Warning: Self-Pity Party Alert

LainMac

Hubby is traveling a lot now and will be traveling for most of the month of March and April. He doesn't know when he will or not be home.

I'm in the awkward position of having to virtually plan my own 50th birthday party later this month. My mother and sister are hosting a Ladies only tea at my mum's condo BUT . . . My mother thinks that people won't respond to a email or Facebook message from my sister, so I have FB/email people. My sister and my mother are freaking out about serving celiac friendly food, so I am planning the menu (and probably doing a fair amount of the food prep since I know what is and isn't Gluten Free).

I don't understand why they are freaking out so much. What is so hard about Tea, coffee, and vegetable platters. Make a couple of trays of vegetarian lasagna. They are many quality corn chips and quality salsa that are GF and say so on the label. Most cheeses are. Go to the Gluten Free aisle at the grocery store and get a variety of crackers and cookies.

I am tempted to tell them not to bother at all. To work so much for it kind of takes the fun out of it too. And being in New England, people are funny about RSVPing and actually showing up at casual events like this. I could do a lot of work, be sad about it, and have only a handful of people show up. Turning 50 is hard enough without setting oneself up for extra disappointment.

pdworkman

I'm not a very social person and don't do big parties, so I would probably give it a buy and not worry about it. But I agree with your assessment; not so hard to pick up gluten-free items and free fruits and veggies if that is your only dietary constraint!

gemiwing

Is there something you'd rather do than a party? If you don't have to worry about anyone else on the day- what do YOU want to do? Road trip? Volunteer somewhere special to your heart? Go parasailing?

It's your birthday- and it's an important one to you. Maybe doing a party isn't the best option right now- perhaps have a party when your Hubby is back and things settle a bit. Take some of the pressure off of The Day, you know what I mean?

JanLeb

I am not a big party person either. I don't think you should have to do all the work for your own 'special day'. I am still rather new to being gluten free, and I agree that it shouldn't be that hard to come up with options for the menu, for a casual get together.

This is your day and you should be able to spend it in whatever way would make you happy. Maybe you can do something special with you DH when he is home?

solarpower4

I agree with the other posters: perhaps you can celebrate when you know Hubby will be home. I understand about the relatives' hesitations. I had been GF for 5 YEARS when my sister invited my family to her house for Christmas (a 12 hour drive!) and insisted we not eat after lunch so we could enjoy the huge spread. Yes, it was an enormous table absolutely full of beautiful foods - at least 25 different dishes and 10 different kinds of treats/sweets. and I kid you not, there was NOT A SINGLE THING I COULD EAT!!!! It being late on Christmas Eve in a small town, I couldn't even run out and grab a rotisserie chicken or anything. Thankfully, by that point I always packed my own food and so I snacked on nuts and dried fruit and apples that night.

I don't know why family members sometimes are like that, but know you are not alone. Mine are otherwise good people - they're just bizarrely weird about GF at parties or big events of any sort. ("OMG, you CAN'T have your wedding be GF - that would be gross and unfair to your guests!")

If you want a party, send me a Message or Friend Request (so you can send your sis and mom my way) and I will help them plan the menu and give them specific foods and easy-yet-delicious GF recipes for your special day. and HAPPY 50th!!! That's a big accomplishment!!!

BeesKnees181

My family avoids my gluten free-ness at all costs as well. I get a lot of "Well, we left the meat out of the lasagna." Yea..it only took 15 years of being a vegetarian to get them to do that! I figure, by the time I am 45 they may be able to understand gluten-free and dairy-free.

It's your birthday. Do what you want with who you want. The day should be all about you.

pdworkman

I am lucky that my celiac disease is inherited; my dad is also gluten-free, with multiple allergies; I am grain-free, vegetarian, dairy-free with multiple allergies, and there are some other issues with dairy, soy, chocolate, pineapples, or picky eaters in the extended family. So everybody is aware of everyone else's allergies and knows the ingredients in the foods that they bring, and will bring foods disassembled if possible (add your own cheese, onions, bacon bits, whatever, dressings not mixed in). I always coordinate with my mom to make sure that my family will be able to eat a good meal and have a couple of choices for desserts. Whatever I bring is a complement and not a replacement to whatever the main meal is. We do build-your-own meals such as taco salad, baked potatoes, or sandwiches. Always fresh fruits and veggies on the table.

My hubby's family, on the other hand, just doesn't get it, and if we are going to a function on his side of the family, we have to bring our entire meal, and I don't bother bringing something to share.

Other places are a mixed bag. Some church functions are good, others we avoid. Scouts doesn't seem to get it. At work we have one or two places that are generally safe for me to go - but last time I got cross-contaminated, I think with almonds. You really have to decide one activity at a time, and decide how much effort you are willing to put into it.

LainMac

Thank you for the support. If they were only worried about the GF ness, I could get it. My son and I both have Celiac. We found out last summer when he wasn't growing and the eventual testing said that his father and I should be tested. Lucky me, I tested positive. (Son and I are largely asymptomatic which means we have to extra careful because we don't have warning symptoms)

My three other kids and my hubby do not have CD. I make gluten free meals all the time that my whole gang eats with gusto. (I am a wiz with beans and rice). I know people with multiple food allergies, (including a good friend with a corn allergy which I think is even hard to avoid in the outside world), and my limitations, while a pain, aren't that hard to address in a tea party situation. I would say GF crackers are pretty good if a little on the crunchy side.

I have 4 kids, 11 to 17. All old enough to leave at home but not with each other. So a night out with the hubby is not really much of an option.

I work part time when the kids are school and get practically no adult interaction. Then I come home and do the homework wars. I wanted a chance to see other women and have catch up conversations without kid or hubby interruptions. I have a small house that really isn't built for entertaining I had a girl friend who had offered to do the party at her house but Mum and Sister said "Oh no, we will handle it."

Then 2 weeks after they ask me for the guest list, the food list, and me agreeing to the format, date and time, Mum tells me I have to do both the inviting/RSVP receiving and do all the food shopping and the some of the food making. How again is this a party for me, when I'm doing all the prep work?

Any one of my kids, even the gluties, could have been taken with Mum or their Aunt to go shopping for "what mum likes and can have safely"? My friend who offered to do the party at her house could have been tapped to be the sender and collector of electronic invites.

My mother and sister were just being lazy. (And if you guessed they aren't as social as me, you've guessed right). When I called my sister on the fact that I was doing so much of the work, she said "Well, you are a such a bossy boots, being the eldest child and all, so we just thought you'd naturally want to be heavily involved. You're hurting my feelings thinking that we aren't working at throwing you a party." (Insert Wah, wah, I'm the victim here yada yada here) "If you don't want to be involved, we won't involve you. You don't appreciate all the work we have done."

All the work?!? All they have done is picked a date and ask me if it is okay. They haven't told anyone else the date. Not my hubby, not my best friend. The supposed party that no one knows about is on Sunday afternoon, March 25th. I don't know about you, but I am thinking that time is running out to send out invitations.

My sister keeps asking me "Sushi is safe, right?" (guess what she likes) Three times I have told her that while you can get GF soy sauce, sushi places don't tend to use it. So non homemade sushi isn't safe. Of the thousands of food I can't have any more sushi doesn't even make the top 100. I sent them a list of finger foods that are safe and generally available. If they went by that list, no one would have even noticed the GF theme.

I think that I am just upset that at 50, that I don't have a house for entertaining and nobody in my family is interested in throwing me a party unless I "work it" too. That I can't simply show up at the appointed time, look cute, and be charming. And yes, actually have food to eat that I didn't make and bring with me.

(To both sides of the family and to scout events, I have to bring our food to all occasions. Gets old quickly, Sometimes some on my side will get a package of GF something, something, but these are generally things I didn't even eat when I was a glutie. "Oh look, the package said GF! That's good right?")

Again thanks for letting me rant.