Men! What Ladies Do and How You Interpret it?
JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
Spurred by the "face picture*" post in "Chit Chat," I'd really be happy if our guys would help us out a few things we do that might inadvertantly turn them off before we even have a chance to win their hearts.
For example: When a woman writes "marriage" in her online dating profile, I've been told most guys interpret that as "Run! She wants to marry anyone, fill a square, have kids quickly, and it doesn't matter if it's you or the first guy that puts up with her."
Or, I've also been told: When a woman says one of her favorite hobbies is shopping, men interpret that as, "Run! She's just looking for a walking paycheck!"
What do you think?
*PS: If the "face picture post was asking "if a woman only has a face picture, do you assume she's fat?"
For example: When a woman writes "marriage" in her online dating profile, I've been told most guys interpret that as "Run! She wants to marry anyone, fill a square, have kids quickly, and it doesn't matter if it's you or the first guy that puts up with her."
Or, I've also been told: When a woman says one of her favorite hobbies is shopping, men interpret that as, "Run! She's just looking for a walking paycheck!"
What do you think?
*PS: If the "face picture post was asking "if a woman only has a face picture, do you assume she's fat?"
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Replies
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I can only speak for myself but I would take both examples as meaning the lady would some day like to get married to the right guy for her and she likes to shop,pretty much her being honest about things.
Maybe in a "locker room" setting guys can come up with somewhat hidden meanings to things but basically I don`t think our minds normally work that way in trying to analyze what is said beyond face value.
Please don`t take it as being sexist or trying to start a gender argument because it isn`t.0 -
I agree with the "face picture only = fat" thing. Also when people are not smiling (bad teeth), only showing one side of their face or always taking picture with the same angle (what's on the other side that we should not see!!!), ...
The truth is that I don't technically make these assumptions for real, but since in online dating so many people are trying to appear to be what they are not (picture from 10 years ago anyone?) you can't help but being a bit wary of these things.
That's also why I normally try to arrange a date ASAP, or just ask for more pictures if that's really a worry.
Now:
- Marriage: I don't think she wants to marry "anyone", but I would still think she is on a mission (that is: "I need to find a man to marry very soon", not "I intend to get married someday if the right person comes into my life")
- Shopping: * YAWN * seems boring to me. In fact so many women like shopping that it's almost a given and also this is quite a shallow activity that just requires a bit of cash, at least when described like that ("My main hobby is shopping..." wow you look really interesting). Imagine a man saying: my main hobby is watching football/soccer on TV. * yawn * I would expect the woman who puts shopping to pay with her own cash though...
- The horrible ones are: "I like music/reading/cinema/socialising/friends/family". You forgot to add you like happiness and hate feeling bad. Duh... Most generic statements ever. I knew a guy who hated cinema, now that'd be worth mentioning. Or perhaps, please try to be more specific (foreign films? reading adventure books?)
Worse even: "looking for a decent man". Really? I thought you were "looking for an absolute *kitten* hole who will be drunk when he comes back home and gives me a good beating".
Worse even (yep!): "no liars please, I had my share". Liar comes in: "Hey, you! I am not a liar, so respond please!". For the not so smart people out there, he will lie when he will contact you... because (guess what) he is a liar.
TBH 80% of the time, looking at profiles from women makes me sad (I'm sure it's the same for guys): unimaginative, generic, boring dog poop.0 -
Oh yeah and the "perfect woman profile" is a bit scary. Perfect pictures (almost model like), high earner, got too many friends type of people, ...
The perfect girl/guy, so perfect that they almost don't seem human.
It just makes you wonder: hey perfect person, what will I be able to bring into your life? Will you actually give a f**k about me since you seem to have everything you want? Or worse, what are you not telling us - what's your dark secret 'cause everything seems to go so well for you but that can't be true?
See, I think you need to look accessible to people. So add a few silly/light hearted jokes, a few "normal" pictures...0 -
Spurred by the "face picture*" post in "Chit Chat," I'd really be happy if our guys would help us out a few things we do that might inadvertantly turn them off before we even have a chance to win their hearts.
For example: When a woman writes "marriage" in her online dating profile, I've been told most guys interpret that as "Run! She wants to marry anyone, fill a square, have kids quickly, and it doesn't matter if it's you or the first guy that puts up with her."
Or, I've also been told: When a woman says one of her favorite hobbies is shopping, men interpret that as, "Run! She's just looking for a walking paycheck!"
What do you think?
*PS: If the "face picture post was asking "if a woman only has a face picture, do you assume she's fat?"
In short I agree.
There's no need to mention marriage in an online profile unless you want to be married right now and are just looking for the next available guy. If you want to get married soon, thats great, but discuss it with the guy after dating, not before you even start.
Shopping is such an expensive/boring (for guys) type of hobby. What guy would actually be like "You know what, I've got some extra cash laying around and this woman's hobby could quickly rectify that for me."
The other thing I REALLY hate in women's profiles is "NO DRAMA PLEASE!". I see that and just run. I mean if you're not mature enough to get out of a "drama" filled relationship, I don't want to date you. Whenever I see the word drama mentioned in dating, all I can think about is high school type garbage.0 -
Unfortunately, the answer to all three is yes.
Having only one picture or only face pictures makes one wonder what the woman isn't showing. A woman should have at least three pictures: Good face, with smile. Full body wearing something that fits well. One with friends or doing something interesting.
When a woman mentions marriage, it looks like a goal. Some women (not all) seem to be on a mission to find a husband. And that can reach the level of desperation (especially if she really likes you). Stick with long-term relationship. You want someone who's on the same path so focus on the next three steps (getting to know each other, liking each other, exclusivity/long-term relationship).
98.9% of women enjoy shopping. So, you aren't really telling us anything except that maybe you REALLY LIKE shopping. By itself, that isn't a deal killer, but it can be a red flag that you have financial issues or we can expect to spend a lot of mall time with you or time alone while you're at the mall. Focus on interests that aren't so typical (hiking, golf, shot glass collecting, etc.).0 -
Perfect pictures (almost model like), high earner...
High earner is a good thing? Really? Most guys I've met are turned off by the fact that I make decent money. The ones who haven't been are generally looking for a free ride/Sugar momma to take care of them. Those never last long, lol, because I'm firmly in the "man pays for the date" camp ;-)0 -
Probably a generational thing, but I would definitely would be more attracted to a woman that can take care of herself, and well with that (so, yes, high earner is a bonus - that is, if she does not mind going to places I can afford to go to). I would never ask for money or presents or whatever from the woman though, in fact I have the same standards for myself as for others: she can take care of herself, and so can I (not talking LTR here obviously, but more at the beginning).
High earner is a good thing? Really? Most guys I've met are turned off by the fact that I make decent money. The ones who haven't been are generally looking for a free ride/Sugar momma to take care of them. Those never last long, lol, because I'm firmly in the "man pays for the date" camp ;-)Perfect pictures (almost model like), high earner...
"man pays for the date" type of women are associated in my mind with a lot of unpleasant adjectives, and if the woman does not make any effort/gets her wallet out at any point for me that's pretty much a no no. I find girls looking for a free ride (free night out) as unattractive as you do for males.0 -
"man pays for the date" type of women are associated in my mind with a lot of unpleasant adjectives, and if the woman does not make any effort/gets her wallet out at any point for me that's pretty much a no no. I find girls looking for a free ride (free night out) as unattractive as you do for males.
Free night out??? at $10/hr for good babysitting I never have a free night out.
I'll certainly offer to host/get tickets for sports/somehow reciprocate after a few months, but I'm not paying for someone's attempts to get down my pants, which is all most first couple dates end up being.
What's weird is, the few guys I've actually offered to pay my way or cover us both (after a little while), that same week they all transitioned me to the "friends" category. But I hear more guys, like you, who say the woman should at least offer half the time. So guys, what gives?
ETA: I appreciate those of you who are sharing your opinion on this stuff...0 -
Personally, I take great pride in offering to pay my way. But as I am very generous by nature, I get turned off by a guy that doesnt, at least, offer the first drink or pay his own way. I like generous men, both of spirit and in nature.
In this day and age, when women earn enough to pay their way, then I dont think they should expect a man to pay all the time. Its not a generation thing at all, its about generosity. I've been out with a 24year old who wouldnt let me pay for a thing. And I've been out with a 44 year old that would have let me buy drinks all night, if I stayed!! A recent 32 year old that bought everything.......anyway, you get my point, its not about age.........
I think you can tell a lot about a persons nature in the way they behave in social situations. That is all......0 -
Oh, and a bit more on topic:
I think guys that freak out at a face picture cos they believe she is fat are shallow and totally unworthy of a date! Seriously! If a guy asks me for a full body shot, I tell him to take a hike! I can't imagine anything more important than soomeones face, eyes, smile!
But hey, that's me :bigsmile:0 -
If a guy asks me for a full body shot, I tell him to take a hike!
Good for you. Personally, I want to see a guy's full body picture. My ex was thin and wiry. Very cut, so very nice too look at. But I actually prefer a more stocky man. I know I'm shallow, lol, but I've got my own money and my male queue is pretty full right now so I'm enjoying being shallow and picky for the first time in my life.
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If a guy asks me for a full body shot, I tell him to take a hike!
Good for you. Personally, I want to see a guy's full body picture. My ex was thin and wiry. Very cut, so very nice too look at. But I actually prefer a more stocky man. I know I'm shallow, lol, but I've got my own money and my male queue is pretty full right now so I'm enjoying being shallow and picky for the first time in my life.
And good for you too!! lol Funnily enough, I dont usually find myself attracted to skinny/wiry men either, but I met this guy and he's generous and kind and funny and well, the skinny just didnt matter!! It didnt work out, but that was more of an age/distance issue. We all have our preferences, but sometimes you could miss the 'one' if you dont look deeper
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Actions speak louder than words. So the words of the dating site profile aren't tremendously important in the long run.
I look for someone with great sentence structure, spelling and grammar. I like attention to detail.
I get turned off if there's a woman talking about how much she wants kids. I also wouldn't recommend talking about marriage too soon either.
Shopping is a non issue with me.0 -
The other thing I REALLY hate in women's profiles is "NO DRAMA PLEASE!". I see that and just run. I mean if you're not mature enough to get out of a "drama" filled relationship, I don't want to date you. Whenever I see the word drama mentioned in dating, all I can think about is high school type garbage.
Ha. I see that phrase in about 75% of the profiles I read! Another one I really can't stand is when they posture and try to pass themselves off as better than everyone else. Kind of a "let's see how many idiots will come across my profile today?" thing (trust me, I have seen this on more than one profile). As soon as I see either of those I'm gone...0 -
Yet, you can only interest the other person in you with words and pictures on dating sites, so you'd better chose them carefully...Actions speak louder than words. So the words of the dating site profile aren't tremendously important in the long run.
That being said, nothing you've written in your profile is indeed a "deal breaker" if you are lucky enough to go through the screening process and meet the person face to face.0 -
I look for someone with great sentence structure, spelling and grammar. I like attention to detail.
Thank you!!
Back when I had a profile, I would laugh at the guys who wrote me with broken English and poor spelling. I doubt they read the part in my profile where it listed my degrees and said my 5 year goal was a Ph.D.0 -
I am laughing so hard at this post. I agree 100%!
Guys do the same things though- "NO DRAMA, I've had enough!", etc. It is a major turn-off. Maybe we should have a guy version of this post where the ladies weigh-in. My roommate and I both are perusing online for dates so it was hilarious when she sent me a sampling of her recent messages, including variations of "Hey" and "Hi" and "Yo, dem t*tties real?" lol.
And about the face only pics, I purposely put up pics and put dates on them. I would prefer to weed out the guys who can't appreciate my WHOLE body up front.0 -
Guys do the same things though- "NO DRAMA, I've had enough!", etc. It is a major turn-off.
haha yes!!
DELETE if his profile says
"No Drama" - Because dramatic people attract drama, and I'm looking to minimize the drama in my life
"I'm looking for someone who loves me the way I am" - which is a true statement, but when guys say that I interpret it as, "I just want some woman to cater to all my needs without me having to make any effort to make her happy"
And if they mention sexual things in the first couple emails, or if they say their favorite hobby is "hanging out," they might be great for someone else, but they won't be going out with me.0
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