Not a good day...

aehartley

Hey,

So I usually don't post much here... I can't get a hold of my therapist. My thoughts are starting to get really negative about food and my body so I am afraid that it will just get worse if I journal ( to myself). Today I am having a really hard time. I feel like I am literally forcing food into my stomach. I am just not hungery. I know I need to eat. I am starting to feel very frusterated. I am debating just not really eating the rest of the day. I feel so full that I easly could do it. I just don't want to start down that road again.... I hate all these feelings.... I don't know what to do....

flyawaybyebye

Can you plan to go to dinner with a friend who makes you happy? Someone who will let you relax and take the pressure off? Maybe that will help you to want to eat?

cowlover22

Personally I always do better when I eat with someone. If you dont like restaurants (I dont) then maybe invite them over. Or you can try eating some high calorie dense foods so you wont have to eat as much. Have you figured out is there something going on that your eating is starting to get bad again. We usually do this to avoid dealing with other things too. I know that wont help you r situation today but something to think about. Hang in there! Ok I got the perfect idea..me and you need to eat dinner together tonight! lol

aehartley

I don't really eat with people...I never have. Truthfully besides the poeple I talk to on here, and Sandy ( my partner) I don't even have people to go eat with. Even before the ED. Now that I have been to treatment, it made it harder to even want to eat wtih my family. They can be very critical not meaning to be. Eating with Sandy became such an ordeal and stressful for both of us that we plan once a week and days before hand so I can deal with the anxity. I wish I had someone close to me that was dealing with the same thing. I think it would (maybe) be easier to eat in front of them.. I have been under a lot of pressure at work. I have so much to do ( and I am hear writting instead) and it is going to take weeks to get the office straightened back up. Our office manager just quite, no notice or nothing. It has left a lot of extra weight on me. I feel like I am closing down other areas of my life to clean up the mess here.

Cowlover22 - I wish that we lived close enough to go eat together...

aehartley

Thank you so much for the suggestion. I am under a lot of pressure right now, I think I am subconciously looking for control of something... idk... hopefully in a few hours I will pull through

flyawaybyebye

Where do you live? I wish you lived near me. I'm struggling to want to eat properly today as well. I called a friend who has no idea about my ED and am going to grab dinner with him. I will eat a decent meal in front of him because I don't want him to know about my ED. It's easier for me to eat more when I'm not at home alone, or just with my husband, because he knows about my ED and I don't have to hide it from him. If you lived near me, I'd have you come over and cook you a meal tonight. We could have a glass of wine and watch bad TV and eat a good meal!

aehartley

I live in West Virginia. I wish that we did live closer together. I usually struggle when I am around people. If they know, if they don't know... it just sucks... Few poeple ever question what I eat ( or don't) simply because they view it as being a "health nut" . Only the few poeple who really know me see it the struggle. I want to go home and simply lay in a bubble bath and forget that I have an eating disorder. I want to be like everyone else that just eats....

flyawaybyebye

We are so similar. No one really questions what I eat because of my extensive food allergies. But if I eat an abnormally small quantity of food, they might push me to eat more. Or just notice. And I don't really like being noticed in that way, which is why eating out with a friend helps. I have an appointment with my therapist today, too, which should also help. Can you meet with yours sometime soon? And if today winds up sucking no matter what you do... I can relate to that, too. That was my Monday. Sometimes, it just is.