Chivalry: take it or leave it?

jadedone

I was talking about chivalry with a friend the other day, since here in CA chivalry is dead. I am shocked when someone in my age group holds open the door. But I love little bits of chivalry: holding the door, opening the door so you can go in first, even things like pulling out a chair can be nice in the courtship phase and beyond.

I did have so many awkward moments when I went out a few times with a really chivalrous guy. He was always trying to make a mad dash to open the door for me to the car every time. I had to wait in the car for him to open the door, because he looked so sad if he didn't grab the door for me. And obviously, he had to open all the doors to the restaurant. And go get the car to pick me up so I didn't need to walk in the car in the cold. It was a shock, as he was my age. But didn't grow up in the US so it made sense.

So ladies, do you like chivalry?
And guys are you a gentlemen with your dates?

christine24t

Guys always hold the door open where I live...but so do girls. Minnesota Nice!

Yes I love chivalry! Makes a man so much more attractive.

La_Amazona

I love chivalry!!!

I hate when a guy does it in the beginning and then it dies off though... :grumble: You can't be a gentleman and treat me like a lady only to later on NOT treat me like that.

mznisaelaine

Chivalry -- absolutely. I wish I could come across more guys so gentlemen like more often.

Lizi19

I love it! It makes me feel like a lady
Unfortunately chivalry is dying down. I'm more chivalrous than some guys :P

jadedone

I love it! It makes me feel like a lady
Unfortunately chivalry is dying down. I'm more chivalrous than some guys :P

I feel the same way. Half the time people seem to look at me like I am crazy when I hold the door behind me!

teagin2002

Love it and try to keep it alive :flowerforyou:

AZDizzy

I love chivalry!!!

I hate when a guy does it in the beginning and then it dies off though... :grumble: You can't be a gentleman and treat me like a lady only to later on NOT treat me like that.

Me too.

castadiva

Chivalry is wonderful - I'm lucky enough to have quite a few friends who are very nicely-brought-up boys, and you really, really notice the absence in others. I don't understand the aggressive 'feminist' thinking that it's condescending in some way - a little consideration for others for whatever reason is surely a good thing?

The only thing I do find a little uncomfortable is when I ask one friend in particular if he wants to do something, and he insists on paying for us both. I appreciate that he is a gentleman, and rather more financially secure than I am, but it does make me a little hesitant about inviting him to do things, as it feels a bit unjust, somehow, knowing that he will want to pay for something I've invited him to do, simply because I'm female.

Steelheart7

Chivlary .. TAKE IT! lol

I have a 12 year old boy and he is being taught each and every day how to behave like a gentleman. I will not have my kid let a door slam in someone's face. Girl or boy. lol. I see him doing it all the time and I LOVE it. If someone drops something, he is the first one there to pick it up for them, he offers to carry stuff for girls.. We are still working on burping at the dinner table however .. :grumble:

I work at a school and it is funny the difference in the kids They were either brought up with it or not .. there is no in between. Some of the boys are so polite and others .. well .. aren't.

I don't know about the car door thing .. that would be kind of irritating. lol Maybe open it when you get in .. but to sit and wait for them to open it before I can get out .. meh. I don't really care about that so much.

I have NEVER had a man pull out my chair for me to sit down. Not once in my 39 years. I guess that is ok .. but that might make me swoon. lol. Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever had anyone run around to open my car door either .. ha.

Interesting topic.

Meghan0116

I am shocked at how many parents do not teach basic chivalry and manners to their children. My dad always opens doors for us and I will do the same if I am in a group of people. Yes, I am a girl but it is still polite. My ex always walked in anywhere in front of me and if I didn't make a grab for the door, it slammed in my face. I was irritated every single time.

I don't need a guy to let me out of the car but opening the door for me to get in is lovely. My son will be taught these behaviors come hell or high water. lol

Carl01

I always open or hold a door for people men or ladies,it is just what you do.
For some reason the car door thing seems to be kind of over the top rather then a courtesy.
That probably doesn`t make any logical sense but how I would see it,almost as if one was doing something so unexpected as to make it a show rather then a natural action.

I have pulled out chairs for ladies and helped them with their coats,again it isn`t a show but a respectful courtesy.

Z_I_L_L_A

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

La_Amazona

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

I'll remember this next time. Sometimes I forget to say thank you because it's just what I expect, I suppose.

As far as the car door is concerned, I like that (my ex would do it most of the time) but it can be over the top sometimes.
Although I was dating a guy who did it at first all the time then after about 1 1/2 months, he stopped. I called him on it and he said "oh I thought we were past that."

Meghan0116

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

Just like my dad always did this, we were taught always to say thank you to anyone after a courteous gesture. I would probably not date anyone again who couldn't say a simple thank you.

Steelheart7

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

AGREEEEEEED!

kit_katty

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

AGREEEEEEED!

I agree!

castadiva

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

AGREEEEEEED!

I agree!

Me too!

pa_jorg

I love it when a guy is chivalrous. But I have to be honest that sometimes it confuses me because I find it to be so rare!

jadedone

Chivalry is wonderful - I'm lucky enough to have quite a few friends who are very nicely-brought-up boys, and you really, really notice the absence in others. I don't understand the aggressive 'feminist' thinking that it's condescending in some way - a little consideration for others for whatever reason is surely a good thing?

The only thing I do find a little uncomfortable is when I ask one friend in particular if he wants to do something, and he insists on paying for us both. I appreciate that he is a gentleman, and rather more financially secure than I am, but it does make me a little hesitant about inviting him to do things, as it feels a bit unjust, somehow, knowing that he will want to pay for something I've invited him to do, simply because I'm female.

I have a few male friends like that and some on the other side because I make more than they do. :P You just never know.

ejoy319

In my job I come across all age groups. Unfortunately it seems the 20 and under crew seem to have an air of entitlement to them and even basic manners have gone out the window. I watch how some kids/teens talk to there parents and I can't believe what I see. I would never dream of being so rude and my children know better. My son has been holding the door open for people since he was very young, and at 18 he is very courteous to the girls he dates as well as his family members.

On the other hand I also encounter many older folks. I love watching how elderly couples interact with each other. The men hold the doors open, they assist with carrying things, they walk beside their ladies and make sure they are OK, these couples have genuine concern for each other. Sometimes I wish the younger group would pay a little more attention to these positive examples. I'm sure there's a reason these 80 year olds have been married for 60+ years.

I love a man that is chivalrous and I let them know that i notice it and appreciate it!!

Moe4572

take it .... 100%

nolachick

take it 100%! as long as he's suave about it and it doesnt come off as awkward, u know what i mean lol.
i'm a sucker for this tho, i think its probably the #1 thing i look for in a guy is one who knows how to be a gentleman

melg126

I love chivalry... I don't think it's dead to every guy.

I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and he held the door open... pulled my chair out at the restaurant. I thought it was sweet.

AnnaPixie

Love a gentleman! I fell in love with my last b/f simply because he always walked on the road side of the street and put his arm around me. Never had this done for me before, and when I told him how wonderfully brave it was to let the car hit him first, he said 'yeah, I'm stupid eh!!' lol

I dont think I would sit in a car waiting for him to open the door though! That's kinda funny :laugh:

But helping on with a coat, or opening doors, or carrying bags or opening jars or lending me his coat if its cold etc.......swooooon!

And I ALWAYS say thank you!!! :bigsmile:

AnnaPixie

I am polite and always hold the door. I was brought up in the south, yes mam,no mam, be seen and not heard, elbows off the table, etc. I was also a Navy brat so if I didn't do these things for a lady I had to answer to my dad. My problem is why should I do it anymore if its not acknowledged by the receiver. It gripes me to no end to hold a door or pull out a chair for or give up my seat to a person and they act like its my job,duty or I owe it to them. Not to say its a dieing art but if there is no mutual respect or gratefulness then guys are not gonna do it anymore. I still do it today but 50% of the time its not acknowledged. Thank you is all thats required and I will say you are very welcome with a smile. If there is no response I am very disappointed and will just watch her go about her business like she was royalty. Just a simple thank you will keep the art alive, and of course being raised right too. JMHO...

I totally agree with you. I feel the same when I give way to someone in my car and they dont acknowledge/thank me!! Arghhh!!! But I dont stop doing it, cos when someone DOES say thanks it makes me feel good. Dont give up on people, not everyone is rude/ungrateful. That's all :flowerforyou:

mnwalkingqueen

Guys always hold the door open where I live...but so do girls. Minnesota Nice!

Yes I love chivalry! Makes a man so much more attractive.

I wouldn't say guys always do that in MN. I lived in Mpls MN for 38yrs and it is 50/50 on the men still hold doors and use chivalry.

jadedone

I dont think I would sit in a car waiting for him to open the door though! That's kinda funny :laugh:

I thought it was supposed to be a lesson in patience for me.

........ lending me his coat if its cold etc.......swooooon!

The first time this happened to me was in high school. We were at an out of town football game, and some cute boys gave us their coats because we looked cold. We thought...can we transfer here, the boys are so nice. It was on the other side of the state though. After that, I was hooked on chivalry.

And I ALWAYS say thank you!!! :bigsmile:

Me too!

lorro

I'll take it!

christine24t

Guys always hold the door open where I live...but so do girls. Minnesota Nice!

Yes I love chivalry! Makes a man so much more attractive.

I wouldn't say guys always do that in MN. I lived in Mpls MN for 38yrs and it is 50/50 on the men still hold doors and use chivalry.

I'm living in northern MN right now! Definitely a difference between up here and down in the Cities.

ejoy319

Talk about timing... I went to the gas station and a man held the door open for me so I could go in and pay... I made sure to say "thank you" and had to try really hard not to bust up laughing. I guess chivalry is not completely dead in Cali.