Just Curious

flimflamfloz

I would prefer to be in a perfect relationship than single (whatever perfect means and entails for me). Perfect will be hard to find though...
So until I'm ready to compromise, it's alright to be single... I guess - I keep myself busy.

Everyone here is supposed to be single, so our last relationship was obviously a dysfunctional one, but that doesn't mean the future ones have to be like that. No?

AllanMisner

1. True, there is nothing that prevents a single person from having frequent, casual, unattached sex, but it is a statistically improbability. What is frequent? A subjective term.

Yes, it is subjective. Considering I went the last two years of my last marriage without, I'll take my chances being single.

2. Not all of us can afford a housekeeper.

They really aren't all that expensive if you shop around. My time is worth more than that. Still, in your model there are two people cleaning up after two people. It's not a huge efficiency of scale. A commune would be better though.

3. I have good friends as well, but it's not the same. I don't have plants though. Maybe that is the secret! :laugh:

The plants do make a big difference. One of them is named Mama (my ex-girlfriend took her children) and the other is Lucky.

mznisaelaine

I'm 50/50. I'm just going to go with the flow of things.

AllanMisner

So until I'm ready to compromise, it's alright to be single...

This statement saddens me.

flimflamfloz

So until I'm ready to compromise, it's alright to be single...

This statement saddens me.

Why is that?

kimi131

I don't know if this "counts," but I am totally enjoying the dating life. I am less in a hurry to find a relationship than probably ever before.

AllanMisner

So until I'm ready to compromise, it's alright to be single...

This statement saddens me.

Why is that?

The fact that people think that they have to compromise to find a mate.

flimflamfloz

The fact that people think that they have to compromise to find a mate.

Well, you have to, at some level.
I don't mean "unhappy" compromise, so not necessarily a biggie, but more the "you're in a relationship now and some things are going to change whether you want it or not" compromise (I'm not ready for this for sure!).

lorro

I don't agree with the previous posters. Not at all happy with being single. Actively looking to change.

Single life is quite ungratifying for many reasons.

The sexual component goes without saying. Regular sex is a great thing.

Single life is quite burdensome. A single person has entire responsibility for cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. Doing those tasks, in conjunction with working full time and trying to maintain a social life and develop a new relationship is physically and emotionally draining. I really don't want to have that much on my plate.

The companionship component has benefits as well. You can't really substitute the companionship of your friends for what you'd get out of a significant other.

The only thing worse than being single is being trapped in a bad relationship or marriage. But single life is far from what it is cracked up to be, as least for the majority of singles. There are good things about being single, like not being nagged and having freedom. But on the whole, single life pales in comparison to a good relationship.

I think the differing perspectives may have something to do with what life stage you are at. I'd have felt the same as you in my twenties. Then, so much of my life was uncharted and to achieve what I wanted in terms of personal growth and a family I felt I needed to do so with another person. That’s no longer the case for me.

Many enjoying single lives have left relationships which have turned bad and are far less lonely than when we were unhappily hitched. Many have fulfilling relationships with children and significant others in their lives. Many have found and lost a soulmate and know how rare such love is and how futile it is to compromise.

There have been three phases of major change in my life, all of which have brought much happiness. The second was getting married and creating a family. The first was when I went alone at 16 to live in a foreign country with family I didn’t know well. It was sink or swim and given such a stark choice, I went for what I wanted in a way which I'd have been too scared to do otherwise. Becoming single again at 39 was the same. Despite the rewarding family lives, my friends and I were too settled/stuck in middle aged inertia and responsibilities to re-define our lives according to what made us most happy/fulfilled. I’d not have chosen it had I felt able to stay married, but I now feel I have the best of both worlds: a wonderful family life and many of the opportunities of a 20 year old with all the life skills of a 40 year old. Knowing you alone have the ability to achieve whatever you put your mind to is liberating, to say the least.

I know this stage will pass too, probably when my kids leave home in a few years. Until then, I'm loving being single

amisnercpa you have wise plants

JanieJack

Many enjoying single lives have left relationships which have turned bad and are far less lonely than when we were unhappily hitched. Many have fulfilling relationships with children and significant others in their lives. Many have found and lost a soulmate and know how rare such love is and how futile it is to compromise.
...

Knowing you alone have the ability to achieve whatever you put your mind to is liberating, to say the least....I know this stage will pass too, probably when my kids leave home in a few years. Until then, I'm loving being single

yep, yep, and yep. I suspect I won't start feeling "lonely" til my son graduates. And while I *want* a man to share a man with, knowing that I can *acheive* on my *own* makes all the difference.