i need help!

christine24t

So here is the situation...you don't have to read it all if you don't want to but the ending is what i am getting at!

I met this guy freshman year of college (I'm now a senior). A couple of weeks ago, he texted me saying "hey what's up?" I never said anything back because I assumed someone stole his phone or he meant to text someone else. He facebook chatted me the next day and was like "did you get my text?" i said no i thought he meant it for someone else and he said "no i meant it for you." ever since then, he's texted me and facebook chatted me and we've talked about random stuff. He's told a couple of our mutual friends that he likes me.

We had a dating doctor guy come to our school tonight and i asked him what he thought (needed an objective opinion) and he told me "he likes you."

Problem is I don't know how much I like him back. I am starting to, but I don't know if I like him back because he likes me and I like the attention, or if I am genuinely growing to like him.

My roommate brought up the point I am trying to ask you for advice. Maybe I am wording it wrong but I hope you get my point.

To begin to date someone - does the attraction have to be 100% mutual? Do both parties see each other and are like "wow i want him/her?" Or is it more like one person likes the other and the other grows to like that person back? My roommate wonders if I am starting like him back because he likes me, and I like the attention. She says I need to figure out if I really like him. But I brought the point up to her that maybe this is how relationships work.

All of my passionate crushes I've had on people are not reciprocated, and they are unrealistic for the most part. Do I just have to meet someone and grow to like them? Is that how relationships work? What are the odds that two people like each other in the exact same way?

AllanMisner

First, do you even know what you want in a bf/so/husband?

If the answer is yes, and he doesn't fit those criteria, let him down gently and move on. No sense hurting him to satisfy a short-term desire for attention.

If the answer is no, you have two choices. You can take some time now and figure out what you want. Or you can spend some time with him and see if the traits he has (and those he doesn't) really matter to you in the long run.

The most important thing to remember is that you are very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Do be afraid to have some fun, make some mistakes and learn who you are. Knowing who you are is 90% of finding a mate who will stick.

Enjoy!

Steelheart7

I have a hard time seperating the "do I like him because he likes me" thing from the real thing sometimes too. I think the only way to know that is to spend time with him. You will know soon enough. No one expects when they first start dating to know whether or not that person is there for the long term. That is what dating is for! Have some fun, discover what you like and don't and give him a shot!

flimflamfloz

- "To begin to date someone - does the attraction have to be 100% mutual?"
No. In fact, I have sometimes dated girls thinking: "Don't really like this and that in her... but we'll see what happens." The point is that we can't be perfect judges of characters, and also people can be different in 1 to 1. I am obviously talking about minor personality traits you perceive, if these traits are deal breakers then just don't.

- "Do both parties see each other and are like "wow i want him/her?" Or is it more like one person likes the other and the other grows to like that person back?"
Normally both people have got some degree of attraction initially ("He is cute", "He looks like a nice guy", "Hmmm I think he is funny", ...), but there is always one who is more attracted than the other one, and later there is always one (might not be the same) who wants to make the relationship evolve faster.
NOTE: if the guy is madly in love at this stage, there is a problem. He doesn't really know you. The initial attraction should be mild to moderate, otherwise he is just fooling himself. Applies to you as well.

- "My roommate wonders if I am starting like him back because he likes me, and I like the attention. She says I need to figure out if I really like him. But I brought the point up to her that maybe this is how relationships work."
He has definitely caught your eye because he likes you, don't lie to yourself here. Lots of relationship start like that.
So what? There are so many people around that you are definitely not going to notice them all. At least you know he likes you a bit.
Please think about this: all this guy has done so far is waved at you and say "Hello! I quite like you, you're alright?".
If you get to know him better, perhaps you will realise you like him, perhaps *HE* will realise he hates you in fact, but he will certainly show you his nice side if he is interested in you.

- "All of my passionate crushes I've had on people are not reciprocated, and they are unrealistic for the most part. Do I just have to meet someone and grow to like them? Is that how relationships work?"
I don't really believe in love at first sight if this is what you are asking (works when you're young or unexperimented, mainly because you are "stupid" and "naive").
The initial approach, or first time you meet someone, is more about physical attraction and quick compatibility, and it's really a quick screening process. I normally find that I have deep conversations and connections *even that early* (i.e. first hour of conversation) with people who share the same interests as I do (so if that guy likes the same as you, that's a good sign).
Then you get to know them better over the course of several dates, and then keep doing that until you either split or die.

- "and grow to like them?"
This scares me a bit. I normally know fairly quickly (1 hour or so) if this person is someone I want to spend some more time with (not for ever either as things can change, but at least for now...). Do you have some attraction and interest for him?
Basically, if it seems like dates would be a PITA, then just don't go. If the guy makes you laugh, you're enjoying your time with him, then just go! Just take things at your own pace, that is all, and don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do.

- "What are the odds that two people like each other in the exact same way?"
Slim over time. I find that guys grow bored of girls (and learn to hate), whereas girls grow fond for guys (and learn to forgive).
Initially, the attraction is more physical for men, whereas women go post on forums because they are intellectualising everything :laugh: . So even at this stage, you probably don't like each other the same way.

Do be afraid to have some fun, make some mistakes and learn who you are. Knowing who you are is 90% of finding a mate who will stick.

This, I think.
I think you need to try, see if you like it or not, and this again: don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do with the guy.
You don't risk much, unless the guy is a serial killer. If it works for a while, it works. If it fails, it fails.
Also, from what I read, you seem to have some confidence problems too, so just enjoy the attention and get some ego boost from the situation, it won't hurt.
Just try to keep things clean, that is all.

Carl01

Go with it and have some fun.
Don`t let yourself say finally a person likes me and this has to be the one so that if in time it doesn`t pan out you are devastated nor do things to sabotage it thinking that it just couldn`t be.

It is a sorting out process of feelings and compatibility so give it time.
If you are interested you can let him know without being overt about it,answer him in some detail when he texts,be the one to text him hello once in a while.
I know from your posts the first thing you would say to that is "Oh I can`t do that" well yes you can,get all the negativity such as the thought he texted you by mistake out of your mind.
If you are not willing to open yourself up a little bit eventually he wont be looking to open up to you either. :flowerforyou:

lorro

You don't need to make any decisions about him just yet. You don't have to decide whether to date him indefinitely. You don't know him yet. If you know there's no way on earth you could like him (ie there would never be chemistry or he's just not compatible) then there's not much point in meeting him. Otherwise just go for a coffee and see if you want to meet him again afterwards. Part of finding out what/who you like is by getting out there and having a go. Have fun

Lizi19

I agree with people here. Have fun and treat it casually. Try not to over-analyze things, which I know can be really difficult.

When I was in college I fell for a guy after I noticed he was interested. It was not the only reason; he was a good guy and his attention was just the catalyst for my feelings.