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mpost12590
mpost12590 Posts: 143 Member
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Hello everyone... I have always been attracted to women. My first crush was a female teacher I had. I grew up in a family that said it was evil to be in same sex relationships. So I tried to like boys. My first boyfriend was a sweet young man who I knew was gay. I would make myself like guys and to be a normal girl. I then became a friends with a wonderful girl when I was 14. She and I had "sleep overs" but no one knew. I knew I belonged with a female it felt so right. One week end I went home and told my family. I was told that I was evil and going to go to hell. I wasnt allowed to be near my younger family members due to my sexuality. I wasnt allowed to even pee in the family bathroom. If I did I had to bleach everything down for everyone else to use it. So I again I made myself become "normal". Then men I would date I would make shave their leg, chest, and armpit hair. Their hands had to be always soft. Well ok fast forward years later I met this sweet guy. We spend a lot of time together. We start dating and I end up pregnant. We end up getting married. I tell everyone I am bisexual but maybe im not. I cant be a "complete" wife to him. I only want to cuddle never anything more. Could all that my family put me through growing up made me think that I am bisexual when I am not? Is there anyone out there that knows if this can happen? I dont know how to deal with it any longer. I dont want to hurt my husband but I am running out of reason why I am just not in the mood any more...

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  • mercurybebe
    mercurybebe Posts: 32
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    Where in NY are you? We are in Albany and girl we would love to talk in person...

    My wife did the bisexual thing to be normal (although her parents were not as mean) and has a son with her ex husband (I'm the reason he's an ex) and can relate a LOT.

    I half-heartedly gave boys a try in HS but it never worked so I have always been gay...I have a daughter via AI from my first relationship...our kids are 4 days apart in age :)

    But I got off subject...in all seriousness, I am a therapist and if you want to talk privately, send me a message. I think you know in your heart what the truth is, but it is hard to hurt the people you care about...
  • mpost12590
    mpost12590 Posts: 143 Member
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    I thank you for posting back. It means a lot to know that there is someone who understands. I sent you a message :)

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