Feel like a failure

Amybcb

I have days like today where I just feel like a failure... I feel like I disappoint my husband on a daily basis by not eating heathier, working out and losing weight. I'm sure the PMS doesn't help (or the rain! haha). I just wish I could stay motivated and consistent. I swear I lose and gain back the same 5lbs. I do good for days and then eh, don't care that much and eat whatever. I've found I usually do really well on work days (Friday-Sunday) as I work 7am to 7pm and bring all my meals so I have control over what I eat. At home, with the kids, is when I have a harder time eating good and making sure I work out. The baby goes down for his nap and I can always make an excuse not to work out (there is laundry to do, I have to wash the floors, the bathrooms are dirty, I need to go grocery shopping). They are all valid things that need to be done, but I also need to start giving myself some time to take care of me. How do I find the balance?? And where did all the motivation I used to have when I was anorexic/bulimic go? I could use some of that motivation now! I did work out this am (only did 20 minutes of P90X plyometrics because the baby wouldn't go do sleep and was screaming!!). Then I was sooo hungry I had to make lunch. Maybe I'll hope on the treadmill since he's sleeping right now...

echoica

You seem to be putting too much pressure on yourself about this. Ask yourself what is a manageable exercise routine over a longer term rather than thinking of it in the short term. If you don't have the time for it now, likely you are going to have ongoing difficulties fitting it all in at any point soon despite your motivation to do so. I have to wonder too if it's just the ed self-talk that makes you think your husband is disappointed in your activity level and weight -- does he explicitly say this? If so, I think you need to tell him how that makes you feel. All the house work in itself is a lot of exercise so make sure you give yourself credit for that! I don't have children so I can't really help where it comes to balancing personal and family time but hopefully someone else here can chime in on that

Amybcb

I think the "failure" feelings are on me. But my husband does try to encourage me to eat healthy, lose weight and work out. He was around back in my eating disorder days so he knows my issues. That said, he's also bluntly told me in the past that I was fat and needed to lose weight. He did say this in anger, and apologized afterwards, but my feeling is you wouldn't have said it if you didn't really feel that way. So though I forgive him, I still think he feels that way inside and it's not a nice feeling. We had it out a few months back, and I told him he has to start treating me better and laying off of the weight stuff. And he has done that. But he'll still try to encourage me to eat healthy and work out so I can be healthy (just this morning he said "y'know New Orleans is coming up in 3 months and you wanted to lose 30 lbs by then". Both are true but I don't like feeling the pressure from him. And it just makes me feel like a failure because I can't seem to be consistent with my work outs or eating healthy. I'm having a terrible time finding a balance with it all (my exercise, my eating, my taking care of the children and the house and working full time on top of it). I suppose a lot of moms feel that way?

cowlover22

Well you are not a failure because you are still trying! I found back when I was able to work out and I had a period of not being motivated that after I forced myself to do it I felt better.and by making myself do it for a couple days in a row it just became a routine.
As for what he said to you..I know when people fight they just want to say things to hurt the other person..He knew that was a sore spot with you so he hit way below the belt but it doesnt mean that he feels that way. I have called someone dumb in a fight and I dont think they are..it was just something at the moment. I know though it still hurts and is still in your mind. Could you be holding on to it so much to b/c you are thinking the same thing?
Having to deal with all of that is very difficult.I dont have the kids but I have 8 cats and 4 dogs, the whole house to clean(I live alone now..widowed) So i understand that feeling. But you need to make time for you. What about seeing a counselor to help talk somethings through?

echoica

one of my ex boyfriends said I was "the biggest girl he ever dated" (I was athletic and a healthy weight at the time!!!!)...I still think of that comment all the time...so I think I know how you feel about that part. it's hard to let go of those things particularly with "Ed" screaming at you in your head all the time to do this, that etc. Perhaps you need to set a ground rule with him that the topic of weight is not up for discussion...but you would have to remember never to complain about it either

jescadet

And where did all the motivation I used to have when I was anorexic/bulimic go? I could use some of that motivation now!

This kind of "motivation" is mental illness! It is self-hatred, body dysmorphia, insanity. And personally, attempting to please someone else (using them as my motivation) just ends up making me super resentful. Getting your mind and spirit healthy are just as important as eating well and working out. You deserve to treat yourself well!
I found this and absolutely LOVE it:
"You must first love yourself before you can truly love others and you must love yourself before you can accept that others truly love you" - Noel Jameson