Teens/Pre-teens on Facebook
kapeluza
Posts: 3,434 Member
This has probably been discussed and debated a million times but I would like some input, some sight into what other parents think about this. The other night one of my nephew's 12 yr old friends posted a picture of herself on facebook but it was a "cleavage" shot (you know where they angle the camera so you can get a better glimpse of their breasts as if you were standing over them). She was wearing a low tank top which showed a quite bit of cleavage. Her facebook had no privacy settings so anyone could access the profile. Personally, I was shocked. I couldn't get past the fact that this 12 yr old kid was exposing herself like that and at such a young age. I couldn't help but to think, "Where are the parents?". Do her parents know what she is doing? It was sickening to say the least.
Do you have young pre-teens or teens? Do you let them post this kind of behavior on the internet?Are you ok with your teens posting this on the internet?
Thanks for the input.
Do you have young pre-teens or teens? Do you let them post this kind of behavior on the internet?Are you ok with your teens posting this on the internet?
Thanks for the input.
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Replies
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:grumble: Sums up my feelings pretty accurately.
My daughter is 10. She has a facebook account under a fake name with all the privacy settings locked down. I have her password so I can look over her stuff any time I need to. She really only uses it to play games. And no games that involve a chat function.
Still hate it.
Hate more that now she's starting to friend her little friends at school. Including Eric:grumble: :explode: :mad:0 -
Well see, my nephew has a facebook too. He is 12 and these fúcking little girls tag him in these pictures hence why I know this activity is happening. There have been times that I have almost lost it and just responded to these pictures just cursing this kid out but I have refrained because it's not my problem, not my child but I can't help to think, what the fúck are these parents thinking if they allow this behavior. All I can think is, this world is turning into *kitten* if people are permitting this kind of behavior.0
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Oh there are no photos of her on her page. No tagging. No no no.
Seriously I get uncomfortable if people put up a picture of ME, much less my kid.
Plus I haven't used Facebook for anything for about 6 months.0 -
You can teach your children the best you can, but most kids now are far more tech savy than their parents.
I could very easily create an account and block it from being found by certain people - or being found by ANYONE for that matter, unless I friended them. If I know how.... they know how. How is a parent supposed to stop that? You wouldn't even know about it or be able to find it.
You can only do so much.0 -
You can teach your children the best you can, but most kids now are far more tech savy than their parents.
I could very easily create an account and block it from being found by certain people - or being found by ANYONE for that matter, unless I friended them. If I know how.... they know how. How is a parent supposed to stop that? You wouldn't even know about it or be able to find it.
You can only do so much.
You're trying to kill me aren't you Kimmie?0 -
So my daughter is 8 and she asked me for a FB the other day. I told her she would be waiting until she was atleast 12 and her father agreed with me. She told me but mommy S (her stepsister) has one. I reminded Brianna that her stepsister was 12. The only thing I can say is if that were my daughter she might learn how hard it is to dress cute in turtle necks. If you allow you child to have a FB is it your job to monitor it. Keep the password be one of her friends and only allow her/him to use the internet in your view. My computer is in my room so if my children want to play on it guess whose right there. Yup=] ..... The internet isn't bad it's what we as parents allow our children to do .0
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My kid will not have one until they hit the teens and they will be my "friend" on there. I think my kids will behave appropriately knowing I can see their activity and comment on their page
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You can teach your children the best you can, but most kids now are far more tech savy than their parents.
I could very easily create an account and block it from being found by certain people - or being found by ANYONE for that matter, unless I friended them. If I know how.... they know how. How is a parent supposed to stop that? You wouldn't even know about it or be able to find it.
You can only do so much.
You're trying to kill me aren't you Kimmie?
LOL - hopefully your daughter won't feel the need to deceive!
My 14 year old niece and 15 year old nephew each have over 1000 friends on facebook and they both have iphones - there's really no controlling that. Once they get their hands on a smartphone, you've lost control, so hopefully you've taught them well. Also there are computers in schools too. Teaching them why they should control who sees what and why they shouldn't post certain types of things is key. After a certain age, you simply can not monitor all their internet activity, it's impossible. :flowerforyou:0 -
My kids are grown up now and make their own decisions. I like to think that they were raised smarter than this 12 yr old, but when and if they *kitten* up, they will have to deal with it.
I am not always pleased with the comments my daughters post, but they are adults.0 -
I posted this on your discussion earlier on your status, but I wanted to give my two cents here.
My 14 year old sister has a facebook and every post is about how amazing her boyfriend is and how much she loves him blah blah blah. It doesn't make me happy, but I know you also can't forcibly regulate teens behavior. If you do, they're only going to go crazy later on in life. I can't tell you how many people I knew in college who were tightly controlled by their parents when they grew up and went absolutely crazy the second they got out from under their roof. The best you can do is try to instill in them your own morals and values in a way that they'll want to make them their own morals and values. So they'll actually want to make the decisions you want them to make, without feeling like you're forcing them to.
And as far as teenage behavior, despite what most people think, it's not any worse now than it's been before. The internet just brings a lot more attention to it than there's been before.0 -
Piggybacking on what NightOwl said, it's SO true, you cannot stop determined teens from doing anything they decide they really wanna do.
I truly believe that the best thing parents can do is instill a strong (or inflated even) self-worth into our little girls. If a girl thinks the world of herself, she isn't going to behave that way, or let herself be objectified. If she is desperate for attention and approval, she is way more likely to behave in ways that compromise her own modesty or morals, because that's what she hopes will win the approval of others.0 -
My kids can get a FB account when they turn 13 as those are FB rules. So my 14.5 year old son has an account but he NEVER goes on there. In fact I told him the other day that he is going to have to get rid of his account if he doesn't quit being so rude and ignoring everyone who posts to him. He just doesn't think about it and doesn't care about it. He only got an account because everyone at school was bugging him to.
My 8.5 year old wants a FB account. I have told her that when she turns 13 she can have one and not a day sooner. Maybe it won't even be around by then?!
I do have the password to my sons account and I am also his friend. It will be the same for my daughter. And I have no problem unfriending kids when they post bad pics or post with lots of swearing. I just tell him after the fact, hey I deleted so and so because they were posting nasty stuff. He couldn't care less that I do it, and I wouldn't care if he did care. LOL.0 -
Ehhh...I have no kids, so I can't speak from a parent's perspective. However, I will say, when I see my cousin's teenage daughter looking like a typical 20-something club hopper, I think "WTF?!" What gets to me most is, though, is that she says on her profile that she's 22. Her account is also not private in any way. I'm not her friend on there, yet I see every status, comment, photo, and friend (she has over 1,000 friends....who the hell has that many friends?!). And her parents are both friends of hers on there, and are both tech-savvy, so they KNOW her account is like this. THAT is what confuses me the most.
I started using the Internet at home when I was 13 years old, and I remember talking to pedophiles on there. I remember talking to adult men asking for photos, asking questions that they shouldn't be asking a little girl...but back then, they're just "cool older guys." As an adult, I see them for what they are, now--pedophiles. My own experience makes me realize that if I ever am a parent, no matter how much self-worth I instill in any future children, there are just some things one doesn't learn until they're older. Monitoring the accounts is key, IMO.
Someone mentioned smartphones...I have to ask, why does a child have a smartphone? They certainly don't need it. I would assume that they'd be on the parent's phone plan, or at the very least, that the parent is paying the bill. Don't buy them a smartphone. Problem solved.
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Someone mentioned smartphones...I have to ask, why does a child have a smartphone? They certainly don't need it. I would assume that they'd be on the parent's phone plan, or at the very least, that the parent is paying the bill. Don't buy them a smartphone. Problem solved.
They aren't my kids = their parents bought them smart phones. Every kid I see has an iphone... I don't even have an iphone!
I see 30 and 40 somethings posting ridiculous status statements and pictures too... it's not limited to 20 somethings - but they are all adults and will have to learn their own lessons... or not.
Once your kid enters the school system and has access to computers there, it is going to be very very hard to control what they see and or post on the internet. If it isn't on their FB page - you can bet it's on their BFF's FB page.. you can't control who's taking what pictures or posting them where, only your own child's and even that is only what you catch/monitor. Trying to teach and instill values is the only way... you can't watch them AND their friends 24/7. I see many many kids photos posted on my niece/nephews pages. You may not buy your kid an iphone but the other half of the school does have them with the cameras to post at will. Eventually you have to trust them to make the correct decisions and learn from making the wrong ones. If you think you're going to monitor them into adulthood, think again. Those are the parents who will have kids with "hidden" accounts that they will never ever know about unless their child grows up and decides to tell them... They will only ever find and see the "parent" FB account = the one they made just for you :flowerforyou:0 -
Someone mentioned smartphones...I have to ask, why does a child have a smartphone? They certainly don't need it. I would assume that they'd be on the parent's phone plan, or at the very least, that the parent is paying the bill. Don't buy them a smartphone. Problem solved.
They aren't my kids = their parents bought them smart phones. Every kid I see has an iphone... I don't even have an iphone!
I see 30 and 40 somethings posting ridiculous status statements and pictures too... it's not limited to 20 somethings - but they are all adults and will have to learn their own lessons... or not.
Once your kid enters the school system and has access to computers there, it is going to be very very hard to control what they see and or post on the internet. If it isn't on their FB page - you can bet it's on their BFF's FB page.. you can't control who's taking what pictures or posting them where, only your own child's and even that is only what you catch/monitor. Trying to teach and instill values is the only way... you can't watch them AND their friends 24/7. I see many many kids photos posted on my niece/nephews pages. You may not buy your kid an iphone but the other half of the school does have them with the cameras to post at will. Eventually you have to trust them to make the correct decisions and learn from making the wrong ones. If you think you're going to monitor them into adulthood, think again. Those are the parents who will have kids with "hidden" accounts that they will never ever know about unless their child grows up and decides to tell them... They will only ever find and see the "parent" FB account = the one they made just for you :flowerforyou:
I wasn't speaking about smartphones to anyone in particular. Just saying that I think it's ridonkulous to even buy a child a smartphone.
As for those kids with "hidden" accounts, yes, I know, I was one of those kids. My parents did indeed instill self-worth into me, and my mother in particular did everything she could to get me realize that the sort of behaviors we're discussing in this thread were unacceptable--her knowledgeable words fell on deaf ears. Someone can be the best parent in the universe and still have an unruly, rebellious kid, through no fault of their own. And you're right--schools have computers. Kid's friends have computers. My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school. Honestly, there is no 100% sure "solution" to fix the issue. But I still commend the parents who monitor their kids accounts, set the privacy settings, monitor their phone usage, etc. It's better than sitting back and thinking "oh well, whatever." At the same time, teach them safety when it comes to technology, since they'll never truly be away from it anymore. 0 -
My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.0 -
My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.
Same here. :laugh: I actually did have a cellphone for part of my senior year, but it was very very basic, and it was a used piece of crap that barely worked anyway. All I ever did with it was text the guy I was dating back then and used it to call home for a ride from work after school.
I did a summer internship last year, and was working with kids between the ages of 8 and 18. Surprisingly, the high school kids were very well-behaved when it came to working on the Internet. The most "trouble" they caused concerned listening to music sometimes while they did their work. On the flip side, the elementary kids were all looking at porn and playing on Facebook and doing anything but their schoolwork.0 -
My son is 16 he has a facebook,he does not have a cellphone. I know his password but i never check it.0
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My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.
Same here. Just having internet got me into enough not so smart situations. And my oldest is 9, begs for a cell already because some friends have them . Told her it will be a LONG time.0 -
My kid will not have one until they hit the teens and they will be my "friend" on there. I think my kids will behave appropriately knowing I can see their activity and comment on their page
If I had a kid, I wouldn't let them be friends with me on Facebook, I post too many vulgar things... :laugh:
But to reply to the OP, I know what you mean. My sister-in-law let her 8 year old daughter have a facebook with absolutely no privacy settings at all. I blocked her on my friends list so she can't see anything I'm posting, because I didn't want to delete her, but I don't want her to see the kinds of stuff I post. I'm a bad influence and I know it, but at least I'm trying to be proactive and not letting her see my posts. Not everybody would do that, though.
As for the pictures and such, I know my sister-in-law posts a hell of a lot more pictures than anybody I know, especially of her kids. I just wouldn't post pictures of my kids at all, to be honest. Far too many creepers out there.0 -
My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.
Same here. Just having internet got me into enough not so smart situations. And my oldest is 9, begs for a cell already because some friends have them . Told her it will be a LONG time.
That's something else about my sister-in-law. She let her daughter have an iPhone. That kid has a better phone than I do, and she's 8!0 -
My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.
Same here. Just having internet got me into enough not so smart situations. And my oldest is 9, begs for a cell already because some friends have them . Told her it will be a LONG time.
That's something else about my sister-in-law. She let her daughter have an iPhone. That kid has a better phone than I do, and she's 8!
Yeah my daughters classmate keeps bringing her Ipad to school. WTF? These kids are 8 and 9. I just do not see the reason for them to have these things. My daughter is with parents, other family or trusted adults (friends parents, girl scout troop etc) at all times. We all have a cell, she doesn't need one. What are these kids doing to need a cell or more?0 -
My mom lucked out in that cellphones didn't become the norm 'til after I was out of high school.
THIS. So so so this. I don't even want to imagine how much trouble I would've gotten into if I had a cell phone, much less a smart phone. I may not have survived high school....and I'm only *kind of* joking.
As a teenager, my judgment was poor. To say the very least.
Same here. Just having internet got me into enough not so smart situations. And my oldest is 9, begs for a cell already because some friends have them . Told her it will be a LONG time.
That's something else about my sister-in-law. She let her daughter have an iPhone. That kid has a better phone than I do, and she's 8!
Yeah my daughters classmate keeps bringing her Ipad to school. WTF? These kids are 8 and 9. I just do not see the reason for them to have these things. My daughter is with parents, other family or trusted adults (friends parents, girl scout troop etc) at all times. We all have a cell, she doesn't need one. What are these kids doing to need a cell or more?
I agree. I only bought a cell phone because I live on a college campus and sometimes I have classes that don't get out unitl 9:30 and I don't feel safe being on campus alone, with no way to get ahold of anybody else at night. Especially because there seems to be a higher rate of crime in this area than the surrounding areas. I know that most college campuses aren't the safest place for people to chill at night, but this one seems to be worse than most.0 -
It is really hard, as posters above have mentioned with smart phones and even the nintendo DSi can get on the internet. The best option is to put a little trust in your kids and make sure you teach them correctly.
Also....have them watch the movie Megan Is Missing....OMG this movie is scary as hell, it is about a pair of friends who chat up some strange guy and get kidnapped....what happens to them is NOT pretty...now my daughters don't want to chat at all! I do warn you, while it is not exactly graphic...there are some disturbing scenes...BUT I think the lesson learned is invaluable.
There are free copies of this movie floating around..but you can buy a copy easily.0 -
No Facebook til high school. No Cell phones til then either.0
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