Attracted to his personality!

kimi131

There is a guy I'm talking to. We "met" online, but we haven't met in person yet. When we initially started communicating, I wasn't really didn't think his pictures were all that great. I decided to give him a shot anyway.

Almost immediately, I sensed a connection with him. One of those "I like his emals" kinda things. Now we're to the point of phone calls and things are going really well. I mean, really well. That kind of really well that I've felt only one other time. The last time I felt this strong a connection with someone it eventually turned into what I still think of as pure magic. Of course, I also thought that guy was freakin' gorgeous, lol.

Back to this guy. We text throughout the day. It's almost a steady conversation. His texts crack me up! We still email once or twice a day. Sometimes they are lengthy emails. Sometimes they are as short as one word (he sent me one that just said "Email"). And we talk on the phone sometimes as often as twice a day (yes, there are still days we don't talk at all). We're probably overdoing it, but it's so hard not to communicate frequently when you really like someone (that's not really what I'm concerned about right now though). And we admit to both feeling this strong connection. We've talked about it over the phone and via email. It's definitely mutual.

My concern is that based on the pictures I've seen, I'm not physically attracted to him. This could be a big problem. I mean, I am so attracted to his personality, no doubt about that, but I'm not sure about the looks department. I really didn't expect to find such a click with him.

So, we're talking about meeting soon, maybe this weekend even. I am so nervous about it! Not in my usual quiet/shy nervous, but this "I really want things to go well" nervous. I mean, I really want to like him! But I'm not sure I will. I know from experience that sometimes when you are friends with someone first, the personality attraction takes over and leads to a physical attraction. Unfortunately the friends first scenario is a very hard thing to achieve in an online thing.

Ugh! I'm so worried about this. It's gonna be a total bummer if it doesn't go well. I mean, it would be a bummer anyway if it didn't go well for whatever reason, but I think it would suck more if it's only because I can't find the same spark in person that I feel on the phone and in text.

krissypea79

This is EXACTLY how my ex and I started out. I think you have the basis for a great first date!!!!! We did...I had seen his few pictures on his profile, and his Facebook profile picture. I thought he was "cute" in some, and "eh" in a few others, but hoped I'd find him attractive in person because we'd already spent three weeks connecting, much in the same way you guys have. That is pretty much what happened! I felt much more at ease going into the date. I did end up thinking he was attractive, but I still wonder if I'd think otherwise if we hadn't spent that time connecting beforehand. It's funny, because I was thinking to myself after we met "if I saw him out, in a club, at the mall, and he came up to me, would I talk to him?" and I realized that I might not have, and I would have missed out on a great guy. There is definitely something to be said for becoming attracted to one another's personality FIRST!!! It eliminates some of the superficial opinions we can create, therefore missing out on a potentially great person! Of course, being physically attracted is very important, and you should know within a little while whether or not there is chemistry.

It is very nerve-wracking & exciting....I think the only bit of advice I can give is to just not set your expectations TOO high for your in-person connection, this way you won't feel pressured, and can just enjoy yourselves!!! It is GREAT, and so exciting that you have developed that, and I think it definitely makes the first date more enjoyable - more things to talk about, less "interview-like," etc.

JanieJack

After you meet him in person, if you still don't find him attractive, would you message me? I have a story about this, but can't really post the details because enough of my IRL friends are here on MFP that they'd know who I'm talking about.

The bottom line is, most people say looks don't matter. Some people, like me, can think a guy is sexy for reasons* other than looks (but they still have to be "pleasing" lol). But what I've seen in friends/family is that someone who knows their partner is not physically attracted to them is more likely to either wither away or seek attention elsewhere.

I hope it works out!

*and no, I'm not talking about money, lol, though that is quite the aphrodisiac for many women!

christine24t

I honestly think some people don't photograph well. I went on a blind date last semester with a guy. He looked much different in person than he did in his Facebook profile pic. So I would meet him and see how it goes. I think if you like someone's personality enough you will grow to find them attractive. There are plenty of couples you see that you wonder how one likes the other and vice versa, so clearly looks can be overcome! Good luck!!

DMZ_1

Looks matter. If this guy doesn't do it for you looks wise, cut it off as soon as you see him. I mean, literally on the spot. That way, you don't waste your time on him and he can pursue other options as well. He'll also have more respect for you that way as well, because you weren't a time waster. Guys don't appreciate women that waste their time.

PeekABooGirl

Well I wouldn't worry yourself about meeting up and weather you're physically attracted to him or not. In my experience, if you've developed a connection with that person by email/phone, etc - that often will ENHANCE your physical attraction in person. (Almost like seeing them with rose colored glasses as the saying goes....)

Anyhow just go into it with an open mind. Maybe he just doesn't photograph well? But even if there's not a "love connection" at the bare minimum it sounds like you'll have a great friend, right?

HAVE FUN!

AnnaPixie

Looks matter. If this guy doesn't do it for you looks wise, cut it off as soon as you see him. I mean, literally on the spot. That way, you don't waste your time on him and he can pursue other options as well. He'll also have more respect for you that way as well, because you weren't a time waster. Guys don't appreciate women that waste their time.

Hmmm! I dont think looks matter much. But I think we are all different and look for different things. I find that my male friends go on about looks more than my female friends, but I'm not trying to be sexist about it, just saying that it may matter to differing degrees to different people.

I think, the indefinable 'it' called chemistry is what will clinch the deal. You have to meet to determine this! And I really dont think this is based on looks.

I've met some good looking men and not found them attractive as they were boring/arrogant/mean spirited etc. I've also met some not so handsome guys and felt an immediate attraction, usually because we can laugh together and connect on deeper levels. Looks may count a bit for the initial attraction, but long lasting relationships require a lot more foundation.

Good luck, let us know how you get on. Keep an open mind :flowerforyou:

MissingMinnesota

You have to be attracted to the whole package. Looks and personality. If you are totally not attracted to their looks then no matter how much you love the personality it won't work. Just like a guy can look like your idol man but if he doesn't have a personality to go with it it won't work. Even saying that though I would say you would need to meet him in person before you can judge if you are truely attracted to him as some people just don't take good photos and some people know how to hide things in theirs. Photos can be deceiving.

calvert6183

I am divided on this one. There is not a such a thing as a whole package/perfect person. There are going to be good and bad things about people. Looks does matter and so does personality. If you have to ask yourself what are the things you can live with and the things you cant live. I know many people who are hot and dated people that are not and are happly married for years. Looks isnt everything but with that said, you do have to be attracted enough to him to play thunder dome in the bedroom. I know alot of people who date hot people and are miserable. If he makes you happy then give him a shot.