Eating Disorder Feeling..?

moochachip

How would you describe having an eating disorder? What would you compare it to?

I feel as if it's like having my foot on the gas. I keep telling myself I have it under control, but my foot keeps on the gas and that speed just keeps going up. I get a thrill from it.. Until it swerves off the road.

theroadto100

For me it's like someone is physically pulling food away from me. I want to eat and I know I have to eat but getting my hand to just raise to my mouth is a challenge.

Beezer322

I just feel like there's this other person constantly walking right behind me tempting me and telling me what and waht not to do. Kind of like it's another version of me only prettier and skinnier and almost like.. the evil me. Promising me I'll be better and more like her if I do what she says.

Lol. Umm I felll crazy?

justanotherbrickinthewall

The three words I'd choose to describe it are hell on earth. It's like there is another part of me, my eating disorder constantly telling me what to do. I hate it.

PoleBoy

It terrifies me. I know my beliefs about what constitutes a healthy diet are unhealthy but I follow them unless I actively resist; I find myself thinking "I've beaten this, I don't need to log" - but that's usually an indication that I'm being aberrant.

shellybean826

i say its like flying down that first hill on a roller coaster ....its scarey and the momentum builds and you know it could be dangerous but there is a part of you that is loving it just the same ..

emrys1976

the idea of "the handles maiden" has always been the way i describe the feeling of an ED. a girl (in my case anyway) who has no hands and therefore no control.

luvlyjanny

It feels like a constant battle between me and myself , part of me sees food and wants to eat and be normal and happy and the other part sees food and says stay away from that stuff this is why you are the way you are today ... i know what is right but my naughty half as i like to call it insists on not letting me do it

Iris1415

For me, a bulimic, it's like food is a person, daring you to do something you know you shouldn't. It keeps calling you and calling you, nagging you to eat it. So then I go for a snack. The snack turns into a meal. The meal turns into a complete spiral out of control, and I feel like I just cannot stop. You're so mentally hungry (the purging makes your head think that your body is starving, even though you are not and are still absorbing calories) you lose control; it is then like the food is controlling you...Horrible, horrible habit of binging and purging and feelings of guilt and shame. But at least I am now trying to get better. Going to start seeing 2 councilors next week! Hope everyone desires to get better. If anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to message/friend me! Afterall, we deserve a good life. :flowerforyou:

HiKaren

For me it was like someone punishing me on a regular basis. Like someone else beating me up. It was like a evil person who thought I must suffer somehow, and would take over. "Hey, Lets beat her up a bit today." It was the neverending emptiness that I could never quite fill with food. Like my subconsious knew something was missing or unresolved. Once I was able to publically admit what happened to me, when I was a kid. And realize I'm not the bad person, that I always thought I was, it was very much like a confirmation, that I didn't have to punish myself any longer.

I'm so glad I kicked the evil one away Jan 2011. So relieved. I really see no need for me to suffer anymore. I think 23 years of bulemia (binge & purge) was long enough.

HiKaren

Hope everyone desires to get better. If anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to message/friend me! Afterall, we deserve a good life. :flowerforyou:

Thank you... That was very thoughtful.

EllaScarlet

Oh my goodness... this is such an interesting thread. Just shows how diverse people's experiences of EDs can be.

For me... hmm. I felt like I was trapped in an existence where my entire life had to revolve around controlling my food. Any slip up meant that I was out of control, and therefore vulnerable. That meant that most social occasions were a no-no, and if I was forced to go then I would find it extremely stressful. I could not trust anyone else to cook for me as that meant relinquishing control of my food. All that mattered was food and how to eat as little as possible while still functioning. I realise in hindsight that I was also orthorexic as I would only eat 'pure' food. So I obsessed over that too. It was an addiction and I agree with some others in this thread that there was a sick pleasure in it. Every time I weighed myself and the scale had gone down I felt that my control over my body had become even greater - I was winning. If the scale went up then I could plan my 'punishment' (yet more restrictions).

Reading your experiences, and writing my own down... wow.