How's everyone doing?

jess1992uga

Hey everyone-
Just wanted to check in on people and see how they are doing as of late. Me, I am doing amazing. I am facing tons of fear foods and keeping my calories up and not exercising. I am amazed that my body has adapted to this high calorie intake, but I am not looking forward to the next increase. But that is looking at tomorrow and I am trying to live in the moment. So post how you are doing and any goals you have for this week and if you need to be held accountable for anything

cowlover22

Funny you posted this because I was thinking the same. Glad to hear how wonderful you are doing..Keep it up! That is amazing. Isnt a great feeling to be able to say that? I try to remember that when those dumb numbers get in my head.

As for myself not doing bad..actually had a couple of bites of fear food myself..so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Well keep this short as I have to go pack my lunch for work. Just wanted to commend you on how well you are doing..keep it up. There is so much more to life....

You know every time I see your pic I smile..it is just such a cute picture! Have a great day!

beccalucy

Sounds like you're doing well Jess.

I've been up and down, and am worried as I'm not heading away for the week to work. This is when I'm always worse so please keep me accountable and any tips on eating out would be welcome!

jess1992uga

Thanks to both of you and congrats Theresa on eating those fear foods. I am really proud of this whole group in fact, we all are trying to recover and that is commendable. Becca-do you still want the 1,000 cal/day accountability or something else as well. As for eating out, I don't do it much, but when I do I try and look the menu up online first. I do this so I don't freak out when I get there and so I can mentally prepare myself. I also have some food allergies I have to work around. Then I remember I don't have to finish it all, just take it one bite at a time. When we ate out when I was in treatment it was all about staying in tune with your hunger/fullness while also staying engaged in conversation to get out of your head. Some people, like me, find it helpful to look up the nutrition before to realize it's not all that scary (especially because a lot of places have healthier choices now). So take what is helpful for you. Also, know that we are all rooting for you so picture me and the cute puppy in my picture cheering for you You got this. You are stronger than this. Plus, you have God on your side and with him you can conquer all, even eating out

joanneonline

It's been a week of ups and downs for me too - but mostly ups. I was feeling really great this morning and then had a tough reaction from my Husband. He was cooking breakfast and I reminded him that I could eat what he was making if he would please just measure it out (or let me do it) so I know what to log. He started chopping up the veggies and measuring them out and I was so happy - thinking I can really do this (eat with him) this way. Then, he started mocking me as he put the veggies on the scale and said "oh - now this is scary - 58 grams of peppers, oh my gosh" and on and on it went as he measured. He couldn't see the tears in my eyes (I know this sounds silly) but I just felt so pathetic in that moment, and I felt let down. I wanted to pull away and hide inside myself. Then I remembered -- Ed.

And so, instead, I sat at the breakfast table and looked my Hubby in the eyes and said, "This is a wonderful meal you made us, and I really appreciate your support in measuring it out. And I need you to know that when you mock me, it hurts my feelings very much. If you're not in a place where you can do this - I understand. I'll cook for me and we can still eat together." I told him he was very blessed to have such a healthy relationship with food and that I was working to get there too. He was supportive - I don't know if he really understood, but I I'm so glad we're both trying. It was a big deal for me not to pull away.

That said, that's my area of accountability this week - not to pull away and hide inside of myself - and not to act out in anger either. I want to talk about how I feel and listen to how he feels - and believe God is with me in dealing.

jess1992uga

I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself in such an amazing way. Even I don't have the ability to stand up to dad when he does stuff like that to me. My friends mock me when I tell them I am scared to eat apples, bananas, and certain breads. I don't eat with them anymore because the day I had grapes and was so nervous about it they were like "We aren't going to applaud you for eating fruit. Its fruit just get over it." Tears welled up in my eyes as well. I mean I felt the stares when I had to bring my measuring stuff with me to the dining halls when I ate peanut butter, but now I realize if it's what I need to recover then that's what I'm going to do. I think dad just doesn't understand the reasons why we do some things we do. Maybe next time we get together we can make a list of ways he can support us and things he does/says that don't help. That way we aren't telling him to stop helping, but instead giving him options of ways to help.

joanneonline

Good idea, Jess. I realize we have a "right" to be where we are in our recovery and only we can set those boundaries. And I want to set them in a way that leaves me respecting myself. As long as I handle myself with respect and strength and respect others, I can be proud of myself. But I refuse to just fade away into myself any more. As one of my favorite teachers put it - "You can be pitiful or you can be powerful, but you can't be both." I choose powerful - I choose recovery.

Love you.

joanneonline

My Hubby and I made homemade baked egg rolls together tonight. We measured everything - no negative comments. When we put them in the oven, I just said, "thank you."

Progress :happy:

jess1992uga

Yay! So glad I know I am trying to educate dad too. When he talks to me sometimes he says things that just irk me and make me question if I am really progressing. It seems like he wants me to be recovered and be back to the way I was two years ago when I was running and eating what I wanted. But it's harder this time after so many relapses and getting to such a low weight and I know it will be a process not instant. I didn't get this way overnight, nor will I recover overnight. It's just so hard because I am hard on myself and scared of what it will look like to be "healthy" and he says stuff like "Well you aren't healthy now" or "just take it 5 lbs at a time." the problem is I can't even take it a pound at a time and barely think I look thin. I just have to realize I need to voice my opinion and needs to him in an understanding way, but first I need to figure out what I really need from him

cowlover22

Great job Joanne! Sometimes people speak and dont think. You stayed nice and calm I on the other hand get rather irritated with people. I used to not say anything, but now that everyone knows about my ED I feel the need to educate them. I have had fellow nurses say things such as you are eating again, wow you have thighs and stuff like that even though I have asked them not to comment on my appearance whether it be good or bad because no matter what they say right now I take it the wrong way.

I actually do my best eating when I am at work. Mainly because I cant function with out the food. Prob being I usually wait till I get so shaky or cant think before I eat anything. That is just because it is so busy, not because of ed. I always eat at work because I dont want to put anyone else's life in danger because of me not being able to think right. My days off are not so good. Prob should start going back to my brothers house for dinner on those days. But I am usually so tired that I sleep the whole day away. Guess I will wait and see how I am doing once I get weighed. I have no concept of that at all.

I know what you mean about people mocking you..I didnt have someone mock me but a girl I work with was astonished at how I had to cut up things..if they only knew all my little quirks. Heck they should be happy I even went to breakfast with them. The last time I was in a restaurant was at the hospital. It is hard when people dont understand..my brother once said "You look like you are gaining weight" Yep just what a girl wants to hear. Even though I know I need to I dont want to hear it! Just keep fighting and have faith that you can do it!