No Shame

ElyssaElizabeth

How do you work on being healthy without falling into the trap of obsessing about fitting the patriarchal image of what women are supposed to look like? How do you stay focused on making the right choices for yourself, without making changes in order to be what you think other people want you to be?

How do you deal with the expectations of others, especially when they find out that you're trying to become healthier (or do you just not tell them)?

How do you stay motivated without shame?

jessiekanga

I don't know that I could consider myself a healthy feminist, especially when it comes to weight, food, and body image. I am certain I can answer that I don't do this without an overactive and usually self-deprecating relationship with my own shame. Yet, I know that I want to experience the relationship I imagine this group of "healthy feminists" aspired to. I want to make the choices for myself. I want to make each choice in self-love, not fear, shame, stereotypes or expectations.

I'd love to be part of a group, no matter what size, that wants to do this without the "good day/bad day" talk, or the desire to fit into an image of beauty we've never truly decided independently that we find beautiful. I'm also okay with making mistakes, and falling into old habits. I know I will.:blushing:

tribeofthehornedheart

Jessiekanga, I have the exact same problem! I feel bad about my body and then feel bad about that thought. I'm 17, and being around other skinnier girls makes me feel really bad, even if they aren't judging me.

jessiekanga

I love your user name:)! There's part of me that wants to be motherly but also patronizing, "there, there, hang in there... it'll pass." But, ugh, the pain of seventeen, in and of itself...never mind with all the crazy expectations, stereotypes and pressure, internal and external. I don't know that I could go back to 17 again. Once was absolutely enough.

I am 39, even if in my head I'm still a 19 year old. It is the same thoughts you're having, the same internalized judgment that others may or may not (or sometimes do and sometimes do not) have and/or share that have stuck with me over a few decades. I don't have magic words or magic fixes, but I want to share that I know that pain, and that I really admire that you're on here, hoping to find a healthy group of folks to hang out with you in it. I hope you feel welcome, find support, and can dabble a little with trying some self-love on for size.