Teetering

beccalucy

I really want to recover, for so many reasons, but right now I'm teetering on a very thin ledge, one side is recovery and the other is relapse. Today, for the first time in I can't remember how long, I kinda skipped lunch (I had a smoothie instead) but I really don't want to do it, I just felt I had no choice. I need to clear MFP friends out again to remove triggering ones I think.

Please can you remind me that I can recover and challenge me if I do skip meals (I'm currently focusing on getting 3 meals in a day). I feel deflated.

Sorry

joanneonline

Hey - you may be "teetering" but by posting this message, you're standing on the recovery side. You may not have eaten what you would have really liked to, but you didn't "skip" lunch - you still had a smoothie. If you can eat a little something else now, do so. The important thing is to stop and forgive yourself and go on to your next meal.

Here's a thought, if Jess were to have written this post, how would you respond to her? Write it down - and then read it out loud to yourself. I bet you'll be surprised at how loving and encouraging you really can be.

Keep doing what you can do Becca (like post here) and I promise, God will do what you can't

jess1992uga

Hey Becca-
I have felt that way so many times and sometimes I just had to drink a Boost instead of eating a meal because that's all I could do to get some sort of nutrients in. It's not ideal, but still having that smoothie tipped you onto the recovery side. You had something, take pride in that. Take pride in the fact that you didn't completely skip the meal. Try and journal (if that helps you) to see why you couldn't eat lunch today and use that to fuel you to do better tomorrow. I have found that the more I dwell in what I did wrong one day, the harder it becomes for me to do better the next. So stop and give yourself a hug for drinking the smoothie instead of completely skipping the meal. Forgive yourself for not being able to eat all of your lunch, let go of any feelings that decision may have trapped in you. Remember each moment is a chance to change, so if you can eat a little more or drink another smoothie to get the nutrients your body needs from not eating lunch. Tell yourself you are going to have dinner and any snacks you are supposed to have. And tell yourself you will do better with lunch tomorrow. Recovery is a process that isn't about perfection, but is about progress. It's not measured in the number of good and bad days, but in the number of times you make bad days into good or the days you don't want to choose recovery but you do. We will be here to love and support you through this and will definitely keep you accountable

beccalucy

Thank you both. You're right, by posting and reaching out, in a place aimed towards recovery rather than relapse, I have made a step in the right direction. It's now accepting that it's ok, my intake today is low but I also made progress by eating and having something for lunch despite wanting to fast.

Journalling may be a good idea, I think lunch today was due to standing on the scales this morning despite being really bloated. I've also lost focus on my relationship with God which is when I tend to waver as I haven't been going to church, illness and working away have restricted me.

cowlover22

Well I am glad you have sorted things out. I havent been on in a couple of days(busy with work, and then exhausted from going out to eat with people from work..I dont like to go out to eat..but I did) Anyway you did the right thing you reached out and asked for support. Dont expect everyday to be perfect otherwise you are just setting yourself up. But also dont let those days that are not so good go unnoticed. With me usually something is going on. Even if I dont see it at the time if I look back at things I can usually find something. And then I know I need to deal with that. I know not everybody believes in God but since you do put yourself in his hands.Ask him to help you find the way. I know you say that you have missed church, but that isnt the only place you can pray. Recovery is possible and you can do it.
When I was having trouble with little things(and like I have said before I am not recovered but I am trying) I set goals and I would post them on my page. Because to me I then felt accountable for them. So maybe you could do that here where it is safe. Like I told the others I was encouraging to do the same. No one will judge you if you are unable to do them, but at least try.
Sorry you are having such a hard time I hope things get better for you.

beccalucy

Thank you Theresa, I've had an awful couple of days again. Finally admitted to my boyfriend that I seem to be getting worse and that I feel as though I need to be perfect for him.

This weeks plan is to eat 1000 calories per day, please keep me accountable.

cowlover22

Thank you Theresa, I've had an awful couple of days again. Finally admitted to my boyfriend that I seem to be getting worse and that I feel as though I need to be perfect for him.

This weeks plan is to eat 1000 calories per day, please keep me accountable.

Ok keeping you acctountable..How is the 1000 calories working for you?Even if you didnt make 1000 cals as long as you are trying and keep fighting.

beccalucy

It's so up and down. Working away makes life hard as I have to either eat what I'm giving or nothing. I can't plan anything as I never know where I'm going to be or what I'll have access too other than snacks I take. Hopefully I'll be home for a week or so now so can focus on some consistency and see how I get on.

In all honesty it feels too overwhelming right now

cowlover22

What about caring some protein bars with you or nutritional drinks like boost or fortsnips I think it is called. That is great you were able to tell your BF. Maybe you will be more accountable to him and he will give you some added support. I know things can get overwhelming but try to take them one thing at a time

beccalucy

I have a week off so at least i can attempt to get into a routine that I'm comfortable with this week and build from there. I'm terrified of protein bars due to the calorie content (stupid I know) but I'm looking at getting nakd bars which are fruit, nut and oat bars to carry with me.