pre-date turn off for guys

pa_jorg

Inspired by the breakfast date thread...

For the guys, if you've already been emailing, texting, talking, and have a level of interest, what are the top things a woman could say that would make you no longer want to meet in person for a date?

kkjay

I'm curious a out this as well...

Carl01

"My husband can`t wait to meet you too"

J/K...I can`t really think of exact things she could say as much as general actions.

If her personality switched and she became someone different then I thought.

Showing a sudden disinterest when the meeting was in person,in other words acting like she didn`t really want to do it by making a meeting difficult to happen.
I learned long ago that if someone is interested they will make every effort to meet and be together so if it was one excuse after another as to why they couldn`t then she isn`t interested in something in real life.

If once a date of some kind was established she acted as if we were the next thing to married instantly.

That is probably it or at least things would mostly fit into those even if said differently.

AllanMisner

I think Carl covered off on most of it. Anything that shows she's not stable or has unrealistic expectations. I'd add that if she stops responding to texts/calls, it makes it seem she's playing multiple hands.

Saruman_w

Perhaps if I recently found out they were hiding something or possessed a habit/trait that completely turns me off.. other than that I can't really pin-point anything specific.

flimflamfloz

For the guys, if you've already been emailing, texting, talking, and have a level of interest, what are the top things a woman could say that would make you no longer want to meet in person for a date?

What the others have said, I think. I also agree with the unrealistic expectations part.
Perhaps also if she appears really immature (I mean naive/not too smart rather than immature for the purpose of being funny - I don't mind the latter).

In all honesty though, my strategy is generally to try to have minimal contact before the date (i.e. focusing on planning/organising the date itself) since what you say can sometimes be interpreted as good or bad by different individuals (depending on their personal stories), and I'd rather not take that risk before they have seen me in person, and can see I'm not a creep or weirdo (from there, they will be much more tolerant when you trip on the carpet).
That's also why I'd rather go for a date as early as possible (minimise the risk of saying something stupid). Plus people tend to fill all the blanks of your personality (the bits of you they don't know yet) with their fantasies, so the more you wait the more unrealistic the expectation they have of you.

pa_jorg

For the guys, if you've already been emailing, texting, talking, and have a level of interest, what are the top things a woman could say that would make you no longer want to meet in person for a date?

What the others have said, I think. I also agree with the unrealistic expectations part.
Perhaps also if she appears really immature (I mean naive/not too smart rather than immature for the purpose of being funny - I don't mind the latter).

In all honesty though, my strategy is generally to try to have minimal contact before the date (i.e. focusing on planning/organising the date itself) since what you say can sometimes be interpreted as good or bad by different individuals (depending on their personal stories), and I'd rather not take that risk before they have seen me in person, and can see I'm not a creep or weirdo (from there, they will be much more tolerant when you trip on the carpet).
That's also why I'd rather go for a date as early as possible (minimise the risk of saying something stupid). Plus people tend to fill all the blanks of your personality (the bits of you they don't know yet) with their fantasies, so the more you wait the more unrealistic the expectation they have of you.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like everyone I know is in the "take is slow" camp, trying to get to know one another before actually meeting. I like that to a certain extent since I know the other person is serious about a relationship and not just hooking up, but totally agree that it builds expectations - or sometimes even a pseudo realationship foundation - that is then hard to retract once you've met and don't have a spark, hence my question I guess.

JanieJack

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like everyone I know is in the "take is slow" camp, trying to get to know one another before actually meeting.

One thing I discovered when I was doing online dating was that (for me- ymmv) I really needed to talk to them on the phone and/or meet them in person as soon as possible so we don't waste each other's time. Most of the time, I wasn't gonna *like* the guys I met online, and they weren't going to like me, but you wouldn't have got that from chats/emails. I suppose this is due to writing style, the ability to carefully craft what one is writing, and the fact that (as someone already said) our mind "fills in the blanks" about someone. Or you get the guys who want to chat/text for months but never meet. What a waste of time.

So while I want to take development of "a relationship" slow, I don't want to wait too long before meeting in person.

AnnaPixie

I know that this is directed to men, but I thought I'd put my woman turn offs into the fold......lol

* if he mentions any thing sexually inapproprate/innuendo
* if he doesnt call/text back when he says he's going to
* if the conversation dries up and/or I find myself having to work at it
* if his personality is fatherly (knows it all!)....lol....
* if he admits to having alcohol/drug/OCD/perv tendencies

That's all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there are more!! :laugh:

I dont like protracted emails/texts, but I do like to have 2 or 3 conversations before meeting to establish any (or any other) of the above turn offs! Saves on wasting dating time. :glasses: I DO think you can click on the phone and NOT click in person, but I also think that if we DON'T click on the phone then its unlikely we will in person!! Anyone agree?

JanieJack

* if his personality is fatherly (knows it all!)....lol....

Oh my goodness YES!! I hate this! I tend to like older guys, but that fatherly tone kills the desire every time! Hmm, maybe that's why my mom keeps insisting I should go get a young buck ;-)

I DO think you can click on the phone and NOT click in person, but I also think that if we DON'T click on the phone then its unlikely we will in person!! Anyone agree?

Absolutely!

nammer79

I know that this is directed to men, but I thought I'd put my woman turn offs into the fold......lol

* if he mentions any thing sexually inapproprate/innuendo
* if he doesnt call/text back when he says he's going to
* if the conversation dries up and/or I find myself having to work at it
* if his personality is fatherly (knows it all!)....lol....
* if he admits to having alcohol/drug/OCD/perv tendencies

That's all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there are more!! :laugh:

I dont like protracted emails/texts, but I do like to have 2 or 3 conversations before meeting to establish any (or any other) of the above turn offs! Saves on wasting dating time. :glasses: I DO think you can click on the phone and NOT click in person, but I also think that if we DON'T click on the phone then its unlikely we will in person!! Anyone agree?

I'm a guy and I have to say with as many friends I have I don't think I know one without some sort of perv tendencies. They might mask it around women but when its just the guys. Most of my friends are respectful and everything but certain things are talked about or admired to a certain extent.

Then I'm sure some women talk about all kinds of things when its just the girls.

So I guess it just depends on what you consider to be "perv tendencies"

jeepzilla

women and men are pretty much the same they want and need "the touch" so say and will do what they must to get it, so women can be pervie too just as bad as a man. just depends on if you and the other persone click as to if you like it or not..

lacroyx

Inspired by the breakfast date thread...

For the guys, if you've already been emailing, texting, talking, and have a level of interest, what are the top things a woman could say that would make you no longer want to meet in person for a date?

lol ok not entirely a turn off but still....

toots99

So should I not mention my 34 cats?

Just kidding! :drinker:

I only have 33.

kit_katty

Actually that's a good point, if a girl's single, living alone, how many cats is too many?

taunto

"So I was using the urinal and the guy next to me just started talking to me..."

DMZ_1

Actually that's a good point, if a girl's single, living alone, how many cats is too many?

For me, 1 cat is 1 cat too many. For most guys, I would say 2 or 3 cats.

kit_katty

Actually that's a good point, if a girl's single, living alone, how many cats is too many?

For me, 1 cat is 1 cat too many. For most guys, I would say 2 or 3 cats.

Interesting, my friend had two cats so they could keep each other company, and was debating on a third when one needed a home and I was trying to dissuade her... I thought most guys would be a bit weirded out...

Poetic_

Assuming it never came up in any of the back and forth already... "I'll brb, need a quick smoke"

toots99

Actually that's a good point, if a girl's single, living alone, how many cats is too many?

For me, 1 cat is 1 cat too many. For most guys, I would say 2 or 3 cats.

For the record, I have no cats! :laugh:

One crazy dog, but no cats!

JanieJack

it makes it seem she's playing multiple hands.

I'm curious... what's wrong with that? My experience has been that most men are doing just that...?

JanieJack

Love love love this!

pa_jorg

Actually that's a good point, if a girl's single, living alone, how many cats is too many?

For me, 1 cat is 1 cat too many. For most guys, I would say 2 or 3 cats.

For the record, I have no cats! :laugh:

One crazy dog, but no cats!

One crazy dog here too! Hope that isn't a turn off or I'm in trouble!

yoovie

omg is there a thread like this for girls? please dont send me a picture of your package before we meet.

j4nash

"you don't really sound like you want to meet me"

let's just say, i should have just stayed home.

Operation_Me

it makes it seem she's playing multiple hands.

I'm curious... what's wrong with that? My experience has been that most men are doing just that...?

I personally don't do that and wouldn't want that done to me. If I have feelings for someone and want to take it to the next level, I'd want to know where I stand (if it's mutual or if she just sees me as a friend).

I don't like to share.

erintheinspiration

omg is there a thread like this for girls? please dont send me a picture of your package before we meet.

OMG... totally!!!!! I can count on two hands the number of times this has happened to me!! Apparently I attract some good, quality men!! HA!!

AnnaPixie

I know that this is directed to men, but I thought I'd put my woman turn offs into the fold......lol

* if he mentions any thing sexually inapproprate/innuendo
* if he doesnt call/text back when he says he's going to
* if the conversation dries up and/or I find myself having to work at it
* if his personality is fatherly (knows it all!)....lol....
* if he admits to having alcohol/drug/OCD/perv tendencies

That's all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there are more!! :laugh:

I dont like protracted emails/texts, but I do like to have 2 or 3 conversations before meeting to establish any (or any other) of the above turn offs! Saves on wasting dating time. :glasses: I DO think you can click on the phone and NOT click in person, but I also think that if we DON'T click on the phone then its unlikely we will in person!! Anyone agree?

I'm a guy and I have to say with as many friends I have I don't think I know one without some sort of perv tendencies. They might mask it around women but when its just the guys. Most of my friends are respectful and everything but certain things are talked about or admired to a certain extent.

Then I'm sure some women talk about all kinds of things when its just the girls.

So I guess it just depends on what you consider to be "perv tendencies"

LOL!! Yes, 'perv tendencies' are subjective, I agree. The only fair example i can give you is when I was on a first date with a guy and he said he had a selection of chains and whips in his bedroom. For me, S&M is not my scene, so I just said so and that was that. If he had told me this on the phone, the I wouldnt have bothered meeting him. You need to be sexually compatible, for the most part. I think that's all I'm trying to say..........:bigsmile:

yoovie

Can we still call Lemon Law if we meet someone in person and they aren't attractive to us? Or do we have to act like we wanna be friends?

ChrisIn757

omg is there a thread like this for girls? please dont send me a picture of your package before we meet.

OMG... totally!!!!! I can count on two hands the number of times this has happened to me!! Apparently I attract some good, quality men!! HA!!

Personally, I'm looking for a serious long term relationship, and have been messed around on before, so when a girl sends naked (or just slutty) pix before the first date that is a HUGE no for me. I can't help to think "if she sent them to me with such little effort who else has she sent them to?". Ladies, if you want a guy to even consider respecting you, save the naked/lingerie pix for down the road in the relationship. It makes them MUCH more special.

Guys...sorry for the c-block. Lol


I also will cancel any idea of a date if a chick has a man voice, or the pix on her dating profile don't look like pix she sends after you start talking (ie she is 50lbs heavier now), or you want to have hour+ long phone calls before we are even dating, or sound overly bitter about your past relationship experience.

ChrisIn757

Can we still call Lemon Law if we meet someone in person and they aren't attractive to us? Or do we have to act like we wanna be friends?

Definitely hope so.... I've done this myself. That's the purpose of a first date. The first date is an interview for subsequent dates.