven't seen for 3 years. I've been out to them for 14 years but we've never really been a family since then...at least until now. Oddly, it was my persistence in seeking my own nourishment that made an opening in their hearts. They are of a religious paradigm that doesn't recognize my sacredness as a queer person. But I think we are coming to a different place of connectedness than we've known before. Mostly I guess because of my weight loss (I've dropped over 100 excess pounds and they still need to do so).
When my daughter was born 6 years ago, they were lovely but it was lovely 'about her' and they were recovering from Katrina. There has never been one moment when I felt they accepted or loved the authentic 'me' which includes my sexuality. I am not content to just be thought of as asexual or simply pass as straight. When comments applauding the hetero couple (sis and bil) laud their relationship's health, I feel left outside the conversation because I am unlikely to ever hear them praise my gf and I for our relational strengths. This valuing of relationship is what I miss, a kind of social nourishment.
I spent the morning on U-Stream worshiping with some friends who stream their LGBT church service from Canada (I live in Seattle) and thinking about how nice it would be for my family to attend a queer church service with me and step outside their comfort zone. They have no idea how uncomfortable I am crossing into their homophobic culture. When hate is sanctioned with silence, cortisol production abounds leading to overweight, obesity and disease.
Now that I live a lifestyle built around being true to myself, eating foods that strengthen my body and heal my soul, I suffer less and less from stress related issues. Visiting the family, I heard comments of how much I had mellowed over the years. I guess living closeted and dealing with spiritual violence in the church and in my own family did increase anxiety as living apart from it has also lowered it. LOL
When I put beef marrow bones, a roast, ginger, garlic, celery, onions, carrots and herbs into my slow cooker this morning, I think about how rich I have become in community, in support (God Bless the Internet), and in relationships. My girlfriend, Pam, lives in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. She's a bi single mom to a mildly autistic 15 year old daughter. We were not able to bring her this trip due to limited finances but in the future she'll be coming with me to meet the family. I hope by then that the success I have found in overcoming their prejudices and the success I have had with transforming my life from one that was built around stress and disease to one that fosters health and strength will spread to the family that I hold so dear even as they are beginning to see and will maybe, one day, embrace the real me.
How will you nourish your queer spirit today?
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This is a beautiful post! Families can be weird sometimes. When I first came out to my family, I pretty much turned my back on them, beforethey got a chanceto turn theirs on me. But, they didn't let me stay turned away. I am lucky tht way. They love my partner (sometimes I think more han they love me, but that is fine. I helps them get over their homophobia). Now, anytime I'm home, the first questionsare eiter "how's Deb?" Or, "where's Deb?"! This is good. Itsows tha they see her aspart of our family. In a way, she has brought me back to them. We have been together over 17 years and the nieces and nephews all call her aunt.
To nurture myself today, I am putting up our christmas/solstice tree. I still have ornaments that my mom gave us before she died, and I will remember her as we hang them. I will probably treat myself with homemade hot cocoa. And christmas carols playing loud.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. My partner is also a southerner. Most of her family accepts me as well.0 -
ResilientWoman----You seem to have worked hard taking care of yourself. I admire the strength it takes to live your life in a way that is healthy and nourishes you. It's so easy to see the negativity in this world as a reflection of our worth! I sincerely hope things continue to get better with your family.
peacehawk---What a wonderful family! I wish every young person could feel so loved and accepted by their families. I hope my daughter will feel like her gf is part of our family. They have just became engaged. I've never seem my daughter happier. Isn't happiness what we should want for our children?0
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