hooking up/dating
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christine24t
Posts: 6,064 Member
My roommate showed me this really interesting article about hooking up and dating.
http://christiancentury.org/article/2012-01/courage-date
It talks about how people now don't know how to date. This professor, Kerry Cronin, asked her class of 14 students about dating, and only one had a serious relationship. The rest were "single" but usually hooked up with people. She made an assignment for her class to ask someone out on a date. Only 1/13 students were able to do it. One girl had said something like "how do I do it?" and when the teacher started to speak, she said, "No, I mean, what words do I say?"
It also talks about how physical intimacy is easier than putting yourself, like your personality and your thoughts, out there.
I was wondering what you all thought about it! Take a look at the article. When I read it, I realized it was all sooooo true. I have no problem dancing with guys at the bar but if I actually had to sit at a booth and talk to them...I couldn't do it. Makes me a little sad but relieved to know that I'm not the only one.
http://christiancentury.org/article/2012-01/courage-date
It talks about how people now don't know how to date. This professor, Kerry Cronin, asked her class of 14 students about dating, and only one had a serious relationship. The rest were "single" but usually hooked up with people. She made an assignment for her class to ask someone out on a date. Only 1/13 students were able to do it. One girl had said something like "how do I do it?" and when the teacher started to speak, she said, "No, I mean, what words do I say?"
It also talks about how physical intimacy is easier than putting yourself, like your personality and your thoughts, out there.
I was wondering what you all thought about it! Take a look at the article. When I read it, I realized it was all sooooo true. I have no problem dancing with guys at the bar but if I actually had to sit at a booth and talk to them...I couldn't do it. Makes me a little sad but relieved to know that I'm not the only one.
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Replies
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I completely agree that the concept of dating is a foreign one to so many, myself included!!
I'm single for the first time in a long time and I have no idea how to date, the whole concept is scary to me, I wish it was a lot easier!!!0 -
Yeah, dating has been replaced with hooking up or "hanging out". Most men I meet think that hanging out at someone's house and watching a movie is a good first date. Unless it's someone you know well or a friend turned date, that is presumptious to want someone you've never met to come over or invite you over to their house. There used to be so many rules and that inviting someone in was a really big deal. There's quite a casualness about it, no boundaries, almost like they want to go to the comfy stage without the strings. I have rarely gone on real dates. Coffee meetings maybe, and then it automatically is mostly hanging out and hooking up. In high school pre-cell phones and texting, etc. , people still didn't date. They would just ask someone to be their girlfriend or boyfriend, not go on dates until you found one you wanted to be exclusive with. Serial monogamy. It's really hard, and people are having harder and harder times communicating in real life with all the technological barriers in between us.0
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It all comes down to idea that everyone is afraid of being rejected. Anybody can get sex, so that's what we tend to content ourselves with, because it's way too hard to put ourselves out there. I've been guilty of this myself. Now I set boundaries for relationships. I won't sleep with someone until I feel like there is an actual connection. Of course, I haven't dated anyone recently who's gotten that far. Maybe there's a reason for that hahaha0
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Yup, I have literally NO idea how to date anymore. And I don't appear to be catching on at all lol. So I'm taking a break from even trying for 6 months at least.
"It also talks about how physical intimacy is easier than putting yourself, like your personality and your thoughts, out there."
Oh and this sentence?? ^^^ It's so true it almost made me cry when I read it. It is easier, and once you do it that way for awhile, you kind of forget there's any other way. And there lies the problem.0 -
This article was interesting but I am an exception I guess. I love to date sit down and have conversation over coffee or dinner, even a walk around the lake. I can not find the courage to dance with someone I am not in a relationship with just because all the dancing now days is like having sex with clothes on. Give me the old fashion guy that can wine, dine and conversate and I will show him a fun date.0
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I guess I'm an exception to the rule. I take a woman out on a date, apparently that's weird. I offer to pick them up (usually get turned down for fear of other psychos they've dated), go out to dinner, have drinks, and either walk them back to their car or take them home walk them to the door and call it a night.
I've never really polled the women I go out with, but they seem flabbergasted (yeah, I used that word), that a man would actually take them out. Unfortunately, they usually aren't what they claimed to be, or are not my type in person, so it usually doesn't progress much farther. *crosses fingers* Here's hoping I actually find a girl/woman sooner or later who actually appreciates that from a guy. lol0 -
I guess I'm an exception to the rule. I take a woman out on a date, apparently that's weird. I offer to pick them up (usually get turned down for fear of other psychos they've dated), go out to dinner, have drinks, and either walk them back to their car or take them home walk them to the door and call it a night.
I've never really polled the women I go out with, but they seem flabbergasted (yeah, I used that word), that a man would actually take them out. Unfortunately, they usually aren't what they claimed to be, or are not my type in person, so it usually doesn't progress much farther. *crosses fingers* Here's hoping I actually find a girl/woman sooner or later who actually appreciates that from a guy. lol
I don't know why a woman would not appreciate that. There are so few guys out there anymore that do this and so it can come as quite a shock! I think sometimes because we are not used to this kind of "date", we don't know what to do when it happens but that doesn't mean it's not appreciated (well I can't speak for all women, but I know I would appreciate it).0 -
I've never really polled the women I go out with, but they seem flabbergasted (yeah, I used that word), that a man would actually take them out. Unfortunately, they usually aren't what they claimed to be, or are not my type in person, so it usually doesn't progress much farther. *crosses fingers* Here's hoping I actually find a girl/woman sooner or later who actually appreciates that from a guy. lol
I don't know why a woman would not appreciate that. There are so few guys out there anymore that do this and so it can come as quite a shock!
Guys who want our first date to be "hanging out" or watching a movie at his/my place don't ever get a first date. ;-)
Not saying someone has to spend a lot of money (One of my FAVORITE dates ever was breakfast at IHOP, then walking around the mall) but at least go somewhere neutral where you can get to know one another. "Hanging out" communicates a) I'm lazy/cheap/boring or b) I don't care about getting to know you before we roll in the hay0 -
I have to say I have actually found a gentleman who knows how to date! I am in awe. First date, coffee, second date dinner. It was not until Valentines day (a month later) that I have invited him to my house for dinner. It is really rather something amazing I must say.
I refuse to "hang out" or "hook up"0
