Crying It Out...

Regmama

What do you think? What have you done with your children? We have our babies either sleep with the crib touching the bed or bed share.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/crying-dangerous-kids-one-expert-says-222400379.html

summalovaable

I remember my mom telling me when I was younger she came home to me sitting on the floor crying and my dad watching tv. Apparently my dad's response was "I try to feed her, change her diaper, hold her, play with her, nothing works. She's crying whether I'm holding her or not, so I decided to save my ear drums tonight".

I also used to baby sit a little girl( under 6 months) who would cry for hours on end, and stop the second her mother came in the door. If you've exhausted every option, then let them cry it out.

LuckyLeprechaun

I don't buy the idea that "crying it out" is dangerous. I have 5 kids, my mom ran a daycare in our home for my entire childhood. I've been exposed to more children than most folks. If you have checked to make sure it isn't a diaper/hungry/sick cry, then they need to learn how to calm down by themselves. If you carry your kid all the time, you're not letting them learn about independence. You're creating a monster. (Or what my mom called a "hip lizard" aka a kid that won't let you put them down)

katatak1

Having had absolutely zero children, but a background in psychology, please take my word with a grain of salt. Parenting, like all things, needs to strike a happy balance. When children are developing through infancy, they go through the phase of trust vs mistrust. When parents aren't receptive to their needs, or are inconsistent in their treatment of needs, children become confused, stressed, and concerned.

So kids need balance and nurturing care to learn to be trusting people who are happy and healthy. That's not to say you should go running to your kids every time they cry and sit with them until they calm down. My sister's brother-in-law's kids are the perfect example of this. Their eldest slept on her mother's chest until the age of 2 and a half. That's excessive soothing. But ignoring a kid so you can get more sleep is neglectful.

I'd agree mostly with the idea that if they are not crying about diaper/hunger/sickness, then they are probably ok, but I think it's best to try and soothe them first. We need to learn how to self-soothe, but maybe not as infants. Maybe at a little bit of an older age. I'm thinking here about attachment theory and how children who are too attached or barely attached to their parents have poor outcomes as they age. Again, I come back to the word balance. Anyway, that's just my non-parent two cents.

LuckyLeprechaun

I think most people DO respond quickly to their tiny infants, but by 6 mos of age or so, it's not realistic to think you can prevent them from ever crying. Sometimes they're crying because they're tired and soothing them (or interacting with them in any way) is just going to serve to keep them awake, and exacerbate the situation, when if they were put down to sleep, they would still cry, but would conk out in a matter of minutes.

When you first have a newborn, it's hard to know why they are crying, but over time, many parents can hear the cry and know whether it's a "pain" cry or a "hungry" cry or just a "cranky" cry. If you've tried to solve the likely issues, and your baby is still crying, it's OK to let them. You can't stop them, anyway.

I wouldn't advocate anyone ignoring their kids in favor of more sleep, but withdrawing the constant care and soothing in a measured way so the kid starts to sever its total dependence on the parents is a worthwhile activity, and sometimes that means a kid will be left to cry it out.

You're right, balance is key. To more things than just this topic

macpatti

You cannot spoil a newborn. Newborns should not be left to "cry it out". Even when they're a little older, sometimes all they want to do is be held while they cry. So, it gives you a headache and works your last nerve. I'd hold them and let them cry it out in my arms. After 2, and it's a crying temper tantrum..........all bets are off!

asyouseefit

You cannot spoil a newborn. Newborns should not be left to "cry it out". Even when they're a little older, sometimes all they want to do is be held while they cry. So, it gives you a headache and works your last nerve. I'd hold them and let them cry it out in my arms. After 2, and it's a crying temper tantrum..........all bets are off!

This, exactly.

I don't believe in letting a newborn or infant cry it out. Seriously. They hardly understand what's going on in the world around them. Not having Mummy's or Daddy's arm to comfort them when scared/alone/ whatever must be an terrible experience! Now, I have no problem letting an older cry it out during a temper tantrum!

suzycreamcheese

it should always be an absolute last resort

Bahet

You cannot spoil a newborn. Newborns should not be left to "cry it out". Even when they're a little older, sometimes all they want to do is be held while they cry. So, it gives you a headache and works your last nerve. I'd hold them and let them cry it out in my arms. After 2, and it's a crying temper tantrum..........all bets are off!

This, exactly.

I don't believe in letting a newborn or infant cry it out. Seriously. They hardly understand what's going on in the world around them. Not having Mummy's or Daddy's arm to comfort them when scared/alone/ whatever must be an terrible experience! Now, I have no problem letting an older cry it out during a temper tantrum!

Exactly what you both said.

VeganInTraining

You cannot spoil a newborn. Newborns should not be left to "cry it out". Even when they're a little older, sometimes all they want to do is be held while they cry. So, it gives you a headache and works your last nerve. I'd hold them and let them cry it out in my arms. After 2, and it's a crying temper tantrum..........all bets are off!

This, exactly.

I don't believe in letting a newborn or infant cry it out. Seriously. They hardly understand what's going on in the world around them. Not having Mummy's or Daddy's arm to comfort them when scared/alone/ whatever must be an terrible experience! Now, I have no problem letting an older cry it out during a temper tantrum!

Exactly what you both said.

I third this, and what Katatak said.

I agree with what the article said, it's not that you just let them cry all the time, but maybe delay responding to the tears so that they can try and sooth themselves.

I don't want a "hip lizard" but I also want my future kids to know they can rely on me when they are upset.