Not allowing kids at wedding
Replies
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this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
I have to say I disagree with this sentiment. Yes, you and your fiance are the ones getting married, but if you are having a wedding and reception, you are also a host to your guests. I think when you make "etiquette" (sorry, stuffy word) with that in mind, you probably won't go wrong.
Does that mean you can't have a kid-free wedding? I don't think so. I think trying to find a babysitter or something could be a nice gesture if you have a lot of relatives with small children coming from out of town. But, in general, I think as long as the "no kids" rule is communicated tactfully and is uniformly applied, it isn't rude.0 -
I think you're right on. If I was to marry (shudder), I'd make it kid-less. I have some extremely badly behaved children in my family that have been known to ruin family gatherings.
They've knocked down tables, thrown food, had tantrums, etc. I wouldn't want them there or any child like that. I may be flamed for this, but I figure if its my day, then it'll go my way.0 -
Assuming you don't have any children in the wedding party (if you do, it might be wise to have a few other kids for them to play with! I speak from recent, catastrophic experience at a friend's wedding...), then absolutely not a problem to have a child-free wedding. I agree with many others that it would be a nice gesture, and would potentially soothe ruffled feathers, to arrange a babysitter or two(depending on numbers) to take care of children whose families need to travel some distance to attend. It might even save you some hassle in the long run if you could have the kids cared for at home, as it's always worth having someone around during the wedding/reception, as the criminal fraternity have been known to take advantage of a knowing that a house is guaranteed-empty for the duration of the wedding/reception (again, speaking from experience!).0
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this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
I have to say I disagree with this sentiment. Yes, you and your fiance are the ones getting married, but if you are having a wedding and reception, you are also a host to your guests. I think when you make "etiquette" (sorry, stuffy word) with that in mind, you probably won't go wrong.
Does that mean you can't have a kid-free wedding? I don't think so. I think trying to find a babysitter or something could be a nice gesture if you have a lot of relatives with small children coming from out of town. But, in general, I think as long as the "no kids" rule is communicated tactfully and is uniformly applied, it isn't rude.
Obviously if you are hosting an event you have to be concerned with your guests and their happiness but the priorities are the bride and grooms, above the crowds - it's their day - this is why people elope - ensures a drama free day if you are blessed with an "I love drama family". You can't please everyone and some people put enormous pressure on the couple to bend their every wish to make so and so happy... If the couple doesn't want kids, there should be no kids and unless you're paying for it, you as a guest have no right to complain. You have the option to attend or not. I can't stand when people attend and complain the entire time about something they knew in advance... being seated with such people is not fun. Some people are just easily offended, everything is always about them.0 -
this is the one day you are supposed to be concerned with pleasing yourself and your spouse to be above all others.
I have to say I disagree with this sentiment. Yes, you and your fiance are the ones getting married, but if you are having a wedding and reception, you are also a host to your guests. I think when you make "etiquette" (sorry, stuffy word) with that in mind, you probably won't go wrong.
Does that mean you can't have a kid-free wedding? I don't think so. I think trying to find a babysitter or something could be a nice gesture if you have a lot of relatives with small children coming from out of town. But, in general, I think as long as the "no kids" rule is communicated tactfully and is uniformly applied, it isn't rude.
Obviously if you are hosting an event you have to be concerned with your guests and their happiness but the priorities are the bride and grooms, above the crowds - it's their day - this is why people elope - ensures a drama free day if you are blessed with an "I love drama family". You can't please everyone and some people put enormous pressure on the couple to bend their every wish to make so and so happy... If the couple doesn't want kids, there should be no kids and unless you're paying for it, you as a guest have no right to complain. You have the option to attend or not. I can't stand when people attend and complain the entire time about something they knew in advance... being seated with such people is not fun. Some people are just easily offended, everything is always about them.
For sure. Don't buy into drama and people who will never be satisfied no matter what happens. I was just saying that if you make decisions with the question "What would a good host do?" (NOT "What would a complete doormat who fawns over all the crazy relatives do?) in mind, then I feel like it is hard to go wrong.0 -
As a parent, I don't have an issue with it at all. I love my kids, but I surely don't expect everyone else to feel the same way about them, or about kids in general. Just be aware it may exclude some from attending your wedding and it may ruffle some feathers. I don't know how far along you are in the planning stage, but you might be able to stage the event to naturally exclude kids by having it later in the evening or having a cocktail/dessert reception.0
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Rude? Why would that be rude? **** for people like me, that would be friggin awesome.0
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It’s not for me, but I understand why people would do it. For us, it was important to have our whole family there, which meant kids. My sister wanted no kids except my niece and a friend since my niece was the only child in the family at the time. To try to keep the numbers down they had a destination wedding and didn’t invite kids. Besides the reception venue wasn’t very kid friendly. It backfired, because of the location (it was a vacation destination for many of the people from our area during prime season) nearly everyone who was invited came and at least one couple RSVP’d to include their 5 kids. They ended up having to get a loan to help finance it and keep their fingers crossed that they received enough money in gifts to pay for some of it.
Personally, I think it’s the bride and groom’s prerogative, after all it is their day and no one else’s. Also I think that’s it’s rude to rsvp for more people than were posted on the invitation. If the envelope says “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” than only Mr. and Mrs. Smith are invited, if the envelope says “Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family” or “The Smith Family” than bring the brood and have fun!
That being said, if there are people coming that you must have there then I think it’s only fair to help them with provisions, especially if the wedding is out of the area. If they generally depend on family to watch their kids and don’t really have other options they may need assistance. My husband and I have had to decide which one of us was going to go and be uncomfortable at the single table at a wedding because we couldn’t find or afford a baby sitter. I hear that sometimes girl scout troops will babysit events for a badge.0 -
It backfired, because of the location (it was a vacation destination for many of the people from our area during prime season) nearly everyone who was invited came and at least one couple RSVP’d to include their 5 kids. They ended up having to get a loan to help finance it and keep their fingers crossed that they received enough money in gifts to pay for some of it.
For me, this is where a well-placed phone call would go. If the invitation was worded appropriately and the parents still RSVP'd for their children who weren't invited, I would have no issue calling them out on their rudeness. Sorry, but I wouldn't be willing to foot the bill - get a sitter.0 -
I guess it depends on your guest list. I don't know anyboy with children, so it's really not something I thought about, but really, a wedding is generally for adults to get drunk and dance.0
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It backfired, because of the location (it was a vacation destination for many of the people from our area during prime season) nearly everyone who was invited came and at least one couple RSVP’d to include their 5 kids. They ended up having to get a loan to help finance it and keep their fingers crossed that they received enough money in gifts to pay for some of it.
For me, this is where a well-placed phone call would go. If the invitation was worded appropriately and the parents still RSVP'd for their children who weren't invited, I would have no issue calling them out on their rudeness. Sorry, but I wouldn't be willing to foot the bill - get a sitter.
Definitely - every wedding is planned on a budget. I would have just very nicely said due to financial constraints we can not accomodate that many people. I would not take out a loan to foot the bill for uninvited guests.0 -
My wife and I did this. We had a "no children, please" policy for the wedding. It worked out just fine, and nobody was upset about it.
Now, we're parents, and "no kids, please" is a great excuse to get out and have some adult time. I say, don't worry about it. Unfortunately, the people who most need to leave the kids behind are probably the same people who will moan and complain about your choice.
Do it your way.0 -
It seems you have heard in full the non-kid wedding crowd speak. I can honestly say that growing up, maniac kids at a wedding is the norm. Weddings were a big family celebration where people form 3 to 80 years old danced and laughed. Maybe it's because it's the greek in us, or the polish/slavic parts of my wives family, or the fact I lived in Germany off an on for 4 years, but I have never minded children at celebrations. Like I said, it's your decision, but don't put out the people who actually like celebrating with their children just to accomodate people who are using your day as a reason to hire a baby sitter so they can get trashed.0
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It seems you have heard in full the non-kid wedding crowd speak. I can honestly say that growing up, maniac kids at a wedding is the norm. Weddings were a big family celebration where people form 3 to 80 years old danced and laughed. Maybe it's because it's the greek in us, or the polish/slavic parts of my wives family, or the fact I lived in Germany off an on for 4 years, but I have never minded children at celebrations. Like I said, it's your decision, but don't put out the people who actually like celebrating with their children just to accomodate people who are using your day as a reason to hire a baby sitter so they can get trashed.
I think I agree with you. I of course think people should do what they like for their own weddings, but I happen to like seeing all the kids at weddings. They're all dressed up. Flower girls, the kids table, boys in their little suits... Today still, and I am 36, people see me and HAVE to remind me about my aunts wedding when I was 4. Apparently I danced the night away with everyone and that was one of their memories from my aunts wedding 30 some years later.
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It’s not for me, but I understand why people would do it. For us, it was important to have our whole family there, which meant kids. My sister wanted no kids except my niece and a friend since my niece was the only child in the family at the time. To try to keep the numbers down they had a destination wedding and didn’t invite kids.
My friends brother had a destination wedding. Cost his folks $50,000. Very lovely island wedding.
3 weeks into the marriage he caught her in bed with another dude.
Not relevant to the topic at hand. Just a story I like to share. Because I'm a miserable s.o.b.0 -
It’s not for me, but I understand why people would do it. For us, it was important to have our whole family there, which meant kids. My sister wanted no kids except my niece and a friend since my niece was the only child in the family at the time. To try to keep the numbers down they had a destination wedding and didn’t invite kids.
My friends brother had a destination wedding. Cost his folks $50,000. Very lovely island wedding.
3 weeks into the marriage he caught her in bed with another dude.
Not relevant to the topic at hand. Just a story I like to share. Because I'm a miserable s.o.b.
Did he know the other guy?0 -
I don't know why I asked that lol0
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No he didn't.0
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It seems you have heard in full the non-kid wedding crowd speak. I can honestly say that growing up, maniac kids at a wedding is the norm. Weddings were a big family celebration where people form 3 to 80 years old danced and laughed. Maybe it's because it's the greek in us, or the polish/slavic parts of my wives family, or the fact I lived in Germany off an on for 4 years, but I have never minded children at celebrations. Like I said, it's your decision, but don't put out the people who actually like celebrating with their children just to accomodate people who are using your day as a reason to hire a baby sitter so they can get trashed.
I guess I draw a distinction between the ceremony and the reception. Our ceremony was quite small, and because neither one of us is religious, it was just us with a few close family members and a JoP. I would not have wanted all the kids there.
The reception, on the other hand, had kids chasing each other all over the place.0 -
I don't know why I asked that lol
because it makes a big difference!
If you know the guy, and you screw his new wife, that's a total douche move.
If yu don't know the guy, and you screw a hot chick, and learn she's married later, not such a douche move.0 -
We've hammered out the details. The ceremony and reception will go from 6pm-10:30pm so that's way late for kids, anyway. We are going to allow the children of the bridal party members to come (there will be about 6), and I'm going to have my cousin's son and daughter IN the wedding to allow them to be there, since they're the only ones with kids that have to travel cross-country.
But everyone else is local, and if they can't find a sitter in 18 months then...oh well. If they get offended and don't show up that's minus a couple hundred bucks or so. :drinker:0 -
We've hammered out the details. The ceremony and reception will go from 6pm-10:30pm so that's way late for kids, anyway. We are going to allow the children of the bridal party members to come (there will be about 6), and I'm going to have my cousin's son and daughter IN the wedding to allow them to be there, since they're the only ones with kids that have to travel cross-country.
But everyone else is local, and if they can't find a sitter in 18 months then...oh well. If they get offended and don't show up that's minus a couple hundred bucks or so. :drinker:
Congrats & Enjoy!0 -
But everyone else is local, and if they can't find a sitter in 18 months then...oh well.
18 months is more than enough time to find a sitter, especially if you don't have to travel for the wedding. Good for you for making your day what you want it to be.0
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