Texting

PeekABooGirl

I'm much much better with keeping up with someone regularly via text than by phone. With 2 kids around, it's hard to have quiet moments to make a phone call, aside from after they go to bed at night. So texting is just much more convienient as I'm sure most know. But question is, how much is too much and what does it mean if a guy texts you periodially through the day?

Background - met a guy online about a month ago, started out with a few emails then moved to texting. We went on our first date a little over a week ago (10 hr first date!). There is a major deal breaker type thing that would probably prevent us from ever having anything long term beyond friendship. But, the attraction was definately still there. I kinda backed off a bit after that, only because I know neither of us would cave in on that one issue. But, we agree that we still want to be friends and still get to know one another better. He texts me first thing in the morning to say hello. He texts me at night to chit chat. He texts me during the day periodically, just to say hi and see how my day is. None of it is bothersome to me. He's not OVERdoing it by any means (not for me anyhow). But I'm feeling like he wants more than friendship perhaps. I don't text my "friends" that often certainly.

Thoughts?

Meghan0116

I'm sure it is personal but I have to ask. What was the deal breaker? Because other than that, from what you said, ya'll are into each other.

La_Amazona

Yuppers...

Oh and I beat your 10 hour date. Mine lasted 11 hours. I had to brag. :bigsmile: As soon as I counted how long my date lasted I thought about you. lol It's the competitiveness in me!

Steelheart7

Sounds very sweet to me. :blushing:

pa_jorg

It sounds as though you like the attention so what's the problem?

PeekABooGirl

Yuppers...

Oh and I beat your 10 hour date. Mine lasted 11 hours. I had to brag. :bigsmile: As soon as I counted how long my date lasted I thought about you. lol It's the competitiveness in me!

That's awesome! I'm so happy for you!!!! What'd you DO during those 11 hrs??

PeekABooGirl

I'm sure it is personal but I have to ask. What was the deal breaker? Because other than that, from what you said, ya'll are into each other.

He's hoping to find someone willing to be a swinger. NOT for me. I'm a (relatively) good ole' Catholic girl. haha

DMZ_1

First off, for Picabo and La_Amazona, how is it even possible to have a 10 or 11 hour date so soon in a relationship? Are you even awake the whole 10 or 11 hours? Are 2 hour long movies involved? I think my longest first date was like 3 hours. I never do movies on a first date though.

Seems like you need to clearly communicate your expectations. Possibly in a mode of communication other than texting.

I strongly feel that texting is a really overused medium of communication. It can actually cause more confusion/problems than it solves. The only good texts are simple ones, like "Be there in 5 mins". Very simple info should be conveyed. In the early stages of relationships, there needs to be more of a context in communication rather than just text based words.

flimflamfloz

I think he indeed wants more than friendship. Or perhaps it's the novelty factor (I tend to tend new friends a little bit more in the beginning).

Perhaps he hopes to do some naughty things with you (if the 10 hour date didn't include any)?

kit_katty

It sounds like he's quite into you. I'd suggest clarifying the whole swinging thing and maybe he should back off a bit, because this is definitely sounding more of a boyfriend than a friend thing. And trust me, going down the road with someone that has an opposing side to a deal breaker really sucks.

Steelheart7

Uh .. yeh .. swinging would be a deal breaker. I don't think I would find him attractive anymore if he even suggested it.

JanieJack

this is definitely sounding more of a boyfriend than a friend thing

I'm curious to see how this plays out... because I read it as a FWB preposition... not as a wanna be your boyfriend thing...it's interesting to see other peoples perspectives on this forum

AllanMisner

this is definitely sounding more of a boyfriend than a friend thing

I'm curious to see how this plays out... because I read it as a FWB preposition... not as a wanna be your boyfriend thing...it's interesting to see other peoples perspectives on this forum

He's definitely hoping for a FWB thing.

ItsMandeeBitch

this is definitely sounding more of a boyfriend than a friend thing

I'm curious to see how this plays out... because I read it as a FWB preposition... not as a wanna be your boyfriend thing...it's interesting to see other peoples perspectives on this forum

He's definitely hoping for a FWB thing.

Agreed I guess at least he got all of his real self on the table in date one.

La_Amazona

First off, for Picabo and La_Amazona, how is it even possible to have a 10 or 11 hour date so soon in a relationship? Are you even awake the whole 10 or 11 hours? Are 2 hour long movies involved? I think my longest first date was like 3 hours. I never do movies on a first date though.

My date started at 7:30 pm. We were there until 9ish. Then we went to the pub and were there until 2 a.m. I was hungry (:blushing: wanted bad food) because earlier I had a salad (ha!) so he then took me to IHOP. Then I invited him over to watch a movie. We really did watch the movie. All we did was kiss. Just wanted to put that out there! :flowerforyou: He left at almst 7 the next morning.

I did learn NOT to do this again. Too much time together and although I had fun, it was way too soon to spend that much time with him. Plus, I'm sure when I invited him over he thought we were going to do more. I told him beforehand that I wasn't interested in that and he was fine with it though but still... I felt very comfortable with him as we had been communicating everyda between 1st and 2nd date..

DMZ_1

First off, for Picabo and La_Amazona, how is it even possible to have a 10 or 11 hour date so soon in a relationship? Are you even awake the whole 10 or 11 hours? Are 2 hour long movies involved? I think my longest first date was like 3 hours. I never do movies on a first date though.

My date started at 7:30 pm. We were there until 9ish. Then we went to the pub and were there until 2 a.m. I was hungry (:blushing: wanted bad food) because earlier I had a salad (ha!) so he then took me to IHOP. Then I invited him over to watch a movie. We really did watch the movie. All we did was kiss. Just wanted to put that out there! :flowerforyou: He left at almst 7 the next morning.

I did learn NOT to do this again. Too much time together and although I had fun, it was way too soon to spend that much time with him. Plus, I'm sure when I invited him over he thought we were going to do more. I told him beforehand that I wasn't interested in that and he was fine with it though but still... I felt very comfortable with him as we had been communicating everyda between 1st and 2nd date..

I think you got it La_Amazona. Too much time together too soon isn't a good thing. The anticipation has to build. Too much time too soon kills the build anticipation that gets both parties excited.

La_Amazona

I agree.

I'm not excited to see him again! lol

lorro

Every single time I have found myself in this position it turned out that the guy was simply going along with what he thought I wanted to hear. Translation: "let's be friends" means "I'll be OK with friends for now and perhaps you'll change your mind".

That's not to say male/female friendships can't work, but not if they start this way and with this degree of attraction.

PeekABooGirl

The 10 hour date actually went by fast and NO, no hanky panky involved! We met in a shopping/dining area that's around a lake. Walked around for 10-15min (was a very windy, cold day so the walking didn't last long) and decided on a restaurant for lunch. Lingered at the table till about 445p or so, just talking. When we realized it was almost 5pm, we decided we weren't done talking and so decided to head over to Hard Times to play pool. (drove in separate cars from point A to point . At that point, between restaurant and pool, he gave me a big bear hug, which was nice. SO we played pool till after 11pm. Time flew by and we were shocked that it was that late. The pool was actually a great first date idea b/c it gave the opportunity to be playful and fun but also chit chatting the entire time. It was much more relaxed of a time than sitting in the restaurant part.

I did have a long first date before, as well. (My ex husband) We met at Dave & Busters and had a few drinks, played games for a long time, then went to BD's mongolian bbq for dinner and stayed there till they kicked us out. I think that was a good 7-8hr date. But you can see how well that relationship went. LOL

PeekABooGirl

I've never had a FWB. I know. I'm probably the oddball here. But now that I'm older (and wiser??) I'm open to it but not to go INTO a friendship with that intention. If I was good friends with a guy and we just didn't pan out as a relationship, then sure. As long as neither of us were with someone else. But the friendship would have to be there first, for me. Not as in this case where it appears he may be trying to FIND a FWB.

La_Amazona

I've never had a FWB. I know. I'm probably the oddball here.

Nope, I've never had one either.

Operation_Me

I've never had a FWB. I know. I'm probably the oddball here.

Nope, I've never had one either.

I've never had one either and I don't think I ever could. I can't seperate emotions and intimacy.

La_Amazona

I've never had a FWB. I know. I'm probably the oddball here.

Nope, I've never had one either.

I've never had one either and I don't think I ever could. I can't seperate emotions and intimacy.

me neither!! cool beans that you can admit this being a guy and all... :flowerforyou:

AnnaPixie

This happened with me and a guy. We met and had a deal breaker, but we remained texting/speaking every day for months after. I always thought it would lead to something more, but it hasn't. I think if two single people have nothing better to do than to build a friendship then its harmless. Its kinda nice to have the attention even if its friendly attention. So, I would suggest you try not to read into it, have fun, and enjoy it for what it is. Unless you both decide the deal breaker isnt a deal breaker! Not that you will ever decide to go swinging, but he might decide that it isnt that important to him :bigsmile:

kit_katty

this is definitely sounding more of a boyfriend than a friend thing

I'm curious to see how this plays out... because I read it as a FWB preposition... not as a wanna be your boyfriend thing...it's interesting to see other peoples perspectives on this forum

He's definitely hoping for a FWB thing.

Agreed I guess at least he got all of his real self on the table in date one.

Lol, I had to keep reading until I figured out what FWB meant... I have 0 experience with FWB but I guess I just figured he still wouldn't be texting THAT much if he wasn't interested in a relationship.

I agree though, it's good that he got his cards on the table out of the gate, much less confusion or getting to into the relationship that is not going to work.

lorro

Seems like you need to clearly communicate your expectations. Possibly in a mode of communication other than texting.

I strongly feel that texting is a really overused medium of communication. It can actually cause more confusion/problems than it solves. The only good texts are simple ones, like "Be there in 5 mins". Very simple info should be conveyed. In the early stages of relationships, there needs to be more of a context in communication rather than just text based words.

Even for flirting? Text flirting is such fun! :laugh: I agree there are better ways to communicate important things.

christine24t

Here are my honest thoughts. If he would keep bugging you about the swingers thing, or you would never compromise, don't waste your time. Nobody should waste their time on something that isn't going to develop into anything. Doesn't matter if he texts you and acts like he is into you. If you can't compromise on the issue, don't bother talking to him anymore.

PeekABooGirl

Here are my honest thoughts. If he would keep bugging you about the swingers thing, or you would never compromise, don't waste your time. Nobody should waste their time on something that isn't going to develop into anything. Doesn't matter if he texts you and acts like he is into you. If you can't compromise on the issue, don't bother talking to him anymore.

He only mentioned it twice and not at all, really, since I basically said it wasn't gonna happen. For now, I'm justhinking of him as a friend. He is a blast to hang out with and talk to. Super funny. But in my mind - FRIENDS ONLY.