To the single dads
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Moe4572
Posts: 1,430 Member
I have seen a few posts that said women aren't interested in dating single dads.....I disagree with this....I have no qualms about dating single dads and I have several friends who have no problem with dating single dads either. For what it is worth, I think a man who is (and enjoys) being a great dad....well, that says alot about his character.....in a good way.!
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Lol, I have no problem with dating a single dad... as long as he has his kids at least half time
A single dad I wouldn't date, would be the "dad" who's kids live with their mother. I don't care what you say, judges aren't biased towards the mother, you have to fight to keep your children... and statistically, only 30% of men bother.
Yep - hot topic making. lol
I think a guy who has (and cares for) children is definitely datable: right off the bat we have a lot of the same values and interests in common, we can relate with each other, we're both very much aware of our futures, we're both financially responsible, we've both had to grow up in ways that people who aren't parents haven't had to etc etc etc.....
But yes, this is all coming from a single mother
...I know single moms who don't date single dads, so I thought I'd add my 2 cents.
Bottom line is life rarely goes as planned, and it's not what ~didn't~ go right that defines you as a person, but how you chose to deal with those situations.
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A man who loves his kids enough to fight for them and make the sacrifice to rear them has already shown that he's good family material. And a single dad who has his kids full time understands my lack of spontaneity, my curfew (sitter!) and other things that men who either don't have kids or have kids taken care of by their moms just don't get.
I love single dads!
Unless they don't pay child support or try to act like they know what it's like being a single parent 24-7 (no visitation) when htey only get their kid once a month.
My biggest issue is ones that insist the kids come first. I know that's a common opinion, but I think this sentiment contributes greatly to "blended family" issues. Sure, while we're dating, kids come first, but I believe we ever get married your spouse comes first. I hated when my mom told me this after marrying my step dad. But I think it's one of the wisest things about relationships she's ever taught me.0 -
Its been my experience that people who havent had kids have a hard time understanding people that have them. I know for myself I do not relate well to most people that have not had kids. I have been a single parent with primary custody for nearly five years now and I wouldnt have it any other way.
Its good to know that not all women dont want to date a guy because he is a single dad. I know I rarely meet women in the real world that dont have kids. Not that I meet alot of women.0 -
However....
I am 24 and divorced with no children. I make a decent living, attend school, and love to go out and have fun. I'm not finished with spontaneous road trips, nice dinners out, r rated movies, and quiet showers alone. I have no maternal instinct and no plans to procreate - and yes, i have taken measures to ensure this.
With the effort, thought, and consideration I have put in to my decision to be child free, damn right i will refuse to date single fathers. I appreciate their situation, and I have bent the rules before, but it's always ended abruptly.
It's a shame too... there are some wonderful men out there that happen to have children. Sometimes I really wish it wasn't so important to me. but it is. and it will be until it isn't. which may very well be never.0 -
However....
I am 24 and divorced with no children. I make a decent living, attend school, and love to go out and have fun. I'm not finished with spontaneous road trips, nice dinners out, r rated movies, and quiet showers alone. I have no maternal instinct and no plans to procreate - and yes, i have taken measures to ensure this.
With the effort, thought, and consideration I have put in to my decision to be child free, damn right i will refuse to date single fathers. I appreciate their situation, and I have bent the rules before, but it's always ended abruptly.
It's a shame too... there are some wonderful men out there that happen to have children. Sometimes I really wish it wasn't so important to me. but it is. and it will be until it isn't. which may very well be never.
There's always exceptions.
I've never seen or felt it to be a deterrent since shared custody means 1/2 the time away (or more). It actually seems to be an attracting "trait" for those women over 27 and ESP over 30.0 -
@Banks: The women who are attracted to that specific aspect of your life most likely either A) have children or
want them. I am neither. Therefore, i'm pretty sure age has nothing to do with it.
P.S. i'll hook up with a man who has 17 children as long as none of them are within earshot or visibility range... i'll just make sure to double bag that. But when it comes to dating? nope.
Children come with moms. and child support. and restrictions. and a constant reminder that i'm the latest addition and therefore, the least important. A narcissist such as I struggles with this particular notion.0 -
I guess I am not the norm........yes, I date the single dads....BUT the difference is that I don't have children. I was married, and had a stepdaughter that lived many miles away, but have not been a mom. I have done daycare and been a nanny, so I am familiar with children, but not the day to day raising of a child, HOWEVER that is why single dads are so impressive.
To each their own......0 -
i will refuse to date single fathers.
Nothing wrong with knowing what you want (and don't want)! And good on ya for being up-front about it.
I've actually lost two good guys over the kids issue- I don't mind if someone has their own kids already, and I especially have much respect for the single dad who has his kids most of the time, like I do, as long as they demonstrate that *I* come before the ex...
but...
I do NOT want to BEAR more children. These two guys insisted they wanted children of their own blood. I don't fault them for it, but sure hope they don't marry someone barren.
PS for you single moms out there... single dads with teenage daughters come with respect for your struggles AND built-in babysitting!0 -
I have seen a few posts that said women aren't interested in dating single dads.....I disagree with this....I have no qualms about dating single dads and I have several friends who have no problem with dating single dads either. For what it is worth, I think a man who is (and enjoys) being a great dad....well, that says alot about his character.....in a good way.!
I replied to a post coping a woman's answer why she was single and that is what she said was her reason was that men wouldn't want to date a single mom. I just swapped her answer around and said they wouldn't want to date a single dad. I have my kids all the time, I need no help from anyone to raise my kids and don't ask for help. I do think that my kids need the influence of a good mother seeing how theirs now doesn't really help any in raising them. My kids are what brought me back from the edge and are my life. They are why I exist, I would do anything for them and we have fun all the time. As for dating, I don't think I would want them to know I was dating or stress them out with other women. So I really don't date. I have female friends that know me very well that I get advice from in the mother area, lol. I'm the now version of Mr.Mom. As for single parents dating I really don't think its matters unless one is not a parent. Plus you gotta love kids too. Single parents with kids should have no problem dating each other. There just isn't a whole lot of true single parent dads out there, I mean dads that have their kids or custody of them.0 -
I'm not sure on this... So far, I dated 1 guy with kids and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I was understanding (I was nervous how I'd react because it was brand new to me) but for a long term relationship, I wasn't sure if it'd work out.
I'm not 100% yet that I want kids but I'd like that option. If a man has already had his kids and doesn't want anymore, that'd be a huge problem down the road.
I don't know. I guess it'd all depend on the situation. I'm 32, no kids, divorced, having a great time. On one hand, it might be hard finding a man around my age that doesn't have children and on the other hand, I might find guys are interested in settling down already...
I'm rambling now. Not sure how I feel, I'd be open to it, I suppose, for the right guy if he had 1. I don't know about 2 or more kids...0 -
I am currently dating a single dad, and I myself do not have any children. I keep reminding him that I am ok with the fact his son comes first, that is the way it should be. His son was there before me, and will be there after me. Seeing how he has primary custody of his son, that to me makes him even more dateable, because he has family values.
This poor guy keeps apologizing for not having alot of time for me, but that is ok, I do like my time to myself so while he is with his son, I can get some "me" time.
Some just consider some single dads to have "baggage" and that is really a shame a child is considered as such, because we all have some form of "baggage"0 -
I am currently dating a single dad, and I myself do not have any children. I keep reminding him that I am ok with the fact his son comes first, that is the way it should be. His son was there before me, and will be there after me. Seeing how he has primary custody of his son, that to me makes him even more dateable, because he has family values.
This poor guy keeps apologizing for not having alot of time for me, but that is ok, I do like my time to myself so while he is with his son, I can get some "me" time.
Some just consider some single dads to have "baggage" and that is really a shame a child is considered as such, because we all have some form of "baggage"
True, everbody has some sort of baggage.0 -
I have no bias against dating single dads...I just stress out about meeting their kids because I'm really never around kids and don't know how to act or talk to them. I went out with a guy who wanted to bring his kids on our third date and I broke it off because that seemed like a lot of pressure on me. Suddenly a date turns into a panel interview! I'm curious how people handle meeting and interacting with the kids?0
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Maybe he just wanted to bring the kids for fun too, if it was supposed to be a fun date. Maybe he wanted them to meet you so he wouldn't have to keep sneaking around.0
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Maybe he just wanted to bring the kids for fun too, if it was supposed to be a fun date. Maybe he wanted them to meet you so he wouldn't have to keep sneaking around.
They knew he was dating; he was definitely NOT sneaking around.0 -
My son's father has another son from a previous relationship. We had some difficulties surrounding that situation, mainly because his ex-wife is a lunatic. Not joking.
All in all, I would date a guy with kids but the baby mama drama is a big no no for me. I am not going through that again. I have a son and he is my world and I would hope that anyone I dated felt the same about his kids. Also, I would like another baby eventually, so that would have to be a part of the deal.0 -
Some just consider some single dads to have "baggage" and that is really a shame a child is considered as such, because we all have some form of "baggage"
Yeah, but we all don't have psycho ex-wife baggage.
If she's too psycho, I'm not getting too involved with him. I don't like drama, and I already have enough of my own (practically non-existent father means no interpersonal drama, but significant financial drama).0 -
I'm curious how people handle meeting and interacting with the kids?
My son is young and usually friendly but after one bad experience and one that was too good (my son kept asking for Mr. so-and-so) I now try to have the potential guy come hang out with me and my friends in a group setting (pic-nic, watching the game, etc) so he sees us as friends, not potentially someone to take mommy from him.
When I meet younger kids, I'm not nervous (most young kids are easy as long as you love on them) but older ones make me a bit nervous because that's where most 2nd marriage relationship conflicts come from.0 -
being a single mom (my husband has been in Heaven for 10 years...) at first I was wary of seeing someone with children because "what if he puts his children first?" uh, hello? that's what all parents do! Then I met someone who has children (divorced) and pays child support for one of the children. He's the kindest, sweetest, gentleman I have met! We've known each other for a year, but unfortunately he's in another state (military) and due to that, he's hesitant... we're friends. I like being his friend and there are no 'benefits' just in case you're wondering. that's the way I roll!
Single dads can be helpful especially if they have children older than yours! They can give advice and support!0 -
i don't introduce my children to men I don't know well enough. My friend knows my 2 by name... he also sent me flowers for my birthday!!! :flowerforyou:0
