So... how does this whole thing work?

dixiech1ck

Ok, so I haven't dated in awhile. It's been several years since I've had a "boyfriend" and so, I've decided that I'm starting to feel more comfortable about my body and my self-image to put myself out there on dating sites to meet someone. I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to waste my time being alone anymore as I'd like to share experiences and good times with a better half.

I had someone reach out to me on a site and he seemed nice, normal (rarity!!) and was handsome so I thought "Sure, let's do this" and agreed to talk to him. Our phone conversations have been pretty uninspiring to say the least. Ok.. let's not beat around the bush. They've been god awful boring. =( But, I figured maybe he's better in person. He had suggested meeting up and so I invited him out with my friends and I to go play quizzo last night at a local restaurant. We had a nice time, the conversation was a little stagnent. He seemed to be super nervous and I guess wondering if my 2nd and 3rd head were going to pop out of my shirt (seems he's had some pretty awful luck with some very crazy chicks on these sites). But, I'm normal so... no extra heads (bonus!). At the end of the night, I said "Oh, it's getting late. I have to pay for my beer." I had one, at $6.50 for the pint. So he goes "Oh, yeah, I have to pay for mine, too." I kind of looked at him, thinking he was going to get my drink for me, as he had suggested we get together, but nope. This threw me a little bit ... isn't the guy, who suggested, supposed to get the first date or is this no longer a standard? It wasn't a $65 meal, it was a $6.50 beer (and a damn good one... Bells Chocolate Stout.. NOM NOM NOM!). So I paid for my beer and went outside. He did walk me up to my car, which was nice as it was 2 blocks away, but it left me feeling like "Hmmm.. do I really want to do a 2nd date?" which was also suggested, by him when he hugged me goodbye.

Thoughts? I'm not saying, for the record, that the guy needs to pick up EVERYTHING but for the first meeting, and it was just a beer, wouldn't that be in proper form or manners to do so?? Should I attempt a 2nd date?

jaxdiablo

Couple of things. You shouldn't expect a guy to pay for the date, but he should do it as a gentleman. Pretty much no one pays when I take them out friends included. So even if he was just being a "nice guy" he should have offered to pay for the beer. Also, sure it's cool that he walked you to your car, but if you were bored and don't feel anything in your gut (especially if there aren't butterflies or something that makes you feel pukey, but not bubbleguts, those are never good), you should just write it off as a lack of compatibility.

I personally would not waste my time with someone who it seemed like there was little to no compatibility with. Especially the older we get (I'm 33), the less time or patience we should have for chafe. It's just better to have higher standards and just find someone, no reason to settle at this time in our lives. Also you seem really awesome, pretty, funny, able to comfortably use NOM NOM NOM in a sentence, and you drink a good beer. You can do better.

dixiech1ck

Couple of things. You shouldn't expect a guy to pay for the date, but he should do it as a gentleman. Pretty much no one pays when I take them out friends included. So even if he was just being a "nice guy" he should have offered to pay for the beer. Also, sure it's cool that he walked you to your car, but if you were bored and don't feel anything in your gut (especially if there aren't butterflies or something that makes you feel pukey, but not bubbleguts, those are never good), you should just write it off as a lack of compatibility.

I personally would not waste my time with someone who it seemed like there was little to no compatibility with. Especially the older we get (I'm 33), the less time or patience we should have for chafe. It's just better to have higher standards and just find someone, no reason to settle at this time in our lives. Also you seem really awesome, pretty, funny, able to comfortably use NOM NOM NOM in a sentence, and you drink a good beer. You can do better.

Hmm.. so what are YOU doing Friday night? Haha.. I kid, but that's really sweet of you to say about me. It's not often I hear things like that, guess I look in the wrong places. Onward I surge... and yes, being 34 myself, it's not easy to just give up time for people who you just don't feel things for.

La_Amazona

yummy! i love that beer!!

I wouldn't expect him to pay either... my crush boy didn't pay for my 1st beer on our 1st date because he paid for his at the bar and mine was ordered at the table and she asked me if i wanted to open a tab. it was confusing and he said something about it nervously but i just paid for it myself. he did pay for the rest of the beers that night though.. i had like 3 more.

I expect a guy to pay, if he asked me out. If I ask him out, I'll pay. No problemo.



Now if you didn't feel fireworks but felt potential, I'd give it another date. By date 2 you should know for sure how you feel. I gave a guy 3-4 dates because I felt iffy about him.. although I was leaning more towards yes than no.

PedmomJill

I know what you mean about awkward stuff like this. I always feel like I want to pay for my part, but the guy has almost always paid. I really would prefer to pay for my share because I don't want to feel obligated, but usually they don't let me. However, the ones where I HAVE paid, I do not think any less of the guy. I would give this guy another chance and see how it goes.

I hope you don't mind me saying, but I don't think going out with your friends was probably the most comfortable first date for him.

AnnaPixie

You went on a date with him, and your friends?? I think that's kinda rough on the guy, especially if he's a little shy. As you suggested you'd pay, I expect he didnt want to disagree the point in front of your friends. He also might have thought that you were blowing him out and felt a little awkward with what to do ??

If you like him, give it another go, without friends!! And wait for him to pay!! Or just go dutch. Its not a deal breaker in this day and age. And remember guys are just as nervous as girls!

Good luck :flowerforyou:

mnwalkingqueen

I agree with pieces of everyone's comments so far. I don't expect a man to pay for me on a first date my reason is a little different than most here is my view point, the economy still bad some people can't afford to pay for others. Money for me is not an issue but for some of my past daters it has been and they were embarrassed to say so. Also a first date as a group thing is very uncomfortable for many people myself included because I am shy. I also agree don't waste your time if he didn't give you butterflies or make you instantly want to see him again.

christine24t

if you were with a group of friends and it wasn't private, i don't think it's too weird that he didn't get your drink - he probably didn't consider it a date. but if you were alone, i think he should have at least for the first couple of dates, then you could have offered to pick up the next couple of dates.

jadedone

OK I am kinda old fashioned. I think they guy should pay on the first one. (I am totally willing and able to pay, but it is pricinple).

One time I went on a date for coffee. The guy did not buy my $3 coffee, which I though was lame. In reality it was actually a warning sign. This guy was cuckoo. He had a backpack full of grab bags of junk that he tried to sell to the other people in the cafe. Here's what happened: .

"Hey, I have this grab bag. Do you want to buy it from me for $3. There is a lot of great stuff in it."

Eventually someone bought one and he was so happy. He was like "wohoo I made $2.50 off that guy, awesome!"

(I wondered how much time he wasted making those bags instead of doing something profitable.)

Needless to say that guy did a whole bunch of other crazy stuff and that was the first and only date. He was a bit stalker though, and came to hunt me down at work for the next couple of days to go out with him again. He got the hint after attempt 4. But it was sketchy.

Anyway, this guy might be a little shy, but even though us 30-somethings are trying to be a bit more "flexible" in dating, if you didn't feel interested after several phone calls and meeting in person it isn't worth your time.

whitetiger011680

A guy I work with had a terrible first date with his wife but they each decided to try it again and that's when there were fireworks. So I say give him one more chance and make it a date without friends.

lacroyx

if you were with a group of friends and it wasn't private, i don't think it's too weird that he didn't get your drink - he probably didn't consider it a date. but if you were alone, i think he should have at least for the first couple of dates, then you could have offered to pick up the next couple of dates.

^
this

JanieJack

Guy asks me on a date...he better pay. But an outing with a bunch of my friends isn't a date.

OTOH, if there's no real connection then there's no real connection. And if what you're looking for is connection, then we just have to be open to the fact that he might not be "the one." I really hate it when I meet a super great guy...who's not great for me. Sigh. But what would one more date hurt? If you have time for him, lol! I have a hard time believing that someone as pretty as you has a lot of open Saturday nights ;-)